Ok, so I know I haven't updated my other stories in a while, but I heard this song, and read the translation, and it was perfect for New Moon after Edward leaves, and I just couldn't resist writing this little one-shot! The translation to this song will be at the end of the story, as will a link to the song itself.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this story!
B POV
Ashita nante konai you ni to negatta yoru, kazoekirenai
Yume mo ai mo nakushi, ame ni utareta mama, naiteru, naiteru, naiteru...
Kazaritsukenaide kono mama no watashi de ikite yuku tame
Nani ga hitsuyou
Jibun sae shinjirezu, nani wo shinjitara ii no
Kotae wa chikasugite mienai
-Kuroi Namida, by Anna Tsuchiya
It had been months since Edward had left me. I still couldn't comprehend that he was gone. Part of me was still convinced that I was going to wake up from this nightmare, and be safely in Edward's arms as he held me while I slept.
It was like part of me was dead.
No. I knew part of me was dead.
Charlie didn't know what to do for me. But the fact was no one could do anything.
The dead part of me would never be alive again. Not unless Edward came back to me, and that would never happen. He had made that perfectly clear to me in the forest.
He didn't love me the way I loved him.
He didn't want me.
Every time I went to sleep, I prayed that I wouldn't wake up again. I wished the next day would never come. Because every time the sun rose, it drove home the fact that this was real. That Edward really was gone.
I was alone. I had nothing.
Kuroi namida nagasu
Watashi ni wa nani mo nakute, kanashisugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karadajuu ga itami dashite
Taerarenai, hitori de wa
Yonaka ni nakitsukarete, egaita, jibun ja nai jibun no kao
Yowasa wo kakushita mama, egao wo tsukuru no wa yameyou, yameyou, yameyou...
I kept hiding behind a mask. Every time I went to see Jacob, it wasn't really me. It was just a mask. I was so tired of dressing up. Of pretending that I was fine, when I was in truth, so lost and broken inside.
I sighed and shifted in my seat. The rocking chair that Edward had spent so many nights in.
I gazed out into the street, watching the rain lashing against my windows. The rain running down them was nothing compared to the tears that I had been running down my face since he left.
Kazaritsukenaide ikite yuku koto wa kono yo no ichiban
Muzukashii koto?
Anata kara morau nara katachi no nai mono ga ii
Kowareru mono ga iranai
Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
Tooku kiete shimaitai
Wagamama to wakattemo…
I wanted to die. I wanted this pain to end. I knew it was selfish. I'd be hurting Charlie, Renee and Jacob. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Not without Edward.
My eyes stung from all the tears, and from the fact that I barely blinked anymore. I just stared. I stared at the spot where his Volvo used to be parked every day, willing it to suddenly reappear. I knew it wouldn't, but I still hoped. Such a foolish hope. He wasn't coming back. Not now, not ever. I wasn't good enough for him. I had always known it, butto have him tell me so to my face had hurt. He had told me time and again that he loved me. But he had lied. He had lied, and led me on. I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to scream and yell and curse his name. I wanted to hate him. But how could I? He was everything to me. Even now. Even after all he had said and done. I still loved him. And I always would. I'd love him with every breath I took. Until my dying day.
Kuroi namida nagasu
Watashi ni wa nani mo nakute, kanashisugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karadajuu ga itami dashite
I pulled away from the window and stood in the middle of my room. I stared at the walls. I didn't even have any pictures of him anymore. He had taken them all. Part of his ridiculous "it will be as though I never existed" promise. What a foolish thing to promise! A promise he could never keep! Sure, he could take away all the photos, all the gifts. He could even destroy their house. But he couldn't take my memories. I would see him every time I closed my eyes.
Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
I just wanted it all to end. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted him back!
Tooku kiete shimaitai
I was so tired of trying to life for other people. I just wanted to die. I just wanted all the pain to end.
Wagamama to wakattemo…
There you go! I hope you liked it guys!
I WILL get my other stories updated soon. I am working on them right now.
Hopefully all will have some sort of update within a week!
By the way, Kuroi Namida means "Black Tears"
~ ULTRAnumb x-x-x
Here is the song this little story was based on:- http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com / watch ? v = 1p2TAt6n-Cg
(don't forget to take the spaces out!)
This is the song in full, and then it's English translation. Hopefully you will agree with how perfect it is for New Moon!
"Ashita nante konai you ni to negatta yoru, kazoekirenai
Yume mo ai mo nakushi, ame ni utareta mama, naiteru, naiteru, naiteru...
Kazaritsukenaide kono mama no watashi de ikite yuku tame
Nani ga hitsuyou
Jibun sae shinjirezu, nani wo shinjitara ii no
Kotae wa chikasugite mienai
Kuroi namida nagasu
Watashi ni wa nani mo nakute, kanashisugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karadajuu ga itami dashite
Taerarenai, hitori de wa
Yonaka ni nakitsukarete, egaita, jibun ja nai jibun no kao
Yowasa wo kakushita mama, egao wo tsukuru no wa yameyou, yameyou, yameyou...
Kazaritsukenaide ikite yuku koto wa kono yo no ichiban
Muzukashii koto?
Anata kara morau nara katachi no nai mono ga ii
Kowareru mono ga iranai
Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
Tooku kiete shimaitai
Wagamama to wakattemo…
Kuroi namida nagasu
Watashi ni wa nani mo nakute, kanashisugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karadajuu ga itami dashite
Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
Tooku kiete shimaitai
Wagamama to wakattemo…"
And in English,
"I can't count the nights when I've hoped tomorrow won't come
I've lost my dreams and my love; lashed by the rain, I'm crying, crying, crying…
What do I need to do
To be able to live as I am, without dressing myself up?
I can't even believe in myself, so what should I believe in?
The answer is so close that I can't see it
I cry black tears
I have nothing, I'm so sad
Unable even to put it into words
My whole body begins to ache
I can't take being alone
At night I grew tired of crying and drew my face, yet it wasn't my face
I need to stop hiding my weakness and putting on a smile
Is it the hardest thing in the world
To live without dressing oneself up?
If I could have something from you, I want something intangible
I no longer need things that can break
Even if I cry black tears and scream
Tomorrow will come with an unfamiliar face
And I'll come up against the same pain
If those days are going to continue
Then I want to go far away
Even though I know it's selfish of me...
I cry black tears
I have nothing, I'm so sad
Unable even to put it into words
My whole body begins to ache
Even if I cry black tears and scream
Tomorrow will come with an unfamiliar face
And I'll come up against the same pain
If those days are going to continue
Then I want to go far away
Even though I know it's selfish of me..."