Memories consume
Like opening the wound
All I can see are her eyes in my memories. It feels like the stitches around my fragile poetic heart are ripping open.
I'm picking me apart again
My hearts destroying me from the inside out.
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Everyone thinks I'm safe in my crypt drinking myself sick but what they don't realize is I'm trying to drown my pain.
Unless I try to start again
unless I accept I will always love her .
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
I don't want to be the one they choose to do the dirty work.
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I finally realize I'm the one that's always confused.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I feel like I have to scream just to be heard.
I don't know why I instigate
To say what I don't mean
I don't know why I have to start a fight just to say what I really don't mean.
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
I don't know how I got this destructive and I know I'm not okay.
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Tonight I'll try to stop thinking about her constantly.
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
Holding a piece of wood that will erase my pain I lock the door and try to catch the breath I really don't need.
I hurt much more
Than any time before
I had no options left again
I hurt more than I did when Cecily rejected me or anytime before and I know I have no options left.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
If I do this I won't have to fight all the battles.
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I realize I may actually make her miserable but she's really better off without me.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I'm fighting my decision but inside I realize that I'm screaming.
I don't know why I instigate
To say what I don't mean
I'm always making her life difficult just to say something ill regret.
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
I don't know how I turned so cruel but I wont be alright alive.
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I line up the stake with my non-beating heart. I start to say my final goodbyes.
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I guess this is how it ends, my blood spattered on the walls and I'll never kill again.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I'm still fighting with myself about whats worth fighting for when I hear her say my name.
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
She walked in and saw with clarity what I meant to do.
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
I told her I don't know what's worth fighting for and that I'm always screaming at myself.
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
So I may just end it all right here tonight. And she screamed as I plunged the stake into myself.