Awkward!
Very short one shot about a very awkward situation between Butler, Artemis, and Holly.
Holly stormed into Fowl Manor one day.
"Artemis! Butler, I can't believe-its too-omigosh!" Holly set her helmet on the table and glared at the pair.
It was breakfast and Artemis and Butler were eating eggs and toast. Artemis was surprised Holly looked so shocked and unable to find words. Whatever was going on, it had to be big.
"First of all, you!" she pointed at Butler.
"What'd I do?" asked Butler.
"You-you-you pervert!" she shrieked.
"Whaaaat?" asked Artemis and Butler looking at each other.
"I read this thing," said Holly. "About you two! Something called Artler! It said you two were doing it!"
Artemis and Butler almost choked. The very thought made them nauseous. Them two? Together? Gross!
"That's not true!" they both yelled.
"It is true!" said Holly. "I don't know how this people knew about it, but there was graphic detail! There were a few different versions, and a few said it started when you were like twelve Artemis! How dare you molest Artemis, you sick bastard!" She threw her helmet across the table at Butler, who caught it.
"What the hell!?" he yelled. "I never touched Artemis."
"It said you lubed up his bunghole and then-" Holly gave some graphic details from the story. "And another said you taught him how to suck your cock! I can't believe this, all those times you've been alone in the house, with your parents out, this has been going on since he was a young boy! I could kill you, you child molester!"
She scrambled across the table, with every intent to strangle Butler to death. But Artemis grabbed her waist and Butler grabbed her wrists.
"Hang on, where did you read this?" asked Artemis.
Holly paused, angry and breathing hard. "On some website called or something like that."
Artemis busted out laughing. "Holly, you just read a fan fiction about us. Didn't you notice the disclaimers or anything? It's not real! People write all kinds of smut about all different book and TV shows. "
"Whaaat?"
"It's just made up stuff!"
Holly relaxed a bit and slid off the table. "So, Butler hasn't been abusing you since the age of twelve."
"No!"
"And you're not gay or boinking each other's A-holes!?"
"NO!"
"Oh."
They all stared at each other, not knowing what to say or do next.
Holly fidgeted nervously. "Well, um, sorry, Butler, about, um, accusing you of being a child pedophile. And now that Artemis is an adult, I mean, um, it's not really my business if your gay, that's cool and all, but I just thought, with Artemis kissing me in the past-uh…Awkward!"
"It's okay, Holly," said Artemis. "I read fan fiction too, you know, in my down time."
"Really?" Holly was surprised.
"Yeah," said Artemis, smiling. "Some are sooo good. They're ones about us doing it, and doing all these wacky positions, and how I'm ramming you good with my big meat pole and-" Holly began blushing and looking annoyed "-there was one where me and you and OC had a threesome and also-" Holly was redder than a beet and Butler was humming to block out the details "-there was one too where you and Lili Frond kiss and do each other. I whacked off to that one. It was hot! Came so hard, I thought my nuts were going to fall off. Hey, you should invite Lili Front up here one day so-"
He never had time to see the punch coming. Next thing Artemis knew, he was flat on the ground, seeing stars while Holly stomped out in a huff.
"Did I say something wrong, Butler?" he asked.