now this si has been, well in the works for a while I mean its my first "CRACK" at a crack fic, well kinda I mean its hellsing abridged its but with plot...kind of.

sigh you get the point, so my reasoning for do this is simple...I got fucking bored end of story

so disclaimer is simple...I don't anything thing

oh and before I go any further its SI OC with sans the skeletons powers so yeah you get where I'm going with this

oh well lets just get on with the story

I died yep and now im looking in front of the literal wheel or rebirth or something which I incidentally span before this monk guy even explained to me what was going to happen.

But to save time I did a quick interpretation and spun the wheel and waited patiently for it to stop on the one thing.

"so when it lands on the one thing I'll be reborn into that world?" I quickly asked as the monk nodded

"yes just read the card and you will be taken to the world" the monk stated as I nodded

"ok thanks" I said as he smiled at me and then pointed to the wheel as I looked.

I watched as it slowly spin slowly until it finally stopped

"well lets see what I got then 'reborn into a crack fic, with the powers of sans(because reasons)"

I looked at the monk as he smiled at me as I blinked

"does this happen allot or is this thing broke?" I asked as the monk smirked but shook his head

"no it is not, now please spin again" the monk said as I blinked and looked at the wheel as I spun again but hard this time

Crack fic? Like what main character? Or crossover? Oh sweet mother of shit all mighty IM GOING TO BE IN A CRACK FIC! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

"and its stopped" as I blinked as the monk pointed to the wheel as I looked at it and read the world I will be cracking in (heh get it!?)

"hellsing ultimate TFS EDITION" I read as I blinked

Wait the abridged version of hellsing!?

Ok I can work with this and I can work with this!

"well now that its decided, allow me to explain how you use your new found powers ready?" the monk said as I looked at him and shrugged

"sure thing" I said as he smiled

10 minutes later

"and that's how you use gastor blasters did you get any of that?" the monk asked as I shook my head

"no considering all I got from you is the word boner every second word and the just now gastor blaster" I stated as the monk just stared at me blankly

"well this is a crack fic, so figure it out yourself!" the monk yelled as he pulled a lever that appeared out of no where and I was suddenly dropped downwards as I yelled out

"FUCK DONOLD DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"DON'T YOU MEAN TRUMP!?" the monk yelled out

"HIM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled out in response as I continued to fall which to seemed to never end like ever.

Suddenly I find myself face first into the ground of some sort.

"that hurt" I groaned out as I stood up and blinked as I looked around and saw that I was inside of a forest

Seems to me im in the first episode

How might I know this because reasons

"SO YOU HAVE FOUND OUT MY PLAN HAVE YOU, TO TURN THE HOLE ENTIRE VILLAGE INTO GHOULS!"

"ahuh" I heard a voice said as I looked up and saw I was in the middle of the confrontation between the main character as he just stared with bored eyes.

At this point I just ignored the fucker priest as I slowly stood up and looked up

"hey red moon!" I yelled as the priest stopped his yelling and I looked at him

"who in the fuck are you!?" he yelled at me as he held a gun up at me as I just blinked

"me oh I was having a wonderfully great nightly stroll then I decide to just lay down considering I was a bit tired and well you came along and well here we are" I stated which is not really wrong but still not right either.

"well how about you take your blue ass self as well as that red coated fuck and die!" the priest yelled as a bunch of ghouls jumped into the air.

"well intimidating he'd be more intimidating if he was well intimidating" I said chuckling as I looked over to the red coat man as he gave me a very large toothy grin

"oh now you, I like you" he said as I couldn't help but continue to chuckle

"HOW ABOUT THE BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME KILL-"

*BANG!*

I watched as vampire priest was shot dead

"you know could have aimed for the dudes head" I said as red man just chuckled evilly

"I could of but tell me where would the fun be in that?" he said as he walked past me and looked down at the fallen woman he had just shot to kill said vampire priest

Hmmm irony much?

"aaaaaaw you look like a puppy a sad decapitated puppy" the red coated man stated as I casually strolled up on the other side staring down at the woman as just like I remembered she's got some pretty big tits

Hmmmm wouldn't mind doing some stuff to those(what? I'm a heterosexual, its in my nature, well kinda not really but I'm young what can you do?)

"ok fine I'll revive you but don't complain about being a vampire" the red coat man stated as I watched in mild fascination as he…whoa that's just too fucking graphic for this M crack fic

LATER

"so your telling me that you just revived the police girl with the big titties"

"yes I feel like ive already just gone through this story with you" alucard stated

"what in gods name is with the fucking guy your brought along with you too!?"

"oh him meh I like the guy he just gives off this fuck off aura, kinda like me just more or less of the blue kind though" alucard stated

"well at least my life isn't a complete waste of calcium" I stated from my spot off to the side while I laid there on an old looking sofa

"and could you also explain why hes been constantly spouting out bone puns?"

"because it tickles my funny fancy and my bone!" I exclaimed as I waited until I heard a loud groan of displeasure on the other side of the line

"oooh good one you got not only 'this guys jokes are bad' groan but also the 'why hasn't alucard killed him yet?' moan" alucard stated giving me a large toothy grin

"thank you Im here all night and so on" I said chuckling in delight

"urgh so why haven't you know killed him yet?"

"because I like him and he just gives off this essence of badassary" alucard said as I couldn't help but give him a large grin

"thanks buddy now then where do I sign up on this killing vamps business?" I asked as alucard just grinned at me

"oh this is going to be fun"

Chapter 1 end

and done hope you all enjoyed and if you want to drop a suggestion or something go on ahead or better yet constructive critism Is very much welcome as well

now until next time I hope yall have a good one

and before I do leave has a quick profile on well myself

Profile

name: Hamish(no last name)

age: 19

height: 6'2

body type: fairly muscular a bit of fat

hair: brown short curly hair

likes: music, ice cream, stealing, jokes

dislikes: people

fears: spiders(yeah so normal, FUCK SPIDERS!)

nationality: New Zealand European

clothes: blue unzipped fur lined hoody, white t shirt with the H20 Delirous hockey mask on the front, black cargo pants, brown belt, grey and white DC sneakers, a pair of black thin framed glasses

background: I died what the fuck more do you need to know?

there we go now I can leave you all with this

don't forget to leave a

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LATERS!