Warning: This story contains possible character death and heavy angst.

Hajime Hinata

'Cause of blackouts.'

I press the search icon on my phone and I get a number of results, but not a single result has given me any answer that could satisfy my questioning.

I give out a sigh and I plop down on my bed with my phone still glued to my face.

I thumb up to scroll down and check the bulleted list on the screen.

Head injury.

Nope.

Starvation.

No.

Dehydration.

Nah.

And the list goes on and on but every time I see an explanation to what causes someone to suddenly faint, it doesn't really relate to my own experiences.

After scanning and skimming different articles for a good fifteen minutes, I turn my phone off and I rest my hand on my pillow right beside me, still clutching the handheld device.

I close my irritated eyes for a few seconds to rest them. When the tingling pain goes away, I open them back up and stare right at the ceiling. My mind drifts off to the first time I've experienced the darkness taking over me while I was fully awake.

It happened after a few weeks of being together with Nagito, which was a few months back. The occurrence was sudden and abrupt, also strange and unexplainable. I couldn't find a trigger to cause my instant random drift to unconsciousness. I mean, hey, I'm a healthy young male. I'm sure I'm in pretty good health.

I exercise everyday, I intake a balanced diet, I haven't hit my head hard or anything like that. So why would I experience such a thing?

But then again, the words of Nagito echo in my mind. "It must be because you were operated on during the Kamukura project." he told me the next day when I woke up.

"But it never happened when I was working on waking everyone up from their comas. And that was a year ago." I remember countering.

"It must be a late side effect." he replied, with not a single worry added to his voice.

I know my boyfriend just wants me not to be anxious about it but I have this nagging gut feeling that tells me to do otherwise.

It's not that I don't want to believe in him, it's just that I want to find out for sure, to be safe.

I didn't tell him though, it would just cause a huge argument between the both of us.

I drift away from the past memories, and instead, I focus on the search results to read more online articles for answers.

After another fifteen minutes pass by, I still get nothing.

I give up and close my eyes once again.

This sickness (should I call it that?) is getting out of hand. It's been happening a lot recently. For some reason it always happens when I'm with Nagito.

It's really fishy but I can't really blame him, can I?

I shake off the thoughts, feeling guilty of accusing him. How could he even cause such things? Instead, I try to recall what it's like after every blackout I've experienced.

The only similarities between every episode is, I always wake up to the sound of my alarm ringing.

The thought made me jump to the memory of what happened the last time.

A few days ago, I blacked out. It struck me as surreal.

I remember, I passed out at around 10:45pm and as quick as a blink of an eye, I woke up to my alarm, but the time read 11:27pm.

It's really strange, I don't recall setting my phone alarm at eleven in the evening.

Who sets their phone alarm at night? and at twenty-seven? Wouldn't it be more understandable to set an alarm at a twenty or a thirty, but a twenty-seven?

What I also found weird was how my boyfriend wasn't phased at all.

Another thing, I wasn't wearing any pants, the only thing I was wearing was my underwear and my shirt which was unbuttoned when I specifically recall having my pants on with a fully buttoned shirt right before falling unconscious.

I panicked, I've never really done anything with Nagito before. The furthest we've gone were random make out sessions, which was why I felt my heart racing and my cheeks heating up when I found myself that way.

"Did we?" I remember asking.

He just shook his head at me.

I told him I blacked out and he just shushed me and said it was okay.

I asked him more questions but he just shot it down and ignored me.

I got off the bed and proceeded to get dressed. When I jumped back in, he just snaked his arms around me and he fell asleep right away.

And that was the last thing that happened that night.

I rub my temples and shake my head, trying to rid my mind of the memory.

Did we do something that night?

I mean, if he was ready then I'd definitely go for it.

The only reason I could think of on why we weren't doing anything yet was because neither of us made a move.

So, why?

That whole experience left me confused for days.

I let my eyes trail off to Nagito's bedside and I see his stack of huge thick books on human psychology.

He said he's been trying to find out the cause of my blackouts with those books, but he also told me not to touch them.

I give it an annoyed stare, like I have time to go through all of those writings anyways.

I glance back at my phone and check the time. It's already 11:18pm, Nagito should be coming in to sleep any minute now.

A sudden thought pops into mind.

In case I have another episode tonight…

I set my phone's alarm to 11:30, to test if I'd go unconscious and wake up with the alarm.

After setting it to 11:30 I try to give the searching another shot. I thumb my phone to find more answers then Nagito enters our bedroom and interrupts me from my reading.

I look at him and say "Oh hey Nagito. I'm still finding ou—"

"It's time to sleep." He says.

"But—"

"Good night Hajime." He says in a soft, smooth monotonous voice.

"Okay just let… meee… fini—"

…

My blaring alarm wakes me up from my deep sleep, but that's not the only sound that's filling the room. I hear loud and animalistic panting. My eyes adjust and focus to the figure below me that is faintly lit with the soft light provided by the moon.

My body tenses as I recognize the figure as my naked boyfriend underneath me. I look at his face and he has this lust-filled gaze.

I stop whatever I'm doing, confused.

My eyes trail from Nagito's face to his bare chest until I finally see where I am connected with him.

"Ahh, Izuru." My boyfriend moans. "Why'd you stop?" he whimpers.

My spine shivers and I feel my eyes widen. I detach myself off of him and I look him in the eyes.

His eyes widen too at the realization that I'm awake.

"Shit!" He whispers.

He grabs my phone and thumbs it a couple of times to turn the blaring sound off, the first few attempts he fails, but then he accomplishes it by pressing the side button.

"Good night Hajime." He says in a shaky voice.

"What's happening?" is all i could muster up to say.

"Good night Hajime." He tries again, steadying his voice this time, but he fails.

The tears start rolling out of my eyes and my breaths grow more frantic. My heart knots and pulsates in pain.

He just stares at me with panic in his face.

"Why the hell were we…" I shout, really confused. "Izuru!?" I ask. "But, I'm Hajime!"

I stare right at him, waiting for an explanation. He looks like a trapped animal.

"What's going on?" I repeat.

He doesn't answer.

I bolt to the bathroom and close the door behind me, making sure to lock it. I slump my weight against the cold bathroom wall tiles and slide myself down to the floor. I hug my knees tight and I try to steady my deep crying.

…

It's probably been twenty minutes that Nagito's been trying to open the bathroom door. He kept calling my name and he kept trying to get me to open the door, but I didn't.

Instead, I stand up from the bathroom floor and walk over to the sink.

I glance at the mirror and see someone else on the mirror's reflection. The illusion in the reflection looks like me but the only difference was the reflection had long black flowing hair and scarlet eyes.

I recognize who it is, I would never forget that face, I would never forget my past.

I punch the mirror and shards of glass start flying in every direction. I wince at the pain caused by the fragments of glass, splitting and entering into the fibers of my fist.

"Hajime! Are you okay? Please…" Nagito shouts.

He always told me how he hated me during the fourth class trial.

He told me how much of a piece of garbage I was, how he hated talentless scum like me, how I was never to be able to amount to anything.

I'm nothing but a reserve course student.

A person with a borrowed set of skills — Izuru's talents…

Of course, Nagito used me as a stepping stone, so he could finally find his hope.

Or bring out the 'hope' in me.

All he wanted all along was Izuru and not me.

I laugh at myself.

I should have known.

My eyes fall to Nagito's bottle of sleeping pills behind the broken glass.

I know what I must do.

I took the bottle resting on the medicine cabinet and popped a few pills into my mouth and swallowed it.

I sat back down on the floor, waiting.

"Hajime, open the door!"

I laugh at my own circumstances.

"Hajime, please."

I whistle a tune that calms me.

The banging of the door and the calling of Nagito gets louder.

A few minutes pass by and I stop whistling.

I take a big piece of the shard of glass and look into my reflection. It's me. My vision gets a little hazy as I continue to watch my reflection.

Komaeda's voice, gets more muffled.

I get drowsy and drop the glass breaking it into more pieces.

And before sleep overtakes me one more time I whisper to Nagito, as if he can hear me.

"Don't worry. Everything will be just fine."

Izuru Kamukura

"Izuru…"

I open my eyes to the person calling out my name.

"We finally meet." I say.

I gaze at him. Our eyes meet and I notice that he has tears in his eyes, but he's smiling the whole time.

Hm, I can see myself in him.

Only, he isn't me and I am not him. We are both completely different identities who just happens to share the same vessel.

He is the original consciousness of the both of us, the consciousness I took over for a time when he chose to wipe his own past memories. Hajime Hinata.

"It took you quite some time to figure it out." I tell him.

"Is this your doing?" he asks, his voice echoing in the eternal blackness of space that we are both surrounded in.

"No."

"So it's all him?"

"Yes. He used hypnosis. He uses a stimulus to condition you to sleep at the same time he summons me with a sequence of words and a specific tone to his voice—"

"And he brings me back with the ringing of my alarm, Yeah yeah yeah. I kind of figured that out." He says and begins to laugh.

"Is this amusing to you?" I ask him.

" Do you love him?" He says, ignoring my question.

"I don't know what love feels like." I simply say.

He scoffs.

As expected.

"Then why?"

"I have no control over the matter. He holds my consciousness and I just obey. The time I spend awake is the only time I'm alive. I accept it, even if I have to stoop so low. That's the only reason why I take it." I say.

He laughs again. "Do you expect me to believe you?" He asks.

I don't answer. He seems like he is blinded by human emotion. He doesn't even possess enough facts to know what he's saying.

"It doesn't matter, what you think." He says. "He doesn't love me anyway. He loves you." I detect a slight crack to his voice with the last word.

I just look at him, pitying him. Oh, how distorted his views are.

He reaches over his back and points a gun at me.

"This is my subconscious, you have no power here." He says.

I blink at him and accept my fate.

It's no surprise. I calculated this from the very beginning — the first time Nagito was able to summon me. It's natural that he wants me to cease existing.

"I may not feel what love is, but I can see that he has a deep affection for you." I tell him because I pity him. It's an honest answer, the reason I know is because he always calls Hajime back after he's done with me.

He scoffs at me again.

As expected.

"Tell me Hajime, Do you still love him?" I ask him one last question before he pulls the trigger for me to disappear into the abyss of non-existence. He doesn't need to answer the question. I know he does.

He grits his teeth and looks at me with deep anger and anguish.

I wish the conversation could have lasted a little longer. I could have told him more. But this? This is my fate.

"Good-bye, Izuru Kamukura."

BANG!

Nagito Komaeda

It's two in the morning and Hajime's in the hospital bed, his heart monitor is steadily beeping. I've been holding his left hand and never letting go since we got to the clinic. My heart has been racing ever since. I know he's going to be okay, but I can't shake the feeling that I've lost him forever.

If he died right then and there, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

I truly am trash.

My mind revisits what just happened moments ago.

After a few minutes of the mirror breaking I tried kicking the door multiple times until I got it to open. I rushed him to the clinic, and thankfully I see Mikan who was about to lock the clinic's doors. I call her, and she spots me.

She panics as she sees Hajime in my arms and we rush him over to a hospital bed. After telling her that he swallowed my sleeping pills she immediately gathers equipment to pump it out of his system.

When everything was done, she squeaked and explained a lot of information to me, which comes out muffled since worry over my boyfriend's condition is flooding my mind. The only thing that registers is the last things she says —"He's going to be okay."

I nod at her quite a few times as tears start spilling out the corner of my eyes. But this time it's tears of happiness.

The memory brings me grief and remorse. My mind nags me that Hajime will never forgive me, but there's still a part of me that's clinging onto hope. Even if it's the smallest fragment of hope, I'll be hanging on to it, even if it takes forever.

But I'll worry about that later, the important thing right now is, Hajime's okay.

"As long as Hajime is okay, I'll be fine." I tell myself.

After all, he's the person who I fell in love with, he was the only person to love me back, even though no one else did.

He is truly an amazing person to even notice someone like me, but now, I've wronged him with the worst possible thing to do against him.

I sigh and a heavy drowsiness overcomes me.

As I was about to doze off to sleep I feel his hands move. I open my eyes immediately and stare at his green eyes which were now staring back at mine.

"H-h-hajime." I say, glad that he's awake.

I stand up abruptly and I get a strong impulse to hug him, but I don't. I don't think I have a right to do so. "Hajime, I'm really sorry."

He doesn't answer. I study him, waiting for a reaction. I get ready to be punched, kicked and screamed at, but he doesn't do anything.

"Please forgive me." I beg.

He shuffles and sits up from the hospital bed. He let's go of my hands to stare at his own, then he turns his head upward to stare into my eyes.

"D-do you want me to leave?" I ask.

"He's gone." he says.

"What?" I ask. "Who? Izuru?"

He just continues to stare at me.

"It's okay, Hajime. I love you. I'll do anything to get you back. Please."

"He is gone." he repeats.

I just stare at him, confused.

"The person you knew as Hajime, he's gone." He tells me with a monotonous voice.

"Ah…" My mind starts swirling. "This can't be. You're kidding right?" I say, my eyes getting as big as saucers while tears start to pool on the corners of it. "He can't be…" I scream. "No no no no no, yo-you-you are Hajime." I say, grabbing both of his shoulders with my hands. "You're just telling me this because you're angry at me. RIght?"

He just continues to stare at me without any expression on his face. "I thought I would be the one ending up to be erased, but he eradicated his own subconscious, destroying every memory he held." he says.

My heart beats faster and my mind starts to fail. I can't fully grasp what he's telling me.

"I-I—"

"I really thought I was the one going to end up being destroyed… He surprised me." He smiles for a short moment.

"Hajime, please." I say.

"It's ironic."

"What?"

"It's Ironic. You've been chasing love and hope your whole life. You've acquired both but you weren't satisfied with what was presented to you. You grew greedy and risked it all for the 'greater' hope. But now, it costed you everything you've gained."

I say nothing. His words pierces my soul and I just stand there watching him.

He then proceeds to stand up and he passes by me.

I do nothing.

He walks to the hospital door and stops before exiting. "He sacrificed his life, thinking that we would continue living together without him. He gave himself up for your own happiness. That's how much he loved you." He turns the doorknob and opens the door. "It's a pity that he died in vein."

And before closing the door behind him, he adds, "How boring…"