The baby you have, is the baby you were destined to have. It was meant to be…that's what all the adoption people tell you. Anyway, I like to think it's true but everything else in the world seems so completely random. What if one little thing I said or did could it all have made fall apart? What if I had chosen another life for myself…or another person? We might have never found each other. What if I had been raised differently? What if my mother had never been sick? What if I'd actually had a good father? What if…What if…WHAT IF?

Quote by Meredith Webber

What If

Meredith's pov

The Emerald City Bar was filled with loud music and just not busy enough to be annoying but for me, I had reached a point where I was holding on tight to the thought that it couldn't get any worse. I sighed when I realized, I'd thought it a little too soon because approaching me was my arch-nemesis at Seattle Grace Hospital; Cristina Yang.

'Joe? Since she helped me save a life, I wanna buy Meredith Webber a drink…tequila please?" She said firmly.

My mouth dropped open and I almost gasped at the feeling but Cristina sat down on the empty bar stool next to me and started chatting as if we'd been best friends forever.

…

'OK…now what I'll do?' I asked nervously as Cristina poured a small amount of salt on my hand.

'Lick it…slam it and then, come on…,' Cristina quickly grabbed a lime slice and dropped it in front of me on the counter.

I swallowed once before licking the salt from my hand and then downing the tequila shot in one gulp, quickly grabbing and sucking the lime slice afterwards. The tequila burned my throat but it actually didn't taste half as bad compared to other alcoholic drinks.

'OK…that's good,' I casually announced to my new best friend.

Cristina smiled affably.

'What?'

'We don't have to do the thing where I say something and then you say something and then somebody cries and there's a moment or whatever…,'Cristina said.

'Oh yuck," I grimaced.

'Good.' Cristina said as she downed another tequila shot.

I sighed. 'It's just that…nothing is turning out I thought it would. It is as if I don't even recognize my own life.'

'I know what you mean,' Christina said softly to my surprise.

I frowned slightly. Was this the tough chick that rode motorcycles and was about to becaome a hard-core heart surgeon? I immediately liked her even more.

Some things are gonna work out as if they were destined to happen.

'I have to go,' Cristina mumbled incoherently, '…get some sleep. You look like crap.'

'I look better than you.' I said, pretending to be a little offended.

'Not possible,' Cristina smiled as she got off her bar stool and turned around to leave. I smiled as I looked down. Was I really considering Cristina Yang to be my new person?

…..

'Your mother says the residents have a name for me?'

An attractive male voice interred my ears and I looked up to my left where Doctor Derek Shepherd was sitting.

What astonished me most was that he'd started talking to me because on the few occasions I had assisted him in his OR, he'd been most of all grumpy and humorless.

'I wouldn't know anything about that,' I said a bit defensively.

'What is it?' he persisted.

I wasn't sure whether the change was solely him or if my perception of him had changed but Doctor Shepherd seemed friendlier and calmer…with life and with himself. I decided in that moment, I was determined to extend him the same courtesy he was extending to me so I smiled when he asked again. 'What do they call me? Come on.'

'McDreary.'

Doctor Shepherd smiled sarcastically before taking a sip of his drink.

'We call you McDreary. You think that's funny?' I said.

'It's sad,' Doctor Shepherd whispered sadly looking down on the counter. 'McDreary…well, that's my life,' he said softly.

I stared a moment at Shepherd; seeing his sad face, his kind eyes and suddenly I felt sorry for him. We'd all heard about the rumors at the hospital; that the baby his wife was carrying wasn't probably his!

'So, how about tonight you're not McDreary, you're…you're just a guy in a bar,' I replied friendly.

'And you're just a girl in a bar,' he said softly, looking up.

'I am,' I smiled, '…and I drink tequila.'

I had never thought of Derek Shepherd in any other way except an unfriendly Neurosurgeon but at the sight of his boyish smile and friendly blue eyes, I felt my heart skip a beat; something that had rarely happened when I was with Alex. It was then that I realized how handsome my mother's Neurosurgeon really was.

'Tom?' Derek smiled as he pointed at my empty shot glass.

'Here you go.' The bartender said as he filled up my glass. I smiled and lifted my glass towards Doctor Shepherd's.

'Cheers,' he said softly before he smiled at me again.

Derek's pov

'Look,' I said sharply, 'for all intents and purposes, my marriage is dead. Let's just leave it at that…OK?'

'You're not divorced…yet?' I heard Meredith Webber say.

'No,' I replied and I noticed, I was getting a bit angry. 'But today, I found out my wife is carrying my best friend's child…so believe me when I say, my marriage is definitely over.'

'Oh, I'm really sorry,' Meredith stammered while she looked down.

I put my glass to my lips and emptied it in one gulp. I'd never drank much; or at least, not recently. Sometimes Addison had persuaded me to have a drink with her but for the most part I liked to keep my wits about me. But tonight, when I had decided to grab a quick drink at Joe's, my head had been full of fantasies of getting drunk and having revenge sex but now I just felt miserable.

'What are you doing here,' I asked Meredith a bit sarcastically. 'I thought you and Alex Karev were an item?'

I didn't miss the sudden frown that marred Meredith Webber's pretty features.

'What?' I asked softly as I heard the sharp intake of breath she took before her eyes drifted shut.

'That ass cheated on me!' Meredith's head snapped up and her eyes flashed instantly, '…he's dead to me.'

'So…then, I guess we both got betrayed by our significant others.' I said softly while I reached out my hand hesitantly and softly touching Meredith's. To my surprise, she didn't pull back nor did she look away when I glanced at her.

'What do you say if we get out of here?' I said slyly.

'I think that's an excellent idea, doctor Shepherd,' Meredith said.

I escorted her out of Joe's bar and then to my nearby parked Jeep. I opened the door on the passenger's side, handing Meredith a hand.

'Thank you,' she smiled, using my hand as a balance to step up into the large Jeep. I closed the door behind her with a slam and went around to the driver's side, opening the door and getting in. I buckled my seatbelt and started the engine with a roar, carefully backing out of the parking spot. Only moments later I made a left turn onto one of the more quiet roads Seattle had to offer.

'So, where you wanna go?' I asked, checking my mirrors, eyes on the road. Meredith pondered my words but only for a moment then I heard her say, 'I know this great place where you have a marvelous view on the ferryboats!' I nodded and she gave me directions.

'I love ferryboats,' I smiled, averting my eyes back in front of me. There was silence between us as I stopped at a red light. I dropped my hands to the bottom of the steering wheel softly drumming it, glancing at Meredith secretly. I'd never really noticed this girl before but there was something about her; how her hair fell freely upon her slender shoulders and her warm, green eyes.

A sudden loud blaring horn beeped behind me which almost made me jump; green light.

'Crap,' I mumbled, pulling away and raising my hand at the honking driver behind me.

'You need to keep your eyes on the road, Doctor Shepherd,' Meredith chuckled playfully.

'Yes miss Webber,' I said smugly.

'I think this is it,' I announced moments later, shutting the car off and dropping my hands from the wheel. Meredith nodded and smiled.

'Wow,' I said taken aback by the beauty of the night. We both looked up to the sky in silence. The sunset was just beginning to turn to total darkness and the moon shone on the water of Elliot Bay. The fact that we were the only ones out here made it all the more stunning.

'Do you wanna go for a walk?' Meredith asked me a bit nervously.

'Sure,' I answered.

We got out of the car and slowly strolled along the docks. When we paused to watch an incoming ferry, Meredith's hand bumped against mine.

'Your hand is cold,' I softly said.

'Mmm…they both are…always,' Meredith smiled a bit shyly.

Without thinking, I grabbed Meredith's hands, holding them up to my mouth and blowing warm air through them. When I looked up, I could tell she was nervous because our faces were just inches apart.

'Better?' I whispered as my lips softly brushed against hers. Meredith's eyes widened.

'D...Doctor…Shepherd,' she stuttered looking at me.

'What?' I whispered against her lips. Meredith bit her lower lip, but closed her eyes as she leaned slightly forward.

'Don't be afraid…I won't hurt you,' I whispered before I lightly pressed my lips against hers, knowing she was probably shocked. I smiled as she slightly opened her mouth and kissed me back. I placed my hands on her waist and pulled her even closer to me, deepening the kiss passionately.

After a few moments, we slowly pulled away from the kiss; our faces still close to each other. Meredith looked at me, a little confused.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered, '…I shouldn't have….'

'Shhh…,' she whispered. 'It's OK…we're both in shock but maybe, it's better if you take me home now!'

...

Meredith's POV

As silent as I could, I walked up the stairs of the porch that led to my front door. Twisting the brass door knob, I pushed it open and tiptoed across the hallway until I reached the living room. A floor board creaked under my left foot and I held my breath, listening closely, trying to hear the faint sound of my parents breathing while they slumbered but…all was quiet. I tiptoed my way up the stairwell quieter than I'd ever done before but when I flipped the light switch in my bedroom, my heart almost skipped a beat when I found my dad sitting at the foot of my bed.

'Meredith Webber…do you know what time it is?'

The tone of my dad's voice pushed me back a few steps.

'I'm sorry dad…I know I should have called…but I've had such a crappy day,' I stammered.

'No one knew where you were…Alex is worried sick. He called a dozen times. Your mom is…' My dad shook his head. 'Just be glad she's been called to hospital for an emergency surgery,' he scowled at me.

I knew my dad was right but just hearing Alex' name set me off. 'Alex? Why should he be worried? We broke up! That asshole cheated on me!' I yelled. My dad gasped and looked at me in shock.

I broke down and started crying because I just couldn't contain myself anymore. My emotions were so overpowering, I didn't even register how my dad lifted and lowered me down on my bed. When I had calmed down a bit, I told him the short version of what had happened today but then a knock against my bedroom door, startled me. My eyes flew to the entryway, my heart in my throat when I found my mom there.

'What's going on in here?' She said. 'Meredith? Are you OK?'

'I'm fine mom,' I said, because it was easier than trying to explain to her what had happened.

'Meredith's OK…Ellis,' my dad interrupted, '…let's just all go to bed. It's been a long night.'

I nodded shortly, lowering my eyes, slightly embarrassed. My dad stroked my hair before he got up and led my mom out of my room. Before he closed the door, he turned around and whispered, 'I'll explain to her…OK!' I smiled nodding, 'Thanks dad…I love you'.

'I love you too, honey…'

I was relieved; I was finally alone in the safe confines of my bedroom. Tension suddenly tangled in knots in my stomach when I mumbled to myself; good job Meredith. Today, I got engaged; discovered my fiancé was cheating on me with my best friend…my person as I used to call her; broke off my engagement; saved a life; almost got wasted, drinking tequila at a bar; found my new person and in the process, kissed with an attending, I never even liked before. Given how fast I'd moved today, it would probably be advisable to slow it down a bit or two.

I undressed and climbed back into bed, just wearing my underwear. I took in a deep breath and scanned the familiar space of my bedroom, trying to tell myself that everything was going te be fine. Maybe it all had just been a bad dream.

Maybe…

But try as I might, I couldn't make myself believe any of that. The truth remained too vivid in my memory and unconsciously, I pressed my fingers against my lips where his had been. Of course, it had been only a matter of moments. But with one single kiss, Doctor Derek Shepherd had nearly burned me to the ground. Even now, running my tongue over my lips, I could still taste him and with that feeling, I slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep…

Derek's POV

Getting out of my Jeep, I sucked in a cleansing breath while thunder rumbled in the distance. Walking towards the trailer, I clenched my jaw when I spotted Addison. She was standing near her car.

OK…time to face facts.

The memory of Addison and Marc still had me by the horns and that was far from acceptable. But there was a remedy…one simple answer to one simple question. When I had that, I could bury my past and get Addison and Marc out of my mind for good. As I walked towards her, a cold splash landed on my nose and I shot a glance at the churning grey sky. A heartbeat later, the heavens opened up. Addison yelped, hunching over as icy needles pelted down on us. I threw my jacket over her and quickly unlocked my trailer, pushing her inside. As she shook out my jacket, she let out a sorrowful wail, 'I'm soaked!'

'It's not fatal. You'll dry,' I mumbled.

'Not before this outfit is ready for…,' she scowled.

'Addison? Why are you here?' I interrupted her.

Her blue eyes cooled and she shook her head slowly. 'I'm so sorry Derek…I've never meant for this to happen.'

I cocked a brow. 'What? That you're carrying my best friend's baby?'

'I wanted your baby but you were always working.' Addison's grave tone was meant to bite and despite the fact I hadn't done anything wrong, my chest squeezed around a fist full of guilt.

'Maybe we were just not meant to be Addi,' I softly said. 'Maybe Marc's the better guy for you.'

Addison's nostrils flared. 'Damned Derek…I want you!'

My groan was half a growl. 'Addison…our marriage is over.'

'It doesn't have to be…' Addison's blue eyes glistened and her voice lowered. '…you can love this baby…pretend it's yours.'

I knotted my arms over my wild thumbing chest while I measured Addison with my eyes.

'Derek...please?' My name on her lips was barely more than a whisper.

'I want a divorce.' My voice sounded harsh.

'No…Derek, please give us a chance.'

My jaw tightened. 'Addison, you killed everything we ever were when you confessed the baby was Marc's.'

Addison drew a breath, steadying herself. She knew what I was demanding. She sucked in a breath. 'Damned Derek…I don't want you to give up on us!'

'It was you that gave up on us,' I reminded her harshly.

'Please, don't send me away, Derek,' Addison softly pleaded while she stepped in my direction.

I shook my head slowly but deliberately, 'I think it's best if you leave now Addison. I'll call my lawyer in the morning.'

'Is a divorce really what you want?' she asked quietly.

'Yes.'

Addison swallowed hard but then turned around and left, leaving the trailer's door open. I watched her leave before I pushed the door closed, sagging down onto my bed and letting out a shuddering breath as I got there.

Was I making the biggest mistake of my life?

Irritated, I got up and paced around the trailer, flipping the blinds shut, wishing, I could as easily shut out the thought of Addison and Marc making love. Old memories of happier times welled up in my mind but I squashed them. I cracked my knuckles and pressed my palms down against the table, hunching my shoulders and staring blankly down at the counter top but visions of Addison and Marc kept teasing at the corners of my mind.

'Stop it,' I told myself sharply.

I turned around and undressed, before getting into bed.

Today had definitely been the worst day of my life but then I remembered a pair of clear green eyes which had burned into my own and that one totally spontaneous kiss. I scrubbed my hand over my jaw now, remembering it.

I had kissed Meredith Webber. Was she my revenge for Addison's betrayal?

I twisted in bed, sprawling, shifting and punching my pillow trying to answer that question. I couldn't remember a single woman who'd ever attracted me more than Addison. But Meredith was not a woman; I wanted for revenge sex…I wanted to get to know her…

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