Staying

By: piperholmes

AN: My first SVU fanfic! I think this can be read as Carisi/Rollins BrOTP or OTP.(I'm excited to see where the show takes these two). I have only watched two episodes from S16 so my characterization of Sonny is based off S17. Missing scene from Patrimonial Burden 17X06.

Unbeta'd.

"Okay, Carisi," Sergeant Olivia Benson spoke, her voice strong in his ear.

"Just wanted to keep you updated," Sonny answered.

"Yeah, thanks. Stay up there okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, I'll make sure she gets home safe."

"Okay."

The phone went silent and Carisi knew the Serge was done. He glanced at down at the device, noting the time, before sliding it into his pants' pocket. Despite the late afternoon, the hospital was busy with activity. He'd been in this emergency room plenty of times, knew the layout, the mediocre coffee, the smell, even a few of the nurses, but today it felt odd to him. Even his last visit with Rollins, as he and Fin sat around waiting for news about her and the baby, hadn't felt this awkward. By the end they knew what had happened, high blood pressure. Today was just a guessing game.

"…just some back pain," "…could be one of hundred things," "…gonna runs some tests"

He rested his hands on his hips, his head dropping as he let out a frustrated sigh. As a cop he was usually privy to important information, but as a friend he'd been left to wait in silence.

He eyed the closed door to her hospital room, feeling a pain in his chest. He'd no doubt in Rollins' strength, he believed every word he said, but he couldn't forget the fear in her voice, the loneliness in her eyes.

"What am I doing?" "I screwed up" "I won't be able to do this"

Carisi had learned a lot since his move to SVU. There was much about the world he didn't really understand, definitions he'd adhered to his whole life because he thought that was the way the world was supposed to work. He'd learned how dangerous, how limiting, such definitions were, and, he hoped, he had grown to be a better cop, a better person, a better friend. But one thing Sonny Carisi had always known was that women were strong, incredibly, unyieldingly, inspiringly strong.

"More coffee detective?"

Carisi turned to the older woman, the nurse who had helped them when they'd first arrived in the ER. It had been frustrating for Carisi, naively thinking that they'd be swept off into a room and immediately seen by a doctor upon arrival. But that's not how ERs work. It's not like on TV where people swarm around you, dropping everything to see to your needs.

"Is she bleeding?" "Has she lost consciousness?" "Has her water broken?"

It appeared severe back pain in pregnancy didn't warrant the kind of attention Carisi believed it did, especially when it came to his friend, and so he'd been left to angrily fill out some paperwork while Rollins stood hunched over a chair, biting her lip, her knuckles white. He'd effectively communicated his anger with a few choice words, but they still had to wait nearly 20 minutes before they'd taken Rollins back, and, as he look around now, he realized that they must have made some special arrangements to even get her back that quickly.

He gave the nurse a guilty smile. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks. Listen, I'm sorry about before—"

"Not a problem detective," she interrupted, and he could see she was telling the truth. Her stubbornness before, her seeming thick skin that endured his lashing, what he had been cursing in his frustration, gave her the ability to forgive his rudeness. "I'm glad she and the baby are doing ok."

"Yeah, yeah," Carisi nodded, he gaze moving back to the door. "Yeah, um, do you know about how much longer they're gonna be? It's getting' pretty late—"

She frowned suddenly. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you need to leave?"

"What? No, no, I'm here as long as she needs me," he assured quickly. "I was just thinkin' that it's gettin' pretty late and she hasn't eaten. I know I'm gettin' hungry, and if I'm hungry I can only image how starved she's feelin' about now. If the doc was going to be another while I was gonna pop out and grab 'er somethin' to eat…as long as she can eat, of course."

Carisi couldn't be certain, this woman would make a stunning poker player, but he thought he saw a smile tug just at the corner of her lips, but, as she began to reply, the door to Amanda's room opened and all thoughts of his stomach fled and he was heading straight for the doctor.

"Yo, Doc. How is she? How's the baby? You gonna keep 'er over night?"

She was patient with him, taking her time, answering his questions, questions Amanda had given her permission to answer.

"…tests were inconclusive…blood pressure too high…worried about preeclampsia…further investigation…baby's heartbeat is strong..."

It was slowly filtering in as he made his way back into her hospital room. She wasn't asleep this time, rather sitting up looking irritated and tired. She shoved her phone onto the stand next to her when she saw him. Her eyes were glassy, her cheeks red and puffy, and he knew. He didn't know how he knew, but it was one of those things, he just did.

"No answer huh?"

She looked up at him, seeming ready to argue, before just shaking her head.

Carisi pressed his lips together, for once biting his words. He didn't think Amanda needed to deal with his feelings about her mother.

"I left her a voicemail. I'm sure once she checks it she'll call. You can go home Carisi. If she doesn't get around to coming I can just take a taxi. They want my blood pressure to get down to a certain number before they send me home and I don't know how long that's going to take."

"No can do Rollins," he answered, pulling up a chair and sliding his hand down his tie as he sat. "Under strict orders to stay."

He kept his tone light, teasing.

"I don't need a babysitter," she insisted, her uncertainty turning to anger, her fear driving her walls up.

"Rollins, please, do I look like a teenager tryin' to make an extra buck?" Her gaze sharpened and Carisi threw a hand up. "Don't answer that."

And despite the situation Amanda Rollins smiled.

"I'm not here as a babysitter, or a cop, or a coworker. I'm stayin' 'cause I'm your friend, but it's up to you, I can go sit in the hall and flirt with the nurses…"

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes. "Fine. Stay."

Sonny grinned at her, settling into the chair. "Now, onto the important choices, what should we order?"

Rollins laughed again, shaking her head. "Always thinking with your stomach."

"Like you're not hungry," he scoffed, earning him a scathing look, which he ignored. "Now the doc said you could eat, but I'm thinkin' somethin' light, like soup and sandwich or soup and salad?"

Amanda nodded, going quiet as he used his phone to pull up the menu for a nearby deli that delivered.

"Carisi about before, when I kind of lost it, I…I just wanted…"

Sonny looked up from his phone, his face serious, noting her embarrassment. "Amanda, love doesn't make you weak."

Her brow lowered in confusion.

"You love your baby and you were scared for your baby. That doesn't make you weak. It makes you a mother."

"A mother," Rollins repeated softly, slowly, allowing the word, the notion, the feeling to sink in.

Carisi nodded, his clear blue eyes intent on her, his respect and awe unguarded.

Taking a deep breath, she decided. "Ok."

"Ok." Sonny parroted. "Now, can you please tell me what you want to eat so I can order? I'm about to chew through my jacket."

Thanks for reading!