A Hero in Training

At the lofty summit of Death Mountain, one could see the entire expanse of the kingdom of Hyrule stretching out before their eyes. From the shimmering surface of Lake Hylia in the south, to the barren canyons of Gerudo Valley in the west, and the endless green maze of Kokiri Forest in the east, the most remote corners of the map were visible, with huge landmarks appearing to be the size of children's toys. At this dizzying height, even the grand towers of Hyrule Castle appeared smaller and less impressive than toothpicks. Thousands of years of erosion seemed to have barely touched Death Mountain, which stood as proud and tall over the earth as the Gorons that inhabited it. Indeed, few humans or Hylians had ever braved the climb of the mountain and lived to tell stories of the brutal and exhausting experience.

The tranquil silence at the peak of the mountain was interrupted by a series of scuffling noises and muffled curses, before a gloved hand reached up to grab the edge of the summit. With a mighty effort, Link pulled himself over the precipice and flopped down on the rocky surface, panting heavily. He spat a few strands of his long blonde hair out of his mouth and glanced around, his iridescent blue eyes absorbing the brilliant view all around him. The hero sat up against the protests of his worn joints and sore muscles, looking across the vertigo-inducing scenery. He wasn't even fazed by the chilling breeze or thin air that came with the altitude; Link was enthralled by the view around him. He almost couldn't believe—

"Dude. Four hours, thirty-eight minutes and eleven seconds. That's pathetic."

Link whipped around at the sudden voice, and noticed a figure perched on a boulder behind him. Shielding his eyes from the sun, Link recognized the person as Sheik, who sat lazily atop the rock, holding a stopwatch in his hand.

Sheik brushed his blonde bangs out of his face, grinning smugly at Link (well, Sheik's mouth was covered by a white scarf, but Link figured he was probably smiling like a douche anyway). "For someone called 'The Hero of Time', you really ought to be beating some records here. This was just sad."

Link, with some effort, got to his feet and rolled his eyes at the condescending Sheikah. "Come on, man. I haven't gotten a workout like this since 2011."

"Exactly! That's why we need to get you into better shape, Mister Breath of the Wild," Sheik quipped, gracefully hopping down to the ground. "You've got a new game coming out, it's time you got your ass in gear."

Link chuckled, taking off his green cap and running his fingers through his hair. "Look, I'm just saying, if I can stop the moon from crashing into the world as a kid, then I think I'll be just fine now."

Sheik strutted over to Link, shaking his head. "Link, Link, Link," he sighed, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder—then jerking it away when he realized how sweaty Link was. "That was almost twenty years ago!" Sheik counseled, wiping his hand dry on the hem of Link's tunic. "Things were so polygonal back then. This is HD we're talking about! You've got to look your best, and besides, how are you going to keep pace with the game when you haven't done any exercising since people still cared about the Wii?"

Link raised his eyebrows in exasperation. "What, you want to get me ripped for the new game? Want to turn me into a bodybuilder? I have to stay thin! They've already got trailers out, the fans know what I'm supposed to look like. Can you imagine how pissed they'd be at Miyamoto if Nintendo rolls out Breath of the Wild and suddenly I look like Arnold Schwarzenegger?"

Sheik threw his hands up into the air. "Half of the fans still think you're a girl in the new game! Aren't you concerned for your masculinity?"

Link narrowed his eyes. "That's pretty rich, coming from you."

Sheik sighed. "Look, at least I'm actually a girl in disguise."

"So you of all people should know that being a badass has nothing to do with how girly someone is," Link said with a teasing grin. "And besides, you're the one everyone always wants to cosplay as."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Sheik said with a glare. "Anyway, Breath of the Wild is going to be an open world game! How do you expect to get around a map that huge when you're so out of shape?"

Link pondered that for a moment. "Well, I'll have Epona with me."

"Since when have you ever been able to bring Epona into dungeons with you?" Sheik countered.

"Touché," Link agreed.

Sheik placed his hands on his hips. "Look, work with me here," he said, holding firmly. "There's no way you'll be able to beat Ganon given the condition you're in."

"Is Ganon even in the game?" Link wondered aloud.

Sheik shrugged. "No idea. But there's that giant robotic octopus thing."

Link groaned. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

"Yeah," Sheik prompted. "Let's at least get you on a new training regimen."

"Like racing up Death Mountain every day?" Link shot back. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen again."

"Fine, fine," Sheik relented, raising his hands defensively. "You could at least do some push-ups. Maybe run a few miles each day. Do some sword training."

"Sword training?" Link questioned. "Why bother? I'm sure the player can just waggle the Wiimote around to control the sword."

"…Let's never speak of that again," Sheik mumbled, cringing at the memory of the controls for Skyward Sword.

"Then again, am I controlled by the Gamepad in this one?" Link said, more to himself than to Sheik. "I dunno. I can't keep up with technology."

Exasperated, Sheik grabbed Link by the shoulders. "Look, can we get back to the main issue here?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Link said, "I'll start working out again. As long as you don't make me climb any more mountains. Deal?"

"Deal," Sheik said, letting Link go with a satisfied smile—before wiping his hands off on Link's tunic again.

Author's Note: This was a spur-of-the-moment idea that made me chuckle, nothing too serious. I hope you all enjoyed it (if you did, leave a review telling me so!)

I've been trying to work through writer's block for some other stories, so for those of you who are waiting on an update for There's No Way, Right?, just know that I'm doing my best! Thanks again for all of your support.

-Steiner