Title: Memories

Author: Shadowkat83 AKA fanficexpress

Rating: R

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Language, Slash and MPREG

Summary: A forgotten tragedy from Logan's past suddenly resurfaces leaving Logan a shell of his former self. Can anyone get through to him?

Author's Note: This story will deal with dark issues and imagery but its Logan so what do you expect lol. I know it might seem like I don't like wolverine from how I torture him in my fics…but really it's just a sign of my affection  R&R!

P.S. This chapter has been re-uploaded to fix formatting errors!

Chapter1: Emergence

The atmosphere was a mixture of both anticipation and worry. The room was still save for the bouncing of knees and anxious tapping of fingers. This was the only time the women were ever quiet and Logan took advantage of the silence. His nerves were shot as it was and he felt a constant compulsion to run away growling and snarling, so he greeted the silence with open arms. It was all that kept him sane. It wasn't a secret that he hated hospitals, the sterile white, the smell of blood mixed with lemon scented cleaning solutions. They were all the same and he inwardly shuddered, redirecting his thoughts so they wouldn't go to what jubilee called "the bad place". Just like the women he felt an itch of anticipation, and a small inkling of worry. Their good friend was in labor, finally going to have the baby it seemed like she had been carrying forever. Her name was Molly Sharaden, a very big political figure. Very outspoken about her views on the mutant agenda. Thankfully her views were the same as his and the rest of the X-men. They instantly became good friends talking politics and all around enjoying each other's company. There were many days she'd come over for dinner, just for the hell of it. Everyone was baffled by her friendliness to Logan and shocked by Logan's willingness to be friendly back. He'd buy her baby clothes and other pricey accessories, swearing they were from jubilee but she always gave him a knowing smile andapeck on the cheek. When he heard she had went into labor he was the first to be notified and the first to arrive at the hospital. He'd been sitting in the stiff waiting room chair ever since.

"It's been hours, I hope everything is alright." Jubilee said from the uncomfortable chair next to him. Her forehead was creased with worry and she wrung her hands this way and that.

"Sometimes these things take time. She'll be alright." Logan said not bothering to give her a reassuring smile. He didn't feel like reassuring someone else when he felt unsure himself. For some strange reason he felt cloudy inside. Something felt off, and there was this intense pressure of thought within him, like a dam about to burst.

"You ok wolvie? You seem distant all of a sudden." Jubilee said with a frown.

"Yeah, I'm just thinkin'." Logan said turning away which was his sign to Jubilee to let this line of conversation go.

"Logan, what's going on?" Jeans voice cut through the static in his brain. He felt a hand meet his shoulder and he tensed.

"What?" He said somewhat startled.

"I said what's going on? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, why the hell you keep asking me that?" Logan growled out with an irritated glare. His irritation level skyrocketed to dangerous levels. Jean removed her hand quickly. Logan always had a short temper, that was somewhat of his trademark, but this still wasn't like him to snap at her of all people so fiercely.

"You just seemed in turmoil. I wanted to help."

"You been snoopin' around in my head again…I told you I don't like that." He spat.

"You were broadcasting Logan. Calm down." Jean said. The worry in her eyes intensified, which only managed to annoy Logan even further. He hated when people felt sorry for him. Thought they could save him. He couldn't be saved! He opened his mouth to give her a hearty threat to stay out of his head but the sight of an exhausted doctor interrupted him. He abruptly stood. His cold eyes staring at the doctor, his white lab coat caused a flutter of fear to run up his spine but with effort he pushed it aside.

"How is she?" Logan asked. His voice much lighter then anyone was use to.

"She's just fine Mr. Logan, She has a beautiful baby girl. She has requested to see you." Logan smiled despite himself.

"A little baby girl." He repeated. He had been right all along. He told her it would be a girl. His mind filled with a sudden euphoria, happiness he hadn't felt before. Then just as suddenly as the joy came it swirled into darkness. His smile faltered as flashes of grotesque moments he couldn't recognize popped in and out of his head like snapshots in a scrapbook. Blood, pain, loss, sorrow and tears all balled up into one intense emotion. He swayed momentarily but quickly shook it off and swallowed hard. His heart began to race, and he could feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"Logan." Jean questioned. Feeling the sudden change in mood. The fear and anxiety radiated off of the hairy man before her.

"Jean." He said warningly. He didn't know where these feelings and disturbing images were coming from, or what triggered them but he didn't want Jean's emotions too. he didn't want pity, not from Jean and not from anyone. He wanted to be left alone to work things out. He wanted to see the little baby he had been waiting to see for nine months and congratulate the mother, that's all he wanted to do.

"Mr. Logan? Are you ready to see her now?"

"Yeah, lead the way." He said jamming his hands in his pockets. As lame as it was he felt like he was protecting everyone from the beast within by hiding his hands, keeping his lethal claws bound even if it was by a thin layer of blue jean. Something was stirring things up inside of him, he felt like he was slowly loosing control. The walk to her hospital room seemed extremely long and as the time slipped by his mind sunk deeper and deeper into turmoil. The images kept coming in flashes that made his stomach lurch. One second he could see himself curled up in a dark cell, his eyes squeezed shut, pain written all over his features, then the next he was on his knees, screaming, yelling for someone to stop, then finally a flash of red, everything was red. He closed his eyes using his senses alone to follow the doctor. Taking a deep breath to clear his head he opened his eyes. He stopped dead in his tracks, staring with horror at the walls. They were once white but not anymore, they were dripping with red, with the metallic stink of blood. Quickly covering the walls in beads like sweat from pours.

"Mr. Logan, are you ok?" The doctor said with concern standing outside of the door that led to Molly's room. Logan diverted his attention to him and nodded, then cautiously looked back at the walls only to find the normal sterile white of a hospital lobby.

"I'm losin' it. Gotta make this quick." He murmured. He stepped into the room, trying to leave all his troubles behind. There laid Molly, her black hair was tossed about and she looked completely drained but the smile on her face held intense happiness. She smiled down at the small bundle in her arms wrapped all in pink.

"You were right, it's a girl." Daring to take her eyes off of her new baby girl for just a second she smiled up at her companion. Logan smiled back, a feral smile that others found intimidating but she never did. Maybe that was why he liked her so much. She wasn't afraid of him, didn't assume, didn't ask to many questions and didn't try to change him or "save" him. She just genuinely wanted to be his friend.

"You know I'm always right Molly, when you gonna realize that?" Logan said leaning against the doorframe with his hands crossed firmly over his chest. He felt a stinging in his heart. The scene, truly touched him, warmed him to his core and a strange longing washed over him.

"Come here." She said and Logan hesitantly made his way to the hospital bed. He gazed over with cool blue eyes to see the slightly open eyes of a happy infant. He instantly melted.

"Say hello to your god-father, Sarah." She spoke softly and Logan looked up with surprise.

"Not even gonna ask me first, huh?" He questioned playfully.

"Ha. Like you'd refuse." She said and they both chuckled a little before quieting to watch the antics of her new bundle of joy. He let the baby's tiny chubby fingers wrap around his index finger.

"She's beautiful, when did you decide to call her Sarah?" He said.

"Just now, doesn't she look like a Sarah?"

"Sarah's a fine name." He said lightly touching the little tuft of black hair at the top of her head.

"Wanna hold her?"

"Oh no." he said his eyes wide as if she had slapped him. Molly giggled out right.

"It's just that it's so small and I'm not the tender type."

"Your not gonna hurt her. Just cradle her in your arms, that's all you gotta do." She said emphasizing how she was holding the child. Logan, with much hesitation, picked up the child and cradled her, she put up a small fuss but quickly quieted down.

"See. You're a pro at this. And it looks like she likes you."

"Yeah…" He said suddenly feeling funny. His mouth went dry and his legs wobbled. His heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest and the echoing sounds of a wailing baby shrilled in his head.

"I'm sorry I've gotta go." He said quickly, handing her the baby gingerly and stalking out of the room. The crying sound kept getting louder, and his head throbbed. Images flooded his mind so nauseatingly fast that he had to use the wall for support. His knees finally buckled and hit the floor. He held his ears wanting to scream in agony.

"Stop!" He yelled to his inner-voice but it wasn't listening. Footsteps clattered down the hall as Jean and Scott found Logan hunched over on the floor. They reached out to help but he swatted them away, growling and grinding his teeth in mental torment. The images began to stream together and created a scene and through the burgeoning cries of a newborn he watched something horrifying play out, something from his past. Jean and Scott watched as Logan suddenly froze, all effort to bat them away ceased. Jean caressed the sides of his face speaking softly to him but there was no reaction. His eyes were unfocused seeming to just stare right through them, his face a mask of horror and regret. He watched the scene in his minds eye. Pain, blood, sorrow, and loss. The sharp sound of a gunshot rang in his ears and he screamed out, screamed until his throat was raw. The wailing baby had hushed and he just kneeled there staring off into space, his vision coated in red.

TBC