Yes, I have become a Whovian. And I regret nothing.
So, this takes place some time between The Runaway Bride and Smith and Jones. Here's hoping eveyone's in character...
"Rose Tyler..."
That name. That gorgeous name.
He'd wanted to say so much more. He'd wanted to go on to tell her how much she'd meant to him, how he'd cherished every moment they'd spent together, how the sight of those bright, beautiful eyes had made his entire life worthwhile.
And now she was gone.
The Doctor simply looked around the TARDIS. He saw her everywhere. He saw her by the controls, in her old room. He saw her in his dreams, where she would lightly caress his face, bringing her lips closer and closer to his-
No. No, he could not think like that any longer. She was gone. She was safe. She was far away from him and all of his adventures. Rose Tyler was with people who cared for her.
Then why can't I ever be with people who care for me? He looked upwards. He continued to tell himself that it was better this way. She was in no danger anymore. And even if she had stayed, what more could they have been than what they always were? He would have been helpless as he watched her grow old and eventually die, he himself simply regenerating every so often. The curse of the Time Lords. Would that not be worse? Would that not be even more painful?
Without even having realized it, he found himself sitting by the wall, in his hands the purple jacket. It seemed to him like a beacon of light; a signal to show that she had not been just a dream. That Rose Tyler had existed. That she still did. He held it close, lightly placing his lips against the fabric as a single tear trailed down his cheek. How he longed to do the same to her own lips. He could not help but note that it still smelled like her.
But soon, even that would fade.
The TARDIS stopped, and he stayed in the same spot for a few moments, pulling himself together before he stood, placing the jacket carefully over the railing.
He appeared to be somewhere in America, the early 2000's by the looks of things. The sun seemed to have only recently descended. He never had a destination, or a plan, but this walk seemed disturbingly empty. He did not even think to look around, his eyes facing downward, unfocused on anything but the pitiful thoughts and emotions which flooded his head.
His gaze lifted only when he heard a faint melody drifting through the air. Curious, he followed it until he found a man with long, straight hair sitting in an alleyway, strumming an acoustic guitar.
"You're good." The Doctor stated. Blunt, but true.
The man looked up. "What're you gonna rob me now?"
The Doctor gave him a questioning look. "Why would I do that?"
"Well, a guy wearing a trench coat coming up to a guy in an alley. Isn't that a bit suspicious?"
A moment of pondering. "Guess so, yeah." Another pause. "Sorry."
Just as he was walking away, the man stood. "Hey, wait." He turned around. "Who are you, anyway?"
He hated answering this question. "I'm The Doctor. And yes, it's just 'The Doctor'. Nothing more. I'm tired of people- Oh, that was rude wasn't it? Sorry."
Simply shrugging off the comment, the man smiled. "My name's Ronnie." He looked at The Doctor for a long moment, studying his eyes. "You need a drink. Come on, I'll buy."
"...Alright. Allons-y, I guess."
"What?"
"It's French for- Never mind."
So they ended up in a small pub, crowded, loud enough so that they could only be heard by each other. "So, 'Just The Doctor', tell me what's wrong." He looked up from his drink- which he hadn't touched- when Ronnie spoke. "Don't give me that look. I know something's up. Now tell me. Was it a woman?"
The question hit him hard. "Yes." Ronnie seemed to expect more. "Her name was Rose. She's... She's gone now. I lost her."
An understanding nod. "Tell me about her."
The Doctor sighed just a little. If he'd known this was how his evening was going to go, he would have stayed in the TARDIS. At least there he was safe. Safe from himself. "I never thought I'd feel anything toward her. Toward anyone. I was different person." He gave a small, inconspicuous smile. "But now that I'm stronger, it's like I figured out I didn't care if she used me or anything. Because I would be alright. Because I loved her."
Ronnie pushed for more. "She pretty?"
A miniscule, sad grin. "Beautiful." He looked upwards. "I have seen things you could never even begin to imagine. But never have I seen anything as lovely as her." If he had said but one sincere statement, that had been it. "The way her eyes lit up when I told her where we were going, her smile..." He couldn't finish his thought as his face quickly dampened. He wasted no time wiping away the tear.
Ronnie put a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Keep going." Was he really going to make him do this? Apparently so.
After a pause to regain his composure, The Doctor continued. "I always find myself thinking about before. We'd just sit there, looking at the stars, like they were falling all for us. She made me forget how this world turns cold. And I'd hold her hand, telling her that it'd be okay, and she'd do the same for me. When I was with her, I felt like, deep in my soul, no matter how broken, I could be the one.
"I've had women as companions before. But Rose, she was different. I feel like I can never replace her. Yeah, I can get a new companion, but they won't be Rose." He took a sip of the beverage in front of him, then reminded himself not to do so again. "The last time I saw her... She'd never looked more perfect. Even with the wind blowing her hair in every direction, makeup smudged around her eyes... Pure perfection. I'd been with her as the seasons changed, as the days grew longer and nights grew shorter, but never had she looked more beautiful than on that beach, with the waves crashing behind her."
It took him a longer moment to keep himself from breaking out into sobs this time. "She didn't want to leave, don't think that. She didn't have a choice. Neither of us did. She was begging me to stay, even though she knew it was impossible. And then she was gone... My... My true love." He didn't care how cliche it sounded. It was the only way it could be put into words. "My whole heart. And I threw it away. I threw it away because I was too stupid to prevent it."
Ronnie finally spoke. "I'm sure you couldn't have done anything. And even if you could have, it's over now. It's not like you can go back and change it."
Ten seconds of no one saying a word. "Yeah..." The idea had, in fact, crossed The Doctor's mind many a time. But he had no idea what trying to change such a thing would cause. The outcome could end up being worse than the reality. "I didn't get to tell her. That I love her, I mean. She was gone too quickly. But the worst part is... I promised her I'd never let her fall. I promised I'd stand up with her for the rest of her life, that I'd be there for her through everything. I would have done anything to save her. And if I got a chance, I still would."
"Anything?" Ronnie asked. His tone was strange. The Doctor could not distinguish it.
A somber, honest response. "I would die for her."
And that did not mean that he would come to the verge of death for her, then regenerate and be fine. It meant death. Actual death. If it saved Rose Tyler's life, he would welcome the blackness like an old friend.
"Even if it sends you to Heaven..." Thoughtfulness. That was what it was. There was thoughtfulness in Ronnie's voice. "Like her guardian angel."
The Doctor's eyes did not meet his. "I should go." As he stood and began heading for the door to the pub, Ronnie called after him one last time.
"Doctor!" He looked back. The man was smiling. "Thanks."
"For what?"
"Just... Thanks."
The Doctor did not think much of the seemingly random compliment. He simply entered the TARDIS and began working the controls as if on autopilot. In a way, talking about Rose had re-awoken many painful memories, but it had also helped somewhat. If Rose was to be dead in this universe, at least her memory could live on.
He ended up in the year 2007, still in the same city. Again, he began walking aimlessly. And again, he heard music in the distance. And again, it was the same melody he'd heard what was to him only hours before. And again, he followed it.
But this time, it did not lead him into an alleyway to a man with long hair playing an acoustic guitar. It led him to what appeared to be a concert, which was obviously sold out. But he could still make out the face of the singer on stage, and he could still hear the song. A familiar face, familiar music, and a familiar story.
"When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold
And breaks through my soul
And I know, I'll find deep inside me
I can be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay
Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you, I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
'Cause you're my, you're my, my
My true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away
And please tell me, you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know, I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever..."
Ronnie... Ronnie Winter, of course! He smile as he saw the large banner which read "The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus".
"So, that was 'Your Guardian Angel'." Ronnie said into the microphone. "And I just want to thank the one who inspired me to write it. Rose, wherever you are, that's from someone who really cares about you. That's from The Doctor. Just 'The Doctor'."
You hear that, Rose? He thought, as he looked up at the night sky above him. That's our song. I got us a song without even meaning to. He turned and began walking back to the TARDIS, a melancholy smile present, as he whispered what he'd longed to say for so long. "I love you, Rose Tyler."
I probably should have looked into how Ronnie Winter acts, speaks, etc., but I'm way too tired (Lazy). Your Guardian Angel is by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
More Doctor Who stories to come? I hope so~