Disclaimer: If I really did own all Ewan McGregor's characters, do you really think I'd be writing? No! I'd be too busy snogging them all. TWICE!

Off in Clone Land

Chapter One

"Where the hell are we?"

"Master…"

"Sorry. Where the heck are we?"

"Master, what are heck and hell?"
"Where the sith are we? And who the Sith are you?"

"Master!" The young Padawan was now bawling his eyes out. Of course, Obi-Wan couldn't see this. The room was completely dark. He walked blindly round the room with his arms stretched out, looking for Anakin. "Hey!" Anakin exclaimed as a light flickered on.

A blank, white room was revealed with the flick of the switch. There were boring, white walls and in the centre of the room was a circular, wooden table with a red table cloth. At the very centre of the table was a blue plate with two eggs on it. "Whoa," Anakin marvelled at the table. He then looked up and realised Christian and Valiant were in the room with them. "Hey guys!" Anakin said. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

Christian stared at the room in awe. "We must be in the future," he mused.

Obi-Wan snorted and looked round for a door. "Crap. There's no doors, no windows. How the Sith are we supposed to get out of here?" He looked like he was gonna kill someone. And who knows? Obi-Wan is a pretty violent guy, as we've learnt so far.

"I'm hungry, Master," Anakin looked pleadingly up at Obi-Wan and then back down at the plate of eggs. Behind his innocence, he looked like he was gonna kill somebody too. Obi-Wan waved away his Padawan and Anakin reached for one of the eggs.

Suddenly, the room turned into a giant, futuristic swirl. Obi, Anakin, Christian and Valiant were soon falling through space and time. Surprise!

Their helpless, little girl wailing ended when they landed hard on a wet, playing field of some sort. All four of them looked up and gazed in wonder.

Woosh! Apparantly, the eggs were being used as a port-key from the lovable stories of Harry Potter--only 29.99 at your local bookstore. A Quidditch player swooshed over the group's head and it was then that they realised they were sitting in the middle of a Quidditch field during a heated match.

"They're trying to play a game!" Anakin cried. "Hurry, we better move out of the way!"

The four of them scuttled off of the field and into some random tent that was decorated in Gryffindor colours. Harry, Ron and Hermione were standing inside. "Who are you?" Obi-Wan asked flatly.

"I'm Harry Potter--"

"His pen name is Hairy Toilet," a red haired boy finished.

"Pen name? You write?" Christian asked.

"Fanfiction!" Hairy Toilet nodded.

"Did somebody say fan fiction?" Sam, Laura and Shelby seemed to appear out of nowhere. And with all the magic and spell in Hogwarts, they probably did. They were dressed in elegant, Harry Potter style robes. Sam was wearing Slytherin, Laura was wearing Hufflepuff and Shelby was wearing Ravenclaw.

"How did you get here?" Obi-Wan started flipping out. Valiant flew up and inspected the girls to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

Why would you be hallucinating, Valiant? he asked himself.

Remember that clown named Bobo standing on the corner of Main Street and East Broad? The guy that handed me a package a few weeks ago?

Yes.

Guess what was inside.

"We got here through the magical, unbelievably awesome powers of… writing," Sam explained. "We wrote ourselves in."

"You've gotta be kidding me…" Obi muttered. "Well then tell us--how do we get out?"

"Remember that port-key?"

Obi-Wan, Anakin, Christian and Valiant slowly nodded.

"There will be a port-key in everyplace you visit," Laura explained. "All you have to do is find it."

Obi gave Anakin a look. "I wonder how the others are doing…"

Well here we are! --claps and begins to slice cake-- I'm glad you decided to join the adventure of the port-keys with the clone gang! If you haven't the slightest idea what's going on, maybe you should check out the story before this: Attack of the Ewan McGregor Clones.

So what did you think of this chapter? Stupid? Funny? Cuckoo? As a matter of fact, I'm listening to the song "I'm a Cuckoo" by Belle and Sebastian. Good song. Anyways... Happy Holidays everyone! This was my gift to you. Wrapped with a bow even. Oh yes.

--Got Scots?

PS: Can you believe I spelt hallucinating right without spell checker? I was amazed!