Have you ever seen a hobbit wash their feet? Some say a hobbit has large feet simply because they're so diseased and infected with growths and fungi from years upon years of standing in the shit covered farmland of the Shire. Frodo had two feet. The shy one on the left was called Lono and the boisterous little fella on the right was Rodeo. Lono liked walking to the right, the salty succulent scent of sand, his middle toe ( known to his friends as Monroe ) and lemon scented candles. Rodeo liked walking to the left, toe sex, redheads, and looking up other hobbit's trousers ( not Frodo's, he didn't like to remember that he was part of an inadequate wet blanket ). Both were half a foot wide and a foot long, proud of their mighty girthy power. However, one could say that their most mighty accomplishment was the smell. The smell of a Greek village after a year of fishing. The two currently sat in a shitty wooden cart next to two shrively grey feet in mobile homes. "How rude!" said Lono. "Why were we disturbed! I was on the verge of a breakthrough! I can almost prove that licking is a better intrument of measurement than a penetrometer."
A/N Tell me what you think. This is the first draft.