Kakashi scrutinised the thing clasped between his hands, his one eye dubious.
"She looks funny," he finally declared, looking to his girlfriend who had been organising the nursery herself since he apparently "wasn't doing it right".
Ume rolled her eyes before striding over to where he was stood with their baby hanging in his hands before she pecked him on the cheek before forcing him to release his hold on their baby's waist.
"You look funny," she replied gaily turning to nuzzle Kame's pudgy stomach, blowing raspberries much to the babe's delight.
"I do not 'look funny'," Kakashi protested, following his family through the cheap plaster flat.
"Kakashi," Ume looked at him with a serious teasing expression, rearranging Kame's stubborn limbs so that her mother could support her as she opened the fridge door. "You have an eye patch on your face."
"Out of necessity," he insisted before relieving her of their child again, some tension he hadn't realised was around his chest persisted until he finally had the reassuring pressure of Kame's weight in his arms.
Looking in her face, Kakashi couldn't help but notice she followed more of his genetics than her mother's. Pale grey eyes, one darker than the other, her black hair following the same pigment as her mother's yet still had the unruly look as her father. Looking at the apples of the baby's cheeks, Kakashi found one hand had treacherously began to stroke the soft, chubby cheek as he followed down to the identical pointy chin as his and follow up Kame's plump lips of Ume's to poke at the aristocratic nose that was evident on the three month old child.
Kakashi refused to be swayed when little baby yawned, stretching out her little limbs as far as they would go, wriggling adorably in his arms.
What he didn't realise was the little smile that covered his bare mouth as one gloved hand held onto one out stretched hand to him, seeking aid. And he also didn't realise he was being watched by a smug civilian woman who was making lunch.
"What time do you have to go meet your new genin team?" Ume asked, blatantly ignoring her boyfriend's silly argument.
He shuffled his feet, moving Kame from one arm to another, his finger going down to tickle the little chin of his captive who began to squirm with delighted squeals.
"Not for another couple hours at least," Kakashi lied as he moved to their cheap sofa trying to avoid any more conversations where he could give himself away and lay on his back with his daughter positioned on his chest where she began to burrow and nest, giving an lovable purr of contentment, preparing herself for a nap.
There was a clatter of pans and the sound of something thumping. "You sure you aren't lying?"
Kakashi averted his gaze to the baby nuzzled in his arms, as if that would allow him to lie easier. Well, the reason he was always late was because this child in his arms always looked too damn adorable.
How troublesome.
"Certainly not. Have I ever?" he replied easily, his hand smoothing down the back of the downy skin of Kame's back, soothing the baby further into slumber.
"Oh really?" Ume came back into the room, her hands on her hips and that was when Kakashi knew he was in trouble.
He could handle any jutsu, any kunai, any taijutsu, any ninja. He was the famous Copy Nin after all.
But one look from her, an irate civilian named Ume, and he was screwed.
Oh so screwed.
Holding a summons in her hand, she looked obviously between both her hand and to Kakashi lounging on the sofa.
"So that's why you have received a complaint from the academy instructor? Saying that you need to go pick them up?" her black eyebrow rising higher and higher on her forehead until he was thoroughly convinced that it was going to disappear into her hairline completely.
Kakashi explored his options.
One, he could try and fight his way out of it. But the raising of the woman's voice alone would inevitably upset Kame and would send her into a fuss meaning it would be more difficult to put her to her crib later on and for that Ume would ultimately would blame him for the entire ordeal despite the fact that even in the most furious of arguments, his pitch never rose more than the conversational tone.
Two, he could try and weasel through her defences with his touch. That could have one of two reactions: exasperation or desire. Either one would distract her enough that she would give up or succumb to his touch, respectively, delaying the time once again.
Or three, he could go, without complaint. That one wasn't as much fun, he thought with a wrinkle of his nose.
Standing and moving to the nursery where the walls were painted with a honeyed green that glowed when the afternoon sun hit it, he allowed himself a moment to gain a moment of pride for the paint job that he had done and how well little Kame seemed to coo more when the small slit of light beamed in.
Sighing, he heard Ume yelling at him from the other room to get a move on. Laying her down gently in the sponge that was her mattress as that was almost all he and Ume could afford, Kakashi shut the door half way on his way out before looking left and right.
One led to number two, the other, number three.
He chose left.
Leaning in the archway that led to the cheap lino covered kitchen, he just observed his girlfriend with the stealth of a ninja.
Petite, plump with eyes of jade and black hair that was as straight as a heterosexual man. A hot blooded heterosexual man looking at Ume.
His eyes had drifted down to the aesthetically pleasing derriere that Jiraiya had once tried to convince him to let him write about but got a fist for his efforts.
It didn't help Kakashi's urges that, with the pregnancy it meant that her once above average sized breasts, seemed to spill out of all her tops with their overgrown size, much to his delight in private. Yet it was to his chagrin when she was serving customers down in the apothecary down stairs which had a suspicious number of male customers.
What male shopped at an apothecary? And as regularly as these guys do?
He scowled to himself.
They obviously needed a check with their masculinity; it looked like it was leaving them for some manlier vessel.
"Kakashi," Ume's sing song voice cut through his musings and alerted him that if he was to make his move he had to do it now.
The sing song voice was a warning in Ume's terms.
Walking with an ease that was hard to replicate, Kakashi placed his hands either side of Ume trapping her wanderings in one place. Ume paused in place, her head tilting to the side.
"Kakashi," she warned again in that light, lilting voice. "I hope you aren't planning on doing what I think you are doing."
Using his superior height, he leaned down, his breath brushing her hair out of his way as he kissed the very tip of the milky ear showing through her hair. Ume wilted slightly, almost imperceptibly but it was caught by the knowing eye of Kakashi.
Encouraged, he breathed heavier, pushing himself against her, knowing that he was breaking through the shoddily placed brick walls against his sensuous desire. Didn't she realise yet that she needed iron?
"Kakashi," she moaned, her bottom leaning into the cradle made by his hips, her body loosening further, barely fighting as hard as he thought she would. "The children…"
"Can wait a little longer," Kakashi pushed his loose shirt that was hanging on her frame lovingly down to expose a flawless chalky shoulder. A shoulder that was turned a burnt shade of red as his teeth nibbled on the skin.
"…Can wait a little longer," Ume repeated dimly, rotating quickly, her hands pressing on the back of his head to draw him down to her small height, her full lips claiming his, her mouth just as wanting as his.
Kakashi finally knew he was in the clear for at least one rewarding romp in the kitchen where the baby in the other room happened to be conceived. Maybe if he was lucky enough he would get another girl. His hands were still trapping her against the counter, while his hot tongue pressed down into her own cavern while Ume's fingers flicked the tops of his ears with the tips of her fingers much to his delight.
He loved it when she did that.
His gloved hand reached down, below the small of her back and clasped one cheek in his hand, massaging her derriere in an eager hand, delighting in the flush the skitted across his sensitive skin at the feel of her sumptuous body. The other reached up to the cheek on Ume's face, his thumb stroking its way across the eye socket bone of her high cheek bone, a soft touch, a complete contrast to the needy hand that was kneading her flesh lower.
Ume sighed, letting her head collapse between her shoulder blades, allowing her unmarred neck be marked where a ring was absent on her finger, to warn the other males away from this delectable treat. Sampled only by him.
Inching his t-shirt up over her freckled thighs that was overly large on her body but she still managed it to look as sexy as one of the exotic dancers in the adult clubs in the pleasure district.
Ume, feeling the contact of Kakashi's worn, rough glove, huffed in frustration and picked the hand that was going to fondle her milk filled breast, and brought it to her face where she bit the finger pads causing the virile man to growl in response, the hand that was still placed on her bottom tightening showing his happy reply he was garnering from the woman in his arms. After suckling on the tips she pulled the glove off, much to his disappointment.
Feeling her legs begin to tremble as Kakashi's now bare hand cupped the inside of her thigh, his fingers temptingly close to the area that she felt ever so neglected, where the tingles started and were forcing their way through all the major pathways of her unusable chakra, Kakashi moved to cup her wriggling derriere.
Hoisting her up that made her squeal in surprise before accepting the change with a whimper as he drove his teeth harder into her neck while blindly directing them to the living room where the worn sofa lay.
"Here?" she gasped as he flopped on his back much alike how he had been holding Kame earlier except this time, the body was much larger and had much more sexual appeal.
Kakashi's only response was a hot lick to the shell of the round ear that had come out, forcing Ume to rethink her priorities.
Sitting up, the grey haired man followed her unconsciously, his hands moving to her waist before they were pushed out of the way when Ume pulled her (his) t-shirt up and over her head leaving her glorious in the waning light.
His mouth was dry, just revelling in the beauty in his arms that he knew kami had allowed him to keep mercifully.
There was light cutting sharply on her breasts causing them to glow with an ethereal light that Kakashi followed with his mouth, a supplicant to her goddess body. With her straddling him so wantonly, he could pull her tighter against the erection that was already pushing against the confines of his trousers, which Ume was probably getting messy with her desire as she generally refused to wear underwear in the home.
Said it was too restricting.
Well, now Kakashi finally understood as one bare palm reached down between her legs to feel for that sensitive piece of hardened flesh that was ready to get any unaroused woman going. That is if they had not already been in Ume's writhing state. So where the tentative touch would have gotten any other woman to feel the beginnings of pleasure to radiate out, it triggered Ume to arch away from his mouth that was slowly making its way down to her enlarged nipples, a small whimper low in her throat already making its way to her delectable lips, her hips thrusting needy into his crotch.
"Kakashi," she moaned, leaning back down, forcing him to lie back on the couch his head relaxing on the arm rest. "You have a genin team to go to, you can spoil me later, I-I just need you inside of me."
When such talk was spoken in Icha Icha Sensei, Kakashi read on with an apathetic gaze. However, when his girlfriend quoted such a line back to him, a hot flush covered his already aroused body into a feeling of frenzied containment, initiating him to unbutton his black shinobi trousers.
"I'm going to hold you to that," he murmured into her ear, his hand retracting from Ume's woman hood in favour of guiding himself into her heat.
Feeling her walls tighten on him, he flopped back, his hands cradling her wide hips allowing the frantic woman on top of him to set the pace groaning with pleasure as the wetness slid down his length. With that, he began to piston harder knowing that his stomach was tightening and he just wanted his lips to caress those nipples that Kame got seven times a day.
Kakashi never knew he could be jealous of a baby, especially his own flesh and blood but it was almost scorching him from the inside out at the thought of getting to caress the joys for survival.
The woman above him raised her hands to hold her hair away from her neck as she grinded harder into him, one hand trailing teasingly down her almost flat stomach, past the proud stretch marks to peruse the stock that Kakashi had been forced to abandon earlier.
A gentle probing touch that forced her inner walls to tighten harder over him, prompting an unrestrained groan out of the depths of his throat, his hands going to clasp her buttocks to force her to go faster. And he knew he loved her for a reason, when she began to push herself harder.
The grinding got faster and faster and Kakashi felt spots creep into his vision, his breathing becoming laboured pants which were the complete opposite of Ume's breathy sighs that were on the verge of whimpers.
Feeling him just about to release, Kakashi sat up and puller her hips down harshly on him, he brought one hand down to her sex, dislodging hers and was hitting the clit with an unforgiving finger causing her to orgasm with a cry, a tightening which also controlled Kakashi into releasing his load with a frenzied growl, his back arching straight.
Collapsing back onto the sofa, both of them just lay there trying to regain their breaths.
Mimicking how he was cradling Kame's body earlier, Kakashi stroked down the softness of Ume's back, trying to lull her into sleep, now while she had the false sense of security.
Her hands reached up to hold Kakashi's shoulders as her eyes fluttered with their need to stay open, their want to stay closed. He chuckled just watching the fight, hoping that they would stay closed so he could revel in the family he never thought he would have for a little while longer before going to pick up the runts from the academy.
"Kakashi," Ume nuzzled her face into the fabric of his skin tight, "I know what you are doing and I'm telling you now, if you won't go now, I swear you are getting nothing tonight."
His wayward hand paused.
"Well, you say that now…" he teased, letting his finger trip its way up the bumps in her spine.
"I do say that now and I will stick to it," her voice wavered but Kakashi knew it was going to be resolved later in the evening and it would be more pain than it was worth, convincing her later.
With an exaggerated huff, he rolled her off him, onto the much abused couch and found the folded blanket that they kept on the other arm rest, before laying it out over her tired, sweaty body.
Zipping himself up, Kakashi went to the length of mirror in the corridor in the hallway before the door and inspected himself. Deeming he was almost presentable, he looked down to where his partner in crime had released herself over his black trousers.
Licking his thumb he tried to get the worse of the stain out, before thinking that some twelve year old brats weren't going to be able to tell the difference anyway between that and a milkshake.
With a final peck on Ume's forehead to which she replied "bugger off already," he chuckled, checked in of Kame again before leaving for the academy, wondering how they would disappoint him this time.
Maybe he would have a better group this year, but he wasn't holding his breath.
Heading down the hallway at a controlled pace, Kakashi tried to find an excuse worthy of them, in case they were some adorable genin, like previous ones that he almost regretted failing. Almost.
Sliding the door open, he felt a plop as something land on his head and clatter as the board rubber bounced along the floor.
There was a beat of silence before there was this loud obnoxious laugh permeating the room.
"AHAHA, CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR IT!" a blonde shouted, his hands on his knees trying to find support as the force of his laughs juddered through his body.
"I told him not to do it sensei! I told him he would get in trouble!" A whiny pick haired girl cried from beside the blonde, her hands behind her back respectively.
Then over by the seats there was a broody tween.
Just his luck.
"My first impression is…" Kakashi paused in his musings, looking around them, trying to find the respectable words, his finger tapping his chin.
He thought of all the things he could be doing with that finger, like hitting his girlfriend's g-spot, but alas it wasn't to be so.
"That you are all idiots."
Kakashi couldn't help but think, the only idiot there was him, for being led by his dick and convinced to come to this thing.
Kakashi wanted to sigh when the blonde began complaining loudly.
It was going to be a long few years.