Roses, blood, and an Invitation to the Prom

by Tazz Dieudonne

THIS IS FOR LAUGHS DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY. What will happen when the Joker shows up a the Wayne manor with roses for Batman? A random story written in the form of a play. Joker/Batman. Yes there is a slash this is your warning! Co authored by sarcasm-in-the-belfry.

Authors note- WARNING! THIS IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL! Me and a friend came up with this randomly and here it is! The Mortician's Daughter co-wrote this with me and it will also be posted on her page, when she gets one. The joker and Batman (the Laughing bats) ship is now setting sail! key- ** are character actions, () are actions, and are italics is written like a play just because.

(The curtains are closed as two people step on stage and turn to face the audience in the grand theater)

Tazz: "Welcome to this production of Roses, Blood and a invitation to the prom."

Mortician's Daughter: "An enlightening tale of blood, romance and much absurdity"

Tazz: "This is purely for entertainment so have fun and laugh because this is not meant to be taken seriously. If your offended by any actions or words then leave! We don't cater to haters! "

Mortician's Daughter: "Just remember to turn those pesky cell phones off and to remain respectful to your fellow viewers! If there is a problem then you shall be forcefully removed and shipped off to Arkham! Enjoy!"

Tazz: "We co-directed this play. Hope you enjoy!"

(They leave the stage and the curtain rises.)

Roses, Blood and a Invitation to the Prom

(The stage, set in the Wayne manor, awaits the players. Bruce Wayne, Aka Batman enters. Door bell rings)

Batman: *opens door to the Joker holding a bunch of dead roses drenched in blood.* "What in the name of all wholly bats is this!"

Joker: "It's a matter of the heart."

Batman: "What's with the blood?"

Joker: "The heart pumps blood though the body keeping us alive!" *licks lips*

Batman: "and...?" *noting the Joker's tux and still mystified*

Joker: "It's a symbol! I'm not hear to kill you! I'm hear because I need you as bad as I need the blood in my veins" *trying to be romantic and failing*

Batman: "I'm calling the cops." Poor guy really lost it after all. He had snapped completely.

Joker: "Look just take them." *annoyed*

Batman: "Not happening."

Joker: "If you don't take the roses I'm blowing up the manor." *pulls out a detonator*

Batman: "Dam! That's not fair!"

Joker: "Nothing is fair. You should know that. Now take the roses."

Batman: *takes the roses and holds them fare away from his body disgusted* "Is that all." *hopeful*

Joker: *smile widens* "Will you do me the horror of coming to the prom with me."

(Awkward silence.)

Batman: did he seriously say horror instead of honor? This guy is really messed up.

Joker: "It will be loads of fun!"

Batman: "Will you give me some time to consider your...offer?"

Joker: "All the time you need." *wink*

Batman: *Shivers, closes door and flops down on a couch sighing*

Alfred: "Sir are you alright?" *just entering*

Batman: "I just saw the Joker..."

Alfred: "Where!"

Batman:"He was outside..."

Alfred: "On our property! He must be looking for a fight!"

Batman: "With rose-"

Alfred: "A girl! Why haven't you told me you were in love again! You must go rescue her master Wayne!"

Batman: "Dripping in blood and dead..." *shaky voice*

Alfred: "Oh what a mess he has made! Master wayne you must be devastated." *puts a comforting hand on Batman's shoulders*

Batman: "He said it was a matter of the heart..."

Alfred: "That Joker why he has to go after every one you know is beyond me!" *sobbing now*

Batman: "Alfred you don't understand! The Joker was holding roses, as in the flowers, and they were dead and dripping with blood. When I asked him why he said it was a matter of the heart and then asked me to the prom."

Alfred: "Master wayne had you bin drinking?"

Batman: "No Alfred! He's out there! Right now! In a tux! With a limo! Don't you get the implications!"

Alfred: "I fail to see..."

Batman: "Just go see for your self." *putting his head in his hands*

(Alfred goes to open the door)

Alfred: "Are you getting enough sleep sir?" *sees Joker* "oh"

Joker: "You must be Alfred!" *extends a hand for him to shake*

Alfred: "What do you want?"

Joker: "Stand-offis are we? Only to ask you if I can take him to the prom I promise."

Alfred: Master wayne finally going on a date! "You have it by all means but you have to ask him as well." *goes back in house to find Batman*

Alfred: "Master wayne...?"

Batman: "Is the freak gone?"

Alfred: "Do you wish me to inform the police?"

Batman: *sighs* "I'll distract him." Okay gotta stall him until the cops get here.

(goes back to the door as Alfred picks up the phone.)

Joker: "Your answer...?"

Batman: Must think, must stall "I... uh... but I don't have a dress!" oh god did I really say that?

Joker: *puzzled look*

Batman: *blushing and embarrassed*

Alfred: "Sir I could fix that for you." *trying to help*

Joker: "Good! I'll pick you up at 9:00!" *Leaves*

(joker escapes, bazooka-ing cars as he disappears)

Alfred: "I found a dress master Wayne!" *holds up a ruffly pink dress*

Batman: "I am NOT wearing that Alfred"

Alfred: "What about your date tonight sir?"

Batman: *incredulous look* "I'm not going."

Alfred: "He might harm some one."

Batman: "I'm not wearing it!"

Alfred: "It's just one night."

Batman: "Never."

Alfred: "You'll look good sir!"

Batman: "I am not going on a date with my arch nemesis to his demented idea of a prom and that is final!"

Alfred: "Is this because you never went to your high school prom? Sir? I'm sure you will have a good time..."

Robin: (concealed behind a cabinet) *steps out* "I'll go with you as a protector."

Batman: "I'm not going!"

Alfred: "Don't be so childish sir. Lives could be on the line."

Batman: "You got proof of that."

Robin: "no...but..."

Batman: "Well I'm not going with out proof."

Joker: "Here's your proof!" *appearing from behind the same cabinet and holding a gun to Robin's head*

Batman: How did he get back here without me noticing? "Give me the damn dress."

Alfred: *hands dress* "I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself master Wayne."

Batman: *grumbles And leaves the room to put on the dress*

(the clock begins to tick loudly as they stand waiting)

Robin: *Shakes the jokers hand* "I'm a huge fan but don't tell Batsy."

Joker: "Batsy? I like it! Come on out Batsy watsy so we can all see your pretty face!"

Alfred: "You've been in there a long time sir. Do you need some help?"

Joker: "You ready to go doll face?"

Batman: "I LOOK HORRIBLE" *yells from upstairs*

Joker: "sigh" *points gun at ceiling and shoots* "Come out doll face or your butler gets it too"

Batman: *walks out in a horribly frilly dress* "Robin your not dead!" *glomps Robin*

Joker *pulls Batman off Robin.* "hey, uh," *his tongue flicks over mouth* "I'm your date tonight doll face."

Batman: "Neither of us can go like this!" *Stomping his feet like a child*

(every one looks at each other)

Robin: "I can fix that!"

Joker: "And how are you going to 'fix' that? Huh, bird brain?"

Robin: *holds up makeup kit*

Batman: My sidekick is giving my enemy a makeover. Oh god why? Why am I in this situation?

Alfred: "Don't be so gloomy master Wayne! I'm sure mister Robin will do you next!"

Batman: "Can we just get this over with please?"

Robin: "It's not every day I get to make over my favorite villain and hero don't ruin this moment for me!" *Begins to wipe the Jokers make-up off*

Joker: "I don't mind." *shrug and sits down*

Batman: *face plant* Where the hell are the cops? Alfred phoned them long ago and they still haven't shown up.

(A figure appears at the front of the manor)

Gordon: *peaking through window* Yep that's the joker, but why is Robin making him over? Have Batsy and Robin joined him? ...why is Bruce Wayne wearing a dress? Better wait and see how this plays out... *signals the rest to stay ready and walks off stage*

Alfred: Is that Gordon at the window? Well I can't let him spoil master Wayne's date. *draws curtains*

Robin: *oblivious to Gordon's presents* "He looks pretty good without the make up" *begins to start applying a base*

Joker: "Thank you." *Smiles nicely*

Batman: *turns and sees Joker without his clown make up* "I have to agree. He is quite dashing." Why does he cover it up all the time?

Alfred: "This is all going to turn out marvelous! I can tell."

Robin: "We're DC not marvel." *adding the finishing touches to his master piece then turning to Batman* "Now it's your turn!" *excited fangirl squeal*

Batman: "The dress was enough. no more."

Joker: "Your so dull!" *Points gun at Robin again*

Batman: "...fine!" Again cornered.

Robin "yay!" *starts making Batsy up pushing the gun aside*

Joker: *waiting not so patiently* "Hurry up! I want to get this show on the road!" *insane giggle*

Robin: "Just this last bit...! Wow Batsy you look real good!"

Batman: Why me? Why couldn't I get the normal villains? I get all the insane ones. First scarecrow and now the Joker. *gloom*

Joker: "Then let's, ah, get going sweetie." *hooks arm around Batsy and drags him out*

Alfred: "Wait I didn't get pictures!"

(Alfred and Robin snap a few pics, much to Batman's embarrassment.)

Alfred:"Have a good time you two!"

Robin: "Don't forget to tell me all about it." *fangirl squeal*

(They wave the happy couple out the door. The Wayne manor is pulled off stage as more cops and a news reporter enter.)

Joker: *dragging batman from the house*

Batman: *busy pulling down his dress*

Cops: "It's the Joker!" *points guns at him*

Joker: "Sigh" *holds gun up to Batman's head* "You're going to let us enjoy our date or the batman gets it!"

Batman: "Help!"

Cop A: "Hey that's Bruce Wayne! Not Batman!"

Cop B: "More importantly, why is he in a dress?"

News Reporter: "Are you seeing this?"

Batman: why? Oh why me? Why cameras?

Joker: "Come on!" *drags Batman to waiting car*

Joker: *Opens car door for Batman*

batman: "I don't get to drive?" *Pout*

Joker: "You have to have balls to drive!"

Batman: *Can't think of a retort*

Joker: *gets in car* "Ready to make your big appearance doll face?"

Batman: why me?

(car zooms off stage and the curtain closes to applause. Then The Joker and Batman reappear on the stage.)

Joker: "Hey batsy!" *looping his arm around Batman's*

Batman: "What?" *positively miserable*

Joker: *Pulls batman in to his arms and turning away from the crowd gives him a big smooch*

Batman: "What was that for?" *annoyed and blushing*

Joker: "Smile for the camera!"

(Gordon appears with a camera and takes a picture)

Batman: "I swear in our next battle I'm going to kill you."

Joker: *laughs and drags him off*

(They walk off stage, Joker skipping along and Batman scowling. Then after a few seconds the players appear on stage and take their bowes. They drag the directors up on stage and every one gets flowers.)

Mortician's Daughter: "AHHH FLOWERS, noooooo they are my only weakness!"

Tazz: "That's all we have to offer tonight! Have a laughter filled evening! Oh and one last thing! Reviews help keep away the starving Jokers!" *wink*