Don't

My life has been far from what you would have expected it to be. It turned out all wrong. Well, it started out all right I suppose. I became the leader of the teen superhuman hero's the Teen Titans. I loved my job. I loved my friends. The group stayed together for long after their teenage years, requiring a rename: The Titans.

But it came to an end too soon. It was Raven who left first. She left… to start a family. I didn't understand. She left to marry him. I've always resented him for that. Raven… I had always wanted to see her happy. I always wanted to be able to protect her. After all, this was all she had ever known for a family. We were her friends, we all helped raise each other; protect each other. She had convinced us to form this group to destroy her father. This was her home.

And she left it to be with him. He was an honorary Titan at that. I'll never again like him for that reason. It was because of him that the Titans separated. Raven was first, creating a chain reaction. Beast Boy left shortly after. He headed out to Hollywood to give his acting career a start. He had some high hopes. I wished him luck.

Of course when I turned around, the others were making plans to leave too. Cyborg wanted to start a new group of teen superheroes: The New Teen Titans. On top of that, he wanted to use the tower as their head quarters.

That left me and Starfire.

A few years back I had sort of an early mid life crisis. During that time, I went through an identity change. No longer was I the boy wonder, Robin. I now became Nightwing. Then I rejoined my old team but left Cyborg as leader. I didn't feel I should just be able to come back and demand my position back as their leader after I about had a meltdown. So I did the only thing I could think of. It was best for the team.

So then as Nightwing, after my team had broken up and went their separate ways, I decided to join the Outsiders. I had no interest in joining the Justice League. It was always too political and reminded me of an old soap opera. That option was completely out. Starfire did a little for both teams: The New Teen Titans with Cyborg and the Outsiders with me.

During that time, we had resumed our relationship. We got our own place, did our own thing and eventually made plans to marry and have a family. But not for some time. While we were young, we wanted to be able to defend the city the best way we could

Not three years later my once again content life came to a crashing halt. I came home one day after disbanding some wrong-doers with the Outsiders. When I entered my living room, Starfire was in tears on the couch.

So of course I went up to her to see what was wrong. I rarely saw Starfire cry.

"Kori, what's wrong?"

Her sobbing became a bit harder as she covered her beautiful face with her hands. "Oh, Dick. I made a mistake."

I took a seat next to her wrapping my arms around her waist. "Whatever it is, we'll fix it."

Of course she knew this one couldn't be fixed. "I am pregnant." She sobbed.

Now, Starfire had always wanted kids. Though, yes this wasn't the best timing, they were completely able to make the best out of it. After all, Roy had a child and he's still fully active. He just has more responsibility. I kicked myself for comparing the two a moment later.

Starfire shook her head. "Dick… it is not your baby."

Her voice was almost inaudible. It took me a moment to register this news. I was staring at her, not recognizing her for the first time in all the years from the time we met.

Then I stood. "Who?"

"Roy."

"Roy Harper!" I could't believe my ears. Speedy. Arsenal. Behind my back.

"It was an accident. It wasn't meant to happen."

"You think?" That was the only thing I could think of to say.

Without another word, I turned and left. Despite her calling me back, I walked out. How could they know for sure it was his anyways? Not that that was the issue. It was the fact that Starfire had cheated on him. Cheated!

Not too long after I would come to find out it had been going on for almost eight months. This was not an accident. They just stopped being so careful.

That night after I left, I walked the city for a long time. Long enough that I got caught in the ran. I didn't care about the rain. I didn't care about the people driving by. The rain drowned out my own tears.

And then the car slowed beside me. She rolled down the window and who should I see? The one I thought I'd never see again: Raven. She gave me a light smile and offered me a ride. I smiled to her and got in.

Without a word she started to drive. I couldn't help but look at her. She was so beautiful. In a completely different way than Starfire. We had had our moments way back when; there was a time when her soul was just being cleared of all her father's evil and she was just beginning to discover feelings, that she had thought she was in love with me. Then I was just starting a relationship with Starfire.

We shared a couple kisses. Since then I had never looked at her the same. I had always been attracted to her. What man wouldn't be?

Eventually I managed to say my thanks. Again she nodded.

We stopped at a stop light. My own feelings were beginning to well. My hurt from earlier, my old friend here with me again, old attractions resurfacing.

"We've missed you, Raven." I began. "I've missed y-"

But I was unable to finish. She had placed her fingertips on my lips to stop me. "Don't." she said.

That didn't stop me. Once her fingers were moved, I clasped her wrist and looked straight into her bright eyes, though they looked just as miserable as I felt. "I missed you."

I saw her shake her head with the faintest of smiles. As she did, I pulled her in to me.

Then the light turned green and she pulled away, driving once more. I directed her to the hotel I had checked into some time ago. I saw the look she gave me. I couldn't very well tell her what had happened. That's not the kind of stuff you talk about right after meeting up with an old friend after years. So I lied. "My house is being renovated."

She nodded as I opened the door. When I looked back at her, she had both hands on the wheel and stared straight ahead. I couldn't help myself. I needed someone tonight. And I'm not sure, given the option, I'd of chosen anyone other than Raven. Perhaps now we could work on those feelings from years previous.

The reason she left was far from my mind. But with the slight glance at her hands on her wheel, I saw no wedding band.

"Stay with me tonight."

She turned to me quickly shaking her head. Even as she did so, her hand moved to the keys in the ignition and turned the car off. That was all I needed. I shut the door and rounded to her side, opening hers and offering my hand.

I felt her small cold one soon and I pulled her from the car bringing her right up to me and shut the door behind her. I could feel her hot breath. I knew what I wanted. "All I want to do is make love to you." I breathed heavily. "Say you will. You want me too."

She didn't say anything so I pulled her to the door to my hotel room. I was nervous. After all, this is Raven. So I fumbled with the keys. Her hand reached for the keys and opened the door with seemingly little effort.

I couldn't take my hands off her. She felt so good with me; like she belonged in my arms. We walked in and I shut the door. Only the bathrooms light shown through the darkness. I slid my hands to her belly and pulled her flush to me as I started to kiss her neck.

A moment later she turned in my arms. "Do you believe in fate? Love at first sight?"

I wanted to scream yes! But I didn't. I couldn't get a word out. I just looked at her.

When I woke the next morning all I found was a note. It was most peculiar. "I am the flower and you are the seed. We walked in the garden; we planted a tree. Don't try to find me, please don't you dare. Just live in my memory, you'll always be there."

Again, for the second day in a row, I had my heart torn out. Ripped from my body and shredded to pieces right before my eyes.

But I made a decision. I would pick myself up and move on. First I went and got myself a new apartment. Rented all new furniture. I stayed out of all the previous groups I had been with. Now I would do solo work.

And then it happened. Close to three years later. I was in the grocery store. I rounded into the frozen food section when I looked up to meet her violet eyes once more. A moment later I looked to the child she pushed, the child who looked exactly like… me.

I was horrified. Mystified. How can that be? I was confused. After managing to tear my eyes from the boys, they sought out her hand, to find the wedding ring that I had searched for years earlier. Not knowing what I was going to say, I opened my mouth. In an instant, faster than I even processed it happened, she was in front of me, her fingertips over my lips preventing me from talking.

"Please, please understand. I'm in love with another man. And what he couldn't give me was the one little thing that you can."

Her words were foreign to me. I had no idea what she said. It took a moment longer to even comprehend that these words were in fact English. And a moment longer to make actual sentences out of them. I hadn't started to try and understand when she pulled away and motioned to the boy.

I followed her gaze. At once it hit me. Her words made sense, and what didn't she clarified by gesturing to the boy.

His eyes were large and brown, identical to mine. His hair stood on end in the same fashion mine had when we were younger; when Raven and I had first met. His skin wasn't pale like his mothers but the same shade as mine. He wore a blue chakra on his forehead. He had the top to his sippy-cup in his mouth and a slight grin across his features.

I suddenly found myself shaking. That was my boy. My own child. One I hadn't known about for years. And now, his mother turned and pulled the stroller away, walking away. The boy turned in his seat, the cup still hanging from his mouth. And he waved.

I couldn't help but wonder if he knew who I was. Even at such a young age. I felt myself go numb with pain. She turned her face to look at me and quickly disappeared around the corner.

A few days later I received a letter explaining her actions.

And that sent me over the edge. I pocketed the letter and headed for the bar. Over the next few years I became a drunk. And then it happened one night. I'm not sure how, but when I woke the next morning I found myself in a hotel room.

Dread swept over me. What did I do now? Was I left again? But no, I could hear the shower running.

Then an awful thought crossed my mind. Could it be Raven wanting another child? He couldn't give her one after all. Managing to glance around, I saw muddied boots. I knew she'd never wear anything like that.

When I tried to sit up, my headed felt like it would explode. With a moan I fell back placing a hand over my forehead. I must have been so caught up in my pain that I didn't notice who had come out of the bathroom until I heard her voice.

I looked at her in complete shock. She wore just a towel around her wet body and her long blonde hair still dripped with water. Her large blue eyes looked at me and she wore a smile on her face.

"Terra?" I couldn't hide my horror any longer.

"Yea, yea I know. Strange that I'm alive and all, not still a giant stone. I'm not a hundred percent sure what happened. I was told that this crazy guy was dimension hopping and grabbed me right before I turned so all that was left was just a frame. For a while I couldn't remember my past, but it came back to me. So I returned here. I happened to see you go into the bar last night and after you got yourself wasted I thought I'd bring you somewhere safe. No one knew where you lived and you weren't exactly helpful."

I know I still must have been looking at her with complete shock because she laughed.

After that I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that I spilled everything that had happened over the last seven years. Star. Raven. Nari. I cried and she held me.

We spent a week at the hotel. We just laughed and talked. She made me smile when I thought my life was over. She was the friend I needed.

Eventually we thought it best to return to our lives. And as we checked out, I just couldn't do it. I had only managed to get out of my stupor because of her. And if she left, I had nothing to live for.

"Come home with me, Terra. Please. I'm not ready to be on my own."

I saw her look of contemplation. And eventually she agreed.

Over the next few years Terra and I had fallen into a relationship. I had purposed a few months ago. And she was delighted as she jumped in my arms and repeated yes over and over again. I though finally I might be happy. Finally.

Then I woke a few nights ago. I had the worst dream ever. She had found someone better and left me. I woke up in tears.

I rolled over to wake her up and told her of my dream. I begged and pleaded for her not to leave me. "Please don't leave me. You're my life. I love you. I couldn't possibly go on if you left me. Don't go. Don't go."

She rolled over and took me in her arms. I cried myself back to sleep that night and when I woke I was still in her arms. It was a great reassurance.

And then today, something else happens. Terra brought up the mail. On the bottom of the stack was an envelope made out to Mr. Grayson. It had no return address.

I opened it to find it to be an invitation to the dedication of the new memorial at the recent newly renovated Titans Tower.

I immediately went to throw it away. That was an old part of my life. One in which I didn't want to look back on, never mind revisit. But Terra caught it. And she wanted to go.

-LC