Whatever It Takes: Addicted To Trouble


Disclaimer: White Collar belongs to Jeff Eastin and the lovely people at USA Network. I am merely playing in their lovely little sandbox. No copyright infringement intended.


Author's note: This one-shot will make much more sense if you've read my Whatever It Takes story.


Elizabeth was surprised to hear the front door fling open and then slam shut loudly, followed by heavy footsteps running up the stairs. Seconds later, she heard another door slam shut, and wondered what had Neal so upset. Before she could head upstairs to check on him, the front door opened again to reveal a very angry looking Peter.

"Hey, hon," she said. "Is everything okay? What happened?"

"Neal happened," Peter growled.

Elizabeth waited for her husband to be more forthcoming, but Peter was too busy glaring up the stairs. She waited several more long seconds, but finally had to pull Peter's face to hers to get him to look at her.

"What's going on? Neal seemed pretty upset, too."

Peter looked at his wife as if he was just seeing her for the first time. "Sorry, El," he mumbled. "That kid just knows exactly how to get under my skin."

Elizabeth led Peter into the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee. She waited patiently for him to take a few sips before asking him again what had happened. She hated when her two men were upset with each other, and it seemed to be happening more and more often lately.

"He's been suspended again, El," Peter finally said. "I got a call from Headmaster Phillips this afternoon, requesting a meeting. I tried to call you, but you were in the middle of that big meeting with your vendors. Anyway, it seems that Neal has been running a little side business at the school for the last several months. According to the Headmaster, some of the students have been paying Neal to do their online classes and to write their term papers."

"Oh, no," Elizabeth said softly.

"Oh, yes, but that's not all, El. He also figured out a way to get the questions for next week's academic decathlon against St. Edmund Prep. The school's dean apparently figured it out when his daughter came home crying about the boy from the Madison Academy who broke her heart. He found out who the boy was and his assistant seemed to remember that a boy matching his description had wandered into the Dean's office a few days before, claiming to be lost when she questioned him. Apparently, she was convinced that he was telling the truth and didn't report it."

Elizabeth's face was growing paler by the second. "How did he even get to St. Edmund's in the first place?" she asked. "That's clear across Brooklyn."

"That's the best part, El. Remember when his class went on that field trip last week? It seems that Neal took a little side trip. From what Headmaster Phillips gleaned from St. Edmund's Dean, Neal met the girl at a coffee shop near the school during one of her breaks. She says that he walked her back to school, promising her that he would call her later, and she left him just inside the school's entrance. When he didn't call her, she tried calling him, but the number he gave her had been disconnected. That was when she told her father about everything."

"But, why would he do that, hon? He's not even on the academic team. Why would he want the answers bad enough to go through with all of that?"

"I have no idea, El, but I'm about to find out."

Elizabeth watched sadly as her husband turned to go upstairs. Why couldn't Neal keep himself out of trouble?!


Slamming the door shut behind him, Neal fled up the stairs as fast as he could. He knew that he had, in actuality, slammed the door in Peter's face, but he didn't care. He was already in so much trouble, so he really didn't care if anything more was added. It wasn't like he would be seeing the light of day again, anyway, once Peter got through with him.

After slamming his bedroom door shut rather harshly, he dropped his backpack by his desk and flopped down on his bed, onto his stomach. Without thinking, he pulled his pillow over his head and just lay there, trying to get himself under control. Why couldn't he keep himself out of trouble?

He had only been ungrounded for two weeks and now he was sure to be grounded again. He was pretty sure that he had spent more time grounded than ungrounded since he had come to live with Peter and Elizabeth, and he suddenly missed the freedom he had experienced when living with Mozzie. Mozzie really only had a few rules, so Neal found it easy to stay out of trouble there. Mozzie didn't care what time Neal came home at night or what time he went to bed. He didn't care if Neal drank soda with every meal or ate his dessert before his dinner. He didn't care if Neal went to school and he certainly didn't care if Neal pulled a con. In fact, he probably would have encouraged it.

Peter and Elizabeth, on the other hand, had so many rules that Neal couldn't keep them straight. Neal growled into the pillow at that thought, knowing that he wasn't really being honest or fair about that. They did have a lot of rules, but for the most part, he knew that their rules weren't that unusual. He suspected that most of his friends lived under similar rules and that those rules were meant to protect him. That didn't make them any easier to follow, though. Especially, when he was bored.

Thinking back on the events of the last few months, Neal realized that he really was in a lot of trouble. It wasn't the fact that he was suspended yet again that would send Peter over the edge. Or, even the fact that he had stolen the questions to the academic meet or wrote the term papers. Of course, he would definitely be mad about all of that, but Neal knew that the thing that would anger Peter the most was that he snuck away from his class and the chaperones in order to go to St. Edmund's. He knew that Peter would see that as putting himself in danger and that particular rule was one of the most important rules in the Burke household. Never do anything to put yourself in danger.

Of course, Neal's definition of danger and Peter's definition of danger were two completely different things, but Neal knew that his take on it really didn't matter. Peter would definitely see this latest escapade as being dangerous, and there was nothing Neal could do about it. He just had to cowboy up, as Peter so often said.

Minutes later, Neal heard the unmistakable sound of Peter's footsteps on the stairs. Sitting up quickly, he tried to control the flutter of butterflies that had seemingly found their way into his stomach. It was time to face the music.


Peter knocked loudly on the door and opened it, without waiting for an answer, to find Neal perched on the edge of his bed. He caught a quick look of uncertainty cross the boy's face, but it was quickly replaced by Neal's patented look of innocence. This only served to annoy Peter more, unfortunately.

Pulling out the desk chair, Peter placed it directly in front of Neal. After sitting down, Peter realized that the chair was so close to the bed that their knees were touching. He could tell by the look on Neal's face that this made him a little more uncomfortable, but Peter decided to leave it where it was. Maybe a little intimidation was appropriate, he thought to himself. As long as Elizabeth didn't find out.

Before coming upstairs, Peter had promised Elizabeth that he would keep his cool with Neal. He hoped that he would be able to keep his word, but he knew how frustrated Neal could make him feel, making it highly likely that he would lose his cool at least once in the course of this situation.

"What the hell were you thinking, Neal?" he asked. "I can't believe you've gotten yourself suspended again! You're lucky you didn't get expelled!"

Neal's head jerked up at Peter's voice, knowing that Peter was trying hard to not lose his cool. Seeing the anger on his dad's face made Neal's stomach drop, and he wondered if he might throw up the contents of his stomach right then and there. Wouldn't that be great?!

Peter cleared his throat loudly. "I expect an answer, son," he demanded. "What were you thinking?"

"About which part?" Neal asked quietly. He didn't want to just start blurting everything out, just in case he incriminated himself in the act. What if he confessed to something that Peter didn't even know about?

"About every part!" Peter snarled. "What were you thinking when you started selling term papers and doing those online classes for other kids? Do you realize that you were helping them to cheat?"

"I didn't tell them to submit those papers, Dad!" Neal argued. "They all did that on their own, so I really can't be blamed for that."

"Come on, Neal. You took their money. What did you think they were going to do? Frame the paper and hang it on their bedroom walls? You knew exactly what they were doing and you benefitted from it nicely. That makes you an accessory to cheating." Peter couldn't believe the gall of the kid. "And what about the online classes? There is no denying what was going on there, is there?"

"Those are just stupid classes, anyway. The teachers don't even care about them," Neal contended.

"That doesn't make it right, Neal, and you know it. Your teachers hand out grades based on the work turned in. Those kids didn't earn the grades that they received. You have to understand that some of those students might need academic help, but yet that need won't be identified because you took the class for them. You're setting kids up to fall behind and to fail in the long run."

Neal hadn't really thought about it that way. He just figured that the students were just too lazy to do the work themselves, and he knew that he could breeze through it easily enough. It seemed a perfect way to make some extra money.

"I didn't think it was a big deal," he said quietly.

"Well, it is a big deal, little man. Cheating is never the answer." Peter looked at Neal, surprised to see that he looked appropriately chagrined. "What did you do with all the money you received?"

Neal's face flushed at that. "I spent most of it already," he confessed.

"What?!" Peter asked, incredulously. "The Headmaster said that you made more than a thousand dollars! What did you spend that kind of money on?"

Neal looked guiltily at his backpack, not wanting to answer Peter's question.

"I asked you a question, Neal," Peter said.

"I-I-I bought a laptop," Neal admitted.

Peter looked confused at that confession. "You already have a laptop, remember? Your mother bought you one for Christmas."

When Neal didn't answer right away, Peter looked suspiciously at him. "What happened to that laptop, Neal?"

"I-I lost it."

"How did you lose it?" Peter questioned.

Neal really didn't want to answer that question, but he could tell by the look on Peter's face that he didn't have a choice. Just as he was about to make up a (hopefully) believable answer, Peter interrupted.

"I want the truth, Neal."

Neal let out a big sigh before answering. "I lost it in a bet….." he finally admitted.

"A bet. I'm sure you don't mean the type of bet that I told you was completely forbidden, right? You wouldn't be stupid enough to engage in that type of betting again, would you?"

Neal swallowed hard. "It was an easy bet, Peter. I thought for sure I was going to win. Me losing was completely unforeseeable."

"I don't care if you were betting that the sun would set that night, Neal. Betting is off limits and I thought that I had made that clear to you the last time."

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done it."

"No, you shouldn't have," Peter stated matter-of-factly. "Don't worry….we'll be revisiting that subject again, too. Now, explain to me what the hell you were thinking when you pulled the whole academic decathlon mess."

After several long seconds of silence, Neal finally started talking. "I was trying to help Sophie. She's the captain of the team and she's been really stressed out about their upcoming meet. If they lose, they're out of the running for the state meet and that would break her heart."

"She asked you to steal the questions?" Peter asked.

"No!" Neal exclaimed. "She didn't know anything about it and I wasn't going to tell her! I just thought that I could bring up some of the questions when I was helping her study, and that way, she could look up any answers she didn't know. I wasn't going to share them with the whole team. I just wanted to make sure that she was as prepared as she could be."

Peter's eyes softened a bit at that revelation. "Neal," he said gently. "I know you were trying to help Sophie, but you were cheating. How do you think she would feel if she found out that they won because you helped her to cheat?"

"She would hate it," Neal admitted.

"Yes, I think she would," Peter agreed.

Neal looked up at Peter, his eyes watering with unshed tears. "What's going to happen with that? Is she going to find out?"

"Headmaster Phillips and Dean Moore agreed to keep it quiet. They are, of course, coming up with a whole new set of questions, too." Peter eyed Neal closely. "You created a whole lot of unnecessary work for a lot of people with your shenanigans, Neal. You owe a lot of apologies."

"I know," Neal answered miserably.

"Ok, last but not least….we need to talk about your decision to leave the safety of your school group and your unauthorized journey into downtown Brooklyn. I think you knew how I would react to that, right? You jeopardized your safety, Neal, and that is completely unacceptable."

"I didn't go that far, Dad. Just a few streets over from the museum and I was really careful."

"Neal, that part of town can be dangerous. I know of at least one gang that claims that territory, not to mention the higher percentage of vagrants. It isn't a safe area, at all. And you know that your mother is barely okay with the idea of you walking to the park by yourself. How do you think she'll feel when she finds out what you did?"

Neal suddenly had a look of utter dread on his face. "Do we have to tell her? Can't we just not tell her? Please? You don't want her to get upset, do you?"

"She already knows that you snuck off, Neal. She just doesn't know that the area you were in was such an unsafe area."

A look of relief crossed Neal's face, but it was wiped off by Peter's next words. "You can tell her yourself in a few minutes. I think she deserves to hear it from you."


After talking a little more about Neal's recent antics, including how wrong it was to toy with the heart of the dean's daughter in such a way, Peter led Neal downstairs to face his mother. Sitting down in his usual place on the sofa, Neal pulled at a loose thread on the pillow he was holding, as Peter and Elizabeth escaped to the kitchen to talk everything over. He always felt like such a little kid when he was waiting for Peter and Elizabeth to decide his punishment.

Too soon for his liking, the kitchen door opened and his parents walked into the living room. They both were sporting grim looks on their faces and Neal knew not to expect any leniency. He knew that he would be spending days and days staring at the walls in his room, something that he was growing extremely tired of.

"Neal? Your father says you have something to tell me," Elizabeth said, as she sat down on the sofa next to him.

Neal looked pleadingly up at Peter, but knew that there was no getting out of it. Looking back down at the pillow in his lap, he told her quietly about the neighborhood that he had roamed through on his unauthorized side trip.

"Neal George Caffrey-Burke!" Elizabeth yelled. "What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how dangerous that part of town can be? I can't believe you would do that! I have half a mind to take my wooden spoon to your backside, young man!"

Neal blushed brightly at that. "I'm sorry, Mom!" he said quickly. "I didn't know that that part of town was dangerous. Honest!"

After several more minutes of miserably listening to Elizabeth rant, Neal finally concluded that he would never again sneak off in such a manner. It just wasn't worth it!


Dinner that night was a rather subdued affair. There was very little conversation at the table and all three of the Burkes were merely picking at their food. They had all lost their appetite after the handing out of punishments. Neal couldn't seem to take his eyes off of the wooden spoon that was in the pudding bowl, either. He wondered if Elizabeth had done that on purpose.

All in all, it had been a rough day for the three of them, and Neal felt completely responsible. He knew that he had really screwed up and Peter had made sure that his punishments would make Neal think twice before pulling any more stupid stunts.

No phone, no television, no laptop, no Sophie. Early bedtime, extra chores, letters of apology to everyone he had wronged, not to mention having to return all of the money he took from his fellow students. Peter decided that his spending money would be cut off, too. Worst of all, though, was that the upcoming fishing trip they had planned with the rest of the Burke men was to be postponed. Neal had been looking forward to seeing his grandfather, uncle and cousin, but now he would have to wait. He wasn't looking forward to his grandfather finding out what he had been up to, either. That man could be downright scary!

Once dinner was over and the kitchen had been cleaned up, Peter sent Neal up to his room. Half an hour later, he opened the door to find Neal laying on his bed with a book in his lap. Neal laid the book down by his side and scooted himself up in the bed.

"I just came up to say goodnight," Peter said. "It's been a long night and I think I'll turn in early."

Neal felt a sudden rush of guilt flow through him. Peter worked so hard every day and it wasn't fair that he had to come home and deal with Neal's stuff, too.

"I'm really sorry, Dad," Neal said quietly. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Neal."

"Yes, there is. I'm always doing stupid stuff and getting into trouble. If you guys had known that before, you probably wouldn't have adopted me."

"Neal, you're a kid and kids make mistakes. You getting into trouble is perfectly normal and you're not the only kid that's ever done anything stupid. If you don't believe me, just ask your grandmother and grandfather. And just so you know, there isn't anything that you could do that would make your mother or I regret adopting you. We love you, little man."

Neal looked like he was about to argue, but thought better of it. "I promise I'll try to stay out of trouble, okay?"

"That's all we can ask, bud."

"Tell mom I'm sorry again, okay?"

"You can tell her yourself when she gets up here. Right now, she's making sure that wooden spoon is clean," Peter said with a twinkle in his eye. "If I were you, I'd try my best to walk the straight and narrow. I don't think I've seen your mom that angry in quite a while."

"Thanks for the warning," Neal said. "But I can handle mom….."

"Oh, is that so?" Elizabeth said as she walked through the door. Neal's eyes grew wide at the sight of the dreaded wooden spoon sticking out of her pocket.

"Ummmmm…..I just meant that I could…ummmm…..well, that I would…..that maybe I should….uh…. Goodnight, mom. I love you!" With that, Neal ducked under the covers, leaving Peter and Elizabeth to laugh at his antics.

"Goodnight, sweetie. We love you, too," Elizabeth said before closing the door.


Author's note: Yes, Peter and Elizabeth still have their hands full with Neal. I don't think he'll ever grow out of his need to scheme and con people. As we all know, Neal enjoys it too much to ever stop completely. I do think, however, that his scheming will eventually become mostly harmless. He realizes that it's not fun when his schemes harm innocent people.

By the way, what do you think about the reason behind him stealing the decathlon questions? He did it for love, right?

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the one-shot. I have really missed playing in this universe. Thanks so much for reading. I would really love to hear your thoughts/ideas.

"Why is it that someone with your intelligence can't seem to figure out how to stay out of trouble? Do you like being in trouble? Do you like being grounded to your room over and over again?"