It was on my 1000th killing that I knew.
My purpose.
I was chasing some slave-holder. One of my easiest captures might I add. But the words he spoke froze me.
" Why are you killing for some nobody?"
That's when I realized. I was willing to kill for somebody whom I had no real direct relation, other than master and servant. I found this feeling confusing but made no effort to sort it out. First, a slaveholder's life is at an end.
" May you begin life anew, my friend." There was a shrill scream.
On my way back to the base, I pondered. Why am I willing to kill for Chaos? Would I kill for my father, Poseidon? No, I don't think so. So why?
Then it struck me. I wasn't only willing to kill for him; I was ready to die for him. I have absolutely no doubts that if Chaos told me to kiss the ground beneath his feet, I wouldn't even hesitate. But…why?
It seems so long ago when I was just a demigod, just the hero of Olympus. My…..half-brother, I suppose, came to Camp Half-Blood.
He was on the verge of exhaustion when I found him, being chased by many monsters. Naturally, I fought the monsters that chased him and killed, no…..defeated them. Suddenly, I felt something hit me from behind. I blacked out.
When I came to, the details were a bit blurry, but I faintly remembered Annabeth berating me on…what was it again? Oh that's right, not helping a camper in need. Apparently, Edward, the name of the new camper, claimed he had defeated all the monsters by himself and found me passed out. I took no offence, assuming he did it for a confidence boost.
Later on, Annabeth became more distant. She barely talked to me anymore. Soon, nobody even acknowledge my existence. One guy even asked me if I was new around here. The last straw was when Annabeth told me, "We're over". Later that day, I saw her hanging off Edward's arm.
It got to a point where nobody needed me to help them. I felt….isolated. I had had enough. I was ready to kill myself then. Then he came. He was my savior. My hero.
It sounds so …cheesy but it was the truth. Because he told me he wanted me to join his army, I was saved. I had a purpose. I had a reason to live. Even for something as little as that.
But still, why would I do anything and everything he tells me to do?
Then the truth struck. It was because I viewed him as my superior. It was because my gratitude towards him became my intense respect for him. It was because unconsciously, my mind has made him my lifeline. I would be devastated if he died. Because then, I'll have no reason, no purpose. And that scared me more than anything. I'm sure this feeling is exclusively mine. Nobody else feels this way. Only me. But that doesn't matter.
In the relationship of the remora and the whale, I would be the remora; Lord Chaos would be the whale. I cannot survive without him, but he could care less if I died. Wait, Lord Chaos? Oh well, whatever.
That's how I met my demise. I took a blade that was meant for my Lord. It sunk into my heart but I felt…..content? As my life force faded I glanced at Lord Chaos. I think I was delirious but I could've sworn I saw a lone tear fall onto his cheek. I even imagine I heard sleep well, my son. Hah, my last moments alive and I start hallucinating.
And then…..there was nothing.