Title: Expressions of Gratitude
By: CypressArtemis Summary: Had vigilance been a main priority, he may have realized she was never, truly, or completely sane.
Note: This is a dark ByakuyaxRukia fic. I wanted to do something original and this interpretation of an insane Rukia popped into my head. Set after Byakuya saves Rukia from Gin. Enjoy!
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When Fate destines one to ruin it begins by blinding the eyes of his understanding – James Fraser
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Liquid droplets are relentlessly pounding upon the roof, accompanied by the monstrous rumble from far off in the distance. A curvature light, blinding with its momentary flash, as it streaks the sky in periodic bursts amongst the ruckus.
Moonlight seeps through a blanket of rain to cast her kneeled silhouette upon the floor, illuminating her delicate features and bringing out a lustrous shine from her hair. Violet eyes fixed on the spectacle, watching from behind the safety of a sheet of thick glass. The curtains thick and heavy with fabric tinged a deep and luscious hue of burgundy. The cascade of fabric held securely above the window pane is likewise held separated by bands of extra material, allowing an abundant view. She moves, her head shaking from side to side in a slow drawn out motion.
It is not sufficient, she decides, and rises from her knees. Light footfalls can be heard padding upon the wooden floorboards as she carries herself gracefully throughout the manor. Gracefully, just as she was taught when adopted into the Kuchiki family. Her face, her eyes, her lips. All previously blank and devoid of emotion, now twisted in some sort of cross between bemused enjoyment and despair. The corners of her mouth prickling as a smile threatens to spread.
"Am I graceful nii-sama?" Her voice is a docile whisper, barely audible above the thunder to even herself as she continues her careful and precise steps. "Am I pleasing you?" Eyes locked forward stare at nothing of importance as she wanders down long corridors harboring lavish decorations and artwork. Her pace remains slow and deliberately cautious for no known reason, but her mind is screaming with conflicting thoughts and arguments as she goes.
He is nowhere near her, nowhere to be seen. Somewhere she knows this. He is resting, recuperating in his bedroom and most defiantly asleep just as the other occupants are.
Her breath hitches and comes out in a few short busts as she giggles, a demented smiles makes itself known upon her supple lips. "You see me nii-sama. You always see me."
Reaching a hand out she drags her fingers, grazing the tips against the wall. The darkness within the halls making it difficult to see and her pupils dilating in response to increase vividity.
It's still too dark, she concludes, as she trips over a corner of overturned carpet, catching herself on the way down and bracing an arm against the wall in time to keep from colliding painfully with the floor.
Her body trembles, she lets out a choked sob as she stares at the floor. "I've displeased you," she responds in choked agony. "Aren't you going to dismiss me? Nii-sama?" She asks sounding almost innocent and meek as she looks up with expecting eyes.
For a moment she seems almost panicked. Her head whirling around in search of an answer, a dismissal, a scolding, his voice. Her only answer is a deafening roar from outside and a series of pelting droplets on the far off window.
She laughs, pushing off the wall and taking a few staggering steps forwards. "Oops," she declares almost forgetful and clumsily before she begins to monitor her steps yet again. At least until she is gliding across the floor.
Eventually she reaches her destination; her hand grasps the shoji door leading to the Kuchiki gardens and slides it open. Stepping out onto the porch she takes a deep inhale of fresh wet air.
Rain slaps the panels before her feet and a gust of wind mixed with the clear liquid blows forcibly against her, dampening her clothing, her hair, and any exposed pale flesh.
She trembles and holds herself as she steps down from the porch and into the downpour. Her breath coming in visible puffs of vapor as the rain saturates her night clothes and drenches her hair.
The black tresses fall out of place and cling to her cheeks and neck. Water droplets run over her face, circling her cheeks and jaw as they snake their way down her neck to be absorbed by the clothing now clinging to ever curve of her body.
She takes careful steps forwards feeling the soaked grass beneath her feet and the mud slipping up between her toes. Each step brings her closer to a billowing plum tree in which she sinks to her knees beneath.
She frowns as she crawls over to the trunk, grass staining the white fabric of her robe a deep green, the mud clinging to any available expanse it comes in contact with as it drags across the ground. She flips her body around and sits beneath the tree leaning her back against the rough bark.
Her hands fall to the ground and she begins to rub the muddy earth, back and forth, curling her fingers and relishing the feel of the muck embedding itself under her nails and between her fingers, she smiles. A genuine smile as she rocks her body back and forth, "Feels like home, but it's not."
Her head shakes vigorously from side to side as she laughs despite the bubbling self-pity that emanates from inside, spilling out with her spirit energy.
For a moment she can see it. She can see the little shack in which she shared and grew up in with all the other children. She can see Renji, hear his laugh as they played near the river before catching fish to eat that night.
She can see herself smiling, staring lovingly at the flower cupped gingerly in her hands.
Good times.
Good memories.
The ones you share.
Her body ceases all movements as the others flood her memory.
The ones you don't share.
The ones that scar children.
The ones that make her jolt awake in the midst of the night, panting hard with labored breath and her mind screaming.
The ones that make her fingers white from blood loss due to the tightness at which they clench the sheets and makes her sneak into the shower to wash the beads of sweat from her body.
It's where she came from, where she belongs. Those dirty streets full of crime and cruelty.
She gives a hardy gaze at the still open door, glaring inside as if he can see her. "You don't approve of screaming inside nii-sama. I know you don't. I remember."
All memories of Rukongai are replaced with the death of Kaien. It was raining then too, but there was blood as well. Hot crimson splashing against her face, dripping from his body were her blade pierced his flesh, the flesh of the man that she admired more than even her nii-sama. The blood streaming like spider webs across his robes to hers, staining her uniform.
She fists her hands in her hair, bringing her fingers dripping with murky water to entangle in the tresses.
Tears well in her eyes and stream down her cheeks and she thinks about it, reliving it over and over within the confines of her mind. She had screamed that night.
And he had heard her, she knew. She saw his towering shadow beneath her door before it moved away, never to return. 'A shameful display of emotion' is what he called it over breakfast the following morning.
Oh yes, she remembered… but did it matter anymore?
He saved her life, nearly losing his own in the process, and she had yet to thank him.
She pulls her hands away and stands up scolding herself for being inconsiderate as she walks towards the house, stepping back upon the porch and through the door.
"Bad Rukia," she pouts, walking slowly and stealthily to her brother's door at the other end of the manor, her gut filled with an overwhelming sense of concern as Kaien's face transforms within her mind to nii-sama's.
When she reaches it she doesn't bother with cordial knocking. She simply grasps the door knob and gives a rather harsh twists and a push, slithering through the crack she created and shutting it behind her.
She's in forbidden zone as she looks around, taking in everything her nii-sama owns that she's never been privileged to lay eyes on before.
It's simple, she notes. His bed is twice the size of her own and although the dark prevents her from admiring his things in all their glory she can feel the room has an elegance to it.
She spots him lying perfectly motionless, save for his breathing, upon his bed tucked securely beneath the covers and she moves forward, sitting upon the edge she can smell him.
His scent is thick in the air and she breaths deep, inhaling the spicy masculine smell that is her nii-sama accompanied by a slight hint of bergamot. "You smell good," it's a hushed admirable whisper but loud enough that he stirs ever so slightly.
Fingers reach out and trace the outline of his upper robe trailing upwards to touch the bare flesh of his throat. He looks almost vulnerable when he's asleep. The cold emotionless face he usually holds is gone and instead replaced with a relaxed and almost sorrowful one.
Her fingers twitch and itch at the base of his neck. She doesn't like it. This vulnerability of his and the urge is great to clench those delicate fingers around his throat. End that vulnerability. End that weakness, which as far as she's concerned, should never be privileged to touch her nii-sama.
She resists, a soft smile of contentment splays her lips. She wants to be closer to him. She wants to thank him in a way she's never thanked anyone before. Anything less, for some strange reason, seems deplorably ungrateful.
It's with that irrational thought that she stands again, the motion of the mattress rocking makes his eyes snap open.
For a moment he's utterly confused and it's relevant upon his face, but he catches himself and slips that oh so perfected emotionless mask back into place as he regards her with the usual coldness. "Rukia, what are you doing? You haven't the permission to be in my room."
Standing over him she smirks, feeling relatively pleased at his customary demeanor and for a moment he swears she seems deranged. Her eyes are distant despite being so close and she doesn't seem to be quite as attentive to that around her as she should.
"I have to thank nii-sama." Her reply, laced with such persistency, somehow holds his interest.
He is suddenly more aware of things around him and his slate grey eyes are latching on to every detail. A resounding uneasiness in the pit of his stomach warning him something is dreadfully wrong.
Her disheveled appearance does not go unnoticed for long as a steady dripping of watery mire connects with his floor. His irritation rises squandering the previous feel of anxiety as displeasure overtakes his features.
Before he has the opportunity to retort he's forced to sits up in complete shock, her hand clutches her obi and in one quick jerk the soiled robe is discarded to the floor.
His eyes are wide. First following the fabric's descent they turn up to staring at her naked form. She's completely drenched, her body flushed from cold making goose bumps rise and the chilled air within the room making her nipples harden almost immediately.
He doesn't notice how his swallowing has become hard or just how aroused he is becoming as cold grey eyes sweep her body. "Rukia," he clears his throat in an attempt to sound convincing, "this is shameful. Put your robe on and leave now."
To his dismay she doesn't budge, in fact her smile grows as she stares down at him looking completely shameless and so not like herself.
"I have to thank nii-sama." She repeats and he suddenly finds her hands gripping his shoulders and pushing him back, her knees now on either side of his thighs. "Nii-sama needs to know how much I love him. Who will let nii-sama know if not Rukia herself?"
A black brow arches at the strangeness and he grips her arms to hold her at bay. It's now that he knows without question there is something very wrong. "What is wrong with you, Rukia? You're behaving as though you're mad."
"Does nii-sama not wish to be thanked?" Her brows furrow and he can't tell whether she is angry or suddenly very depressed by his refusal, but when she drops her hips and pushes their pelvises together thought seems too complicated a concept.
He hadn't realized he had moaned aloud until he caught himself as she repeated the action. He hissed through his teeth feeling his manhood hardening to an almost painful extent. If he was going to stop this he would need to do so before his resolve faltered.
He sits up with ease pushing her backwards as he does so and holds her still, his eyes regarding her sternly. "I said return to your room. This will not happen," his voice low and deep and… intimidating.
Her eyes widen as her body trembles. She is suddenly very startled and disheartened all at once, but more than anything she is compelled. "No," she snaps at him stubbornly and shakes her head with earnest.
"I wasn't asking. Return to your room immediately." He is serious as he releases her from his grasp and she knows it, but refuses to oblige his simple request.
Her head tilts and her eyes wonder over her shoulder to stare at the sword lying upon a rather large writing desk positioned comfortable beside a curtain covered window. She stares with narrow and jealous eyes, her voice shaky and resentful "Senbonzakura."
"He loves you more than me," her hands clench; she wants to walk over and toss it out the window. "He'd accept your gratitude." She wants to strike it against the desk, the wall, the bed, anything. "He accepts you." She wants to destroy it.
Byakuya, seemingly forgotten, can't help but look on with wondering eyes. For the first time in a long time he is skeptical on what should be done. He decides and delivers a simple gentle nudge hoping she'll get the message and do as she's told, but it backfires because all at once she is reminded of his presence.
At first she gasps in surprise, her eyes full of confusion darting to his face as though she doesn't know who he is or where she is. It fades and her hands make an exceptionally quick dash for his obi.
Her hands clasp the belt but it's not long before his clasp her wrists. Those long, slender, elegant fingers wrapped securely around her making her skin prickle in a pleasant way.
Violet eyes look up and lock with grey. A miniscule smile plays on her mouth, he's wavering. His eyes are stren but slightly clouded with undeniable lust and need, 50 years of celibacy making him weak to her advances.
Leaning forwards she brushes her lips against his, his head jerks back and strikes the wall softly but hard enough to create a thudding noise.
She giggles and repeats the action once more, satisfied that he has nowhere to retreat to, her tongue flicks out and runs the expanse of his bottom lip. "Let Rukia express her gratitude to nii-sama," she sucks his lip into her mouth nibbling gently at the smooth pink flesh.
Regardless of his will and better judgment his eyes drift closed, shamefully enjoying the feel of her mouth. His grip slackens and his lips part allowing her wet tongue to slither inside and rub against his own.
It's in this moment that he hates himself, hates himself for thoroughly enjoying it. It's disgraceful, dishonorable, ignoble, but he delights every moment. His determination to resist is broken and they both know it.
Teeth and tongues clash in a heated frenzy. It's now mutually decided to disregard the rules as his hands rub up from her wrists, gliding against the chilled skin to grip her shoulder with his left and cup the side of her throat with his right.
She whimpers, he smiles inside.
He removes his mouth from hers and moves his right hand up to now cup her jaw, his index finger fitting snugly between her lips. She bites gently when he lowers his mouth to her shoulder delivering a nice sized bite and a few butterfly kisses.
She wastes no time with untying his obi and prying apart the flimsy garments shielding his chest and abdomen from her view. The robe falls from his shoulders and bundles at his waist to conceal his now rather large erection.
Delicate fingers rub and stroke at the muscles obtained through years of training and self-discipline making him groan into the juncture between her neck and shoulder. He moves upwards, his mouth assaulting her flesh with sultry nips and kisses resulting in her tilting her head sideways and bearing him more access.
A moan escapes her lips and she rubs her hips into his, grinding her silken core against his clothed erection. It makes him grunt in response and secretly he hates how much she has affected him in such a short amount of time.
His hands trail down to her waist to keep her still, cupping a breast and tweaking a nipple as they go. She attempts to squirm out of his grasp but this time he refuses to budge as he withdrawals his mouth entirely and flips her onto her back beside him.
"Nii-sama," she whines and pouts from her position, "I'm supposed to be thanking you."
"You can thank me," he replies gripping her cheek and rubbing his thumb over her lips, "by submitting to me."
He withdrawals his hand upon receiving a subtle nod.
Her thighs rub against one another in anticipation and she watches him stand and round the bed, brushing away the remains of his robe as he goes. In that moment he looks almost like a predator circling and sizing up its prey right before it pounces.
His expression hasn't changed from the usual emotionless façade but his eyes betray his hidden emotions. She can see the longing desire and carnal pleasure he refuses to bare upon his features, but there's still a hint of hesitation, concern for her mental state.
She smiles and encourages him, beckoning him forward with a finger, ultimately shattering what little restraint was left. He crawls over her body gripping her wrists yet again and pinning them above her head, his mouth descending upon her neck biting and sucking down to her chest.
Nipping at her collarbone he listens to her soft moans and whimpers. His pride swelling at the sounds of her pleasure and the fact that it's him eliciting them.
"Nii-sama don't stop," she encourages her breathing now irregular, "do whatever you want to Rukia."
He rolls his eyes up to catch hers, replying with a simple nod before dipping down enclosing his mouth around her right nipple.
Her back arches when his lips purse and he sucks and rolls his tongue over the hard bud, teeth scraping gingerly over it before he pulls back, a thin strand of saliva breaking in the process. His ministrations repeat themselves on the opposite breast and he can feel her legs shifting relentlessly beneath him.
Her breath comes in sharp intakes as he continues to push her deeper into arousal. His hand leaving her arms to stroke down her belly a finger swirling around her bellybutton before dipping in.
Giving one last suck on her breast he retreats further down her body, releasing her arms completely her hands tangle in his hair, fingertips massaging his scalp as he kisses downward.
His tongue follows the path of his finger as it twirls around her bellybutton and dips itself in making her wiggle in response. He pulls it out and kisses down to her panty line stopping to stroke his hands over the tops of her thighs.
He dips both of his index fingers to rub the inside of her thighs as he places small kisses over her mons, purposely avoiding her core.
She quickly grow frustrated with his teasing and jerks her hips up attempting to get him to touch her but he simple removes one hand and drapes his arm across her lower abdomen, holding her hips down as he looks up to scold her, "patience, Rukia."
She whines in response, her tongue sprouting forth to lick her lips as she slowly relaxes her hips and lets them fall back to the bed.
He removes his arm and returns his hand to its previous position, looking relatively pleased with her compliance. His hands dip between her thighs, holding them he slowly spreads them apart and places a kiss on cleft.
Slipping his tongue in to taste her he licks upwards delivering much needed friction to her clit. A shriek of pleasure leaves her mouth as she tries her best not to arch, but finds it impossible not to after a few sluggish strokes of his tongue.
Her heel digs into the bed as she uses her leg to push herself against his mouth which, surprisingly enough, he allows. He begins to nibble her clit sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout her body, two fingers finding their way to her core he slips them inside.
He begins stroking her inner walls listening to her erratic breathing and loud wanton moans. His tongue and teeth working magic on her clit as his fingers begin a steady rhythm.
He waits patiently till her breath hitches and her moans begin to drag out, her inner walls quivering around his digits he stops, preventing her orgasm.
Moving away from her sex he pops his fingers into his mouth licking them clean as she watches him, eyes hazy with pleasure.
The sight of her nii-sama sucking her essence from his fingers was far too arousing and a wave of heat ran straight to her core further drenching her.
He soon pulls his finger out much to her disappointment and grips her hips, tugging her body down until her legs lay bent at the knees on either side of his hips.
Her eyes look down his body in curiosity and widen at the sight of his full sex. Her fear at the size of him tugs at his pride and despite himself he smirks. "Larger than you were expecting."
It's not a question but she shakes her head anyways and frowns up at him a little doubtful. "Is nii-sama sure it will fit?"
He nods and she relaxes.
Taking himself in one hand he rubs the tip over her drenched entrance and then up over her clit. She squirms, wiggling her hips as he teases her before he pushes in entering her fully.
The wetness of her passage making it easy to penetrate her and reducing any pain as she stiffens, more from discomfort than anything. The sensation of being filled is one she isn't used to and he takes that into consideration as he begins a gentle rhythm.
His pace picks up and so does the roughness at which he enters her once she begins to respond favorably. Hips bucking to meet his, back arching, and legs clenching around his waist as she moans and pants passionately.
He can tell she's close and he angles his hips in such a way that every thrust sends his hipbone colliding with her clit. He watches her eyes close and neck arch in ecstasy at the added edge and soon she is screaming, a powerful climax claiming her.
He groans deep as her inner walls clench and spasm around his hard shaft. His hands hold tight to her hips, fingers leaving bruises as he bucks furiously into her keeping her orgasm going as his own fast approaches.
All at once he buries his face in the crook of her neck and growls hardly as he releases inside of her, a overwhelming warmth spreading into her and he stops moving.
Both panting and sweaty he pulls out and rises from the bed. Grabbing his robe from the floor and slipping it on he collapses on the other side of the bed as she clambers over to lay her head on his shoulder. "Nii-sama liked my appreciation."
He sighs but doesn't answer as he tries to quell his rugged breathing and suppress the guilt pricking at his conscious. There's no need to anyways. It was a statement, besides they both know he did.
He's not sure how long they laid like that or when he noticed that she had fallen asleep, but he clearly remembers picking her up and carrying her to her own room. He distinctly remembers covering her naked body with the comforter and placing a kiss upon her forehead just before departing.
Now standing in the hallway as the storm continues to rage outside he's still trying to remember if she had always been this unbalanced, or if it's simply a temporary laps.
He sighs as he walks back to his room to retrieve her damp and filthy robe from his floor. He holds it in his hands for a moment before draping it over his arm and walking over to the bed. Her runs a hand over the blankets trying to smooth out some of the wrinkles and stops on the spot, still warm, where her body lay just moment earlier.
A realization dawns on him. She was like this when Kaien died. She was like this every storm their after yet he had never taking it into account. It shames him that it took an incident like this to finally get his attention.
He fists the sheets as he scolds himself. "I was ignorant," he admits aloud to only himself and Senbonzakura. He notices now. Notices he's as much ignorant as she is benevolent.
Suddenly he's disgusted with himself. He needs to be away from that room, he decides, and leaves.
He tosses the robe into the laundry and moves to sit in the kitchen. It would be light soon. The storm would be over, she would be normal, and breakfast would be awkward, at least for him. She must have a tendency not to remember such things she does and he will keep them to himself.
A secret guilt that she shouldn't be a part of, one that would eat away at her as it does on him already.
So he will allow her to remain clueless of their sinful act.
After all, his ignorance, just like her benevolence, are simply expressions of gratitude.
O.o wow crazy Rukia. What possessed me to write this I don't know, but I did. I think I may work on a Starrk x Rukia one-shot next. Hope you enjoyed the fic.
Reviews are appreciated.