Weird Things in the Tekken Universe
By BahamutZERO
Chapter 1
This is Tekken thing. I don't know what to call it, so I'm just going to refer to it as Tekken. Okay. Hey! Are you listening to me? Good. So anyway, the whole theme here is an actual Tekken Tag Tournament. We join our warriors as they are seated on the steps of the Mishima Zaibatsu.
At. oh never mind. You know where they are.
Kazuya and Jun were seated in the front row. As they all waited, a paper plane whizzed by and struck Paul. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who fucking did it!?" Yoshi raised his hand. "Okay, I am now going to kill you," Paul said as he cracked his knuckles. Yoshi shook his head and pointed up to the large balcony. Heihachi stood there and looked down at the others. "Welcome you losers- I mean, howdy! I'm here representing the G-Spot Corporation. Welcome to my brand spanking new Tekken Tag Tournament. I will be announcing the teams. The prize for the winner is. my huge mega conglomerate corporation!" Everyone moaned. They didn't want it. If anyone was in control, it was a coup et tat waiting to happen. As they were getting up to leave, Heihachi rolled his eyes and said," And on top of that, I'll throw in some cheap internet stock options." Everyone immediately sat down. "And now, the teams! Team one is: Kazuya Mishima and Jun Kazama!" Kazuya and Jun got up and embraced. Jun said," Oh, honey. I'm so happy. But I am a little scared. What if.?" "Don't worry, Jun Bug. I will not allow you to get the shit beaten out of you." Jun giggled. "I just love it when you call me Jun Bug!" They fell over and made out. Heihachi scrolled down the list. "Next is: Ling Xiaoyu and-" Ling crossed her fingers. "King!" Ling slumped down and pouted as King walked up and offered a hand. Ling gloomily got up and walked to the bus. "Next we have Michelle Chang and Ganryu Runway!" Michelle jumped up and was about to chuck a hatchet at him, when he held up his hand and said," Sorry. I had a crown replaced last week." Paul laughed out loud. "Ha! What, someone knock your tooth out?" "No, I chomped on an uncooked piece of rice at the Olive Garden." Paul sat down. "Now Jin Kazama and Yoshimitsu!" They got up and shook hands, then went to the bus. "Now we have Lei WuLong and Anna Williams!" Lei jumped up in joy. "YES!! Now I don't have to go along with Bruce or that zombie." He took Anna's arm and walked to the bus. Some of the other teams were: Bruce and Bryan, Nina and Wang, Paul and Hwoarang. Now I did this just to get on with the story. Okay?
In the hotel rooms. Kazuya and Jun were watching TV. Jun turned to Kazuya and said," I'm worried about Jin, sweetie." "Why's that? He's master a kicking at people's Asses." "Yes, but I feel insecure about our son not having any guidance." Kazuya took Jun into his arms. "Don't worry. I know he'll he alright." Jun ran her fingers through Kazuya's hair. "I love you, pumpkin." "As I you, Jun Bug." You know what happens next. "Okay, King. Let's get one thing straight. I'm with Jin, so don't try to hit on me. Got it?" King was tied up in a chair. He nodded. "Okay, I'm going to let you go now." She untied King who got up and walked off saying," I'm going to get a candy bar from the lounge. Want one?" "No, I think I'll just go to sleep." King exited and walked down the corridor. He could easily hear what was going on in the other rooms. In one room, he could hear some kind of. sucking sound. "Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy, bitch!" "Oh, you are, you are!" Paul was in his room with Bob. "Stop calling me that!" What, that's your nickname. "Shut the fuck up!" "Who the fuck are you talking to?" Paul asked. "Fuck you!" Bruce and Bryan were having a knee fight. Bryan grabbed Bruce by his shoulders and drove his left knee into Bruce's nuts. "AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" He retaliated with his own genital mutilating knee kick. Bryan laughed and said," I'm a zombie." King came back to his room and saw that the shower was on. Thinking Ling was still in bed, King entered the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. As he came in, he tripped on a bar of soap and hit the floor. Ling appeared from behind the curtain. "I knew you would try to do that!" King scrambled away. Back outside, he saw Ling on the bed. King was dumbfounded. "How did you-?" "For God sake, put some clothes on!" King looked down and realized that he was exposed. He entered the shower again. Ling took the opportunity to sneak out the window. She was standing on the balcony. She jumped up and grabbed hold of a higher ledge, then shimmied around to the next. She pulled herself up and dropped silently into Jin's room. Yoshi and Jin were on different beds. Yoshi was snoring. "Mmf. cut, cut. stab, bleed." Ling shook Jin awake. Jin rubbed his eyes and said," Ling what are you doing in here?" "I had to see you again." "Why?" "I don't know." "Okay." "Listen, Jin. We may have to fight each other." "I could never hurt you, Ling." "I know. So obviously, one of us is going to have to throw the fight." "Well, I can't throw the fight, because Ogre is nasty." "And I can't throw the fight because. Okay, I'll throw the damn fight!" "Good." "Jin, be careful. I hear some foreign fighter is after you." She kissed Jin and exited through the door. She arrived back at her room to find King tending a bruise. "What happened to you, King?" "I slipped in the damn shower." "Oh, sorry. That must have been my shampoo. Don't you ever take that mask off?" "I can't. I spilled some hot glue on it in sewing class. I forgot what I look like." Bruce and Bryan ended their fight. They both had red swollen nuts. Bruce said," You win. I just can't take this abuse anymore." -
So what do you think so far? Funny? Maybe not, I'm not good with humor. Anyway, I'll keep updating so thanks for reading.
Chapter 1
This is Tekken thing. I don't know what to call it, so I'm just going to refer to it as Tekken. Okay. Hey! Are you listening to me? Good. So anyway, the whole theme here is an actual Tekken Tag Tournament. We join our warriors as they are seated on the steps of the Mishima Zaibatsu.
At. oh never mind. You know where they are.
Kazuya and Jun were seated in the front row. As they all waited, a paper plane whizzed by and struck Paul. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who fucking did it!?" Yoshi raised his hand. "Okay, I am now going to kill you," Paul said as he cracked his knuckles. Yoshi shook his head and pointed up to the large balcony. Heihachi stood there and looked down at the others. "Welcome you losers- I mean, howdy! I'm here representing the G-Spot Corporation. Welcome to my brand spanking new Tekken Tag Tournament. I will be announcing the teams. The prize for the winner is. my huge mega conglomerate corporation!" Everyone moaned. They didn't want it. If anyone was in control, it was a coup et tat waiting to happen. As they were getting up to leave, Heihachi rolled his eyes and said," And on top of that, I'll throw in some cheap internet stock options." Everyone immediately sat down. "And now, the teams! Team one is: Kazuya Mishima and Jun Kazama!" Kazuya and Jun got up and embraced. Jun said," Oh, honey. I'm so happy. But I am a little scared. What if.?" "Don't worry, Jun Bug. I will not allow you to get the shit beaten out of you." Jun giggled. "I just love it when you call me Jun Bug!" They fell over and made out. Heihachi scrolled down the list. "Next is: Ling Xiaoyu and-" Ling crossed her fingers. "King!" Ling slumped down and pouted as King walked up and offered a hand. Ling gloomily got up and walked to the bus. "Next we have Michelle Chang and Ganryu Runway!" Michelle jumped up and was about to chuck a hatchet at him, when he held up his hand and said," Sorry. I had a crown replaced last week." Paul laughed out loud. "Ha! What, someone knock your tooth out?" "No, I chomped on an uncooked piece of rice at the Olive Garden." Paul sat down. "Now Jin Kazama and Yoshimitsu!" They got up and shook hands, then went to the bus. "Now we have Lei WuLong and Anna Williams!" Lei jumped up in joy. "YES!! Now I don't have to go along with Bruce or that zombie." He took Anna's arm and walked to the bus. Some of the other teams were: Bruce and Bryan, Nina and Wang, Paul and Hwoarang. Now I did this just to get on with the story. Okay?
In the hotel rooms. Kazuya and Jun were watching TV. Jun turned to Kazuya and said," I'm worried about Jin, sweetie." "Why's that? He's master a kicking at people's Asses." "Yes, but I feel insecure about our son not having any guidance." Kazuya took Jun into his arms. "Don't worry. I know he'll he alright." Jun ran her fingers through Kazuya's hair. "I love you, pumpkin." "As I you, Jun Bug." You know what happens next. "Okay, King. Let's get one thing straight. I'm with Jin, so don't try to hit on me. Got it?" King was tied up in a chair. He nodded. "Okay, I'm going to let you go now." She untied King who got up and walked off saying," I'm going to get a candy bar from the lounge. Want one?" "No, I think I'll just go to sleep." King exited and walked down the corridor. He could easily hear what was going on in the other rooms. In one room, he could hear some kind of. sucking sound. "Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy, bitch!" "Oh, you are, you are!" Paul was in his room with Bob. "Stop calling me that!" What, that's your nickname. "Shut the fuck up!" "Who the fuck are you talking to?" Paul asked. "Fuck you!" Bruce and Bryan were having a knee fight. Bryan grabbed Bruce by his shoulders and drove his left knee into Bruce's nuts. "AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" He retaliated with his own genital mutilating knee kick. Bryan laughed and said," I'm a zombie." King came back to his room and saw that the shower was on. Thinking Ling was still in bed, King entered the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. As he came in, he tripped on a bar of soap and hit the floor. Ling appeared from behind the curtain. "I knew you would try to do that!" King scrambled away. Back outside, he saw Ling on the bed. King was dumbfounded. "How did you-?" "For God sake, put some clothes on!" King looked down and realized that he was exposed. He entered the shower again. Ling took the opportunity to sneak out the window. She was standing on the balcony. She jumped up and grabbed hold of a higher ledge, then shimmied around to the next. She pulled herself up and dropped silently into Jin's room. Yoshi and Jin were on different beds. Yoshi was snoring. "Mmf. cut, cut. stab, bleed." Ling shook Jin awake. Jin rubbed his eyes and said," Ling what are you doing in here?" "I had to see you again." "Why?" "I don't know." "Okay." "Listen, Jin. We may have to fight each other." "I could never hurt you, Ling." "I know. So obviously, one of us is going to have to throw the fight." "Well, I can't throw the fight, because Ogre is nasty." "And I can't throw the fight because. Okay, I'll throw the damn fight!" "Good." "Jin, be careful. I hear some foreign fighter is after you." She kissed Jin and exited through the door. She arrived back at her room to find King tending a bruise. "What happened to you, King?" "I slipped in the damn shower." "Oh, sorry. That must have been my shampoo. Don't you ever take that mask off?" "I can't. I spilled some hot glue on it in sewing class. I forgot what I look like." Bruce and Bryan ended their fight. They both had red swollen nuts. Bruce said," You win. I just can't take this abuse anymore." -
So what do you think so far? Funny? Maybe not, I'm not good with humor. Anyway, I'll keep updating so thanks for reading.