DESCRIPTION:

Roxas and Naminé were hurt, angry and confused, but most of all they were together… at least until Naminé's issues were resolved, that's when Roxas' issues really began. WARNING: character death.

DISCLAIMER:

I don't own Kingdom hearts or these angsty versions of Roxas and Naminè

RATED:

Mature for content, and I think I cursed a few times.

AUTHORS NOTE:

I've been writing this since 2007… and seemed to have dropped the project, but picked it back up recently. I dedicate it to the person in my life that I could never live without. My best friend. I love you Natasha (and thanks for putting up with three years of me randomly reading you the same parts over and over).

PS. I'm Canadian and use Canadian spelling, Merci-beaucoup.

~Twinkle~

Impossible to cure.

Roxas sat in the middle of his large empty attic. The window was open. It was cold, but this did not bother Roxas. The cold air was aiding to his sense of feeling. If he could feel the frozen winds of night, he knew he could feel the cold metal blade he held slashing across his arms. Roxas liked this feeling. It stung, but this it was one of the only things that helped him feel like he was a living being.

Nobody understood the pains he felt. Nobody but one person just like him, and she was gone, being brainwashed into thinking her life is perfect and great and that there is no need for her to pity herself. Her name was Naminé. She was Roxas' only friend. The only person who understood him, they were exactly alike. Both teens had very familiar stories behind them. Roxas was a neglected child, a mistake, his parents had never wanted him, and Naminé was born from a rape, and grew up in foster care. The two had spent there days together, considering no one else would talk to him or her. They cried with each other, they spilt their feelings to each other; they cut with each other, and sometimes even cut each other - it was a sign of their friendship. They considered their friendship to be above all others. Roxas and Naminé had strong feelings for each other, but since neither of them knew truly what love was, they had just stayed friends. They called each other "nobodies" because that's the way they felt about themselves.

This all changed the day that Naminé had been caught trying to kill herself. As a result, Naminé was eventually sent to the psychiatric ward in the local hospital and would be forced to stay there for the entire summer. Roxas had been sent to that hospital before, and many of the nurses knew him. Unfortunately for Roxas and Naminé, this meant he wasn't allowed to visit her. He hadn't wanted to go back there anyways, it scared him. Roxas was afraid of change, and he hated the idea of Naminé being there. Before she left, they made a promise that she would not let them get to her, but Roxas had a feeling that this was a lie, since Naminè's mind was weak.

It was September fourth, the first day of grade 11 for Roxas. He always hated school, the teachers would not leave him alone, and he was constantly sent down to the guidance councilor's office. At least before he had Naminé, Now he was alone.

Roxas was always early for class because he had nothing better to do, so he walked to his first period class, math. He sat alone in the back of the room. Roxas stared at the digital clock on the wall waiting to see "8:25". Happy-go-lucky students rushed in class and sat next to there friends, talking about the summer. Roxas thought about his lonely summer, the only interesting event that occurred in those few months was when his attempt at suicide failed. Ironically, the noose he strung up fell when he stepped off the chair that was supporting him. That day sucked.

The bell for class chimed, and everyone was sitting, although about ten minutes into class, there was a knock on the door. The teacher opened it. In the doorway was the guidance councilor, a preppy girl named Kairi, and a familiar blond. Naminé was back, but Roxas knew everything would be different. The guidance councilor talked to the math teacher as Naminé and Kairi sat down beside each other. The room was quiet because everyone wanted to know what was going on. Roxas heard every few words spoken by the councilor. He said something about Kairi being Naminé's "rehabilitation buddy". A "rehabilitation buddy" helped the troubled students start over, make new friends, and live a 'normal' life. Roxas stopped listening at that point. He looked over at Naminé, who was looking back. She let out a huge smile but Roxas just stared back at her with no emotion. It was almost as if he was looking at a completely different person. Roxas hated change, and this was the biggest change that had ever taken place right in front of him. Kairi tapped Naminé on the shoulder and introduced her to her boyfriend Sora. Sora was an air-headed jock. Roxas knew that if Naminé was hanging out with people like Kairi, and Sora, he did not want anything to do with her anymore. To a normal teen, losing your best friend so suddenly would be heart breaking, but Roxas always thought of himself as heartless, so ultimately it did not bother him. He figured if he felt sad about it he would just walk up to his quiet serene attic, and slice the thin layers of skin over his arms and legs. At that moment, Roxas looked down at his scars. There was one shaped as a heart. Naminé and Roxas had carved hearts into each other's wrists on the last day before Naminé went to the hospital. Roxas wondered if Naminé's 'heart' had healed. He glanced over at her again. She wore pink arm warmers, not showing her arms, she was obviously ashamed of her scars. Roxas was right about Naminé. She let them take over her mind and convince her that she is okay. She did lie to him. Her mind was very weak.

Naminé sat with Kairi in the cafeteria. Kairi spoke to her, "Naminé, do you mind telling us about why you were emo- ... I mean a self mutilator?" "He he," Naminé giggled "I'm fine with talking about it, and it's okay, you can say 'emo'." As much as it used to bother the girl when people used the term 'emo', she knew that they didn't understand, so she let it pass. Naminé explained her past and her old problems to the other girls at the table. She also talked about Roxas, and how she thought he was the only person who understood her. She thought like this until she stayed at the hospital and she felt so much more understood. The girls at the table were so touched. Kairi and another girl named Olette hugged her from each side. Naminé noticed Roxas sitting alone at the table they used to sit at together. She politely asked the girls if she could be excused to sit with Roxas. Kairi and the others understood after hearing about Naminé's friendship with Roxas, and let her go to him. Kairi spoke to the other girls when Naminé walked away "maybe she loves him, too bad he's a loner."

Naminé sat beside Roxas. He did not speak so Naminé said the first words, "Um…hey Roxas". "Hn.", Roxas responded. But suddenly he began to speak.

"Are you even Naminé? You are so much different". "Of course I am Roxas, I'm just… all better now" Naminé responded to Roxas' question that slightly hurt her. "All better?" Roxas thought in his head. "Roxas, I… want to help you get cured too." The blond girl was hoping that Roxas would accept her proposal but she knew it would not be that easy. Therefore, she tried again, pulling down her left arm warmer she spoke, "Roxas, I understand you." This cut it for Roxas he was now angry that the girl he thought was his best friend "No Naminé, you understood me. While you were "getting cured", I was getting worse without you. You lied to me, now go away. And I'm not sick, I don't need to be 'cured' of anything!" The last few words were stressed and hit the girl hard. Naminé felt tears welling up in her eyes and left. Roxas would have felt bad, but he did not feel anything right now, just regret that he let her go to that terrible place that changed her.

Naminé's friends saw her approaching the table with tears in her eyes. Kairi asked her what was wrong. Naminé explained that Roxas was always stubborn when it came to "getting help". Naminé was just upset that so many things changed from her becoming a healthy person again. Kairi said something she thought would help, "well, Roxas is just an emo loner, you don't need to hang with him, and you have us now" then she hugged the crying girl. Naminé would have said what she was thinking, but she did not want to start problems. Roxas wasn't "an emo loner", he was hurt and sick. Self-mutilation is not something to just ignore, it is an illness, an illness that can only be cured if the person wants it to be, whether Roxas wanted to believe it or not. Naminé was somewhat hurt by her friend's words, because she really cared for Roxas, he was her best friend, and… she loved him.

Classes were over and Roxas was walking to his locker. Beside his locker was a pillar, annoying bulletins were always posted on that pillar. The poster on the pillar this week was colourful with pompons around the border; it read "cheerleading tryouts tonight!" "Ew," Roxas said as he ripped it down.

Roxas walked home alone on his usual path along the train-tracks. His head was down, and he was listening to his blasting loud ipod. He always hoped that maybe he wouldn't notice a train coming and it would kill him. He was very angry today, mostly because of Naminé. He did not want to be "cured", and he wished Naminé wasn't. Roxas walked into his house. He didn't expect a greeting, his parents didn't care about him, they only loved each other. So many times Roxas had asked his parents why they didn't just kill him when he was a fetus, and they'd only answer with "we had to keep you, you were over 3 months when we found out. We couldn't have an abortion." This didn't bother Roxas now, he knew he was alone, and he also knew he probably wouldn't live many more years anyway.

Roxas never did his homework, so he walked straight up the creaking stairs to his getaway place- the attic. Again, he sat on the floor like everyday. He took out his razor blade and sliced an "X" over the heart that Naminé had drawn into him. Warm blood was dripping down his arm. He continued to slit the razor over his skin. He got the right angle every time, cutting into his veins. Roxas wished that he could die from blood loss but no matter how far he cut, it never seemed to kill him. It was almost as if the world was torturing him, he wanted to leave but it wouldn't let him. He spent the next few hours up there, slicing and occasionally crying. He wished the old Naminè was there with him and everything would be the way it was before.

Roxas woke up, blood on his sheets from his body, even his face. He had accidentally sliced the razor on his cheek, although he did not care. At school he stared into the halls. All the new (and old) cheerleaders were allowed to wear their uniforms. Roxas was disgusted at the bright yellow and lime green outfits. It hurt his eyes. He walked to class trying to ignore the flamboyant colours. Just before the bell chimed, Kairi and Naminé walked into class, it hurt his eyes. Both girls were wearing the bright cheerleading uniforms. And also wore white arm warmers with the outfit. Naminé had started a fashion trend, AND she was a cheerleader. Roxas definitely hated the new her.

Naminé walked by Roxas and asked if she could sit beside him today. Roxas did not respond, so Naminé sat. She was sort of hoping Roxas would notice her short skirt but he didn't even have enough spirit to look at her face. During class, Roxas played with a sharpener blade under his desk, making small cuts on his wrist. Naminé looked at his arm and saw "her heart" crossed out. She felt a shattering feeling, she knew Roxas hated her. At first when Naminé came back, she was hoping Roxas would be happy for her and want to get better too. However, she had hoped for something much too big. Not only that, but Naminé was hoping that once he was better too, they could get together, and actually love each other. Naminé had never been this much wrong in her life. She snapped out of her thoughts and lightly grabbed Roxas' right hand. She wanted him to stop, "please don't do that in front of me."

The thing that really bothered Roxas about that sentence was the fact that they had always cut in front of each other. Hell, they cut for each other. Roxas stared at Naminé, not able to say anything because he was too irritated, he smirked in a sarcastic manner and rolled his cerulean eyes, "hn." It was almost as though his expression was of disappointment. Class was over and the bell chimed for the students to make their ways to their next classes. Roxas got up and left Naminé without acknowledgment.

While Roxas was sitting in his art class, the classroom phone rang. His teacher hung up and spoke, "Roxas they want you in the guidance office, I'm not surprised." Roxas didn't want to go but he was curious to see who "told on him" this time. He slowly walked to the room that he was much too familiar with. Sitting in the chair before him with some pamphlets in her hands was none other than his traitor of a friend Naminé. The girl stood and spoke, "Roxas, I thought maybe the guidance councilor, you, and me could talk and work some things out? ... maybe? Please?". "Stop fucking around Naminé! I can't stand you anymore! I miss the old you, you would've never screwed with my life like this before. Go to hell." With Roxas' last words he turned to leave the office. "Not everything has changed! I still love- you". Naminé's 'you' was inaudible to Roxas as he had slammed the door. Naminé fell to the ground with tears streaming out, crying in defeat.

Roxas turned the corner to his street, "School doesn't matter… She doesn't matter" he thought. He opened the door to see his parents in the predicament they were usually in, making love on the couch, it was disgusting to Roxas, but he didn't matter to them. He usually wasn't noticed by them, but his mother got furious when she saw him enter the house, yelling something that sounded like "Get back to school you lazy child, you should've never existed—go die!" Roxas decided that he agreed. He couldn't stay here anymore, he should just die. No one would miss him.

He held the knife in his hand, he always thought of this moment, the moment it would end. Though usually when he thought of it, he would be happy. There was something missing. But that didn't matter anyways. He pushed the sharp knife against the fragile skin on his neck, feeling it go in him and slice. He sees Naminé's face in his mind, he tries to speak her name, but he can't. He regrets not saying anything but 'Go to hell' to Naminé. Touching his blood, he attempts to write on his white carpet. 'I love you too Nami' was all he could manage. He slowly felt himself disappearing. First his body feeling numb, then his thoughts, only thinking of Naminé's beautiful voice and face, and lastly his soul escaping from him. Roxas was gone now.

Hours later his parent's found the dead body. For some sick and twisted reason, they just looked upon the body in shame and disgust glaring at the son they never wanted in the first place. They packed up, called an ambulance, then fled the house, they decided to just leave Roxas' there.

When Naminé was later notified of Roxas' death, she felt that she had gone straight back to square one. Depression filled her, as well as tears and anger escaped from her. She could not believe what had happened, calling it 'impossible'.

A few days passed and his funeral was taking place. Naminé did not speak, she just felt frustrated and upset that Roxas' did love her in the end, yet he didn't speak his love to her. As soon as everyone left and it was just Roxas' body and her, she stood over the body and said her first words.

"I wanted to help you, I wanted to be with you, I love you, and always will, I wanted to help cure your sickness. Why were you so impossible to cure? It will now be impossible for me to live on without you Roxas."

She closed her eyes and let streams of tears flow from her gentle blue eyes… "Impossible."

Hope you weren't able to notice that my age changed from 13 to 15 while writing this. Maybe my vocabulary and sentence structure changed? IDK? Also if by any chance i wrote "Naminè" instead of "Naminé", please excuse it (i use the 'alt0233' thing often so i may have messed up with 'alt0232' gomen *bows*)

i love reviews please and spanks