Title: Jailed for the Holidays
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's Christmas in Neptune. However due to a slight case of mistaken identity a certain blonde P.I. and the local sheriff may not be home for it.
Spoilers: General S2
Characters/Pairings: Veronica/Lamb, Keith, Cliff
Word Count: 3772
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars is not owned by me, but by Rob Thomas. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.
A/N: The original idea I had for this completely fell by the wayside. This somehow managed to come from it though. And sorry for the double-post, my HTML was showing.
"Go ahead, Mars. I know you're dyin' to say it. Just get it over with," Lamb sighed as he glanced through the bars of the cell to her.
"Originally I wasn't going to, but now that you bring it up. This. Is. Completely. YOUR. Fault."
"Feel better? Does that get us out of here? No. Didn't think so. If you'd listened to me -"
"Oh! I must have missed the part where you said you didn't have a warrant and that jurisdiction wouldn't be an issue," she shot back.
"Veronica," he stated as calmly as he could manage given the situation he was in. "I've tried to be nice. I've tried to be quiet. You're the one who went off on her own again, leaving me to follow and when I did I offered to help. And what did I get in return? Arrested thanks to you. I'm a sheriff! And I'm on the wrong side of the bars in Bumfuck, Nevada because I listened to you."
"I never asked for your help. I didn't tell you to follow me. If you'd gotten lost like I told you to -"
"And be accused of not doing my job again in a possible kidnapping? No thanks," he scoffed.
In Nevada, in jail, arrested for breaking and entering, burglary, fraud and impersonating a police officer among other charges, it was no wonder they hadn't let up on one another in the last hour. As it was only a wall of steel bars separated them. The few officers that were there knew better than to leave them in the same holding cell. Side by side didn't seem to be a problem given that neither of them were armed anymore. In fact it seemed to be better punishment than anything else they were able to provide given the holiday.
It being Christmas Eve hadn't helped matters. Veronica had planned to spend Christmas with her father as usual. Lamb was perfectly content with the idea of drinking the holiday away. Now both of their plans seemed ruined.
"You're up, Miss Private Eye." the arresting officer called as he walked to Veronica's cell. "One phone call. Make it good."
"I'll be sure to tell my dad what you got me into," she grinned sardonically to Lamb.
He only rolled his eyes. What he got her into? Right. He wasn't the one claiming he was someone else, prompting the officer to think his badge was a fake. The fact it was almost Christmas was what he had to thank for no one being at the sheriff's department to confirm his identity.
Don wanted to laugh at Veronica's smirk having changed to a sneer when she was being walked back to her cell.
"Grounded, Mars?" he smirked.
"Had to leave a message," she stated through nearly completely clenched teeth.
"Alright, your turn, Sheriff," the officer told him, making sure to add some extra bite into Lamb's title.
For one thing Don didn't look anything like a sheriff to him. Aside from not being in uniform he considered him to be too young and too much of a pretty boy, he certainly didn't act like a sheriff in his estimation either. Certainly not with his "accomplice" and then there was Don's name. James Harper was how he had been introduced and that sounded reasonable, sounded likely, sounded real. Don Lamb? Had to be an alias. And not even a good one! The fact there was no one at the Balboa County Sheriff's Department who had answered the call earlier only furthered Officer Whethers' belief that he and Veronica were both lying.
"Cliff, I swear if you don't answer this right now I will find some way to bust you on the Jamison case -" catching the officer's all too curious stare, he changed his tone. "Look, I'm stuck in Nevada with Veronica, don't even know where - ask Keith. Little bitch got me arrested. Yeah, you can her laughing from there, I'm sure. Just get here now and prove to them I'm the sheriff. Funny how they won't take my word for it. Remind me to thank her for this lovely day."
Whethers hung up the phone then, sighting that Lamb's minute was up.
"So what would be the odds of you trying the station again?" he grinned. Whethers only gripped his bicep in response as he walked him back to his cell. "Yeah. Figured," he sighed. "Look, try my deputy, Brandon Sacks."
"Sacks?" Whethers chuckled. "You expect me to believe that's a real name? Boy, I'd be glad I didn't catch you drivin', I'm beginnin' to wonder if you weren't drinkin' some of that holiday cider."
Lamb sighed heavily as Whethers closed and locked the cell door once more. "Yes, it's his real name. I know, Mars, Lamb, Sacks - I didn't name us, okay? You saw my license, you've seen for yourself. I can give you his cell number, just -"
"Yeah, I saw your driver's license. It's a good forgery, your partner over there sure knows what she's doin' when it comes to falsifying government documents."
Don scoffed. "I've seen her works, trust me, they're not that good. Call the San Diego DMV, my mother, just -"
"Christmas, Lamb," Veronica grinned. "How does it feel? The one year you give your officers time off to spend with their families and you end up -"
"Mars - Not now," he glared over to her.
"Not so much fun when you're the one in handcuffs, huh? Figured you had a thing about control."
By then Whethers was walking away. In five hours he could go home and stick someone else with the bickering pair. In the meantime he was going to try to tune them out as best he could and ignore whatever else they were going to try to trick him into believing.
Finally taking a seat on the cot of his cell, Don looked back over to the blonde thorn in his side. "Any ideas when Daddy Dearest will get your message?"
"The one where I told him you got his little princess arrested?" she smirked.
"Whatever. Yes." He was tired of fighting, he just wanted to know when the hell he could go home.
"Depends on if he's on a case," she shrugged. Admittedly she hoped it wouldn't be more than a few hours - she had spent more than enough time with Lamb as it was in her mind. Spending the night with him was a fantasy she had outgrown when he betrayed her. So she told herself at least.
"Who the hell works on Christmas Eve?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?" she grinned.
"No." The last thing he needed was yet another snide comment about him being lazy. It didn't matter that it was true, he was just sick of hearing it from her.
"If he's not then he should be here maybe in time for dinner. If he is, well, your dreams of spending the night with me just might come true."
Lamb let his head fall back to the wall behind him then. Peachy fucking keen.
"So who did you call? One of your barely legal girlfriends?" she cattily asked.
"It just burns your ass that it wasn't you that night, doesn't it?" he shot back. "Seeing me with an eighteen-year-old blonde that anyone could've easily mistaken for you? And yet there you sat watching it, remembering the years you wished it was gonna be you? Can't tell me that didn't add to your rivalry."
"Please don't make me throw up," she groaned. Jealous? Of Madison McSlut?! Never! And how the hell did he know about Madison's and her so-called rivalry? Okay, her need to vomit was not backing off now at the idea they had talked about her that night.
"Right. Fine. Sacks is back east for the week so I called someone else. Why does it matter?"
"Just curious as to who else might bear witness to this lovely image of you and I locked up together."
"Someone else who apparently doesn't understand the concept of answering his damn phone."
Veronica thought about it, wondering who she just might have to bribe into keeping their mouth shut about this. Lamb, to her knowledge, wasn't exactly known for having friends. Underlings and people who feared him, yes. Friends, no. Aside from Sacks she could only think of one. Lovely. Neptune's favorite public defender. There would be nothing to keep him quiet about this… Well, unless she could get him a date with one of the dancers from the Veil. Yeah, she was already preparing to have to suck it up and deal with the impending mocking. Could be worse, she knew. At least it wasn't Vinnie Van Lowe or Madison.
"So what exactly did you tell Keith in your message to him?" Lamb asked finally.
"Worried?" she smirked.
"Just wondering how much truth you decided to tell him."
"I only had time to tell him where I was and that I was stuck here with you."
"Funny how you didn't call one of your little rich boys. Always figured you had 'em on call for these kinds of things. No Weevil to break you out? No Echolls to ride to the rescue with that black AmEx he likes to mention every time he gets arrested? Telling if you ask me."
"Well no one did ask you," she fired.
"Admit it, Mars. You're glad you're here with me. You've got someone to blame besides yourself, someone to take your aggressions out on and someone to fight with."
"Oh, yeah, Christmas Eve with Deputy-Do-Wrong, exactly how I hoped to spend tonight."
"Knew I'd get you to admit it," he grinned.
"It's called sarcasm, Lamb."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Mars."
"You're the one with the unhealthy attraction to me, not the other way around."
He scoffed. "Right. Is that what you really have to tell yourself? That absolutely every guy you know wants you? Get over yourself."
"Get over myself? I'm not the narcissist. And you're the one who enjoys getting me into handcuffs every other week. Though I guess this week's a technicality since they weren't your handcuffs and I'm not in one of your lovely cells."
"You're right about one thing. I do like my Veronica Mars caged."
"I don't need to hear your porn fantasies."
He chuckled. If she only knew just how many of his involved similar settings. Not to mention her as the main star. "Well I'm all ears if you care to share yours. Not like we're going anywhere for a while. Come on, you never thought about it? You really expect me to believe that? Half the time I'm convinced you break the law just so I'll arrest you."
"Now who's thinking with his ego?" she smirked.
"It's not egotistical when it's true," he smirked back.
"Projecting much? You fantasize about me, big shock. Think what you like, but my thoughts of you begin and end with maiming you."
"I'm sure they do, Veronica. Nails down my back, right? Maybe a few love bites here and there - neck, shoulders?"
Veronica wanted to scream. Would this never end?!
"Tell you what," he stated as he stood and walked to the bars that separated them. "If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't still have those thoughts I know you had when you were younger not only will I drop this but I'll stay quiet until we're sprung."
That got Veronica on her feet. The chance of shutting him up? Oh yes.
Walking right up to him, as close to him as she could, and looking straight up into his almost too blue eyes, she told him, "I have never wanted you. Not then, not now and not any time in between."
He watched her eyes and face with each word she spoke. It was obvious she wanted to believe her words, but she was lying. Sad part was she really thought she was good at it.
**
**
"You're Officer Whethers?" Keith asked when he arrived at the man's desk.
"Yeah. You are?"
"Keith Mars. Father of Veronica Mars. I believe you still have her in custody?"
"I'll need to see some I.D."
Keith flashed the man his driver's license and P.I. license.
"Okay, Mr. Mars. Well we have a few issues, I'm afraid. It being Christmas Eve has meant that there hasn't been a hearing to decide on bail."
"DMV copy of her driver's license, copy of her Private Investigator's license, copy of her birth certificate," Keith went on as he handed the officer the papers. "I can also prove that I'm her father. What else do you need to prove her identity? Since this seems to be what she was arrested for, that should get the charges against her dropped."
Slipping on his reading glasses, the only man looked over the papers. Looking closely, he could see the man was right. Everything matched what he had found with her belongings earlier.
"Alright," he sighed after another moment. "I just need you to sign her out."
Keith nodded as he reached into his jacket pocket for a pen. "And what about the man that was with her? Medium height and build, brown hair -"
"Yeah. That's gonna be trickier. He was caught impersonating an officer. No way I can let him go today."
Keith almost laughed. Typically he wouldn't have argued about Lamb impersonating an officer but while he enjoyed the idea of Don getting his karma, he knew this wasn't the way. Neptune needed a sheriff, even if it was him.
"As much as I hate to admit it," Keith sighed as he reached for the newspaper under his arm, "he is actually the Neptune sheriff. I should know, I'm the one he replaced."
Officer Whethers looked at the front page of the paper Keith handed him. It was dated the day before and 'Sheriff Don Lamb' was in bold print right beneath a picture of the man he currently had behind bars. Well, that could be embarrassing. Oh well, he had been doing his job.
"I assume you called the department?" Keith asked.
"There was no answer," Whethers replied.
Nodding, Keith asked, "And the identification he had with him wasn't enough? His license? Badge? Gun permit? Credit cards?"
"I found three forms of I.D. in your daughter's purse, each of which claiming she was someone else. I believed that if she was capable of forging her own identity so easily then it would have been nothing for her to falsify the identification of her partner."
"Keith?" a deep voice called to him from across the hall.
He turned. "Cliff?"
"Got a call from Lamb, hoped he was kidding. Guess you're here for Veronica?"
He nodded. "Lamb called you, huh?"
Cliff nodded. "Always said those lovebirds should find a cage and make up."
Keith nearly shuddered. His daughter and that jerk? He prayed she had better sense than that.
"You are?" Whethers asked the taller man.
"Cliff McCormack, attorney at law, friend of one Sheriff Don Lamb," he went on as he handed the officer his I.D. "Surprised to hear he's on the other side of the bars. At least when he's not in the same cell with his favorite miniature blonde."
"Cliff, that's my daughter you're talking about," Keith warned him.
"Did she happen to mention what prompted her to partner with Lamb for this?"
"No." And with that Keith wasn't sure he wanted to know.
Cliff nodded. Not that he knew either, but he certainly felt like he did. "Well it's Christmas Eve and I'd rather get back to the naughty elf I have waiting for me before she thinks I stopped off in Vegas, so what can ya do for me?" he asked the officer.
"Just sign this and I'll take you to get your friend," Whethers told him. Since he had proof now that Don was in fact the sheriff and wasn't impersonating anyone he would drop the charges, wave the fee and an apology would be in order.
"Sounds good to me," Cliff smiled as he did as he was told.
"And my daughter?" Keith asked.
"You've signed her out, so yes," he told him as he took back the clipboard.
"Ready when you are," Cliff told his friend as he looked to him.
"Let's go spring the kids," Keith half-grinned as he followed Cliff's lead. Seeing Veronica in jail was still something he didn't enjoy and couldn't get used to, but he had an idea this had originally been for a case so he would let it partially slide.
He realized just how much easier it would be to let that part slide when he, Cliff and the arresting officer came upon the sight they hadn't imagined waiting for them.
"No touching!" Officer Whethers bellowed to the previously bantering, now kissing, pair.
"No, wait, hold that pose, I think this might come in handy," Cliff told them as he raised his cell phone to snap a picture of the sight.
Breaking apart, Veronica and Lamb realized more than one explanation was about to be in order. Though for the first time all day they found themselves thankful they were in jail. At least then Keith couldn't shoot anyone. Namely Lamb for having put his hands and lips on Veronica.
"So was that for our benefit or did you two finally decide to bury the hatchet somewhere other than in each other's backs?" Cliff asked.
"Invisible mistletoe," Veronica quickly stated as she pointed upwards, hoping for any distraction at all.
"On behalf of the state of Nevada, I apologize for the misunderstanding, Sheriff," Whethers stated insincerely to Lamb as he unlocked his cell door.
"Accepted," he replied flatly.
"I'm just going to pretend what we just saw was brought on by the stress and possible aneurism I had at my lovely only daughter once again being in jail," Keith told Veronica.
"That sounds like a plan," Veronica replied brightly as Whethers unlocked her door next.
"Especially since it will never, ever happen again."
"Right," Veronica told him, glancing to Lamb. "Never ever again today" counts, right?
"Come on, Veronica," Keith waved to her with his first two fingers.
"Actually I was thinking I'd ride back with -"
"If that sentence ends with Lamb then you're spending the night here."
"Keith -" Don tried. She was over eighteen, she should be allowed to decide for herself. But then Keith was her father and did have the power, fire power certainly, to render him useless to her or any other woman.
"You've done enough for one day," he told him.
Given that he finally seemed to have a chance to 'do' Veronica the part of him that had a death wish begged to differ. Luckily for him his upstairs brain had decided to do his thinking for once and kept him quiet. Half-smirking, but quiet.
"Guess I'll see you back in Neptune then," Veronica half-smiled to him as she went to walk towards Keith.
"Yeah," he agreed.
"So no one wants to ride back with me?" Cliff cracked. Someone had to break the tension.
"Four people, three cars, what do you think, Cliff?" Keith asked him, almost daring him to side with the two who had clearly lost their minds after a half-day in lockup.
"Hey, what did happen to my car?" Don called to the officer.
"As far as I know it's where you parked it. Tow trucks don't run here on Christmas Eve."
Finally some good news. "Guess that means you're driving me to get my car," Lamb told Cliff.
"Happy to help. Just as long as I'm back in time to play Santa for my elf."
"Must be nice," Don sighed as he glanced to Veronica.
"Never know, Sheriff, Christmas might come sooner than you think," Veronica grinned to him.
"That had better mean a new necktie, Veronica," Keith stated, clearly irritated with her implication.
Who needs ties when he has access to so many pairs of handcuffs? Veronica wondered. And then she was almost ready to slap herself back into reality. He was Lamb! And yet in that moment all she wanted was to touch him and kiss him again - and finish what they had yet to even really start.
"I think we're gonna go," Veronica said finally as she headed towards the large glass doors.
Only when she and Keith were driving away did Cliff offer to get Don out of there. He couldn't help but praise the younger man slightly, but at the same time he tried not to rub the interruption in too much. Clearly it had been a long day for all involved.
**
**
"Visible mistletoe," Veronica grinned as she held the plant up as high above her head as possible when Don answered his door late that night. Half asleep, he had tried to convince himself today had been a dream.
Of course Veronica at his door in a khaki trench coat with mistletoe made him wonder if he had only just now begun dreaming.
"It's tradition to kiss under mistletoe, Lamb. I'm not gonna hold this all night," she told him, interrupting his thoughts.
He almost laughed. "It's after midnight, Mars."
"Exactly. After midnight on Christmas Eve. Making it technically Christmas morning. Hence the mistletoe. You've got two choices here. One involves me and what's under the coat leaving. The other, well, if that display back in jail was any indication, something tells me you'll prefer the other."
"What's the other?" he asked as he leaned against his doorframe.
"You really want me to ruin the surprise?"
"After the surprises I had today? Yes."
She sighed and lowered the mistletoe. "Fine. You got me. There's nothing under the coat."
For a moment he wondered why that would interest him. If there was nothing in it for him - Then it clicked and suddenly he wasn't the only one waking up. Save for the coat, Veronica was naked and on his door step on what was technically Christmas morning. "So Christmas has come early in the sense that you're the present I get to unwrap?" he smirked.
"I knew you'd get it sooner or later. So is it Door Number Going or Door Number Naked?"
"Get in here," he told her lowly, taking hold of the tie of her coat and leading her into his apartment before tossing the door closed behind her.
"Well since you asked so nicely," she all but giggled before raising up to meet his insistent mouth.
The End