1: In which I die
Dying sucks. I mean, no shit, right? You're dying, of course it sucks. But you can't truly find the horrible extent of death until you experience it first hand. It's the end of everything; loved ones, hobbies, aspirations, everything that made you a person is just gone. And, for me at least, it wasn't as instantaneous as people make it out to be.
I was on my bathroom floor, bleeding out all over the goddamn place and freaking out because I had never seen so much of my own blood before and dizzy even though I was sitting down because no shit I'm losing cups of blood by the second. And let me tell you, it is the strangest feeling to see your own blood, to see it oozing out of you, and to not feel it because the stinging pain has given way to numbness.
All I could think about was how crappy it would be to get my blood out of the grout and shower curtains and how glad I was that I didn't have to be the one to do it. Then I realized that it was either Drew or Noah who would be cleaning up my blood and then I had the good conscious to feel guilty. That was about it.
Fear and anxiety and selfishness and then it faded to black. All I could think about was that at least I wasn't going to be the one to have to clean up after this mess.
Yeah, I know you're probably thinking I'm an idiot or just a selfish bitch (actually, both of those things do apply to me a solid 68% of the time, so you're mostly right) but I'm all around kind of a fuck up, but at least I was was kinda justified. I was dying in my bathroom because I'm the idiotic little sister no one wanted yet my brothers got stuck taking care of.
I was bleeding, dying, then slowly gone. I stop existing and I stopped being. So forgive when I sound selfish or lazy or whatever the fuck else, 'cause honestly I am. Only this time, I had a reason to be.
Dying sucked. Being dead sucked significantly less and was a helluva lot easier that being alive ever was. Boring as hell, too hence why I'm not going to talk about.
Now, maybe this is the time to give you a bit of exposition. Fascinating shit, I know. Please hold in your enthusiasm. I like this as much as you do, but 'tis a necessary act of villainy.
My name's Lizzie, last name completely irrelevant. I was a fifteen-year-old waste of space who watched too much anime, read too much fanfiction, and still am generally the most lazily hard-working people in existence. I was raised by my older brothers (who are eleven and thirteen years older than me if you're wondering) and ditched by just about everyone else. Not that I blame them, I'd try to ditch my cynically depressing ass first chance I got.
There, expositing done because I am literally too lazy to give you this information later. That, and well dying makes your memories as blurry as my vision without glasses, and that's just God awful. That's why I'm writing it now, before I forget and won't be able to give you any info about me from before I died. Hell, my life before wasn't too interesting but it was mine and I want to at least be able to remember the basics when all is said and done.
Okay, I'm done bellyaching. You came here for some action, right? Or an OC to impose yourself upon on this magical feel-good adventure I should be writing. Well, action is unavoidable, considering the dumbasses I got myself landed with, but this story isn't the feel-good type because I'm not a feel-good person. I'm a pessimistic, cynical teenager with more angst than I know what to do with, so I keep all my happy moments in a ziplock baggie in my backpack like I'm a second-rate crack dealer.
So, as your fictitious drug dealer, I'm giving you a good time before the inevitable regret of your life choices.
Here's the good shit; once I died (ugh) I got to live out every fangirl's dream. I got transported to my favourite anime by a ROB. Basically, the start of all SI-OC fanfics where Mary Sue hooks up with Anime Hottie #3 and they ride into the sunset after over the top agnst. Sounds great, right?
Yeah, lol, nope. Fanfiction sure as fuck didn't prepare me for the shit storm I got dumped into. Random omnipotent being dropping me into an anime? Try a demon fucking with my boring afterlife because we both thought it was a grand idea at the time. Me hooking up with an anime hottie? Ha! Hahahahaha! Yeah, right. I am so socially awkward that I get tongue-tied around my brothers, men who I have lived with literally since my birth. Add in the fact that I was fifteen upon getting dumped here, and we get the added bonus of pedophilia in just about any romantic scenario.
No, here's what happened. See, I'm not too smart (*gasp*) and I like to piss people off. I don't discriminate, either. Drew, my eldest brother, liked to joke around that when I died, god and the Devil would flip a coin on where I landed because neither would want to have me pissing them off for all eternity. I swear Drew could see my future at times.
The devil lost the coin toss, by the way.
Well, anyways, it turns out complaining about being bored to an equally bored demon just for funsies isn't a great idea. As it turns out, demons hate people complaining. My conversation with Rob (yes, his name is actually Rob) went something like this:
"Dear god, why is being dead so boring?" I had asked, for the 49th time, according to Rob. He glared at me and I ignored him. That didn't go over well with him, but nothing I did ever went over well with him.
Me and Rob had a special kind of friendship; the kind in which both parties hate each other but are forced to communicate out of sheer proximity and nothing else. Rob was the poor bastard who got assigned to babysitting duty, as I wasn't truly a member of Hell. God didn't want me corrupting all the pure innocent cinnamon rolls he had chilling with him though, so that meant I got to hang out with the cool kids. Demons.
"Fuck me, you've only been here fifteen days! How the actual fuck do you intend to deal with the rest of your afterlife, which, might I remind you, is forever?!" Demons don't like complaining, but apparently, they themselves are exempt from the rule of dislike. Rob, in particular, loved to complain; about me, hell, and Jesus. Especially me. Like, he would write you a whole series of encyclopedia to all of my worst traits and still not be done complaining about me. I mean, I could probably do the same if pressed, but I wouldn't because I'm lazy. Rob would probably do it just for shits and giggles, the over-accomplishing asstard.
"Do not act like you aren't bored too," I said with an accusatory finger waved in his ugly face. Demons are not pretty. They look like gargoyles, if those gargoyles all got into a bar fight, went home to survive a house fire, and then went to fight in the Vietnam war, all within the course of an hour. With this in mind, Rob is nightmare inducing, even by demon standards.
Yeah, he ain't pretty.
He's even less pretty when a smirk appears on his face, taking the place of a lava freezing glare, starting off small and then growing until his hideous smile, complete with an underbite, is splitting his face. I swear to you, I am not hyperbolizing when I say it was a chilly day in hell when Rob smiled. It dropped, like, fifty degrees Fahrenheit.
"Well," he had drawled and I finally realized my mistake. And though I wasn't quite sure what he had in mind for me, I knew it was bad from how he spoke, "I guess I have been kind of bored."
"U-uh hey, um, how 'bout we play Uno?" I stuttered, hating emphasis he put on 'bored.' As it turned out, my backpedaling did not change my fate. Kinda glad, though. I've always have had shit luck at Uno.
"Oh, come on Lizzie. You said it yourself: we're both bored. Now tell me, kiddo. What's that show you always talk about? The one with the pirates and the kid with the silly hat?"
One Piece, I had thought before I could catch myself and apparently Rob read my thoughts because he said with malicious humour and unnatural cheer, "Oh yes! One Piece."
As I said before, complaining about being bored to demons isn't a great idea.
A/N: So, I decided I might as well try my hand at an SI-OC. Yeah, I'm already regretting my life choices so, so very much. Welp, review to tell me how crappy or uncrappy this was. See you in the next millennium, where I might post another chapter lol.
~Lizard-senpai