Disclaimer: I do not own Good Omens.
Summary: Biblical Events throughout History, as seen by the Mighty Fallen Ones.
THE GREAT FLOOD
Noah was a chatty drunk.
The Great Flood had been caused to wipe out the Evil among men, and try to get rid of the Nephilim, but it was a partial failure before they had even started collecting the animals, because Noah drank too much and a few Nephilim had been in a position to overhear when he started complaining about how much it was going to cost to build an ark out of sandalwood and why it needed to be built in the first place.
Most Nephilim would have brushed it off as the product of too much beer, but one of the Nephilim had been around for a few of God's other 'Clean-Up Catastrophes', (Sodom and Gomorrah stood out vividly) and hedged his bets on the safe side.
He picked out a few Nephilim who were discreet and moral enough to stay under the future radar and not prompt any more 'Cleansing of Mankind', and spread the word.
While Noah and his sons were putting the last touches on the Ark, select Angelic Offspring were swearing loudly and making their own plans.
When Noah sent his sons to collect the animals, the Nephilim were figuring out what wood floated best and how to get enough of it.
While Noah's sons were trying to get the antelope to stop running away from the lions and cheetahs long enough to get on the Ark, the Nephilim were whipping up what sort of resembled a raft, (if you used a lot of imagination.) and gathering food that wouldn't spoil when exposed to water. Hopefully.
When the first raindrops fell and Noah was battening down the hatches, the Nephilim spoke the last, and first, prayer they would ever make, climbed on their makeshift raft, and hoped to weather the storm.
While the storm raged, Satyavata was being towed to the mountain by a fish, the peoples of America were hiding under the ground or in giant trees or hollow reeds and Noah's Ark held fast (although the animals inside were running his entire family ragged as they tried to keep order). The Nephilim Raft broke apart two days after the rain stopped, leaving the various Nephilim to cling to the individual trees and hope for the best.
When the waters finally ebbed, and Nüwa muttered darkly about re-building Heaven and the human race all over again, everyone decided that they never wanted to travel over any body of water larger than a river EVER AGAIN, and started trying to get themselves down of various mountains, treetops and high plataus.*
Back with Noah and his kin, one Angel and one Demon tried to re-gain their land-legs. "Thank God that's overwith. Hopefully Mankind can avoid making Him so upset again."
"Agreed. I'm going to find the nearest Tavern and get drunk, would you like to join me?"
"Are you trying to Tempt me?"
"…Is it working?"
"…I'll buy the first round."
*Except for the ones on Uluru, who jumped straight back on their tree and started frantically paddling away before the floodwaters receeded entirely and they were stuck there with all of the Crocodiles and venomous snakes and spiders and sharks and other assorted nasties.**
** For further details, see 'The Lost Continent'.
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A/N: Perhaps not quite a Good Omens fic, but it's been bouncing around my head for a while. Please don't jump down my throat about the Australia jokes. I'm an Aussie, so if I can laugh at them, so can you.
Constructive Criticism is appreciated, and Imps laugh as they dance around the Flames.
Thanks, Nat.