So this idea popped into my head and I figured, why not? Most, if not all, of my stories are either drama or horror so I figured I'd make something a little on the humorous side. This isn't to flame, I decided to make a parody of all those Outsiders Mary-Sue cliché stories here on fan fiction. I'm not trying to mock anyone in particular, making a Mary-Sue story is often an honest and amateur mistake. In fact, my very first story on here had an OC who was a Mary-Sue and I deleted it and the criticism people gave me really helped me to not make that happen. SO, at the end of each chapter I'll point out the things wrong and tell you how to perfect it but in the mean time, it might come out to be quite humorous to those who recognize Mary-Sue stories and try to correct them as I do. So I present to you, The Enterprise of the Typical Mary-Sue.
My name is Riley Anderson, but I go by Riles or Andy. I'm 16 and I just moved to Tulsa. My mother is dead and my father is a drunk and is abusive; he doesn't give a crap about me. I was really sad to move to a new place but I had to or my dad would beat me. I have long golden blonde hair with shimmering sea blue eyes. I'm super tough so I'd suggest you don't mess with me. I'm stronger than most boys my age and I never back out from a fight. I'm also really nice when I want to be. When my friends are around, I'm the sweetest I can be but when I'm face with my enemies, I turn into a beast and I can beat anyone.
Me and my father had just moved into our new house an hour ago he was already out at the bar. I was left to take to the streets and find my own amusement. As I walked the paved sidewalk with my black converse slapping onto the cement, I noticed two diverse groups of people. One group seemed to be dressed well, clean cut and drove fancy cars. The other wore leather jackets and grease in their hair. They smoked cigarettes and their cars seemed to be junky and old.
I got lost in thought and bumped into someone, sending me flying to the ground.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me help you up." the boy exclaimed, extending a hand towards me. The boy was insanely handsome with bronze greased back hair and dark brown eyes that ran deep. I shook slightly as he helped me from the ground. "I'm sorry." he apologized again.
"It's ok. I wasn't looking where I was going. It wasn't your fault." I assured him, resisting the urge to smile at his beautiful face. It was then when I noticed a group of boys behind him with grease in their hair as well.
"These are my friends," he said, gesturing to them. "That's Ponyboy and Darry, my brothers, and then there's Johnny, Two-Bit, Dally and Steve. And I'm Sodapop. We're all greasers."
"Oh nice to meet you all. I'm Riley." I introduced myself.
"Hi, Riley." the whole gang greeted me.
"We're headed over to the nightly double." Soda said. "You want to join us?" I felt myself blush as I smiled and nodded my head. These guys seemed really nice. As we walked on down the street, I felt something warm brush against my hand. I looked down and it was another hand. I followed its arm and it led up to Soda's shoulder. I blushed even more and let him hold my hand.
When we arrived at the nightly double, there were tons and tons of teenagers. A lot of them were greasers like the gang but I saw some of the other types of teens. "Who are those people?" I asked Two-Bit once we had gotten our seats.
"They're Socs, the rich kids. They always go around beating up us greasers and they do it just for fun. They beat Johnny up really bad a couple months ago." he replied, his voice sounding saddened. That's why Johnny looked so lone and hurt. It must've been because of that. "I suggest you stay away from them if you don't want trouble." Two-Bit added.
"Why? I'm not scared." I exclaimed as I rose from my seat and spotted a group of Socs. "HEY, ASSHOLES, I'M OVER HERE!" I yelled.
"What the hell are you doing?" Dally exclaimed, pulling me down into his strong arms.
So I'm going to stop the chapter there because I think we all know what's going happen next. So I'll start from the beginning.
1. Her name. Riley? Girls didn't really have names like that in the 60's. Its more of a modern name and it's a unisex name. Often in Mary-Sue stories, the OFC's name will be a modern name and quite inaccurate to the time period. Also, introducing herself in the first paragraph of the story. That is often a turn off and just shows that it's an amateur story.
2. The story lie. We've all read these before. The girl moves to Tulsa and instantly becomes friends with our beloved greasers. It's a cliché storyline and there must be about 10 of those out right now. USE YOU IMAGINATION, PEOPLE!
3. Her family. Her mother is dead and her father is an abusive drunk. It's usually the same with every story. Some families are actually like that but somehow that's become the branded family story for Mary-Sues.
4. Her looks. Here's a good one. Alright people, these girls are NOT BARBIES! Although people might like to think that their OFC's (which are usually self-inserts) are flawless and look like dolls, no one looks like that in real life. Long golden blonde hair with shimmering sea blue eyes ? That's a perfect example. Sure there are certain people who have blond hair and blue eyes but its not that common. Seeing as the human race generated from the middle east where the genetics are usually brown or black hair with brown eyes, most of the human population have dark hair with dark eyes. Blue and green eyes have become more common in the past few centuries but brown eyes are still dominant. Sorry, just gave you a mini history lesson there xD
5. Her masculinity. Ok, a lot of Mary-Sue stories have their OFC's being insanely strong yet sweet and kind. I'm not saying its one or the other but back then, girls weren't tough like they are today. Girls were expected to cook, clean and go to school. Just saying.
6. Her clothing. I didn't add really any description to her clothing in this chapter besides her shoes. In Mary-Sue stories, or in just some normal stories, they go into insane detail about what the character is wearing. I don't know about other readers, but I usually don't give two shits about what the character is wearing! If it's important to the characters role, then sure, you should add it. But if you're going to go into three paragraph detail about what your character is wearing just for the sake of it, its really unnecessary.
7. Meeting the gang. This is one of the parts in Mary-Sue stories that really pisses me off. First of all, someone (like in Soda's case) wouldn't be so overly friendly to someone they just met and introduce them to all their friends just because he bumped into her. As nice as Soda is, he'd probably just help the girl up and be on his way. Second of all, the gang HAS LIVES, YOU GUYS! What, did you think that they had nothing better to do than hang around with each other all day, everyday? It'd be unlikely that they'd ALL be together, walking down the street and instantly like this random girl and invite her to a movie. And girls, would you just go with a group of guys to the movies because they looked nice? I don't think so. There's this thing, its called rape. It's what happens to girls who go off with random guys who they've just met. I'm not saying the gang would do this, we know they wouldn't but the OFC doesn't know that.
8. Soda making a move. Yeah, its cute, but honestly, its unlikely that you'd try to hold a girl's hand (if you're a guy) after just meeting her three minutes ago. (Unless you were super horny and really wanted to get some.) Just saying.
9. Riley randomly cursing at the Socs. Honestly, people. Did the Socs ever do anything to her? No, all she knows is that they beat up Johnny who she's only known for about 20 minutes and hasn't even talked to for that matter. In this case, I'm going to go out on a limb and say Riley's got some major balls. You've got to, to do something as gutsy as that.
Well that's it for this chapter. Please R & R tell me your thought. Thank you for reading!