Addiction

Summary: Hello my name is Nick and I'm a sex addict...

Rating may change in future chapters. Please Enjoy and Review!

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI

Ch1: Energy

After Clark lost his life on my watch I felt my life start to slip away. I run through the scenario at least a dozen times a day. I feel myself drifting away into darkness a soul blackening darkness that turns good men into bad guys. I realize I have a problem.

How can one even be addicted to sex? Is a question I have been asking myself, it seems so surreal. Sex is a way of life you can't not have sex that doesn't make sense.

I'm not obsessed with sex but it has something that I cannot live without or not think about. My life has evolved into something I'm ashamed of... Sure during the day I'm some great man who solves crime but then at night the animal comes out.

It first started when I was buried alive I hated the feeling of being alone it was like I was buried in that damn box all over again. I would go to the bar and wait it usually doesn't take long for a woman to approach me. From there I either get her number or we go to her house for fun or settle for a quickie behind the bar or in her car.

Now that I'm saying I realize how disgusting I really am.

I think I had control of myself until Clark died I realized that I was going out more and more. I can't function without it and I realize that this is unhealthy.

I can't think straight at work and I don't trust myself around Catherine or Sara or even Mandy. God forbid I ever try to do anything on them; however the thought of making Catherine scream my name in the lab has crossed my mind.

I have never had an STD I always have safe sex if that makes it any better. The last time I went out though, the woman's husband came home and caught us in the act. I jumped out of the window and ran down the street juggling all of my stuff, that's when I realized I had a problem.

Today is my first meeting... I look at myself in the mirror and quickly throw my LVPD hat in the backseat. I roll down my sleeves; I slowly walk inside to see only a few people setting up for the meeting.

"Hello I'm Dr. Greene, what is your name?" a short bald head stocky man says, I just stare at the man as if my name has escaped my thoughts. I am starting to second guess myself, maybe this was a bad idea. "Are you here for the SAA meeting?" the man says probably sensing my discomfort; I raise an eyebrow in confusion. "Sex Addicts Anonymous"

"Yes..." I whisper I feel my stomach just become a mess of knots.

The meeting starts and I see the most beautiful woman in the world. She had brown wavy brown with highlights and bright green eyes she is just gorgeous. She is not the usual type I fall for but she's so pretty. I feel myself staring at her I quickly look down trying to think about anything except for her.

"Welcome back but before we get started I see a new face... Sir?" Dr. Greene says to me I nervously scratch my head and slowly stand. Besides the doctor and myself there were five other people, two guys and three women.

"Hi, my name is Nick"

"Hello Nick why are you here?"

"I'm addicted to sex"

"Okay" Greene says I sit as Greene stands. "Sex addiction isn't like most addictions because it can't be thrown away. Sex is a way of life and something that makes relationships healthy. Not having sex is not healthy but having group sex with strangers is not healthy. What you need to be able to understand is that you can have a healthy sexual relationship" everyone starts nodding. "Nick, what do you do for a living?" I'm not telling these people what I do.

"...I'm kinda in between jobs right now" I lie.

"What triggered you to come to this meeting?"

"A friend of mine recently passed away... And there is just so much other stuff but that's the main one"

"That brings us to the subject of today's session... Let's go around. Tell your name and when you realized you were a sex addict" this is awkward and weird, but it will be interesting.

"Well I'll go first my name is Jeff... I think I realized I had a problem was out partying just to get laid. My longtime girlfriend broke up with me after I cheated on her for the hundredth time, then I lost my job I realized that sex was just taking so much of my time I didn't want to do anything else" Jeff says, he looks very young he has wild hair he reminds me somewhat of Greg just not as happy or fun.

"Thanks Jeff... Niki, do you mind sharing?" Greene says to a Hispanic woman with big earrings and curly hair she was a curvy.

All I want is to kiss this beautiful woman sitting across from me. I want to run my fingers through her wavy hair. I imagine us feasting on each other's body for hours; I imagine putting hickeys all over her smooth skin. I want to feel her nails dig into my back and hear her whisper and moan in my ear.

I close my eyes and try and shake the image out of my head.

"Thanks for sharing Niki... Jenny" Jenny it suits her nice

"My name is Jenny" she says in a small southern accent "I think I've been a sex addict my whole life. My other therapist believes it has something to do with my molestation when I was younger. But I was going out hooking up with strangers in club bathrooms I had lost all self respect and self control"

"Thanks for sharing you almost bring up another good point. How many of you were molested?" Greene asks all of us but Jeff raise our hand. "How many of you told your parents?" only Niki raises her hand. "How did that work out for you?"

"Not too good if I'm here... My parents didn't believe and said it was my fault" Niki says ashamed.

"You all realize that it is not your fault" Greene says we all nod. "Here we deal with all sort of ages, people, and situation and levels of addiction.

Everyone is different in terms of their addiction and recovery but coming to these meetings is the first step to recovery"

The rest of meeting the other people telling stories about their journeys living with sex addiction.

"Alright that's enough for today. I'll see you all next week" everyone starts to leave as do I. "Nick" Greene says I go back to him and he hands a card "here's my card. Give me a call if you need to talk"

"Thanks doc" I take the card and put it into my wallet.

I reply all the stories they told in my head, this has been an eventful day. At least I have time to process all of this information but I don't know if this is for me.

I unlock my jeep and see Jenny resting on the driver side door. I immediately look down and gently shake my head.

"You're Nick right?" she says I smile

"Yea you're Jenny right?" she smiles

"Yea" she says biting her lip she lightly touches my chest "listen we will get in trouble if people see us talking outside... Do you have a pen?" she says I hand her my pen and she takes my hand. She writes her number on the inner of my forearm. "Give me a call sometime or text" she says leaving.

Not my usual stuff. Reviews? How do you feel about Nick's addiction?