Surreal
He fell over.
"Master Marik!" Rishid ran to help his little brother off the ground. "Are you alright?"
"I- I'm fine…" he answered. He put a hand to his head. "Just a little dizzy is all…"
"Have you been sleeping well?"
Marik's chest tightened. "Yeah… I mean, my scars still hurt so… it gets pretty uncomfortable at times, but… I'll be alright."
Rishid's face drooped. "I'm so sorry, Master Marik…"
"No, no, it's fine, I'm fine…" Marik pushed away his brother's hand and got up on his own, not wanting the conversation to continue any further. "Um, I really should go sit down though."
"Yeah…" the two walked back to Marik's room.
…
He clutched his book tighter. The words had lost all meaning the fifth time he read them over, but he didn't care. Anything to occupy his mind. But when his candle started to drip a little too low, he knew he was only delaying the inevitable.
Marik sighed. It wasn't like he could just tell his family what was going on – it was such a crazy phenomenon. He supposed he would just have to fight his own
battles… that's what got him into this mess, isn't it?
So he placed his book down, blew out the candle and crawled into bed. For a while, he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling. Briefly, he wondered if tossing and turning would be a good idea – after all, he probably couldn't get to sleep as easily moving around instead of lying there. Right as he thought that, however, his scars began to irritate him, so he rolled over onto this stomach and pressed his face into the pillow.
Raising a hand, he pressed down against his scars, hating the pain and loving the pressure it caused. It had been a little over a month since he got these, but they still hurt. It was only to be expected, though, and he was mildly grateful that they had not gotten infected.
But that was when the nightmares had started…
A combination of fatigue and the pain he caused with his own palm finally managed to knock him out, and he fell into a deep sleep.
…
When he woke up, Marik found a cold, hard floor beneath him. He groaned as he pushed himself onto his knees, wondering how he had ended up on the ground. Subconsciously he reached for his bed, only to feel the empty space. He looked around, his mind coming to.
And then it hit him… he couldn't feel his scars anymore…
Oh no…
Before he had anytime to react, Marik felt himself being lifted off the ground. He was held up for a moment before being thrown to the side. Landing didn't hurt and felt surreal, but he was scared nonetheless.
I don't know what you want!
Isn't it obvious?
"Did you really think you could get away from me that easily?" Marik turned to his other self, his darker self. "Did you think that just not sleeping would get rid of me? I'm not a dream, you know…"
"And do you really think tormenting me every night is gonna make me give up?" Marik didn't know where this sudden rush of confidence came from, and he regretted his words when he heard his darker half laugh.
"Oh, please, you can't do anything on your own. You're just a spoiled child – the child nobody wanted."
"Shut up…"
"What? It's true isn't it? Rishid didn't want you, Ishizu didn't want you, and your own mother didn't want you. The only one who did was your father – and look where that got you!"
"Just shut up!" Marik gritted his teeth.
His darker half paused for a minute, as if musing over his next comeback. He smiled. "You could shut me up, if you wanted to. You could get rid of me, if you wanted to…" he walked towards Marik. "It's not like I'm lying or anything, I'm just telling you things you already know, things you don't have the guts to admit to yourself – and that's why you can't get me to shut up. And do you know why you can't get rid of me?"
The darker half placed a hand on the other's shoulder.
"Because you really don't want me gone."
Marik grabbed his hand and yanked it away. "I swear, you just say the same things every time I come here, when are you gonna stop?"
"When you finally cave in, which you will."
Marik frowned. "My family loves me. You hate them – I don't see why you want to be real."
"No… of course you wouldn't…" The darker one sauntered away, down the narrow halls that Marik's mind had created in order for this conversation to make sense to him. "I don't think you understand what it means to be unreal…"
Having no better option – he knew the consequences of running away – Marik followed his other half.
"You don't know what it's like to have your existence be temporary, knowing that every second you spend conscious may be the last in a very long time. And that the only way you can be acknowledged is in a dream."
"I feel sorry for you…"
"And I hate you."
"I never meant to create you…"
"You're weak. And that's why I hate you."
"That's not fair, you hate everything."
"Of course I do." He stopped walking. Marik took a few more steps before realizing that he had to pause as well. "How could love come from a creature like me? Who could ever love something like me?"
Marik sighed.
"I wish you would just disappear already…"
His darker half leaned in. "Then why am I still here?"
Marik started to shiver at just how close they were and how he almost swore he felt the other's breath on his chin as he spoke.
"Because in the end, we want the same thing – we want revenge on the person who caused us pain…" without warning, his darker half grabbed his arm, flipping him around and onto his knees. He lifted up Marik's shirt and ran his free hand down his back. "You'd think I would be grateful for these – after all, without them I wouldn't exist. But the very first thing I ever felt was pain… extreme pain…"
Lost in thought, the darker half's grip loosened and Marik broke free.
"I am pain…"
"I know what you are!" Marik yelled, bringing his darker half back to reality. Or at least this mindfuck of a reality his own brain had created. "You are my pain, my hatred. Yes, I want revenge, but I want more than that."
His other half merely watched him with a slightly amused expression.
"I want a life. I could give up my revenge if I only had that – had some freedom."
"And how do you plan on accomplishing that? Do you really think your father will ever let you go? Do you think you could stand being here until he finally dies? You'll have been driven completely insane at that point, and I'll have taken over anyway."
In the end, they both knew how it would go down.
"I don't want my father to die."
"Of course not, he's the only one who wanted you."
"My family loves me!"
"Because they can't get rid of you!"
His voice echoed around them. Marik sometimes wondered if he talked in his sleep, and prayed it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear.
His darker half continued to stare at him for a bit with that look of pure hatred. There had been a time previously where Marik had blacked out. When he woke up, he had no memory of the past few hours, but there was blood on his hands and several dead animals surrounding him. He washed it off before going back to his family and no one ever questioned anything.
He knew his darker half couldn't hurt him in a dream, but was also aware of his capabilities. Having him gaze at him with that hate-filled look could lead to no good.
But his other half suddenly chuckled a bit, which surprised Marik.
"A life…" he said. "You don't have anything to live for. You don't know anything about this 'outside world' you so desperately crave. What do you think you'd do, ah? Get a job? Start a family? Breaking a tradition isn't hard – just don't carve into your son's back and it's all good."
Marik didn't try to silence him. Because he was thinking the same thing.
"You say you want more than revenge, but that's all you have…" the other continued. "And we both know you don't actually have what it takes to go through with it… that's why I'm here."
"I can… do it…"
He found the other's face near his own once more. "Show me."
"…Why? If I grow stronger, you disappear."
Laughter.
"Because I know you better than anyone, that's why. I know what you'll rely on, and who you'll rely on. In the end, you're going to need me."
The other ran a hand over Marik's cheek, making him flinch.
"And then I'll get what I want. Because I don't care that I have a meaningless existence, as long as I have hatred, I can live."
"And that's why you won't disappear." Marik concluded. "Because I hate you."
The other just smiled.