Written April 2002
Isabel's Songfic - "Love Song" by The Cure
Isabel belongs to the people who own Roswell. The Cure own "Love Song." Lyrics were removed as per FanFictionSUCKnet's NEW policy. May they roast among the levels of hellthey call home.
Can you tell me if I'm evil, Alex? I'm standing at your grave, a place you wouldn't be if you hadn't gotten involved with us, and I'm involving someone else. Am I evil for putting him in danger? For loving him? For having married him?
I'm afraid for him Alex. Some nights the nightmares are so vivid, I'm amazed I don't wake up screaming. Is it wrong that when I'm with him I feel safe? It's almost like when I was with you. When you held me in your arms I'd feel like it was right and I was complete. I could never really tell you how it felt though, not when you were here. Not when I should have.
He doesn't know my secret like you did. I hate lying to him, but I can't let him know. He might not treat me the same way. He makes me feel like I did before Max healed Liz, in a way, only better. I can be who I want to be with him, not a vapid social girl, but I can be Isabel. Nothing to do with Vilandra, I'm just me. He's happy with that, and I love him for it. It makes me feel so alive.
You know I loved you. That I do love you. I love him too. Am I supposed to love one of you more than the other? I feel like I should. Like I should love you more as my first real love, but also I should love him as who I have now. I should love the one I'm with. I think he knows the truth, that he and I would never have been together if you had lived. We would have ended up together, maybe I could have started seeing myself with you for the rest of my life, but you died. So am I supposed to love you forever and not let myself fully love him? I will always love you. And I'll always love him too. I've never let you go, I just can't.
What would you say if you were here now? I feet so good when I'm with him, I really do. And at the same time I'm so guilty that I wasn't with you like this. For the time I am with him, I can forget the pain and my past and my destiny. I'm just there, in love, in the moment. Then the guilt comes when we're away. I'll love him and I'll love you.
No matter how far away either of you ever will be from me, I'll love you. I will hold you both in my heart. I'm going to always love you Alex, but I'm going to put your ghost to rest. Give me strength, but I know you Alex. You'd want me to do this. You've said so. I love you and always shall, but there is another. And he's who I am in love with now, and I have to fight to fix myself for love. Always Alex, always. Goodbye.