Hi, thanks for clicking on this story! A few things that you might (?) want to know about it/me:

-I know next to nothing about English culture, Russian culture, Ukrainian culture, etc. I'm a Canadian uni student, and while I'm studying history, I won't claim that everything in here is representative of the realities of the Cold War.

-Basically all I know about spy stuff comes from James Bond, Covert Affairs, and Atomic Blonde. Other than that, I'm really just making it up.

-If you want a good soundtrack to go with the story, listen to the Atomic Blonde soundtrack. It's all absolutely amazing, best 80's hits playlist I've ever seen.

-This story is going to be 5 chapters long, and I've already finished 3. I'll keep to my schedule of writing and post the chapters pretty often. I might do a bit of a prologue-type piece afterward, just because I have some solid ideas for it that I'd like to use.

-This is going to be a SHORT story. I have a history of starting really ambitious plans and then never finishing them, so my goal is to just get it done, and be proud of it.

I would like to thank my friend Amanda for reading the story and giving me the confidence to post it, the bands Chastity Belt, Cherry Glazerr, and The Beaches for being just loud enough to drown out my non-writing related thoughts, and all other Jily fanfiction writers for writing about one of the most amazing love stories ever.

xxx, Alexandra

Chapter 1

"Good evening, Ms. Evans. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, sir, thank you."

"Very good. I do hope you are comfortable. Are you ready to begin?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well. Let's start with you explaining how the bloody hell you managed to escape from the Soviets after four months of being held captive."

"To be precise, sir, it was three months, two weeks, and five days..."

James woke up with a start, his alarm blaring in his ear. Once again hungover (had he really gotten drunk by himself? He had to stop doing that...), He stumbled to the bathroom, and started getting ready for work. This mostly consisted of shaving his stubbled face, trying to comb his hair (with little success), and brushing his teeth (with, thankfully, more success). He groaned as the sun began rising through the small window, his head pounding. James looked at the time, and noticing he was quite late, he quickly got dressed, wearing his usual unremarkable suit, which had been designed specifically with his particular job in mind. He grabbed half a muffin, which he considered to be a fairly decent breakfast, all things considered, and headed off to work, satisfied that he would at least be presentable, if not well-groomed.

After pulling into his usual parking space in the underground lot, James turned off the gorgeous Aston Martin he'd been able to borrow for the past few months, and put the key fob back into his briefcase. He was about to open the door when he remembered his now-daily ritual, and, opening the glove box, took out a grainy picture of him with his arm slung around the shoulders of a tall redheaded girl, who was grinning ear-to-ear at the camera. Lily. James silently promised, as he had every day for months, to find her and bring her home, no matter the cost. She wasn't dead. That much he knew. If Lily were dead, the world wouldn't be spinning, the seasons wouldn't be changing, the trees wouldn't be growing. No, Lily was out there, alive, and James was going to find her. At the thought of where she could be at the moment came to him, he involuntarily shuddered, and blocked the possibilities from his mind. James stared intently at the photo for a few seconds, before determinedly putting the photo back into the glove compartment, getting out of the car, and heading inside to get to work.

"I'm afraid, Ms. Evans, that we simply cannot accept the idea that you were just grabbed while taking a late night stroll. You've always been able to detect enemy agents coming up behind you in the field, and you have already said that you had your gun on you at the time. How was it that you not only got separated from your partner, but that you were captured so easily?"

"I was foolish, sir, and careless as anything that night. We had thought we were coming home the next morning, we had gotten the hard drive from the ambassador's office and had avoided all detection. It was suggested we go out for a drink, which was completely idiotic in itself, but my partner and I were feeling the need to celebrate. That area of St. Petersburg was supposed to be relatively safe, and our location was supposed to be secure. I let my guard down, went out for a smoke around 1 in the morning, and was so preoccupied with- well, with things, that I didn't notice them until they had already disarmed me."

"What was it, that you were preoccupied with, Ms. Evans?"

"Sir?"

"You said that you were preoccupied with 'things' while you were smoking. It is important we know what it was you were thinking about. That is, if you remember."

"Y-Yes sir. I was thinking about… my partner. We had just, um, slept together and I had romantic... feelings toward him. I'm not proud of this, and I can assure you that I would not make the mistake again."

"Were you in a relationship with him?"

"No, sir, it was not so formal as to be considered a relationship. We hardly ever acknowledged that part of our partnership."

"Very well. I see no reason why this should affect your future work, the agency has always permitted intra-agency relationships. And I suppose that suffices to explain how it was that the Soviets were able to grab you. Please, proceed with the story."

Security could be a bitch at this time in the mornings, which is why James had always preferred to come in late. He didn't mind the occasional half-assed reprimand from his boss, and it was worth it not to have to stand in line for half an hour. But James had a mission, a deeply rooted reason for showing up to work on time these days, and nothing, not even a lineup, was going to stop him from his work. First came the metal detectors. James was permitted to go around those, for obvious reasons, but he had to show his ID to two burly security guards before he was permitted to do so. The worst part about that was that he knew that both Mitchell and Grant, who were always on duty at the metal detectors when he came in, knew who he was, and they still insisted on running his ID through the scanner anyway. Bloody wankers, James thought, as Mitchell again insisted he wait to the side while he double-checked his ID, as if he didn't recognise James from every other morning. Then came the retinal scan, which could be right awful if he was hungover, as the light that the machine shon in his eye was so bright as to cause his headache to intensify. As today was one of those days, James had to do the retinal scanner three times before he was able to keep his eyes open long enough for the machine to register his identity.

Finally, there was the worst part of security; Kelly the receptionist. While absolutely kind and always helpful, Kelly was something of a talker, which James could usually work with, but at 6:30 in the morning, without the aid of caffeine, chatting with Kelly about her weekend plans was an absolute nightmare. James managed to dodge that one today, however, as Kelly was strangely absent from her desk in the foyer of the Covert Operations office. Noting her absence, James swiped his access card and the door to the generally shitty agent bullpen opened, the dullness of the office only offset by the odd volume of noise being emitted from agents who usually weren't around for another hour. Completely strange, to see this many agents at work this early, these days, James was used to being at work before everyone else, and leaving far after everyone else.

James saw the two things he needed most at the moment; coffee and answers. Coffee he immediately went for, grabbing a mug from the little corner kitchen and filling it to the brim. How he managed to walk around with a mug filled up with hot coffee without spilling any was a trick he could thank his unusual schooling for. He then went to get his answers, in the form of two of his closest co-workers and friends, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. They were, as everyone seemed to be, chatting away in not-so-hushed tones, both with bright looks on their faces. Smiles like the ones they now wore hadn't been seen for months (to be precise, four months, and three days).

"Hey, mate, you heard the news? Bloody hell, what a relief, eh?" Sirius pat James on the back warmly, but Remus raised an eyebrow.

"You have heard, right, James?" As the two men saw James's confused expression, they looked at each other, alarmed.

"I would've thought they'd've told you the second they got her!"

"The second she came back you should've known! They're saying she's been in the UK for weeks, at a facility in Bristol."

James couldn't believe what he was hearing. There could only be one 'she' that they could be talking about, only one 'her' that he cared about.

"Remus, mate, no bollocks, is it true? Is she…"

"Yeah, James. It's true. Lily's coming home."

With that, though he had always denied being a crier, James began to silently weep. He'd later go on to claim that it had been a very manly affair, but Sirius and Remus would always attest to there being tissues involved.

"Excuse me, ma'am, may I have a word?" James peered into the office of his boss, and one of the most fearsome people in all of the British Isles, Minerva McGonagall. Known for her strict demeanor and the legends of her past missions, she was a brilliant boss and a cracking head of MI6's Covert Operations office. James had always had a close relationship with her, due to his parent's involvement in the agency before their retirement. James had grown up around people like McGonagall, and had the skill to prove it.

"Certainly, Potter, please sit. Could I offer you some tea?" That was the other thing McGonagall was known for; her impeccable manners.

"No, thank you, Ma'am. I was just made aware that agent Evans would be returning to the Covert Ops office today, is this correct?"

"Well, Potter, if she passes her final psych evaluations and physical today, then yes, she will be here no later than 6 PM tonight." James abruptly stood up from his seat in the chair across from his boss.

"Why wasn't I notified the very second she was back on British soil? You know all I've been doing for weeks is trying to find her and organize an extraction team!"

"Please, do sit down Mr. Potter. I can understand your outrage, but I assure you I am not the person for you to express it to." James sat down, slightly calmer. "I was only notified myself last night, that agent Evans had been recovered and had passed her preliminary debriefings and assessments. I was shocked to find out she had been back in Britain for a while, and I can tell you that I expressed this shock to my superiors in a timely fashion."

"Do you know where she was? What happened, how did she get caught?"

"All I've been told is that she was held in an unofficial prison camp in the far north-east, and that she managed to escape after almost four months, and made it back across the Soviet border into Poland by hijacking a helicopter. From there, the agency was able to pick her up."

"When you say unofficial prison camp, you can't mean what I think you do, Ma'am."

"I'm afraid so, Potter. All evidence points to her having undergone some rather unorthodox interrogation techniques. That is why I'm so surprised she has passed all of her psych examinations, many agents who manage to survive that never go back to the work that got them there, they've been too affected. Take care, Potter, not to let your frustration show around her when she is back. She may not be as ready as she seems."

"I apologize, Ma'am, for my outburst. Most uncouth of me. Did you say she would be back at 6 PM?"

"Yes, Potter, I was told 6. We will have our meeting, then, but if she has been cleared, there is no reason she could not join us in the conference room then." James stood up, needing to stretch, suddenly full of energy.

"Thank you, Ma'am. Please, keep me notified on any updates that come concerning agent Evans."

"Very well, Potter. I do want to discuss something with you, while I have you here. If Ms. Evans does join us tonight, I have a small operation for you two, if she is up for it. It is not too demanding, nothing like crossing the iron curtain just yet, but it would be good for her to get back into the field, lest she feel like I've decided she can no longer do fieldwork."

"That sounds fine, Ma'am, I appreciate you letting me know."

Thank you, Potter, you are dismissed." James left McGonagall's office with the half-smile he hadn't used in months, and went back down to his desk, where his colleagues were still gossiping about their no-longer-missing compatriot.

"Tell me more about your relationship with your partner, agent James Potter. How did you two meet?"

"We met when we were still training. He was the golden boy, very popular, but he noticed me and sought me out. The very first thing we bonded over was coffee, of all things. We both prefer it to tea. He joked that the only way in which he wasn't loyal to the British Crown was in his love for coffee, and I told him that I wouldn't report him if he didn't report me for the same. We grew close, we did everything together. He was the one who taught me how to scale a concrete wall, and I taught him how to fool a polygraph."

"You wouldn't happen to be fooling this polygraph, would you, Ms. Evans?"

"No, sir. Besides, I believe you wouldn't need a polygraph to tell if I were lying. I'm far too exhausted to give you anything other than the truth."

"Very well, Ms. Evans. Please, continue."

"Well, James and I graduated from training with top honours, and immediately applied to the Covert Operations team in the London office. It was sheer luck that we got chosen, everyone knows that the Covert Ops office is top-notch with McGonagall in charge. James and I, we travelled the world for 3 years, gathering intel, turning assets, and when necessary, taking out foreign agents. It wasn't always pleasant, but he certainly made it more so. I suppose it was a long time coming that we would develop romantic feelings for one another. I had known he had felt strongly about me during training, but he hadn't mentioned anything about it since we had graduated. Nonetheless, we found ourselves getting romantically entangled despite knowing better. I never talked about it with him, I wanted to keep my professional life separate from my personal life. He tried to bring it up once, but that was the night that I was caught, and now… now I would never allow my feelings to cloud my professional judgement that way. Getting involved with him was a mistake, and though I still wish to work with him, I could not be involved with him that way again. I've simply seen that there are consequences for those kinds of mistakes."

"6 PM? Well, holy fuck. You must be right chuffed, mate." Sirius Black, spy extraordinaire, laughed as the men ate their half-assed lunches in the lounge-area of the office. Or rather, Remus ate, Sirius smoked, and James drank more coffee.

"Yeah, you could say that." Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, unconvinced. James noticed their nonverbal question and filled in the blank.

"McGonagall basically said she had been held by the fucking Soviets and tortured for a few months, so I'm pretty fucking worried, yeah?" Remus and Sirius had gone pale.

"Fucking shit."

"Bloody hell, James. I mean, we all knew it was a possibility, but thinking about Lily in one of those places, it isn't right, it doesn't fit."

"To be fair, though," began Sirius, "Lily doesn't even really belong in MI6, she'd fit in much better as a fuckin' nurse or some shit." James smirked despite himself. Lily had always had the utmost compassion for others, and her kindness was unmatched. He thought of her kind smile and warm laugh and was lost, until he heard Remus grumble to Sirius.

"Yeah, and you'd do better as a goddamned model, Sirius, but we can't all have our bloody dream jobs, huh?" Sirius only chuckled, and where there would have been roaring laughter from James, there was only silence, until he suddenly asked,

"What if she gets back and she's not… okay? You know, mentally and all. Fuck, God knows I wouldn't be."

"Do you remember that story about that agent who got caught in East Berlin a while back?" Asked Sirius, suddenly straight-faced. "The one where they cut off each of his limbs one at a time and sewed them on backward?"

"Oi, I couldn't sleep for days after I heard that, thanks for bloody reminding me."

"Cheers, mate."

"James, don't look so panicked. If she were seriously hurt, or, you know, fucked up from what happened, they wouldn't have cleared her to come back to work. You know those shrinks they make everyone talk to, they're so good at reading people they could tell what I'd had for breakfast that morning."

"You'd probably just spilt it all over your bloody shirt, Black, don't fucking bullshit. Seriously, James, you can trust the agency with this, they're putting Lily's safety first here. They wouldn't clear her if she weren't ready to come back, she'll be fine, you'll see." James cleared his throat and snapped out of his worried paralysis.

"Yeah, you're right, you're right, she's been cleared, so she's got to be fine."

"Well, mate, we all know just how fine you think she is." Sirius ribbed him, causing James to lose balance from where he was perched on the arm of the couch. Blushing and sporting a sore bum from his fall from to the floor, James stood up and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't start with that, Sirius. Our… relationship is the last thing I'm thinking about right now. It's completely unimportant." Both of his friends laughed, wearing looks of disbelief on their faces.

"But seriously, mate, this could be your chance. Tell her how you've been working to find her, tell her how much you lov-omph!" James punched Sirius in the gut to shut him up. Sirius was a shit friend who never knew when to quit talking, James decided. Punching him was the only way to shut him up.

"Stop that, I'm not going to talk about it. I've got work to do, so I don't want to hear it anymore."James got up and started to walk back to his desk when Sirius yelled after him,

"Oi, mate, ignore us, but you can't ignore your feelings!"

"Shut the fuck up, Sirius." At least Remus had James's back sometimes. Remus was a true friend. James wouldn't need to punch him.

It was 6:45 PM when McGonagall finally gave up and called everyone to the conference room for their meeting. She had delayed it almost an hour, and she could not wait any longer, despite her wish to greet her newly-appointed agent. James had been panicking ever since 6:01 PM when the doors to the bullpen stayed closed, despite the insistence on McGonagall's account that Lily would be back at 6:00. Every passing minute was more unbearable than the last, and so James was a bit relieved to have the meeting to distract him from Lily's absence.

As he sat in his usual seat, second from the left, close to the door, James decided that everything just had to be too good to be true. To think that Lily could walk through the door any minute, unscathed and as lovely as ever, seemed to be wrong. James felt he hadn't atoned for what had happened, he hadn't made amends for his mistake, the universe surely wouldn't allow for him to get a free pass on something so important. But then, James had never really believed in things like karma. Leave that to Lily.

He could see Sirius across the table, mouthing something to him, surely wondering where Lily was just as everyone was. McGonagall was explaining a new development with the situation in Afghanistan, but James had never been involved in Middle Eastern affairs, as he could barely speak Spanish, let alone Pashto, and forget about Arabic. James was sipping his fifth (sixth?) cup of coffee, planning on staying at the office until forcibly removed, lest he miss Lily. He tried to pay attention, McGonagall was explaining that 1985 was shaping up to be the worst year yet in the Afghan war, but James was unable to concentrate due to the clock in the corner of the room reminding him that Lily was 78 minutes and 34 seconds late. He was staring so intently at this clock that he nearly jumped when the door opened, and an all-too-familiar form stepped through, all eyes on her svelte form and trademark red hair. Lily Evans, back from the Soviets' grasps.

"Hello, Lily, I'm Dr. Marks, and I will be conducting your psychological evaluation. I've heard that your official debriefing went well, but I'm more concerned about how you are, as opposed to how your mission went."

"Certainly, Dr. Marks. I'm ready to begin whenever you feel is best."

"That's great, Lily, that's just great. Could you tell me a bit about what kind of experience you had while being held in that… er, detention facility."

"Please, Doctor, it was less of a detention facility and more of a hole in the ground. Quite frankly, it was hell, and while I know that it is your job to ensure I'm mentally fit to return to work, but I must tell you that I've blocked out a great majority of what happened while there, to preserve my sanity."

"We all have our own ways of coping, Ms. Evans, it seems acceptable to me that this is yours. It is not our policy to force agents to relive what they've gone through while captive. How have you been sleeping, since you returned a week ago?"

Whatever James had been expecting, it wasn't this. Dressed as professionally as ever, in her nicest heels, and looking like she'd come from the spa, Lily Evans, MI6 agent and covert operations expert re-entered her old life. Without a glance toward anyone but McGonagall, Lily strode into the room.

"I apologize, Ma'am, for my lateness. There was an urgent matter that required my attention. I will endeavour not to allow it to happen again." She handed her boss a manila envelope, and explained, "my reclearance forms and evaluations, Ma'am."

"Very good, thank you, Ms. Evans. You may take your seat, we were discussing Afghanistan."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Lily took her seat next to James, pulled her notebook out of her briefcase, and promptly began taking vigourous notes on the potential covert uses of foreign aid drops, even though she had never been to Afghanistan in her life, and was completely uninvolved in the Middle East's role in the war. James attempted several times to make eye contact with her, but she steadfastly ignored him, and everyone else in the room. He made the mistake of leaning a little bit too close to her, and caught the scent of her perfume, the all-too-familiar scent of citrus and amber filling the space around him. After that, he was a goner. No more listening to Afghanistan ops, now all he could do was stare at the woman who had reentered his life with such ease, but was not meeting his eye.

"Finally, Potter, Evans, I have an assignment for you two, if you're feeling ready." James's attention snapped back to his boss at the mention of his name. McGonagall raised her eyebrows at the redheaded woman beside him, but Lily replied smoothly,

"Yes, Ma'am, quite ready. When do we leave?" James let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Tomorrow morning, to Paris. We have received intel from the Americans that a Soviet arms dealer has just set up shop in a suburb, and we've volunteered to get the information on who his connections are. We'll meet here at 7 tomorrow morning to go over the details. I'm sure everyone would like to go home, it's been a long day. You are all dismissed, and a good evening to you all."

James turned to Lily, ready to embrace her, but she was gone. He saw her shining red hair swishing out of the room before anyone else could even register that they'd been dismissed.

James stood up and rushed after her, determined to catch up to her quickly retreating form. He finally caught her as the elevator she was on was closing. He pushed the door open, and noticed that Lily looked almost upset to have had him catch up to her.

"Lily. You're… You're back."

"Hello, James. I am." She was tense, terse, and absolutely uncomfortable. Not the Lily he knew, by a long shot.

"Are you alright? God, I've missed you like hell." James took a step closer to her, but she leaned away, pursing her lips.

"I'm fine, thank you. I hope you're well too."

"Lily, really, are you okay? You're acting really distant." James's worry was spiking, her distance felt tenfold. She sighed quietly and turned to look at him dead on.

"James, if we're going to work together again, I need to make something clear. Our relationship needs to be strictly professional, and you need to get over any feelings you have for me. I won't let emotions get in the way of me doing my job, and I suggest you do the same." James felt the world slipping away from him, and as the elevator doors opened, he grabbed Lily's elbow to stop her from leaving him behind. With her full attention, looking her intensely in the eye, he said,

"Lily, you have to know I still feel just as strongly about you now as I did that night. I didn't- I wouldn't say those things lightly. Please, tell me you understand, tell- tell me you still care." He was desperate, frantically searching her eyes for any sign that he hadn't lost her. She pulled her arm out of his grasp, fixed him with an intense look of her own, and replied,

"We were fools, James, to think we could survive that way. I won't endanger missions that way again, and I ask you to do the same. I hope you can understand. Good evening." She walked out of the elevator, leaving James standing there, staring after the woman he loved, clinging to scraps of hope that underneath the scars of her terrible experience, she could love him back the way she'd admitted to four months and four days ago.