Kimberley's POV throughout

I've never lived in a stable place i've been able to call my home. I was born to a mother that abandoned me as my father did when i was just an infant. Until i was five years old i was pulled from pillar to post, in and out of foster care from one foster parent to the other none of which cared for me the way they should have done. They looked at me as a cheque because that was exactly what i was, living under their roof put money in their pockets so you could say that i didn't have much of a childhood before i was adopted at the age of five. I dont remember much of my life before that but what i do remember i don't like to think about and maybe thats the reason i fly off the rails so easily.

My adoptive mother was a god sent, my father not so much. He was a drinker, a gambler and most of my memories of him arent positive ones. There are all kinds in this world and not all fathers spoil their children, not all father love or even like their children and my father certainly didnt love us. My father believed a child should be seen and not heard and that paying a child too much attention would ruin them. "Spoiling a child will hurt them in the long haul" he'd say to my mother. "They won't grow and be independent" and independent is what their biological daughter Beth became as soon as she was old enough to move out. Beth is 11 years older than me, shes not only my sister but my best friend.

Once our mother passed Beth practically raised me and she had a tough time doing so. I was 11 years old when our mother died. I was sat at one side of her bed with one hand in mine and Beth sat at the other, we watched her slip away from us. Her illness came as a shock to us all, she was young and healthy or so we thought. The funeral was quiet, the church was empty. At the cemetery when they lowered my mothers casket into the ground we cried as if our hearts were breaking, i guess they were. Her death was peaceful and painful for our mother but not so much us. Its almost like our whole world crumbled as her eyes closed and her grip on our hands loosened. I remember her eyes and how she looked at us. She made my Beth promise she'd look out for me and Beth willingly agreed. She didnt know what she was letting herself in for.

I soon moved in with my sister who had always been over protective when it came to me. I've never been the easiest and at times i'm sure she wishes she never made our mother the promise she did on her deathbed because i've almost put her in hers especially when i fell pregnant at a young age. Beth soon discovered that she had a family even more complicated than she ever thought possible. She had sisters that she never dreamed of having from all over the globe one of which i ended up dating which came as a surprise to everyone especially Beth who disapproved immediately. When i began to have relations with her sister Sarah i didnt go into it thinking it would ever be a serious thing but i began falling for her almost immediately which scared me more than anything i had never felt that way about anyone before.

Now the pair of us live on a unpleasant council estate, in a rundown bedsit living off stolen money miles away from our daughters. I thank god that my mother can't see how i'm living now but i'm sure she'll be turning in her grave. I lie on the double bed pushed up against one wall in the centre of the room. Sarah's body is comfortably warm against mine, she's relaxed and motionless which is hardly surprising as we fell down on this hard mattress hours ago after another night binging with people we barely know. Her breathing is slow and steady, her hair is slightly matted resembling a bird's nest so it's impossible to run my fingers through and last night's dark makeup is smudged imperfectly under her eyes. We fell into a routine some time ago. Its monotonous yet strangely comfortable. I can still smell the alcohol she poured down her neck on her breath as she breathes but it doesn't turn my stomach nor does the stench of stale cigarettes that clings to her, because i smell the same and we're used to it. This has became our smell and maybe that should make me sick. Sarah was never a smoker, surprisingly she had never touched a cigarette until i came walking into her life with heavy footsteps and a past just as troubling as her own. We have fell asleep many times talking about how one day, when we're ready we'd return home and last night we agreed that that day had come. Sure we were drunk and the room span as we spoke but this moment has been pending and this life we've been living is boring now, its not for us and it hasnt been for some time now.

After 10 months guilt now turns me inside out, i tried many times to convince myself that this was okay because living like this was never my intention but what was my intentions? What had i thought that night i fled hand in hand with a woman abandoning her own daughter as well and my own. Its something i choose to forget because thats what i do. I forget the things that hurt the most. I hurt too many people, i know my daughter has been better off without me because i left her in the capable hands of Sarah's foster mother that can provide her with more than i ever could. I put Sarah first and now shes curled up against me, her arm is draped over my stomach and her head is buried in the crook of my neck, i can feel her cheekbone pressing against me and as soon as i close my eyes she stirs.

"Kim?" She whispers by my ear. Her voice is croaky, still laced with sleep. "You asleep?" She asks her british accent just as thick as my own and i shake my head.

"No"

"Todays the day" Shes stretching and yawning at the same time then turning over so she's looking at me. She lays a hand against my cheek. Her palm is cold and her eyes are still half shut. I've just realised that not only is she in last night's clothes but i am too. We thought we'd have one last drink before turning our lives around or at least attempting to

"Do you think we should ring S or something? Or Beth? maybe Alison?" I ask then shes shaking her head. "Don't you think we should warn them or something i mean they could make custody a nightmare. Do you think they're going to let us see them?"

"They're our daughters they're going to have to"

"But Sarah we've been gone for almost a year, thats a long time"

"Look if you've changed your mind just say it. Tell me you're not going to miss this dump"

"Of course i'm not, this place is a shithole" I laugh. "I haven't changed my mind either i'm just nervous, y'know?

"I know babe" She smiles kissing my cheek and she pulls herself up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. "I'll make you a coffee, yeah? We're in for a long day"