Fuchsia Lollipops
summary: "The rack of lollipops is too full without Maysilee to pilfer from them, without Maysilee to suck one during breaks despite the rule that they weren't supposed to eat the shop's candy, a rule they had never followed." Centered around the other half of the Donner twins.
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The sky is gray.
Very fitting. Because Maysilee's been Reaped for the 50th Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell, and her head is pounding. Maysilee, her twin sister with the canary. Maysilee, Town girl. Lover of the fuchsia grape-cherry lollipops that nobody else likes because they taste like medicine. Maysilee wasn't supposed to be Reaped. Popular Town girls are never Reaped. Reaping is something that happens to Seam kids, to strangers with blank eyes.
She's just said goodbye to her sister. At least it's comforting to know that she's sent a small part of herself with Maysilee—her own golden Mockingjay pin, will be going to the Games with her twin sister. And Maysilee had promised to return it.
She shivers and looks at the gray sky. It seems like rain. She goes back into the sweetshop and tries to smile. Smiles bring in customers, after all.
\
The shop is empty without her sister. The chariot rides aired today. Four tributes. Three from the Seam, and Maysilee, the only one with golden hair and blue eyes. They had all been wearing hideous coal miner outfits. Mirabelle had looked at her own face in the mirror, so similar to Maysilee's, and wondered why it had been Maysilee and not her. Mirabelle was the one that deserved to be in the Games. Her family could do with losing her, after all. Maysilee, on the other hand, had been the reason most people flocked to the shop. Everyone had loved Maysilee.
"Hey," says a soft voice. It's Annabel, one of her best friends. Well, one of Maysilee's best friends. "Are you okay?"
Mirabelle says nothing. The shop is too empty and silent. Maysilee had been the one that had brought them together. They are very different, after all. Annabel wears blue dresses and puts ribbons in her curly hair and can speak to practically everyone. All the boys at school are in love with her too. Mirabelle hates skirts and reads books and has trouble talking with people.
Annabel buys a few sweets, and they exchange even less words than they do coins.
She wonders how long it will be like this.
\
She's running the sweetshop one day when she catches a little Seam boy staring at the window display. Not too uncommon. She goes off to shoo the boy away because he's leaving prints in the glass when she recognizes the boy. Conner Abernathy. Haymitch's younger brother. Haymitch, who is in the Games with her sister. She knows Mrs. Abernathy because the woman comes by to do their laundry every week.
She looks back at the boy and goes outside to shoo him. The boy is small and skinny with wide gray longing eyes. He must be starving without Haymitch, she realizes. They must all be. Mrs. Abernathy is a widow, and the boy is too small to be in the mines.
She can't shoo him away. She can't bear to. That had been Maysilee's job—Maysilee was good at sweet-talking people. Maybe if she ignores the boy he will go away.
So she goes back into the shop and her eyes fall on the full rack of grape-cherry lollipops. The rack is too full without Maysilee to pilfer from them, without Maysilee to suck one during breaks despite the rule that they weren't supposed to eat the shop's candy, a rule they had never followed. Her eyes well up with tears. She grabs one, unwraps it, and puts the candy into her mouth. It's hardly touched her tongue when she spits it out and throws it in the trashcan.
It tastes like vomit. It tastes sour and bitter all at once. It shouldn't be called a sweet. Forget that they're not allowed to trash candy. No one had ever bought those lollipops anyway. Except Maysilee.
Then her eyes go back to the Seam boy, whose handprints and eyes are still on the glass window. She turns to the lollipops, makes a decision, and goes outside.
"Here," she says quietly, giving him the magenta sweet. "I kind of know how it feels."
The boy blinks up at her. And then at the lollipop. "Keep it," he finally says, his voice proud and disdainful. "You're only giving it to me because you feel sorry for me."
And then something snaps, and Mirabelle starts crying, because the candy rack is too full and she's not supposed to be the one shooing people away and everything is wrong, so wrong. And it's not fair for the skinny little boy who will probably die without Haymitch.
"I'm not!" she blubbers. "I-it's because these were Maysilee's favorite and she used to pilfer them from the s-store. And now nobody's here to t-take them."
The boy's eyes widen. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. It's just, Haymitch wouldn't want me accepting charity; he was so proud. I-I'm sorry!"
She wipes her eyes. "No, I'm sorry." She smiles. Be bright. It draws in customers. Like Maysilee would. She looks at the little boy again. "Maybe I can give you a job instead of a lollipop?"
\
With Conner working in the back store, things get slightly easier. Slightly more. It took a little while to convince her parents, but she thinks they understand. Maybe a little bit. It helps that the boy is small and cute and—even if he would hate to be called so—pitiful. They're kind to him, although they don't allow him to man the counter. She can practically imagine Maysilee's voice in her head. A Seam boy working at the counter would drive away customers.
Conner's better company than Annabel, at any rate. He has a good head for numbers and keeps track of their inventory and storage, and also helps make some of the sweets. One day she catches Conner with a bright purple tongue and notices that their stock of fuchsia lollipops is lower than it normally would be. She only gives him a smile. Yup, he makes very good company.
Maybe one day she and Annabel will be friends again. Things are tense now, though. Maysilee will make things better when she returns. She refuses to use if. Maysilee will return. She has Maysilee's pin with her, and Maysilee wouldn't die without it.
The interviews pass by, Maysilee looking glorious in a sky-blue dress than make her eyes look endless. She looks at her own eyes and wonder if they'll ever sparkle the way Maysilee's can.
\
The Games begin, and she's just going through an emotional rollercoaster.
One day Annabel walks in the store again with questions about Maysilee on her tongue, and just like that, they're friends again. Annabel is the kind of nice girl that you can't stay mad at for too long. So they watch Maysilee's Games together. They clutch onto each other for support during school. Mirabelle even thinks that maybe they'll get through this—all three of them. They used to be inseparable. And they won't be separated.
Maysilee is going to get through this. She's already proven she's smart. What she did with the dart gun? Genius. It was something Mirabelle would never be able to get through. And she survived the bloodbath, which is something two of the other District Twelve tributes didn't.
"The bloodbath is the main thing," says Annabel softly, reassuringly. "She made it through. She can make it through even farther now."
They develop a routine. The two girls will walk to the sweetshop together. Maysilee will run the sweetshop while Conner makes candies in the back. Annabel will usually stay with them, talking with her or reading one of Mirabelle's many books or a magazine. Sometimes if there's a break in the shop, they'll eat some of the candies together, Conner being the only one reaching for the disgusting grape-cherry lollipops. When it starts to get dark, Conner will go home. And then she and Annabel will watch the Games together.
They watch as Maysilee makes it farther into the Games. Annabel becomes such a frequent visitor in their home that her parents stop asking. They watch as Maysilee makes an alliance with that boy, Haymitch, and she gives Conner a high-five the next time she sees him. But she knows she's not the only one wondering, How long will it last?
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One day, instead of them going to the sweetshop together, Annabel has a lunch date with some boy. She won't give Mirabelle the name, but she blushes a lot. She wonders who the boy it is this time. Maybe it's Adam Mellark. He's been sweet on her since the beginning of time, practically. But when Mirabelle asks, Annabel only laughs and insists that it is definitely not Adam Mellark.
She wishes Annabel luck on her date and goes home. If she were Maysilee, she thinks, Annabel would have told her. They were always talking about boys together. Mirabelle, on the other hand, doesn't understand boys. At all.
"Where's Annabel?" Conner asks during their lunch break.
"On a date," she answers with a smile. "She wouldn't tell me with who though. I think she's embarrassed."
"Ohhhhh," says Conner knowingly. He nods. He reaches for a lollipop, and, when he notices Mirabelle staring at him, he quickly says, "It's okay to eat these, right?"
"Yeah, everyone does," she answers. She herself reaches for some black licorice. The licorice is her favorite. Conner looks up and grins at her.
"Your lips are all black."
"Your lips are all purple."
They both laugh. "You remind me of him, you know," Conner says after they're done laughing. "Haymitch."
"Really? Because you remind me of Maysilee." She wonders how she in any way is similar to Haymitch Abernathy, who is caustic and sarcastic and brave. She eats the licorice and wonders if the candy has anything to do with it.
That night, Maysilee is killed.
\
The next day, she goes to school as if everything is okay. She hollowly asks Annabel how her date was but does not really listen to the answer. Annabel looks worried and as if she has been crying, but she cannot process any of it. She can't process any of the words either, except the ones at the end.
"Is it okay if I don't go to the sweetshop with you today?"
She says nothing but walks away. She has a feeling that Annabel won't ever go home with her to the shop ever again. Her head is throbbing. She survives through the motions of school and then goes home. To the shop. Without Annabel, for the second time, except this time it's so different. She takes her place behind the counter and tries to smile. Smiles bring in customers, she thinks.
"Hi," says a tiny shy voice. Conner. "I organized the window display for you, and the cashier. Is that okay?"
She stares at the little boy and all she can think is Haymitch and all she can see is candy pink birds spearing her older sister—over and over and over again. And she stares at the boy and she has never hated anyone as much as she hates him at the moment. Conner whose older brother is alive and probably going to win and come home with parties and food and riches. And all she has left of her twin sister are hideous, hideous memories.
"Get out," she commands. Her voice is shaky yet firm at the same time. When Conner does not move, but stares at her with those enormous pitiful gray eyes, she screams. "Get out of the shop! Now!"
\
The day after that she does not go to school. She stays in bed. Maysilee is gone. She wonders how—what—the store, Annabel, Conner, and everything. It gives her a headache. And a stomachache. Every bit of her is just aching. She stays in bed and stares at the ceiling and wonders what is to happen now.
There's a soft knock at the door. Her parents.
"Are you okay?"
She looks up at her father, her father with sunken eyes and gray hair, and then she feels guilty. Her parents need her right now, and her lying in bed like this is not being any help. She gets up and walks robotically towards the sweetshop downstairs.
"I'm okay," she says, breathing out. "I'll run the sweetshop for you. Is Conner working today?"
Her father shakes his head. "He resigned yesterday." He says nothing else but he seems to have aged more since yesterday. He seems to be aging more every day. She tries to ignore her pounding headache and goes downstairs into the shop.
The shop is empty.
Gone is Maysilee. Gone is Annabel. Gone is Conner, even.
She goes behind the counter and stares at the full rack of grape-cherry lollipops. She reaches to take one, vowing that she'll eat it even if it's just in her sister's honor, but she can't get through it. Not only is her stomach in ruins, the thing is disgusting. And her head still hurts. How is she going to get through this? How is she going to survive?
\
The Games are over, and Haymitch Abernathy has been crowned Victor.
Good for Conner, she supposes. Her head has been hurting even more often now. It's difficult to think. No one else understands. No. One. Else. Her sister is dead, her friends are gone, and her parents are aging fast.
She goes directly home after school every day. She just barely manages to work at the counter, putting on a fake smile. She thinks that most people only buy sweets now out of pity. She keeps reminding herself that she'll get over it. But she doesn't believe it.
One day she's working in the shop when Conner comes in. She hasn't spoken to the boy since she yelled at him to get out.
"I'm sorry," they both blurt out at the same time.
She shakes her head. "No, it's entirely my fault. You were just trying to be nice, and I shot you down. It's just…" She doesn't finish the sentence. She looks at the boy and feels as if, just like things are like with Annabel, things will never quite be the same with them either.
But then Conner takes one of the purple-pink lollipops and heads for the back room.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"I'm going to start my work for today," he answers with a toothy smile. His teeth are purple already. Maybe things will be okay.
\
It's been two weeks since Haymitch has come home. The party where it seemed like everybody else was celebrating had been torture. She remembers it as a blur of colors and sweets and vomit. She had vomited on that day.
She tries to forget that day though. The next day Conner had come in and the lollipops had been missing and she had smiled.
And maybe life will go on. Except Conner isn't at the store today. Maybe he's running late, she frets. Or maybe he's just gone off with a special day with his brother. She supposes that must be it. Although from what she's seen and heard, Haymitch Abernathy has not been doing very well.
She waits for the entire day for Conner to come, but he does not. And the rack is strangely full, and everything seems harder. But he'll be coming back. She reassures herself on that. The little boy always has.
Instead, the next day, she's visited by Haymitch Abernathy.
"Where's your younger brother?" she automatically asks.
Haymitch stares at her blankly for a few seconds. His breath smells of alcohol. "So much. You look so much like her."
Maysilee. He's talking about Maysilee. Her head hurts but she ignores it. "Where's your younger brother?" she repeats.
"Dead," answers Haymitch. "All dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. You look so much like her."
She can't breathe. "Your brother is dead?"
Haymitch stumbles around the shop and stares at her. "You look so much like her, sweetheart."
No. No. There's no way Conner is gone too. She rushes out from behind the counter and looks Haymitch in the eye. "Stop being drunk, and tell me what really happened to your brother."
"He's dead! I told you he was dead!" Haymitch repeats. "The Capitol got to him! Oh, they told me it was an accident, sure! Yeah, Maysilee dying was an accident! Me winning was an accident! It was all a stupid, stupid accident! Maysilee, stupid Maysilee. You look so much like her."
She can't move. She should be reacting more—she should be crying and yelling and stomping her feet. But it's too much energy, and her head and heart is racing. She can't move, or think, or anything. She looks at Haymitch. He doesn't have Conner's purple teeth, but he has the same gray eyes and floppy brown hair.
"You look like him," she says quietly.
She watches as the drunken older Abernathy leaves the shop and spends the next few hours in a haze. The words have not completely processed. She keeps waiting for Conner. But he does not come. Nobody comes except for customers with repeating questions and eyes full of pity.
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After that she really stops getting out of bed. Not even the sight of her constantly-worried parents can drive her out. Her sleep cycle is fitful. Sometimes she'll wake up in the middle of the night crying or yelling, and other times she'll just be staring at the ceiling for hours at a time while the sun shines outside.
One day she gets a package sent up, addressed to the twin sister of Maysilee Donner,from Haymitch Abernathy. Her breath hitches, and she opens it up, wondering what could possibly be sent. Inside is the golden Mockingjay pin. She almost throws out the entire package in disgust, but that's not the only thing in it. There is also a grape-cherry lollipop and six bottles of liquid morphling.
She stares at the package for a while. No. No way. She is not going to succumb to morphling. She hardly lasts two minutes before she's reaching the bottle. Is she really going to try it? Is she? She sits up in her bed and looks at the clear vial and then down at the lollipop. The lollipop she could never stand. She gently unwraps it and looks again at the golden Mockingjay pin. She should just throw it all out. Everything.
Instead she dumps the liquid morphling onto the candy. And she picks it up and sucks.
For once, it is sweet.
Written for both Missing Mommy for April II, and also for Caesar Palace's April writing contest. Sorry I interpreted the prompt so abstractly.