Originally this was intended to be a one-shot, but the final product is something like 4,000 words, so I've decided to make it a two chapter story, albeit a very long two chapter story. The second part will be up once I tweak it a bit and finish the ending.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, or any of the songs I've used, which I will list at the end so that I don't ruin the surprise. :)

Catherine stood in Grissom's office, looking at the boxes that remained, the few pickled animals that still sat on the shelf… She still couldn't believe he had left, left his friends, left the lab… left her. He didn't even say goodbye, not that courtesy and manners were his forte, but she had expected after all the years they had been together, and all the things that they had been through, she would have gotten more than a smile and a nod as he left. And what did she do? She winked. She winked, and then he left.

Catherine knew that Gil was her best friend, and she knew that when he left it would hurt her, but she didn't know how deeply it would or, although she tried to quell her feelings, she knew what she had always known in the back of her mind; that what she felt for him was more than just friendship. And, though she had tried not to admit it to herself, when he said that Sara was the only woman he had ever loved it had hurt, and she tried to ignore it, and pretend that she was happy he had found someone. But she wasn't.

And now all she had was the God awful fetal pig he had given her, and memories of all they had done… and hadn't done… As she felt the tears begin to brim she knew she had to get out of there. Get out of the lab and all that reminded her of Grissom.

She stormed out, not caring that she got a few curious glances as she whizzed past people. She was so focused on getting out as quickly as possible that she almost ran right into Nick as she rounded a corner.

"Hey Cath, what's up?" Nick asked, but then he took in the look on her face. "Catherine, what's wrong?"

Catherine took a deep breath, put on a brave face, trying to smile, but failing miserably, "It's nothing Nick, I just- I'm gonna head out, maybe get a drink somewhere."

"By yourself?" He asked, looking slightly concerned.

"Yeah… I need some time to think. I'll see ya." She walked away before he could object anymore. Nick knew that Grissom's leaving had had its toll on everyone in the office, but, try as she might to hide it, he knew it had affected Catherine the most. It hurt him to see her in so much pain, but he knew that he needed to give her space and time.

Once her car door closed Catherine felt her control over her emotions begin to slip, but she tried to fight it, not wanting to break down. She had stopped breaking down over men a long time ago. She pulled out of the lab parking lot and decided against the usual place she got drinks with the team from time to time. Catherine wanted to go somewhere that held no memories, and wouldn't remind her of him… She turned on the radio; the silence in the car was giving her nothing to think about except that which she was trying to forget. The sound of Bonnie Tyler vibrated loudly in the car, and Catherine turned the volume down a bit, making a mental note to talk to Lindsey about proper radio volume. Suddenly Catherine realised what song was playing and she laughed bitterly at the irony as Bonnie belted on:

It's a heartache, nothin' but a heartache

Love him 'til your arms break, then he'll let you down

It ain't right with love to share

When you find he doesn't care, for you

It ain't wise to need someone, as much as I depended on-

Catherine flipped the channel, not able to take that song, and the emotions it was stirring up anymore. A soft Allison Krauss song took the place of the previous blaring 80's one.

And there's a storm that's raging

Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles

And it always makes me smile

I spend my time thinking about you

And it's almost driving me wild

And that's my heart that's breaki-

"Seriously?" Catherine asked no one in particular as she changed the station once more. What had seemed amusing was now just starting to sadden her even more, and annoy her.

I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel, somethin' it won't-

Catherine turned the radio off with such force she was sure she may have broken it. She felt her tears burning her eyelids as they threatened to fall, but she bit her bottom lip and held them in, knowing that salvation was now just a few miles away.

_______________________________________________________________________

Nick walked into the remote bar a few hours later. Knowing Catherine like he did, he figured she wouldn't want to go to the usual place. He had felt the same way after Warrick had died; the place brought back too many memories. He scanned the room, hoping she was there, but also hoping she wasn't. He didn't like the idea of Catherine drinking her troubles away. But, sure enough, when he looked over at the bar she was sitting there; her head propped up unsteadily by her hand as she downed a drink that he was guessing wasn't her first, or even her third. He approached her, his heavy footsteps causing her to turn around quickly, almost resulting in her falling clean off her stool, but she managed to steady herself, and she smiled as her eyes focused on him.

"Nicky!" She exclaimed, and he could tell she had had way too much to drink. "You wanna join me in a drink?" She slurred.

He shook his head as he took the seat next to her. "No thanks Cath and I don't think you should have anymore either." She glared unfocusedly at him.

"Well at least let me finish this one," she said, pointing unnecessarily at the glass in her hand. Nick agreed, but she didn't take a sip, she just stared at the counter. After a few minutes Nick slowly reached out and plucked the glass from her hands.

"C'mon Cath, I'll take you home," he said, standing up, but she remained where she was.

"I'm just as pretty as she is," Catherine said, seemingly out of the blue.

"What?" Nick asked, genuinely puzzled. Catherine turned her confused and helpless eyes on him and the look panged him.

"Right?" She asked, searching his eyes for confirmation he didn't know how to give. "And, ok, so she did college the 'right way,'" her overly gesticulated air quotes almost caused her to lose her balance again and Nick sat back down, putting his arm on her shoulder to steady her. She seemed un-phased by all this and continued. "But I'm just as smart as her! And I've known him longer; I thought we were best friends..." Nick could see she was on the verge of tears now, and he suddenly knew who she was talking about.

"Cath-" he started to say, but she interrupted him, her voice thick with emotion.

"What did I do wrong?" Nick had never seen Catherine so distraught, and it was definitely a heartbreaking sight. He reached out and pulled her into a hug.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he whispered soothingly. He could hear her sniffling as she held back tears, and felt her shake her head against him.

"I must have, I can't think of any other reason… he just left…" Nick pulled her out of the embrace and bent his head down a bit to meet her eyes.

"Listen to me; you are one of the best people I know. You're strong, courageous, kind, a great boss, a great mother and a great friend. There is nothing wrong with you, any man would be lucky to have you. It's Grissom's problem if he doesn't realise what he is missing. You can't blame yourself Catherine." His words seemed to bring her some comfort and she managed a small smile, and a tiny nod.

"Thanks Nicky."

"No thanks needed, it was the truth. Now let's get you home." He stood up and forgot about Catherine's inebriated state until she stood to follow him and stumbled, almost hitting the floor face first. Nick caught her easily and they slowly made their way out of the bar, Nick practically carrying her out. After attempting to just give her his arm to help her into his Tahoe, he finally had to pick her up and place her in the car. She had stopped talking so the ride was becoming awkwardly silent. Nick reached over and turned the radio on, and his favourite country station began blaring through the speakers.

Catherine groaned, "Nick? Even drunk I can't take that music." He chuckled and changed the channel to an oldies one. At first Catherine didn't really hear the lyrics, her muddled brain only taking in the melody, but then she recognized the song and the lyrics hit her like doing a shot of Greg's coffee.

I could hardly believe it, when I heard the news today

I had to come and get it straight from you

They said you were leaving; someone swept your heart away

From the look upon your face I see it's true

Catherine felt her chest constrict and she found herself moved. By a cheesy 80's song. Although later she would attribute this to her high level of intoxication, in the moment the song was causing the feelings she had been fighting for God knows how long to come spilling forth.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you

Now that I've been lovin' you so long

How am I supposed to live without you

And how am I supposed to carry on

When all that I've been living for is gone

It was then that Catherine lost all control and began to sob. Nick, who had been zoning out as he drove, jumped slightly at her sudden outburst of emotion. He turned the volume down a little so that she could hear him.

"Hey Hon, it's alright, we're almost there." He tried to be as comforting as possible, but she looked so beyond repair that he felt it tearing at his heart.

"The… the song," she choked, "it's true… it's all true." Her tears subsided a little and she was able to make out:

How can I blame you, when I built my world around

The hope that one day, we'd be so much more than friends

This caused another tidal wave of tears to come flowing down her face, and Nick was thankful that they had made it to her house. He pulled into the driveway and turned the car off, but remained inside, reaching his hand out to hold hers and waiting until her tears had settled to small sniffles before getting out. He went around and opened the door for Catherine, supporting her as she walked unsteadily out.

After retrieving the house key from her purse, Nick opened the door and walked in, steering her towards the couch. She sat down without protest and stared at the wall.

"I'm going to go and make a phone call and then get you some water," Nick assured her as he walked out of the room. He needed to call Greg to see if he could swing by Catherine's to pick him up, and then his car which was still in the bar parking lot.

Catherine felt like lying on the couch and crying some more, but something that Nick had said tugged at her jumbled brain. Phone call. Phone call! She reached quickly for her purse and retrieved her cell phone. She held down the 3 button and the phone began to ring. After a few more rings it jumped to voicemail: "This is Gil Grissom, leave me a message and I will return your call as soon as possible."

"Gil!" Catherine began, her voice, had she not downed five vodkas in just a few hours, would have had its usual reprimanding tone, but it just sounded like a child trying to scold a parent. "It's Catherine, Catherine Willows; your 'best friend.'" Once again the air quotes threw her off and she tumbled off the couch, landing softly on the floor. "Sorry," she mumbled into the phone, rubbing her elbow, "What was I saying…? Oh! Right; it's me. I just wanted to tell you how dishapoint-dish-…unhappy I am with you! Apparently I'm not your best friend, because best friends confide in each other. You went and dated Sara, you didn't even tell me!" Catherine stood up and began pacing unsteadily as she talked. "And while we're on the subject of that, what's the deal with… that? Do you know how much it hurt? All those years of me and you flirting and- you know what? It sucks to be led on like that Gil! It hurt, especially to be led on by someone you love!... That's right; I love you. Look out," she exclaimed loudly, throwing her hands up in the air, "Catherine's sharing her feelings!"

Catherine's raised voice had caught Nick's attention, and he tried to quickly finish up his phone conversation with Greg. Meanwhile Catherine's tone had taken a softer one, and she stopped pacing. "I regret not doing anything about it now, because- my god- you don't know how excruciating it was, pretending to be happy for you, watching you and Sara together."

Nick hung up and could only vaguely hear what she was saying and he began to walk closer, wondering who the hell she was talking to. Catherine's voice flared up again, "But you know what this is really all about? What this all boils down to?!" Nick began walking faster, he had a feeling she wasn't ordering a pizza. He entered just in time to hear: "My tush!"

"Catherine, hang up the phone!" He ordered in alarm, rushing over, not wanting her to embarrass herself further.

But she continued, "You liked it before, what changed, huh?" Nick wrestled the phone from her hands and snapped it shut quickly. "Hey!" She exclaimed, "I wasn't finished yet!"

"Please…" Nick said solemnly, "tell me that wasn't Grissom."

TBC…

A/N: The songs, in order, were: It's a Heartache by Bonnie Tyler, Missing You by Alison Krauss and John Waite, I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt, and then How am I Supposed to Live Without You by Laura Branigan. The last song was one that I thought fit the Gil/Cath situation so well, the lyrics are just so perfect, and sad…