The humming of the forest wasn't enough to cover up the heavy breathing of a very exhausted youkai lord. True, he was dying out in the baking sun because he was working so hard, but he didn't really notice much for the time being. He spun in the air twice before landing his sword in a nearby tree.
His hair fluttered around his face unruly as he calmed his racing heart. Sweat dripped from his brow down to his pointed chin and onto the grassy ground as he ran away from the tree to demolish another one. He didn't know why he was so aggravated, but lately he needed a vent for his bubbling over anger. So hitting trees and occasionally Jaken did him a bit of good.
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with…
He swayed slightly on his feet as he put another punch on a trunk. Finally, how tired he was became evident in his mind and the weight of everything he'd been doing suddenly fell on his shoulders. Soon he was leaning on the tree he'd just hit moments ago while sitting on the roots. He panted lightly as he took a break.
The Lord of the Western Lands had taken off his armor. It was too hot to wear that thing anyway. His hair ran in silky strands randomly in front of his face, flittering this way and that, flying on his raspy breath. His hakama was even starting to slide off his sloped shoulder in a perfect picture of weakness. This lord, Sesshomaru, stared blindly out forward. He was waiting.
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by…
He hadn't seen hide or hair of his mangy brother lately. Maybe this was the underlying thing that bothered him so. That seemed to get him so riled up in the middle of the day or night. That something that just…somehow made him go insane without even knowing it. He was beginning to give himself a headache just thinking about it. He was sighing.
That couldn't possibly be the reason. Inuyasha…he didn't give a damn about that mutt. The half breed could take care of himself. And besides, they were enemies to the death, well Inuyasha's anyway. Their only relationship was filled with poisonous hatred and acidic words of demise. Blood boiled, not to mention spilled, whenever they crossed paths. Sesshomaru bared his fangs in remembrance of the hanyou. The image of the scruffy pup appeared in his mind and he couldn't stop a growl from escaping his throat.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old…
He turned to his side to see Jaken staring at him with confusion as to why he was acting this way and Rin wandering around doing who knows what. The youkai tried to stand up with grace, but couldn't help but grab a tree limb when his knees almost gave out from the abrupt energy use. He combed his locks back with a clawed hand and grimaced when he brought it back down to his side. There was a red cut across the middle of his hand. He looked back to Jaken, not even second thinking his now a bit blood brushed hair.
And again seeing crimson made Inuyasha enter his mind. Where was his little brother anyway? The thought that he may be dead by someone else's hand came to his mind and his frown deepened. That simply wouldn't do. Inuyasha was his, and his alone. His life, anyway. Nothing more. "Jaken, are you and Rin going to be alright by yourselves for a while?"
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said…
This seemed to startle the demon and he stuttered with his words. "Ah, um, why yes mi lord! But…where will you be?" His eyes became larger with curiosity as he asked this question. Of course it would go unanswered. Sesshomaru turned on his heel and left his servant and ward in the camp.
His feet wobbled unsteadily as he walked toward his brother's scent trail. It was everywhere in this part of the forest. He then decided his brother must be in heat. His stomach seemed to melt with sickness as he continued to walk toward his sibling. When he finally reached the clearing Inuyasha was in, he was surprised to see only the monk sitting with him. It was better this way, though.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…
Sesshomaru stuck his hand out to touch a tree and instantly a special poison dripped onto its bark, soaking into the wood with a burning sensation. It smelled horrible, but it couldn't cover Inuyasha's scent nonetheless. He watched in amusement as the monk coughed on the gases. "Miroku?" He heard Inuyasha gasp. His voice was pain stricken and worried for his friend. Pitiful.
Sesshomaru stepped from the cover of the trees quietly and yet Inuyasha seemed to notice, curling into himself and giving him a dear in the headlights sort of look. He was frightened. He thought this Sesshomaru had come to take him as a mate. As if.
"Don't worry. The poison gases only knock him out long enough for me to talk to you." This seemed to make the hanyou braver.
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to…
"Yeah, well what do you want ya cold hearted bastard!" His usual language. How predictable. The lord lowered his body to sit on the ground next to Inuyasha who lay in the grass, obvious in more pain than the other.
"Brother…you are in heat?"
"Is that all you came to find out? Well yeah I am. What's it got to do with you?" The hanyou's voice got weaker and weaker in anger as his sentences went on.
"Nothing." The word clicked something in Sesshomaru's mind. He had nothing to do with his brother. Why had he come to see him? Just to see him? That made no sense at all. His brother was in heat, and who knows, maybe even he would be affected. It wasn't smart to stay here with him. Why would he want to? Just to be with him? That also was ridiculous. He held his head lightly. It was swimming with thoughts and he could hardly hold it up right. Inuyasha seemed to notice.
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you…
"Hey, are you okay? I mean, you look sick or tired or…something." Inuyasha's voice was definitely soft now. Like green grass. Fresh green grass you could lay in and watch the sun go down. He looked into the sky and sure enough, the sun was setting on the horizon.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Suddenly he took in his brother. His appearance was a bit ruffled considering his aching, but otherwise…the half breed looked beautiful. The colors of the purple and blue sky were reflected on his paler face and shadows were cast all along his body. His golden treasure eyes were filled with emotion. Or should he say emotions?
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right…
Then he snapped his eyes away to the ground. It was his scent that was getting to him. He was in heat. He was supposed to look irresistible. And every time he said 'He's in heat. It's supposed to make you this way.' to his mind…to his heart, it never helped. It only made him feel worse about he whole ordeal. Then he felt an alien feeling on his cheek. It was…warm?
His eyes flashed to reality and he saw it. Inuyasha was sitting up, supporting himself on one arm in his fragile state, and stroking his cheek with his hand. He was trying to calm him. But why? Sesshomaru grabbed the hand and was about to toss it away when he felt how warm his hand really was. Then he did something odd. He held the hand to his cheek. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knew. He knew he needed this.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…
He needed his brother's warmth. His light. His help to guide him away from insanity. He needed, maybe even wanted, his brother's love. There had been instances. When he and Inuyasha would meet in battle, he would forget where he was and what he was doing. This Sesshomaru would run right up to Inuyasha and be about to do unspeakable things to his brother when he would realize this was a fight. And instead of getting intimate with the hanyou, he'd violently slash him across the face with his sharpened claws or say something intimidating and hurtful.
And Inuyasha noticed these little mistakes. They both did. As well as he tried to cover them up; it never worked on the other. He was smarter than that.
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to…
Sesshomaru let out a deep breath he'd been holding and let go of Inuyasha's hand, which limply fell to his side. Inuyasha looked at him with none other than sadness. He was still concerned, but he was upset as well now. What more did this brother of his need to do to him?
"Sesshomaru…it's time that I…" He stopped and gulped a bit. The pup was actually scared of him for once. What could he possibly want to say that began with those words to him? Was he really going to say he loved him while he was in heat? Could he really believe it when Inuyasha was in this condition?
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine…
"…return…the heart I stole from you." Inuyasha finished with a spillage of tears over his cheeks. Well, it didn't really matter if Inuyasha was sex crazy or not. He wasn't saying he was in love with him. He was telling him that he rejected him. That he didn't want him. He didn't love him back.
Sesshomaru's face was as cold as always, but on the inside he was falling apart. Had anyone ever rejected him before? He always got his way. So why not now…? A voice broke through his breaking damn of emotions. "Are you mad at me? Please don't be. I…I don't know what else to do. I don't want to hurt you. You have to understand…"
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time…
But how could he? How could he possibly comprehend why this was happening to a great lord such as he? His thoughts were rampaging and stomping around in his head like angry giants. All he wanted to do was either scream until his throat bled or cry until he was as dry as a prune. But the only words that came out were: "I understand."
Inuyasha smiled a bit. "I'm so glad." It was a real smile, Sesshomaru could tell. It only made him break more inside. But when they sat in silence for a while, it obviously felt strange to Inuyasha so he got up to leave. He threw Miroku over his shoulder unsteadily and began to walk away.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…
Then it seemed to the youkai that Inuyasha had something more to say because he began to turn around and had his mouth open to talk. With the speed of light, Sesshomaru ran to him and grabbed his shoulders, preventing him from turning to look at him. He could feel himself letting go of his composure more and more as the seconds ticked by. He couldn't seem to get a grasp on his mind to tell his mouth to make words. This Sesshomaru was truly falling apart. All because of a stupid hanyou.
Inuyasha jumped a bit but stood still when he felt Sesshomaru's breath on the back of his neck. It was consoling somehow. "Sessho-"
But he was interrupted. "Don't."
"But- What?"
"Don't. Don't turn around. Please…" Hesitation. "I don't want you to see me…looking like this. Not now…" Maybe he could have handled it. Maybe if deep down he didn't know where he put his heart. Who he gave his heart to. Maybe, maybe, maybe. For once he didn't know.
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to…
"Sesshomaru…You know it wouldn't matter to me-" Inuyasha tried to turn to basically comfort his brother but the grip on him stayed firm and he couldn't even lay a hand on him. Then he stopped trying so hard. "But I do get why you wouldn't want me to see you." It made sense. He was already dealing with pain, kneeling down to let Inuyasha comfort him made him look even weaker. This was something Sesshomaru was not used to.
There was something else he wasn't used to. "Thank you…for understanding." The steely hold loosened a bit to allow some movement from the other. Inuyasha smiled a bit when he felt his brother's cheek resting on his shoulder, in his own way telling him to relax. "Goodbye." Barely above a whisper, the word escaped Sesshomaru's lips in a plea.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…
"Bye." It hit Inuyasha that this may be the last time he and Sesshomaru may meet. He wanted to do something memorable, but respected his brother's wishes and walked forward, more and more away from his brother. And he never looked back. Even when he felt a wet cheek slip from his shoulder. Even when he felt clawed fingers let go from his arm and slip behind him. Never.
Sesshomaru let all physical contact with his brother go. He watched him walk away with his friend over his shoulder, wondering what to do next. Go back to Jaken and Rin? Stay here and waste away in misery? Follow Inuyasha? None of those seemed good enough for him. None of them seemed right.
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to…
But then again…Nothing would be right anymore. Not after this. He was letting Inuyasha go. Just…go. But would he ever tell his brother they wouldn't see each other again and give him his own pain? No. Never.
This was their goodbye. It didn't have to be filled with spite and resentment. And it wasn't. "I send my goodbyes…and love to you…Inuyasha."
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star…
-PL
Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You