Title: Passing the Burden.
Rating: T for violence.
Summary: You've all read of the ordinary person who gets aboard the Normandy and has a hand in shaping the events of mass effect (hopefully for the good), but what if the S/I character didn't make it? Self insert. Sort of. Ashley centric, Shenko.
A.N.: To be honest I hated Ashley, so this is going to be an interesting test of my self control. The Shepard in this is going to be my Vanguard spacer/sole survivor
Paragon, because I liked her the most.
I sighed and twirled my pen between my fingers in boredom. I didn't often write fan fiction on paper anymore, preferring to simply type things out as they come to me on the computer to save paper (and the extra work of then having to type it up afterwards), but today I'd had the feeling that doing it the old fashioned way would be a good idea.
I have loads of fics that are still in progress but somehow the drive to start a new one, in a category I'd never written in before, was overwhelming. I just didn't know what to write. I'd sat here for about an hour, fiddling with my pen, doodling in the margins of my lined paper and basically coming up empty on a story line. So why was the need to write something for Mass Effect so strong?
I dropped my head to the desk in exasperation, I'd learned a long time ago that I couldn't simply force the words out, so all I could do was either wait for the right thought to strike me, or attempt to work through the creative block by going over what I already had. I scoffed a little at that; what I currently had was a couple of doodles, no words yet. Great. I groaned and picked my head off my desk. OK, time to work through this.
First things first; what didn't I like about Mass Effect? I tapped the pen against my lips as I considered the question. A few things; mostly that the council never listens to you about the Reapers and the Collectors, Ashley, that Udina only seems to be out for himself, Cerberus, Miranda, that you can only take two crew members with you on a mission, that your dialogue choices never seemed to say what you clicked on... ok forget that.
What would I change if I could? A slow smile spread across my face and I quickly jotted down the major choices and their consequences throughout Mass Effect 1 and 2. Well I say quickly; it actually took me an hour because I had to look some stuff up on the wiki. My memory isn't that good. I vacillated on whether to write down what happens in number 3. If I make changes to 1 and 2, will the decisions of 3 be relevant anymore? I shrugged, wrote down the more salient points of 3 and then sat back in my chair. I now had a place to start. I quickly snatched up the papers before they could blow away and- wait, what?
I glanced sharply around and then froze. Where the hell was I? Just a second ago I had been sat at my writing desk in my room at home, now I was outside, sat on a crate near what looked like a few port-a-cabins. I panicked. My heart hammered in my chest as I stood and spun in a sharp circle, looking for anything that looked remotely like a way back to familiar ground, but the grassy cliffs, futuristic shelters and angry red sky were unfamiliar. - ... well it was familiar, but impossible. I had to be hallucinating. or dreaming, but I'd be properly attired in a dream, wouldn't I?
I hastily rolled up my papers and tucked them up my sleeve around my arm so I wouldn't lose them and looked around again. I wanted to move -so badly- but I wasn't sure where I should go. Should I even move from here? Maybe someone would appear who would help me get home. I glanced up at the sky again and shuddered. That was just... unnatural. I jolted in fright at a sudden but distant burst of gunfire. Decision made; I leave, fast.
I sped through the area, running away from the gunfire, but it still seemed to be closing in behind me. I tossed a glance over my shoulder to see just how close it was and my foot caught on something, pitching me forwards into the dirt. I sprawled awkwardly; I never had gotten the hang of 'falling correctly', and since I had only had 3 lessons in karate, because I was too self-conscious to make myself stay any longer, it was safe to say I never would.
Voices accompanied the gunfire as I struggled to my feet, wincing in pain from my now sprained ankle and jarred elbow. I scowled at myself, and set off hobbling as quick as I could manage, forcing myself not to look behind me again. Each step was difficult, but my inner coward kept me moving away from danger. Just not fast enough.
One minute I was hobbling steadily, the next I was lifted off my feet by an impact on my back, throwing me to the ground and leaving me screaming in agony. My back felt like it was on fire, wave after wave of pain crashed over me, it was all I could think about, it was all that mattered. The gunfire had caught up with me, voices shouted at one another, mostly in desperation and fear, but their words were lost on me, almost drown out by my screams.
Hands grabbed me and carefully turned me to my side, but despite their care they simply triggered more pain. I sobbed and screamed at them, first to help me, then to leave me alone, but they ignored my words. After a while I began to calm slightly and hear them clearly, even though the pain hadn't faded. Was this shock, or desperation? I peered up at the people around me through my tears and choked on my saliva; Ashley Williams, my least favourite member of the team and the one I happily sacrificed on Virmire, was holding on to my hand. If I was in my right mind right then I would have felt terribly guilty, but her words stopped most of my thought processes.
"Her spine's been severed at her lower back by the shot, anyone have any medi-gel?"
"Medi-gel's not going to heal a spinal injury, Williams."
"Does anyone have any?!" she shouted back.
"No."
"Damnit!" she shook her head and then whipped it around to look at the rest of her team. "What about medical training? Anyone-?"
"No, Williams. I'm sorry but we don't have time or resources to waste on her and she's giving away our position!"
That sentence spurred me in to action. While I may not get on to the Normandy, somehow I had already squandered my chance, Ashley would. I made a desperate grab for her shoulder and brought her close to me, to make her focus on me.
"Listen to me!" I said, pain giving an unusual intensity to my words. "I came to help you."
"What?" She cut me off unhelpfully to stare at me in confusion and what little patience I had managed to scrounge up fizzled out.
"Listen! I came from-" damn, she would never believe I came from an alternate dimension where her life was simply part of a game called Mass Effect. "-the future." Oh, brilliant. She'll believe that one. Nice going.
"She's delirious." Supplied one of her squad mates sympathetically. Suddenly the gunfire started up again and I knew I was about to either be left for dead (because they couldn't carry me around) or put out of my misery, which to be honest, if I didn't have something incredibly important to tell her, I would have welcomed. Ashley turned and picked up her weapon from where she had dropped it by my side, but I increased my grip and jerked her back to me. A brief expression of anger crossed her features, which I ignored.
"You will meet up with Commander Shepard and Kaidan Alenko very soon. Just you; your squad will be dead. They are here with a Turian spectre called Nihlus. He's dead. Saren killed him." I shuddered as a fresh wave of pain crossed me. I held up my arm with my papers rolled around it in my sleeve. "Take these, they'll help to reshape the future." I winced at the incredulous and angry expression she was pinning me with and waited, very impatiently, as she pulled the papers out of my sleeve. She folded them without looking at them. She was humouring me. That's actually quite nice of her considering the stuff I've said and the fire fight going on behind us.
"Chief!" One of her squad shouted desperately. "A little help here?!"
"Don't leave me to those things." I entreated quietly, and she hesitated, then reluctantly nodded. My hope was, like any fanfic writer, that death would send me home. Part of me wished I'd had an adventure before hand, but the majority of me really wanted to go home and escape the pain that constantly pulsed through me. She levied her weapon at my heart, her face showing her inner turmoil; she'd joined up to kill the enemy not civilians, but she'd do it. "Thanks." I said, and I meant it. She squeezed the trigger and everything went black.
I jerked back to reality, my pulse running a mile a minute and looked around, a slightly hysterical laugh bubbling out of me in relief upon seeing my bedroom. I was once again at my desk. I must have fallen asleep thinking about what to write. I looked at my desk and froze. My papers were gone. Had that really happened? I reached my hands to my back and felt the undamaged skin in shocked silence. I guess I'll never know.
Ashley Williams lowered her weapon, her breath hitching as the young girl sprawled before her stopped breathing, the last of her tears leaking down her frozen face. She attempted to clamp down on the grief that was assaulting her; the girl only looked like one of her sisters, but she wasn't. She had told herself the same thing several times after following the wild screams to the thrashing and crying youth, but it didn't make it easier to see her glassy eyes, to know that her life had been cut short. By her.
She quickly closed the girls eyes and joined the battle with her squad mates, channelling her anger, frustration and grief into action, gunning down the Geth even as more appeared, their reinforcements seemingly endless. She knew that her position was being overrun, but she continued to hold it until one of her own fell. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
With a shout of rage she leapt up from cover and showered the Geth in rounds, her shields depleting as she took all of their fire, allowing the remainder of her squad to fall back. Her weapons overloaded and she dropped back into cover just as her shield fizzled out. She tried not to look at the girls corpse or at the body of her fallen comrade, but her eyes seemed to be drawn to them of their own freewill. Taunting her.
This wasn't supposed to happen, not on Eden Prime! It was the damn poster world for Human colonisation, a farm world. Who would attack this place? Why? The Geth answered her unspoken question by unleashing more fire upon her hiding spot. Geth. Outside the Veil. How come no one had warned them about this? She instinctively ducked her head as part of the rock she was huddled behind chipped off.
It was no good, she'd have to move or they would get close enough to cut off all her escape routes. She hated to give more ground to the machines, but she had to get to safety, and that meant leaving behind the fallen. Her shield reactivated and she quickly sent a look heavenward before bolting from the rock towards a more distant outcropping, ignoring the guilty voices in the back of her mind telling her she was abandoning her friend and the girl.
The accuracy of the Geth unnerved her, most of their shots were striking her shield and she was barely halfway to cover. With a snarl she was forced to barrel roll into cover as her shield was once more depleted. She didn't stop though. She quickly picked herself up and dashed forward, rejoining the last few members of her squad.
The going was tough, over the next few minutes the Geth were joined by drones and they were forced to give ground a further three times, and she lost a member of her squad each time. She was alone. The Geth were much fewer in number now, but they still relentlessly pursued her through what was once a beautiful country side, now a battleground. She had to fight for every step she took until eventually she simply ran, hoping to put some much needed distance between them. She needed to regroup, to get into a better position, anything. She refused to die giving ground to those things. She just needed to find a good defensible position and turn the tables on them.
Her shield fizzed as shots impacted and she swiftly threw herself into a dive, turning to shoot the drones out of the air and skidded to a halt. What she saw nearly stopped her heart. One of the colonists was being laid over an odd piece of technology by a couple of Geth. She stood, readying her weapon to shoot them while they were distracted but the technology activated, shooting a long metal rod through the man's chest and lifting him about ten feet off the ground.
She blanched in horror and turned to run as the Geth looked at her. She just knew that they were intending to do that to her. Had that been the fate of the rest of the colonists, of her squad? She hid behind a rock to catch her breath and slowly peered out from behind it. The Geth were advancing. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, cocked her weapon and rounded the rock, peppering the closest Geth. It raised its weapon to return fire when suddenly more shots started to hit it.
Ashley didn't dare stop firing to look for whoever was helping her, she just carried on shooting until its shield went down. Suddenly the Geth was covered in the blue light of Biotics and it was yanked up into the air. It flailed and was easily torn apart by concentrated fire. Ashley allowed the first smile of the morning to cross her face, one down one to go. This one was thrown backwards instead of lifted, and they made short work of it. The victory was heartening, even if it had come too late.
Ashley quickly scanned the area for her rescuers and saw two people, a man and a woman, jogging down the slope towards her. Once they got closer, Ashley easily recognised the N7 logo on the armour of the woman and felt her eyebrows rise. An N7, here? She snapped to attention, focussing on the woman and saluted.
"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Are you in charge here, ma'am?" She asked, hoping that she hadn't made a mistake. The N7 returned her salute and then stepped closer to her, looking her over for injuries.
"I'm Commander Jane Shepard, this is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Are you injured?"
"N-no ma'am." Ashley stuttered, shocked. Hadn't that girl told her she would meet up with these two, and that her squad would be de?- wait. What was she thinking? The poor girl had been on her damn death bed, she'd been delirious. Ashley had already forgotten most of what she had said, the names were probably just similar to what she had spouted towards the end. She shook her head, more at herself than in answer to Shepard's question.
"What happened here, Chief?" Shepard asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
After she had answered Shepard's questions and been asked to join up with her, she decided to put the girl's words out of her mind. It was coincidence, nothing more.
A.N.: Yes, my self insert is dead and gone from this fic already, she won't be returning. She was a facilitator, nothing more. Now its Ashleys' show.