ONCE UPON A TIME A LITTLE BOY NAMED KURT WAS SENT ON A DELIVERY BY HIS MOTHER, MYSTIQUE, TO SEND A SICK XAVIER SOME GET WELL SOON COOKIES, BECAUSE HE WAS RECOVERING FROM BEING DEAD. THE BOY, WHO ALWAYS DID WHAT HE WAS TOLD, THREW ON HIS BLUE HOOD AND HEADED OUT INTO THE WOODS WITH HIS BASKET OF GOODIES. BEFORE HE LEFT, HIS MOTHER SHOUTED TO HIM:
"DON'T TALK TO ANY STRANGE WOLF...ERINES IN THE WOODS EITHER! THEY'LL RAPE YOU!"
WITH THAT, LITTLE BLUE RIDING HOOD BAMFED AWAY INTO THE WOODS TO FIND THE PROFESSOR XAVIER'S MANSION. IT WAS EXACTLY 4 MILES AWAY, SO IT WOULD TAKE KURT TWO BAMFS TO GET THERE (HE GOT AN A IN MATH!). SO, WHEN HE APPEARED AGAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS, HE WAS ALL READY TO TELEPORT AGAIN WHEN SOMETHING RUSTLED IN THE BUSHES, CATCHING HIS ATTENTION.
"WHO'S THERE?" HE ASKED, PULLING DOWN HIS BLUE HOOD.
"JUST ME." A SMOOTH VOICE REPLIED, FOLLOWED BY A SHADOWED FORM FROM WITHIN THE BRUSH.
KURT GASPED WHEN THE MAN/ANIMAL CAME OUT. "A WOLFERINE!" HE CRIED, BACKING AWAY IN FRIGHT.
THE WOLVERINE FOLLOWED HIS STEPS. "COME OOON, I JUST WANT TO PLAY. MY NAME'S LOGAN."
KURT, STILL SCARED, CLUTCHED HIS LITTLE BASKET TIGHTER, BACKING AWAY UNTIL HIS BACK HIT A TREE. "UH, SORRY I CAN'T PLAY. I NEED TO HELP MR. XAVIER GET BETTER, PLUS MAMA SAID YOU'D RAPE ME SO...UH..." THE WOLFERINE UNSHEATHED HIS CLAWS. "RIGHT, BYE!"
AND HE DISAPPEARED IN A PUFF OF SMOKE BEFORE LOGAN COULD GET HIM. WELL, HE HAD ALWAYS LIKED A CHASE. AND HE DID KNOW WHERE THE KID WAS GOING...
"MR. XAVIER! MR. XAVIER!" KURT ENTERED THE EMPTY MANSION. "I'VE COME TO MAKE YOU BETTER! MR. XAV--" HE TURNED INTO A ROOM TO FIND THE MAN. LITTLE DID HE KNOW, IT WAS ONLY THE WOLFERINE, LOGAN, IN A BALD CAP. (LOGAN GOT HIS FRIEND QUICKSILVER TO SPEED HIM OVER IN TIME TO MEET UP WITH KURT, OKAY?!)
"OH, THERE YOU ARE!" LITTLE BLUE EXCLAIMED, MOVING OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE BED. "I MADE YOU SOME COOKIES!"
'MR. XAVIER' SNIFFED THEM ONCE BEFORE THROWING THEM OUT THE WINDOW. KURT, INNOCENT AS HE WAS, JUST KEPT SMILING, UNTIL HE NOTICED SOMETHING OFF...
"OH DEAR, MR. XAVIER, WHAT HAIRY ARMS YOU HAVE!"
LOGAN ROLLED HIS EYES, GOING ALONG WITH IT. "ALL THE BETTER TO KEEP SMALL BOYS LIKE YOU WARM WHENEVER I HUG YA."
"UH..WELL...WHAT BIG CLAWS YOU HAVE!"
"ALL THE BETTER TO RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF FASTER."
"UM...WHAT A LARGE MOUTH YOU HAVE!"
"ALL THE BETTER TO SUCK YOU OFF WITH."
"WELL WHAT BIG-- WAIT, WHAT?!"
"OH, FUCK THIS!" THE WOLVERINE THEN PROCEEDED TO RIP OFF THE BALD CAP AND LEAP FROM THE BED, PINNING KURT TO THE FLOOR. "NOW WE'RE GOING TO PLAY!"
"AAAHHHHHH!"
JUST THEN, SIR SCOTT, A KNIGHT OF THE KING, BUSTED THROUGH THE WALL.
"JEAN! JE-- WAIT, YOU'RE NOT JEAN!"
THE PAIR ON THE FLOOR FROZE, CONFUSED. LOGAN HAD KURT'S HOOD AND SHIRT OFF AND WAS NOW WORKING ON HIS PANTS. THIS DUMBASS WAS INTERRUPTING!
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"
"WELL, I THOUGHT THIS WAS WERE HUMPTY-DUMPTY-JEAN HAD FALLEN BECAUSE SHE WAS POSSESSED BY THE PHOENIX AGAIN AND IT SHOVED HER OFF THE WALL. I AND THE REST OF THE KINGS MEN AND HORSES ARE SUPPOSED TO STAND AROUND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO UNTIL SHE COMES BACK TO LIFE AGAIN."
LOGAN GROWLED, RIPPING KURT'S PANTS OFF. "WRONG FAIRY TALE, BUB!"
"OH, SORRY." AND THEN SIR SCOTT LEFT.
"WAIT! HELP ME! DON'T I GET A LUMBERJACK OR SOMETHING?!"
"OH, THAT'S ME TOO."
"WHAT?!"
"YA, I'M THE LUMBERJACK TOO."
"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!"
"LISTEN KID," AND LOGAN WAS NOW NAKED TOO, POSITIONED HIMSELF AT KURT'S ENTRANCE. "EITHER WAY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE RAPED BY ME. JUST IN ONE OPTION I'M WEARING FLANNEL."
"BUT--"
"JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE IT!"
THEN THE WOLFERINE POUNDED INTO THE LITTLE BLUE RIDING HOOD'S ASS LONG AND HARD FOR HOURS. HALF WAY THROUGH KURT DECIDED HE LIKED IT AND STARTED TO GO WITH IT. THEY HAD HOT, HAPPY, FUCK-TIME UNTIL BOTH COULD CUM NO MORE.
HUMPTY-DUMPTY-JEAN CAME BACK, DIED, AND CAME BACK AGAIN. SCOTT, HOWEVER, MOVED ON WITH THE WHITE WITCH OF THE WEST.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.