Author's note: The idea for this drabble came to me a few months ago, while listening to Metric's Eclipse. It describes how I think Izzie sees herself and her life after leaving Seattle. A/U. I hope you like it.
Some days – most days - you wake up in the morning more because you have to than because you really want to. Actual reasons to start the new day have been missing for a long time now.
Sometimes staring at yourself in the mirror and seeing the weary, hopeless expression on your face plus the melancholy and barely-hidden exhaustion in your eyes makes you wonder what happened that made you end up so being miserable and alone. That's usually when you start thinking about the past few years and suddenly everything comes rushing back. Being reminded of all the mistakes you've made at the same time does not please you– even when you can't help but knowing that you earned it -; if anything, it makes you want to give up on everything, lay on your bed and simply wait for death to come. But you can't do that. You can't just quit on living because it would be like disappointing him, and dishonoring the memory of the one man who always loved you, took care of you and worshipped you is the last thing you want to do. Surrender, therefore, is not an option.
Sometimes you'd like to know what people think of you. If they really knew your story, they would probably feel sorry for you. They would understand that you can't forget how every time life faced you with a choice, you made the wrong decision.
Some days everything hurts so much and you miss your best friend so terribly that you hate yourself for being impulsive and not thinking things through, because that attitude is what led you to your current situation. Time after time, you had opportunities to be happy, and you could have made the most of them if you hadn't been so foolish. Now you're here, you've lost it all, and you can't do anything to fix it.
One day you realize that if all your errors had a physical representation, you would probably be covered in scars.
And every single one of them would equal a battle you've lost.