Written for sncross_bigbang on livejournal.
Warnings for language, violence, sex and death
Pairings are Sam Winchester/Inara Serra with hints of Simon Tam/Kaylee Frye, Dean Winchester/Inara Serra, Mal Reynolds/Inara Serra, Dean Winchester/River Tam, Dean Winchester/Bela Talbot, Sam Winchester/Ruby.
I do not own Supernatural or Firefly. Any characters you don't recognize are my own and should not be used without my permission. The plot is my own. Chinese translations are at the bottom.
Dean walked into the motel room he and Sam were staying at while they examined every corner of Stanford for any signs of what might have killed Jessica. Frankly, Dean was getting sick of it, not that he didn't want to find the son of a bitch that tore his brother's heart apart, but Sam was becoming a buzz kill. He didn't leave the motel room and he wouldn't sleep, all he would do was pour over books and internet articles, staring at the photos of his charred apartment until his eyes were red and burning. Dean dropped the bag of fast food onto the table in front of Sam, startling him out of his wits from where he was concentrating on his computer. He swallowed and looked up at Dean, his eyes bloodshot from staying up all night.
"Dude, get some sleep."
"I can't," said Sam, looking back down at his computer. He reached out for the bag of food, but Dean was too fast for his tunnel vision, sliding the bag away, just out of Sam's reach. He looked up at Dean after a few seconds of grabbing thin air, his eyes watering from the glare of the computer.
"Dean-"
"You need to sleep," said Dean, grabbing Sam's upper arm firmly. Sam jerked out of Dean's grip, glaring up at him. Dean closed his eyes, moving a hand to the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.
Sam wouldn't see reason, thought Dean. He wouldn't stop to think about himself, he was so determined on avenging Jess. He needed someone to get his mind back on reality, back on helping other people, finding Dad. God damn it what would Inara say? Something clicked in Dean's head as a truly brilliant idea started forming. He clapped his hands together, startling Sam out of his glare. He blinked up at Dean, as if he was trying to decipher the gleam in his eyes.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Sam asked slowly. Dean didn't answer him, instead he leaned over the table Sam was sitting at, reaching for a pen and a piece of paper that said something about a funeral. He ripped it in half and jotted down an address before straightening up and holding it out for Sam, who raised an eyebrow.
"What's that?" he asked, looking at him brother, completely unamused.
"Inara Serra's address."
"And that is…?"
"She's a friend. She can help you out."
"She sounds like a hooker," Dean's nostril's flaired.
"She's not. She's a friend. She's help me and Dad out of a few tight spots over the past couple years. She's a good person."
"She'll help you, Sammy."
"It's Sam. Help me with what?"
"Jess," said Dean, his voice nearly catching at the name. Neither of them had said her name, and the way Sam's eyes darkened after he said it, made him want to take back the name.
"Why the hell would I take any advice from you?" Sam growled. Dean felt insulted, truly and abashedly insulted. Inara didn't deserve that. So Sam was grieving his girlfriends death, didn't mean he had to be a dick to someone he didn't even know yet.
He resisted the urge to punch his little brother in the face and settled for fuming. "Trust me, Sam," Dean said, spitting out his brothers name like it was poison. "Inara can help you in ways no one else can."
Sam's eyes lost their darkness, and flickered onto the scrap of paper in Dean's hand, contemplating taking it from him. He looked back up at Dean, who was trying so hard not to be hopeful. If Sam slapped his hand away he'd drag the bitch to Inara's himself. After an intense staring contest Sam swallowed his pride and reached out to take the address from Dean, glancing down at Dean's writing.
"New York?" he asked, glancing up at Dean, raising an eyebrow, not in annoyance but more in curiosity. It was a rich side of New York too, and he didn't know Dean knew anybody like that. "Is she a hunter?"
"No," said Dean slowly. "She's helpful."
Sam still looked wary about it, and he knew Dean wouldn't take no for an answer. He finally sighed and muttered something incoherent under his breath, moving a hand to his face and rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes.
Sam slid out of his chair, keeping the piece of paper gripped loosely between his fingers. Pausing a moment he turned back to Dean and raised an eyebrow.
"You comin'?" Dean shook his head.
"I'll let you go alone," Sam's eyes narrowed.
"You're letting me drive your car without supervision?" Dean nodded and Sam shrugged, turning to go again. Before he got to the door Dean stopped him, fishing around in his jeans pocket for the keys to the Impala, tossing them at Sam's chest as he turned around.
"Might need those. If you hurt my girl, I'll kill you," said Dean, watching Sam roll his eyes and turn for the door, letting it slam behind him. Dean's eyes narrowed. He wasn't talking about the Impala. If he found out Sam had insulted or hurt Inara in any way shape or form, he was going to beat the emo out of him.
Sam didn't seem to grab onto what he meant. He didn't dwell on it either as he walked to the Impala and climbed in. He stopped for a moment, wising he'd grabbed his computer and contemplated going back in to get in, Unfortunately that would have meant his grand exit was for shit and he did not want to go back in that motel room; he'd been to New York before, but it had been awhile. A wendigo in Long Island or something like that when he was a kid. The drive there was almost painful. The silence he had wanted so badly over the last few days was suddenly overwhelming. He found himself missing the sound of Dean's incessant babbling, trying to get him to eat and sleep. He settled for concentrating on the low hum of the engine as he drove, stopping only to get gas and food.
He reached New York in five days, completely exhausted and feeling worse than when he left. He could be doing something important right now. But no. Dean had insisted he see this…Inara woman. He shook his head as he parked the Impala in front of an expensive looking building of fifteen stories. The wide windows were draw closed by dark green curtains, the front entrance flanked with two doormen. Swanky, Sam thought, parking the impala on the side of the road and climbing out. He thought about what she could have been if she wasn't a hunter to afford a place like this. A medium maybe? Dean had said she was helpful, maybe she could talk to Jess for him? Let her know how sorry he was that he didn't…that he couldn't….
He felt out of place and awkward, the dirt on his shoes left marks on the pristine white carpet as he made his way up to her apartment. He'd been getting stares the moment he walked into the lobby, obviously a fancy place such as this didn't usually see his type dirtying up the marble covered floors. He sighed, glancing at the gold 11 glittering against the creamy white door in front of him. His thoughts wondered back to Dean at Stanford alone, working on what killed Jess. It wasn't a case, he wouldn't let himself think it was a case. It was Jess for fuck's sake. Jess who loved him, trusted him…who he let down-
The door swung open, revealing a beautiful, exotic looking woman with dark tresses and a gold colored robe. She had a smile on when she opened the door, but it slid off the moment she saw him, her eyes trailing across his body. She had been expecting someone else. Sam blinked himself out of his thoughts of Jess and took in her appearance, not willing to act like a fool because there was a pretty woman in front of him. She blinked at him and sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as she shook her head slightly.
"You must be Sam," he blinked at her.
"Inara Serra?"
"Yes," she said, taking a step away from the door, holding it open so he could walk through, into her home. He hesitated but decided he didn't want to offend her and walked in, not bothering to take off his jacket, looking around the place. Something about the place felt so calming. Sam turned around to look at Inara, catching her watch him. Her dark eyes gliding over his form, not really minding that he had noticed her scrutiny. Sam shifted under her gaze, clearing his throat uncomfortably. She looked up at him, smiling brilliantly, making his legs feel a bit like jelly.
"I- he, um… that is Dean. Dean told me where to find you," said Sam, feeling like an idiot and god why did he always have to make a fool of himself? Dean never had a problem with impressing women. Inara nodded slightly, and continued to stare at him, her smile falling into a more content, less mind numbing one. Sam frowned at her and glanced away for a moment. "Did he… Dean didn't tell you I was coming, did he?"
"No," said Inara, obviously finding the situation amusing. She walked around him into her living room, gesturing for him to sit on one of the plush white couches she had. "But, Dean never really does think through his plans."
"How do you know Dean?" asked Sam, ignoring her offer to sit.
"I've known him for years. Your father as well."
"You know my dad?" asked Sam, his eyebrows furrowing slightly at her words. "When was the last time you spoke to him?"
"I don't usually contact the Winchesters unless I have something of pertinent interest to them," said Inara, a hint of distain in her tone. "But Dean always make a point to call when he needs something," a softer look swept over her face, her eyes sliding away from Sam for a second or two before snapping back onto him. "He's a sweet man."
"Doesn't sound much like Dean," said Sam. Inara shrugged, an action that didn't quite seem to fit her posture or class.
"He's a different man when I see him," she said gently. "I suppose he teases you relentlessly, flirts at anything that sits still long enough and hustles pool like it's an art form."
Sam fell silent. She had Dean pegged, but the fact that she knew who he was when he put his front aside made him…jealous? Dean was his brother and this woman, beautiful though she might be, had discovered things about Dean that even he didn't know about. His thoughts were interrupted by Inara straightening up and heading towards her kitchen. Sam watched her walk, so caught up by the silky fabric of her dress as it moved that he almost missed her speaking to him.
"I'm sorry, Sam," she said, confusion etching her voice as she turned to look at him. "But I'm afraid that I don't know what you're doing here. Other than Dean sent you-"
"He said you could help me," said Sam, interrupting her, her words bringing him back to the only reason he was there. "He said you might be the only one who could."
A smile graced Inara's features and she turned back into her kitchen, moving around it until she had a pot of water heating on the stove, she kept silent, waiting for him to continue. Sam had tried several times to explain himself, but his tongue wouldn't form the words, It was still too painful to say out loud. Inara looked over at him, sensing his discomfort.
"Help you with what, Sam?"
He took a chance and swallowed. "Dean told me to come. He said you could help me with our…Jess was killed by something and I-"
He stopped as Inara held up her hand, grateful that he didn't have to continue. However, she wasn't smiling anymore. She gave him a dark look, abandoning her kitchen and walking back into the living room, taking his arm and leading him to the couch. He resisted slightly, but obeyed, staring at her. She took a moment to compose her thoughts and very seriously lowered her eyes on him.
"Sam, I think you're mistaken," she started slowly, holding her hand up once more as he opened his mouth to interrupt. "Sam, you're brother didn't tell you what I am, that much is obvious."
"What are you-"
"I'm not a medium," said Inara firmly. Sam's mouth snapped shut. So much for that theory-
"But why would Dean tell me to come if you can't help me?"
Inara sighed, closing her eyes. "I'm not sure the help that I provide is what you had in mind when you agreed to see me."
Sam blinked at her, not really sure what she was implying. "What kind of…you're not a whore are you? Damn it, Dean- I knew there was something wrong with the way-"
"I'm not a whore, Sam," said Inara, her eyes snapping open. Sam still looked confused, not horrified, but still confused. "I'm a companion."
"Like an escort?"
"More than that," said Inara. "I'm a higher class. My job is to make people comfortable, safe, wanted. Whether it's with conversation, touching, sex."
Sam felt his mouth drop open, staring at her, horrifed. He'd been right. Dean had actually sent him off to get laid. By a professional, no less. Inara shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, looking slightly offended.
"I'm gonna kill him," said Sam, working his jaw, furious. Inara noticed and quickly forgot her offense, placing a hand on Sam's thigh, stilling his brain and melting it as the warmth of her hand seeped through his jeans.
"It's not Dean's fault," said Inara sincerely, and Sam almost believed her. "He's just concerned."
"I wish he wouldn't be."
Inara moved her hand off his thigh and stood up, catching his attention as she moved into her kitchen once again where a shrill whistling Sam hadn't noticed was coming from it. "I'm not going to sleep with you, Sam," she said, just loudly enough for him to hear, catching him off guard. "Would you like some tea?"
"What? Why not? It's your job."
"When I deal with the Winchesters my job turns from whoring to making them happy," said Inara. "Sleeping with you right now would not make you happy."
"Wouldn't it?"
Inara looked up at him, moving her tea pot off the stove. "No, it wouldn't. I can tell. It never made John happy, he was still so in love with Mary. Whereas Dean just needed to feel wanted. It would only hurt you."
Ignoring the comment she made about his brother and father, Sam continued to stare at her. "Then…what are you going to do?"
"I told you," said Inara briskly. "I'm making tea."
She made him tea and he kept silent, sitting in her presence, wondering if she did this for all her…clients? It occurred to him that unless Dean and his dad were scamming Inara, they wouldn't have enough money to pay her. She was nice and respectable and seemed to truly know the Winchesters, so he figured they hadn't scammed her. Then what? Did she do it just because? He tried formulating the question into words that wouldn't sound offensive but whichever way he turned them they all sounded the same. Inara placed a ceramic cup onto the coffee table in front of him, the sharp sound of ceramic on glass snapping him out of his thoughts.
"You're wondering how I know John and Dean," said Inara, not asking, knowing. Sam nodded a bit dumbly, picking up the cup in front of him and taking a sip, feeling liquid warmth spreading throughout his body. "I met them a few years ago, when the Guild was just starting to flourish. There were rumors of…a drug I suppose. I helped them out."
"And they kept you around?"
"I was a contact," said Inara with a nod, sitting next to him on the couch. "They asked me to jump. It was mutually beneficial. I learned things I never would have imagined exists and they earned-"
"A companion?"
"Not always," said Inara, a smirk sliding onto her face, lifting her cup to her lips. Sam looked away, concentrating on anything but her.
"But you've…" Sam struggled slightly with his words, uncomfortable from the way his thoughts wondered. "You've…been with them?"
"Yes," Inara said. "I know them both very well. I was actually hoping to meet you on better terms."
"Better terms?" asked Sam, his brain still fuzzy from trying hard not to imagine Inara with his…relatives.
"You obviously upset. This Jess? She was close to you."
Sam nodded numbly. Images of Jess sticking to the ceiling of their apartment, blood staining her torso, catching fire…He swallowed and tried to push the replay out of his head. Inara noticed and set down her own drink, folding her hands in her lap for a moment.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"I-"
"I wont judge you Sam," said Inara, interrupting him. "You don't have to hold anything back. I might not have seen the same things you have…but, I'll understand."
Sam swallowed, keeping his eyes averted from hers. It was too painful still. He couldn't do it, he couldn't…he hadn't even told Dean. He felt Inara place her hand on his knee, catching him off guard, his eyes snapping onto hers, and he knew he wouldn't be able to deny her anything she asked of him. He'd jump out the window if she asked him to.
He started as stiffly as he could, explaining about how Jess was his girlfriend and she died while he and Dean were on a hunt two weeks ago. She looked sympathetic, her fingers tightening around his knee slightly, keeping him focused. He delved into his mothers death, surprised that Inara knew about it, ("Something Dean said, once.") he told her that his dad was missing, and ignored the look that passed over Inara's face, continued into his nightmares about Jess. Somehow Inara ended up with her arm across his shoulders, her fingers playing absently with the hair on the back of his neck.
Sam glanced over at her, watching every emotion short of pity flicker through her eyes. He held her gaze, felt his chest tighten, and became scared. Was she doing this on purpose? Was that what she did, how she did it? He stood up suddenly, not trusting himself that close to her anymore. It was fine before she started working her companion mojo on him, but now she was staring at him with hurt in her eyes and before he could stop himself and apologize he was mumbling something about having to get back to Stanford and work on what killed Jess, spinning on his heel and rushing out of her apartment, slamming her door behind him.
He didn't think that she could be truly concerned with him.
He hit Dean when he got back to Stanford and started packing his things. He was done standing around waiting for something to happen, and there was no way he was going to find Jess' killer without finding his dad. Dad would know what to do, he always knew what to do. Dean nodded (still rubbing the back of his head) and pilled up the car, not daring to ask Sam if Inara helped him at all.
Sam was still in a bad mood five months later. Sam didn't talk about it, just like he didn't talk about Jess, and the only thing that was worth anything was trying to find Dad. They were sitting in a motel room in Richardson, Texas when a knock on the door startled them out of their research (or Sam's research and Dean's plotting to prank Sam).
Dean frowned and looked over at Sam, who was staring at the door with the same frown on his face. They knocked again, and Dean stood up carefully, moving slowly to see who was there, looking through the peephole. His eyes lit up and his mouth dropped in astonishment, pulling the door open quickly.
"Inara?" Sam's head shot up, his mouth going dry. How the hell had she found them? Not a hunter his ass.
"Hey, you."
Inara smiled at Dean, pulling him into a hug. Sam watched, slightly fascinated. He hadn't known his brother for infatuations, not since Cassie, and this was…just too good. He grinned evilly, and when Dean pulled away from Inara, turning to let her in, he saw Sam's face and bristled.
"Shut up, Sam."
"Hello, Sam," said Inara. Sam looked away, not saying anything. Inara fought not to be hurt, but it was hard. Especially since she didn't know what she did. Dean looked between the two, trying to figure out why Sam had slammed in way into the motel at Stanford after visiting Inara and whacked him upside the head, grumbling something about feminine wiles.
"Hi, Inara," said Sam finally, going back to his laptop. Dean resisted punching his idiot brother and turned back to Inara.
"What are you doing all the way out here?"
"I have a client, a few streets down," Sam's head shot up, but he was ignored.
"Lucky man."
"Woman, actually," Dean choked on his saliva, and Sam rolled his eyes, going back to his computer. He absorbed himself in it for a few minutes until Dean excused himself to go outside, still coughing. The mattress next to him shifted and Sam looked up to find Inara looking over his shoulder at the website he was at.
"Hell hounds lair?" asked Inara, glancing up at Sam before settling back to the webpage. He blinked at her.
"Ah, yeah. Research for a hunt," Inara nodded and scooted closer, pressing up against his side as she read through the story he was on.
"Mordecai?" asked Inara. Oh god he was uncomfortable. He glanced down at her to affirm her question, but found his voice had stopped working. She was still reading and failed to notice the change.
"Yes," Sam managed to speak, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, and continued "Yeah, he killed a girl, or his spirit did, you know a ghost-"
"I might not be a hunter, Sam, but I know what a ghost is," said Inara, chuckling. She pulled away and Sam almost sighed in relief. "I'm sure you'll get your ghost."
She stayed with them for the remainder of that hunt, and the next hunt, and the one after that, until Sam couldn't go anywhere without seeing her smile, and the smell of her incense. Dean didn't seem to mind, in fact he looked like he wanted to keep her around for good. Sam had to admit that she was useful. They could get into places they would never had been allowed to go in, even if they faked it. So when Inara said that she had to head back to New York, Sam's heart stopped, and he wondered when she had become part of their team.
Dean had protested vehemently, trying to convince her to stay and help them find John, but it was no use. Inara said goodbye and left, leaving the boys on their own to find their father. Sam had to wonder why it hurt so much to see her leave.
And then old yellow eyes attacked them with a semi and Sam couldn't think of anyone else to call. She was sitting at his bedside when he woke up, her eyes snapping open as he stirred in the white bed and she was sitting next to him in an instant, running her fingers through his hair as he tried to ask where they were.
"You're being released," said Inara softly. "I've taken care of everything else, but…"
"Where's Dean and Dad?" asked Sam, flinching as he sat up. Inara went silent, and told his softly that he needed to see for himself. And it wasn't pretty. She left after John died, without a word, just a small, watery smile, and told them if they needed her…well, they knew how to reach her.
Dean called her after Sam went missing the first time, and she helped exorcise Meg from his body. Dean made fun of him for getting himself possessed by a chick, but Inara didn't partake in the laughter, weak as it was. She waited until Dean was asleep before she woke up Sam (who hadn't really been sleeping) and told him that she was there for him, if he needed it.
"You wouldn't know what it's like," said Sam, turning over in bed so his back was facing her. Inara bit her lip, wondering if Sam knew about her. Dean and John both had, hell they had helped her get it. She closed her eyes and took a chance, her heart pounding in her chest.
"You know what an elixir is, right, Sam?" she could feel him pause and slowly turn over to look at her.
"Do you mean the 'turning shit into gold' kind, or the 'preserving life indefinitely' one?"
"I can't die, Sam," said Inara softly. "I don't age and I don't get sick."
"Why would you do something like that?" asked Sam, sitting up in bed, his eyebrows furrowed. Inara, sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with a charm bracelet absently, staring off into space.
"I don't want to die."
"Everyone dies."
"Not me," said Inara. "It doesn't take a lot to keep me alive, even less to heal me."
"Heal you?"
"I was stabbed a few months ago," explained Inara. "I couldn't go to the hospital, I was in the middle of nowhere. All I had was my bag, and I never leave without the elixir. I was walking again in a matter of minutes."
"You still have it?" asked Sam. Inara nodded. "Jesus."
"I might not know what it's like to be a hunter, Sam. But I'll be around long enough to know everything."
Sam nodded, for the first time really accepting the face that Inara was there with him, not some companion.
"I'm having visions of people dying," said Sam softly. "It started with Jess, and I-I can't talk to Dean about it. Not after Dad."
Inara reached out, placing her hand on Sam's shoulder. His eyes flickered into her and held her for what seemed like an eternity before Dean grunted in his sleep and turned over, breaking the moment. Inara whispered a goodnight and stood up, heading for the door. Sam laid back down on the bed, the warmth of her hand still lingering on his shoulder.
She was gone when he woke up.
Sam figured he had a crush on her. It wasn't his fault, she was gorgeous. Even Bobby confessed that he had a crush on her at one point. Bobby. (Jo thought she was worthless, but he had a feeling Jo had a crush on her too, so he didn't argue with her.) Something about her put him off edge. Dean told him it was just part of her, to not put too much thought into it. Only problem was that if he didn't think about Inara he was thinking about what his dad had said about him to Dean. The lesser of two evils won over, and he found himself thinking about her when he couldn't sleep at night.
He figured he was in trouble when she showed up to help them with a hunt, in a gold and red dress that made his mouth go dry. Dean complained about his 'monkey suit' the whole time, and Sam just tried not to stare at her too long. Dean was staring too, but not like he was. Inara noticed.
When Sam went missing a second time, Inara didn't even need to be asked to come help find him. She was there before Bobby was, a frightened look in her eyes. Dean was trying to stay calm, but after what happened with Meg…Inara understood completely.
She watched him murdered in front of her. She froze in her tracks as Bobby and Dean ran by her to get to Sam, but she knew it was too late. Not even her elixir could bring him back, and she tried too. But nothing happened, and that left the three of them without options. Bobby left early, unable to stand looking at Sammy's body, while Dean tried not to fly off the handle. Inara was trying to stay as calm as she could, but she felt so incredibly useless that it didn't matter what she told herself. There was nothing they could do.
Dean finally had enough of the silence, slamming the door on his way out, leaving Inara standing next to Sam's lifeless body. She flinched as he left and looked down at the man on the bed, finally allowing herself to let out a sob, the tears pooling in her eyes spilling down her cheeks. She sank into the bed next to Sam, covering her mouth with one hand and reaching out to him with the other, her fingers hovering over his face.
"Oh, Sam…" breathed Inara, letting go a sob that shook her body, leaning forward until her head was pressed against his chest, tears dripping onto his shirt. She stayed there for what felt like hours, her sobs subsiding, and her tears gone, but her eyes were still red and her nose was raw. Her breathing had evened out, breathing steadily to herself as her head rested against Sam's chest.
Something in the air changed but she wouldn't realize it until later, when she was thinking clearly again. Sam sat bolt upright on the bed, gasping for breath, sending Inara to the ground. She stared up at him, eyes wide. She wouldn't have been surprised if her heart stopped for a moment. She stared stupidly up at Sam who was gasping for breath, looking scared out of his mind. It was the frightened look in his eyes that had Inara on her feet, sitting in front of him on the bed, her hands moving over his face, searching, to see if he was really there with her or if it was an illusion brought on by lack of nourishment over the last few days.
His breathing slowed, relaxing into Inara's touch, his own hands coming up to grip her wrists. He was alive. He was really alive. She wasn't thinking clearly, her heart still pounding in her chest, adrenaline pulsing through her veins as she leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth, her fingers digging into his face to hold him close to her. After a moment he responded to her, one of his hands sliding down her arm and around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. She wasn't thinking clearly, she was just so glad that he was alive.
His hand slid under her shirt, up her back, his fingernails biting against her skin. Inara heard herself groan into his mouth, her fingers loosening against his face and running up into his hair. God he had nice hair…
He pulled away from her to breathe, something she was becoming very excited about seeing him do, his forehead dropping against hers to catch that breath of his she liked so much.
"What was that for?" asked Sam, the hand left on her wrist loosening. His voice sounded a little horse, she thought it must have been a side effect from dying…
"I'm just happy that you're alive," said Inara, leaning into him again, her lips brushing his tenderly.
"Inara…"
"Hmm?" asked Inara, her lips still against his, wanting to kiss him again. She didn't know why, it was all so confusing and…she wasn't thinking clearly. "What is it, Sam?"
"I-"
"Sam?!" they flew away from each other, Inara stumbling backwards onto her feet, eyes wide and staring at the ground. Dean walked in quickly, his boots slapping against the floor, his eyes trained on Sam and happiness flooding his face. Sam stood up from the bed, not looking at Inara and ignoring the hurt pooling in his gut as Dean stalked forward and pulled him into at vice grip of a hug.
"Are you hungry?" asked Inara quietly, Sam's eyes immediately jumping to hers. She stared back and for some reason her breath caught in her throat. She's been trained to hide her emotions so Sam didn't catch the change, but he didn't answer either. Dean eventually pulled away from Sam and turned his head toward Inara, telling her he would order a pizza, leaving them together in the room. Sam looked away, unable to really keep her gaze and for that Inara was grateful.
"You can't just kiss me like that," said Sam softly, his eyes trained on the ground, making patterns in the worn wooden floorboards. "Not when…"
Inara frowned. "Not when what?"
"Not when I feel the way I do about you," said Sam, looking up, his eyes hard and soft all at the same time. They burned into hers and she didn't know what was keeping her feet planted to the floor and preventing her from jumping him right then. She held onto the intensity, watching his eyes smolder and darken.
The moment was broken by Dean calling to them that the pizza would be there soon. Inara blinked quickly, pulling into herself and walking out of the room, leaving Sam alone. She regretted it the moment her back was turned, but she couldn't stand to see him staring at her. Not like that.
Inara ignored Dean calling her and walked outside, sitting down on the porch. This was too much. First Sam was dead and then he was alive and she was kissing him and then he practically tells her he loves her. What scared her was that she wanted him right back.
Dean sat next to her on the steps, his elbows resting against his knees. He stared off into space for what felt like an eternity before he finally opened his mouth to speak.
"I've got a year."
Inara looked over at him, frowning, not really knowing what he was talking about until the weight of his words sunk in and she stood up, her eyes going wide and her mouth dropping in horror.
"Oh, Dean, you didn't."
There were tears in his eyes and she knew it wasn't a joke. He'd sold his soul to bring back Sam and she didn't know whether she wanted to slap him or kiss him. She turned her head away from him, bringing her hand up to her mouth.
"As long as we don't try to break the deal, Sam stays alive," said Dean, continuing weakly. Inara squeezed her eyes shut, letting the tears pooling at the corner of her eyes slide down her face. "You'll take care of him, right?"
Just when she was happy Sam was alive, Dean was dying. It was a stupid deal. Worse than if Sam had just stayed dead. Inara shook her head, opening her eyes and lowering her hand from her mouth.
"That is the stupidest thing you could have ever done," said Inara softly. Dean kicked at the ground, sending dirt onto her jeans.
"I need him alive."
"What about him, Dean?" asked Inara. "What's he going to do without you?"
"He's stronger than I am," said Dean, looking at Inara. "He can do it, I wouldn't have been able to-you saw what I was like-"
Inara shoot her head again, cutting off Dean who's shoulders slumped, defeated. "Don't tell Sammy, Inara."
Inara didn't say anything, she turned and walked back into the house, slamming the door behind her. Now there were two Winchesters she couldn't talk to, which made her very, very lonely. Inara picked up her phone, dialing a semi-familiar number and waiting for the line to pick up.
"Hey, Bobby, it's Inara," she heard Bobby sigh on the other line and say something that sounded like 'What did that idgit do this time?' Inara took a breath and softly explained Dean's deal, listening to Bobby swear on the other end. She hung up after he confirmed he'd be there soon to whack some sense into the moron and slipped her phone back into her pocket.
Sam was leaning against the doorway, watching her. He hadn't heard what Inara had said to Bobby, she made sure of that, he was just…watching her. Inara looked up at him and she shrugged.
"What is it?"
"I died, didn't I?" asked Sam. Inara turned her head away, swallow hard and trying not to answer. "That's why you kissed me."
"I didn't mean to," said Inara softly. "I was just so happy that you were alive."
"I get it," said Sam softly. "Didn't mean anything to you."
"It meant something to you," said Inara. Sam's head snapped onto her and she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him.
"It's just a crush," he lied with a shrug and turned back into the room, heading for the bed and dropping down on it. Inara listened to the springs on the bed shift under his weight and she opened her eyes again.
"Sam?" he didn't answer her. Inara stepped closer to the bedroom, looking around the doorframe. "Sam."
"What?" his arm was tossed over his eyes, his limbs hanging off the edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" asked Sam dully. Inara moved into the room, sitting down on the bed next to him.
"Making you feel this way. Like you can't talk to me," Sam snorted and moved his arm away from his eyes, sitting up on his elbows until he could look Inara in the eye.
"You want me to talk to you? To tell you that I'm so fucking in love with you I can't even stand to be in the same room as you? Yeah, Inara, that would go over really well."
Inara reached out to touch his hand, only to have it jerked away from her. "Sam-"
"Don't. Just go."
Inara felt her heart shatter, but she nodded and stood up, respecting Sam's wishes to leave. Her bag was still mostly packed, and it didn't take long before it was being zipped closed and tossed over her shoulder. Dean walked through the door with a pizza, setting it on the table at the same time Inara was tugging on her coat. He looked at her funny.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm leaving," she said softly. Dean frowned at her.
"Is it because of what I did?"
"No," said Inara, shaking her head. "It's just…time for me to go. I've stayed for too long."
"You don't have to leave," said Dean, looking back at Sam on the bed, who hadn't said a word or even motioned that he cared at all. "Sam, tell her she should stay."
"Yeah, Inara, stay," said Sam sarcastically, and Dean didn't notice. Inara felt anger clench the pit of her stomach and she turned on her heel, jerking the door open and walking out. It slammed against the frame. Dean stared after her, not really believing that someone else he loved and cared about had just left him. He closed his eyes and turned back to the food on the table, telling Sam that the food was there.
Sam climbed out of bed, running his hand over his face. He gave Dean a once over and sighed. "How long?"
"You were out for at least a day," said Dean, not catching what Sam was implying. The taller man shook his head, picking up a slice of pizza and chomping down on it.
"I meant the crossroads demon. How long did she give you?" Dean froze, turning to look at Sam, his eyes hard.
"Did Inara tell you?"
"No," said Sam. "I just figured."
Dean sighed, tossing his food back down in the box and running his hand through his hair. "One year."
Sam nearly choked., covering his mouth with his wrist and looking sideways at Dean, his eyebrows raised.
"And you took it?"
"I had to, Sam," said Dean quietly. "I'm not sorry about doing it, either."
Inara never came back. It took the Trickster killing Dean on loop before Sam realized Inara would be the only one to keep him right in the head when the time came for Dean to go. He called her, dreading the conversation that would take place, but he called her all the same.
"I don't want to make things uncomfortable, Sam."
"I'll get over it," argued Sam, halfway to begging. "Just come and be with Dean before his year's up."
Inara sighed on the other line, agreeing with him. She loved Dean, he was like her perverted stepbrother. Sam laughed when she told him that, and he had a feeling it might be okay to have her around for a little longer.
Dean, however, was not happy.
"No," he said the second Sam let her into Bobby's place, catching the rest of them off guard. Dean had been acting weird lately, but Sam was surprised that Dean would reject Inara's help let alone her presence. But before Dean had any more time to protest, Inara was at his side, one of her hands on his forearm the other wrapped around the back of his neck. Dean left himself be held by her, even going as far as to drop his head on her shoulder.
Bobby had whacked Sam upside the head and told him to get busy finding a way to break the deal.
"It's not going to work," said Dean softly into Inara's shoulder. "They wont find anything in time."
"Yes we will," said Inara, watching out of the corner of her eye as Sam headed off to the basement. Her eyes narrowed and she turned her head, placing a kiss on Dean's forehead and stood up. She followed Sam down into the basement, lingering on the staircase as Sam started a summoning ritual. Her arms folded across her chest as she watched the demon in sheep's clothing snap out of thin air when Sam wasn't looking.
"You know, you could have just called."
"How do you get around so fast?" asked Sam, ignoring her statement and pushing for information. The blonde woman sneered at him.
"Perks of the job."
"I need your knife," ah, so this was the infamous Ruby Dean had told her about. For some reason, Inara though she should have been…more badass looking. Not some homecoming queen run-up with a bad case of teenage rebellion. Ruby and her famous, demon killing knife was in fact wielded by a demon. How clichéd.
"It wont help save your brother, Sam," said Ruby, her arms folding across her chest. "But I can help you learn what you need to know to kill her."
"I just want your knife, Ruby," Ruby leered at him. Inara felt her blood boil and headed down the stairs, catching Sam's attention. He froze when he saw her, glancing over his shoulder at Ruby, who looked just as surprised to see her.
"Well, well," began Ruby, almost in a sing-song voice, stepping around Sam, staring at Inara like a cat toying with a canary. "Inara Serra. You're famous where I come from."
"Shut it, witch," snapped Inara, not sounding like herself. She looked over at Sam and raised an eyebrow. "This is saving Dean?"
"There is no saving me," Inara turned, watching Dean leaning smugly against the stair rail, staring at Ruby. "You're a lying bitch."
"What did I tell you about calling me a bitch you dick?"
Dean opened his mouth to retort, but Inara shot him a look and turned back to Ruby. She held out her hand steadily, staring Ruby in the eye.
"Give me the knife," Ruby snorted, and Inara straightened just a little. "Give me the knife, or I'll take it from you and kill you with it."
Ruby's eye twitched, a weak spot in the meat sack she wore, but reached behind her back all the same and pulled out her knife, holding it under Inara's chin, never once breaking eye contact with her. Inara took it from her and finally looked away, tossing it at Sam.
"Are you happy now?" she asked, swallowing back her anger and turning on her heel. "We can't save Dean if we just stand around."
"You can't save me at all," Dean muttered to her as she passed him. Inara gave him a weak smile and stopped next to him near the stairs, leaning into him and kissing him on the cheek.
"We can try."
And god did they try. It would be a few days before Inara remembered everything that happened. Almost killing a little girl. Losing Ruby to Lilith. Losing Dean…just losing him. Sam was worse off and it showed. Inara didn't have a heart to pull him away from his brother's body, hell she joined him. Tears streaming down her face because they had tried. They tried so hard and they had failed. Just like Dean said they would.
Dean's blood was on their clothes, mixing in with the tears falling from their cheeks. Inara's hand somehow found it's way into Sam's, blood and all. The contact of a real live person startled them both. Inara trying to swallow her sobs before she looked Sam in the eye. The heat of his gaze pulled at her before she was ready and it was déjà vu all over again. Just like a year ago, Inara was crashing her mouth against his, drowning in him. Sam slid his hands under her legs, getting up from the ground and pulling her with him. She hooked her legs around his waist, gasping as Sam backed into the desk behind him.
He dropped her to the floor when the door slammed open and Bobby walked in, looking panicked and distraught. He took one look at Dean on the ground and turned away, his wrist flying to his mouth, like he'd never seen a dead body before. He certainly had, and in worse conditions most likely, but never Dean. Never someone he loved like a son. Inara was still pressed into Sam's chest, the blood on her arms turning tacky and uncomfortable.
"We have to go," said Bobby gruffly, his back still on them, refusing to look at their faces. Inara shuddered at the thought of moving Dean's body, of leaving the room at all.
They made slow work. Moving Dean out of the suburban dining room and into Bobby's car. Then they had to move the dead blonde girl and tell the family in the basement that it was okay to come out. That the lives of their loved ones were all for nothing, and the bitch wasn't dead. Inara and Bobby let Sam burry Dean alone a little ways from Bobby's place. Bobby wasn't even there. It was just Inara sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, the smell of Dean's blood in her shirt making her nauseous, but she couldn't find it in her to change.
It got to the point where her grief needed to be talked out loud. Her staring contest with the floor becoming harder, because she was pretty sure the floral printed rug was winning. Her tongue felt think in her throat. "What happens now?"
She didn't get an answer. No wind rattling the windows, no creaking floorboards. The silence was enough to put tears in her eyes. The hot, uncomfortable kind that just makes you more upset and cry harder with frustration.
"You fucking bastard. You just couldn't help it. You couldn't just grow up and be alone. Now Sam's alone. I'm alone. You knew better than anyone how lonely my life is. Damn it Dean," she was rasping now, her voice hoarse, hands scrubbing the tears off her face. "It wasn't supposed to be this way."
"How was it supposed to be?" for a split second Inara's heart leapt in her throat. It stayed there even after she looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway, his blood stained arms crossed over his chest. Inara shook her head at him, she wasn't talking about anything specific, just a general statement.
Sam crossed the living room, sinking into the couch next to Inara, his knee brushing against hers, sending jolts up her spine. They sat in silence for what felt like eternity and a day, before Sam looked over at her. She knew it was coming before he even said it.
"I love you," Inara closed her eyes at his declaration, shaking her head slowly.
"Sam…"
"And it's not, because of Dean," said Sam, interrupting her attempt at pity. "I'm in love with you."
"You've said that before, Sam," said Inara softly. "You don't even know me."
"I don't need to. I can't explain why, but I would rather you here feeling sorry for me than somewhere else with someone else."
"It's a crush, Sam," he shook his head, grinning despite himself.
"I've been in love before, Inara," he said, swallowing. "With Jess. That felt nothing like this does, and I know you feel something for me. I can tell from the way you kiss me."
Inara froze. He was right of course, she did feel something for him. She just hadn't realized it. She never really thought about what men thought of her, only that they thought of her. With Sam it was different. With Sam she was hurt by something as simple as looking away from her. Sam she didn't consider a brother or a client. He was right. But she wouldn't admit she was in love with him. Not a chance.
Not until he kissed her.
God he was hard in all the right places, his body moving over hers as he pushed her back into the moth eaten couch. She could feel his erection against her belly as his mouth devoured hers, and she could feel her brain and her self control turning to goo. She whined into his mouth when his hand slid under her shirt, still stained with Dean's blood, his fingers kneading her breast. He grinned against her mouth, moving his hand from her skin and tugging on the hem of her shirt, peeling it off her body. The loss of Sam's tongue against hers cleared her head some and she moved her hands to his chest, working on the buttons of his shirt.
The moment her shirt left her skin his mouth was there, trailing open mouth kisses up her stomach, nipping at the undersides of her breasts until his name and the word 'please' were the only words falling out of her mouth. Her companion skills weren't lost on him, apparent when one minute his pants were uncomfortably binding, and the next they were on the floor and Inara was grinning smugly at his confused expression. He wanted to fuck the smirk off her face and he dipped his head, drawing a taunt nipple into his mouth, sucking on her hard, until she moaned.
His head dropped to her shoulder, sliding into her, feeling her tight around him. He was slightly surprised, seeing as she was a companion and had probably been with more partners than he had. He didn't dwell on it as her nails bit into his back, making him groan. He lifted his head slightly, burying his nose into the hair near her ear, breathing her name.
Sam sunk his teeth into the slope of her neck, drawing a groan from her, bucking her hips against his as she came, stars exploding behind her eyes, nearly screaming his name. He stilled on top of her, breathing against the mark he made in her skin and then lifting his head to look at her.
"I love you," he said softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Inara's eyes drifted closed, enjoying the feeling of his breath against her cheek. She detached one of her hands from his back, moving her fingers across his face.
"Wo ai ni," breathed Inara, moving her face into his neck, her breathing slowing down until they were on the same wave length. He brought one of his hands up to his face, catching her hand in his and threading his fingers through hers.
"What does that mean?" he asked, the side of his nose grazing her cheek. Inara caught herself before she translated.
"Nothing, Sam. It doesn't mean anything."
They drifted off to sleep. Bobby either didn't come back when they were out or he did and didn't want to bother them. When Inara woke up and looked around Sam wasn't there.
It was her comeuppance. She knew that, didn't mean she had to like it.
* translations - wo ai ni - I love you