A/N: And another SAO fic, this time making fun of poor Kirito. Well, I actually had fun writing it, but anyways, enjoy and REVIEW! And I can't remember what chicken don is in Japanese, so you're stuck with the English version.

It all started when it was Asuna's birthday, and Kirito tried to make breakfast.

Fail.

He tried to wrap her present.

Fail.

He tried to give up.

Yeah, that failed, too.

Going into Yui's room, he found their daughter already awake..

"Yui?" he asked. "Would you mind . . ." he hesitated.

"Do you need some help, Papa?" Yui asked with a knowing smile. Even though she wasn't a player, she'd been helping Asuna cook lately.

Meanwhile, Kirito's cooking skill was at level three. You couldn't even bake a cake at level three.

Kirito smiled gratefully as Yui got out of bed, helped him clean up the mess he'd make of the kitchen, and taught him how to make omelets. And how to wrap presents.

That was only the beginning. Because when Asuna found out Kirito couldn't cook . . . he'd just involuntarily enrolled in the Asuna Culinary Institute.

When Kirito's cooking skill had gotten to level five (he could finally crack eggs with one hand), Asuna taught him how to make a chocolate cake. The first time, he switched the salt and sugar. The second time, he burned it. The third time, Asuna threatened him with the butchering knife. For some reason, that worked.

Yui taught him to make waffles at level six. The first time, he forgot the electric mixer and tried to beat the egg whites by hand. The second time, he forgot to turn the waffle iron on ahead of time, and by the time he did that, the egg whites were flat. The third time, Yui didn't let Kirito out her sight the entire time. Apparently, Kirito worked better under pressure.

By the time Kirito's cooking skill got to level fifteen, he'd learned about meat grades and which parts tasted best (and that taste-testing meat was only fun when the meat was cooked).

At twenty, Kirito was competent enough to make chicken don all by himself (although he found out that there was a difference between heat resistant and non-heat resistant spoons).

At twenty-five, Asuna taught him how to make Chinese hand-pulled noodles. They both had to take a bath afterwards.

The day Kirito maxed out his cooking skill, he invited everyone over for dinner. The food was only a little overcooked.

Back in the real world, Asuna went over to his house after the party in New Aincrad.

"Kirito-kun," she remarked slyly, "I'm glad you've gotten good at cooking in Aincrad, but you realize that now you have to learn how to cook in the real world, right?"

Kirito stared at her. Then he groaned. "I have to do all that again?"

Asuna glanced away, blushing slightly. "Well, I've always wanted to try Kirito's homemade lunch. . . ."

Kirito flushed, running his hand through his hair. "Fine," he sighed. "I'll learn."

So he learned. And when he was done with that, Asuna turned to him and asked, "Do you play an instrument?"

"No . . ." Kirito replied, well aware of where this was going. "Why?"

Smiling, Asuna led him over to her piano and sat down. "This is middle C," she explained, playing a note.

Eventually, Kirito learned how to raise an herb garden, how to pick the best fish at the market, how to knit, and even how to paint.

It would suffice to say that he was a very capable man.

Of course, those were only a few of the things Kirito couldn't do.