Dec. 31, 1978, almost midnight

It was cold out on the Astronomy tower, out on the balcony, leaning against the parapet. Frigid. Dark.

Dark because Lily was outside at midnight, and dark because hidden in the shadows of the tall tower. This was the last place anyone would look for her—anyone, and especially James. She'd miss all the excitement. Thank God. Lily should have thought of this previous years. She leaned back against the parapet and looked up at the sky, she started mapping out the constellations she'd studied in Astronomy, starting with Orion.

Lily looked down at her watch-minute to midnight-and that was a good sign. It meant that the countdown would be starting soon back at the party in Gryffindor common room. If she listened she could hear music coming from all over the castle. The teachers always discarded the rules over the Christmas period for the students that chose to stay at Hogwarts. If she listened now she count faintly hear the countdown beginning.

"Ten!" she heard someone shout.

"Nine!" more people joined in.

"Eight!"

Lily was going to miss the whole thing.

Perfect.

The same night, about nine p.m.

It's New Year's Eve and Lily Evans is getting ready for the annual Gryffindor party, thrown every year since 5th year by the Marauders. Lily was in her old dorm with her friends; Marlene McKinnon, Alice Prewett and Mary Bennet getting ready together. She planned to be alone this New Years, to cry and think of her dad. He'd died just before Christmas of a heart attack and Lily had been allowed to go home for a while but had came back straight after Christmas to be alone. Get some really good wallowing in and not have to worry about being a burden on her mum. Instead here she stands, in front of the mirror with Marlene, pulling down the short skirt Mary had leant her because none of the clothes she'd brought back with her were really party suitable. So, Lily decided she'd go to the party for an hour to make her friends happy and then duck out early and spend her time rolling in the new year in her bed with some Honeydukes sweets and then sleeping.

The party officially started at nine o'clock and apparently two hours was enough time to form an amazing party. Remus had decided that gold was an appropriate colour scheme, so he created lavish gold decorations at the tip of his wand. The ceiling twinkled slightly, giving off the impression of the night sky. Delicate streamers and balloons were strategically placed to look perfect; the Gryffindor common room's royal red really empathised how extravagant the room was. The drinks James brought were placed right next to the large amounts of food the house elves had made.

Lily was talking to Frank Longbottom when James finally arrived. He and Alice had been dating since 3rd year and were now facing that decision of what they would be once done with Hogwarts. They lived on different parts of the country but they could now apperate which was handy. They had talked about moving in together also, but where. ''What's halfway between yours and mine?'' Frank asked. ''We could do that.''

Lily felt it when James walked in, carrying a case of Butterbeer that Sirius had made him go and get because he was sure they didn't have enough. She looked up over Frank and Alice's shoulders and saw James, and James saw her—and he immediately set the case down and strode straight through the crowd, over one of the chairs and up onto the coffee table and over the couch and through Frank and Alice, and wrapped his arms around Lily, hugging her tight.

''Sorry, is this okay? Are we hugging friends?'' he asked, pulling away.

Sure! Why not?" Lily laughs uncomfortably.

''Merlin, Evans its good to see you.'' He hugged her again before letting go.

''It's good to see you too, James.''

''How're you doing?''

I-I'm okay.''

It's nice, this house party. There's Butterbeer and some mulled wine that Lily likes quite a bit, and Marlene is with her practically the whole night. They chat for awhile and Marlene catches her up on everything she's missed over the past week and a half she's been gone. It's nice to forget, for awhile, that she's so sad she hasn't slept through the night without a nightmare since her dad died.

Lily hasn't talked to any of the boys all night, and feels silly for putting so much into this night, worrying about James and how he would act since they had reached a strangely charged friendship.

While she had been gone rumours had spread as to where they're Head girl had disappeared to and during the party Lily kept getting people coming up to her and asking where she had been. If the rumours where true. The best one being that she had been kicked out for some scandalous reason or was currently talking to one of the girls in her house year, Anna. A girl that was known for being a notorious gossip and quite horrible when it came to other people's thoughts and feelings.

''Is it true you left school because you where pregnant and left to get rid of it?'' she was asking Lily now, her eyes glowing at the thought of hearing the scandal first hand before anyone else.

Lily flustered. ''Er-um, no. No its not true.''

''Oh.'' Anna deflated, clearly disappointed. ''Where you giving up a baby for adoption then? Shelley Johnson told me you were looking big before you disappeared.''

''What? No. No, no. There was no baby. And I wasn't pregnant.''

''So what was it then?'' she asked before clapping her hands in excitement. ''Oh! Was it drugs? It was drugs wasn't it!''

''No! It wasn't that either. It was-um, it was...'' Lily tried answering, the cup in her hand starting it crinkle as she squeezed it a little too hard. Just then Mary swooped in. ''Hey! Anna, I love your top, is it new?'' Marlene interrupted, wrapping her arm around the girls shoulders. It worked and Anna was distracted from interrogating Lily. It was getting harder and harder to tell people and talk about her dad but luckily she had her friends there to save her and deflect the conversation elsewhere.

''By the way, I totally saw Davis checking you out. you should go over there and talk to him.''

''Really?'' Anna asked, grinning giddily, all thoughts of why Lily had left replaced with the thought of cute boys. Lily sighed as she disappeared into the crowd. She turned to Marlene, giving her a weak smile. ''Thanks.''

''No problem. Are you okay?''

Lily nodded, putting her cup down and avoiding her friends eyes. ''I just...People are going to want to know. I know they will but...I just can't get the words out, you know? I can barely think it to myself and when I have to tell people...the words get stuck in my throat.''

Marlene placed her hand on Lily's shoulder and squeezed. ''It's okay. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Especially not someone like Anna. If you want I can deal with all those nosey sods for you.'' Lily shook her head no. ''If its alright I might just leave. There's a box of Honeydukes with my name on it back in the heads dorm.''

At that moment James approached the two girls, wearing a stupid party hat and grinning. "Hey," he greeted the two, wrapping his arm around Marlene's shoulders and leaning on her. ''How's it going, ladies?''

''Ugh. Get off you big lump. You're so heaving.'' Marlene gasped, jokingly and puling his arm off of her.

''You wound me, Marls.''

She rolled her eyes. ''Sure Jamesy. You're a big boy, you'll survive.''

''I'm actually going to leave early, Go back to the heads common room.'' Lily informed James. His face fell and he started shaking his head before taking the hat off. ''What? Absolutely not, Evans. Can't allow it. No one should spend New Year's alone.'' he told her before grabbing her arm and tugging on it. "Come here, come here—come with me."

''James what are you doing?'' Lily asked as he pulled her away from Marlene and into the middle of the room, where most of the dancing was happening. ''Come on, stop messing around.''

"Dance with me, Lily, just one dance, they're playing our song." Lily tipped her head. "This is the night by The Weird Sisters?"

"Okay, it might not be our song.'' he said. "Dance with me."

"I don't like to dance," she said.

"You don't like to dance in front of people," he said.

"That's true."

"Just a minute." James sighed and ran through the crowd towards the wireless. "Don't go anywhere," he shouted up to her.

"I make no promises!" she shouted back but stayed where she was, watching people around her dance and have a good time.

She heard the song start over. Then James was running back towards her. He stood in front of her again two minutes later. "Please." Lily sighed and lifted up her hands. She wasn't sure what to do with them . . .

James took one of her hands in his and put her other hand on his shoulder, curling his arm around her waist. "Merlin," he said, "was that so hard?"

"I don't know why this is so important to you," she said. "Dancing."

"I don't know why it's so important to you," he said. "Not to dance with me."

They were swaying.

Frank squeezed past them at one point, trying to get through the crowd holding two drinks. "Hey, Lily. Hey, James—great party huh? Hope you're still focused enough to take on those Ravenclaws in the next game, yeah?" James pulled Lily closer to let Frank squeeze by. "Definitely mate," he said.

''Good to hear, see you guys later.''

James didn't loosen his grip after Frank was past them. His arm was all the way around Lily's waist now, and their stomachs and chests were pressed together. They'd touched a lot, over the years, as friends. James like to touch; pulling her red curls because he couldn't help her, finding any excuse to touch her. Which usually had ended in Lily pushing him away or on occasion, smacking him, but as their relationship had changed it'd been welcomed on her part more and more. It wasn't just limited to her though. James could be quite affectionate with people at times.

He apparently kissed anyone who raised their eyebrows at him on New Year's Eve. . . .

But James had never held Lily like this. She had never felt his belt buckle in her hip. She'd never tasted his breath.

"This is the night" began again.

"Did you tell somebody to start it over?" Lily asked.

"I put it on repeat," he said. "They'll stop it when they notice. Dance with me, Evans."

"I am," she said.

"I know," he said. "Don't stop."

"Okay." Lily had been holding herself rigid, so that she'd still bestanding upright, even if Noel let go. She stopped that now. She relaxed into his grip and let her arm slide over his shoulder. She touched the back of his hair again because she wanted to—because it was always sticking up.

They'd stopped swaying.

"Are we still dancing?" she asked.

"We're still dancing. Don't get any big ideas, Lillian." He let go of her hand and wrapped that arm around her, too. "Don't go anywhere."

"I never go anywhere," Lily whispered.

He shook his head like she was a liar. "You're my best friend," he said.

"You have lots of best friends," she said.

James just shook his head.

Lily held on to his neck with both arms. She pushed on his forehead. He smelled like skin.

Somebody realized that the song was on repeat and skipped to the next one. Someone else realised James was gone. Anna came looking for James. "James! Come dance with me! They're playing our song!" It was some bad cheesy bop. James pulled away from Lily and went to dance with Anna. The party had changed while they had been dancing: Everybody seemed a little bit younger again. They'd kicked off their shoes and were jumping on sofas. They were singing all the words to the songs they always sang all the words to.

Lily watched as James started dancing. He looked good. And she loved him so much. And Lily couldn't do it again.

She couldn't stand across the room and watch James kiss someone else. Not tonight. She couldn't watch somebody else get the kiss she'd been working so hard for, since their friendship had happened.

So, a few minutes before midnight, Lily quietly slipped out the portrait hole. And then ended up in the Astronomy tower watching the sky and thinking about her dad and everything else.

No one would notice she was gone or think to look for her there.

Then the music stopped, and the counting started. And it was good that Lily was out here, because it would hurt too much to be in there. It always hurt too much, and this year, it might kill her.

"Seven!"

"Six!"

"Evans?" someone called.

It was James. She recognized his voice.

"Lily?"

"Four!"

"Here," Lily said. Then, a little louder, "Here!" Because they were friend, and avoiding him was one thing, but hiding from him was another.

"Two!"

"Lily. . ."

She could see James then, in a shaft of moonlight breaking through the slats of the ceiling above her. His eyes had gone all soft, and he was raising his eyebrows.

"One!"

Lily nodded, and pushed with her shoulders away from the railing, then James pushed her right back—pinning her as much as he was hugging her as much as he was crowding her against the railing.

He kissed her hard.

She hooked both arms around the back of his head, pressing their faces together, their chins and open mouths. James held on to both of her shoulders.

After a few minutes—maybe more than a few minutes, after awhile—they both seemed to trust the other not to go. They eased up. Lily ran her hand through James' messy hair. James pinned her to the wall from his hips to his shoulders, kissing her to the rhythm of whatever song was playing inside now.

When he pulled away, she was going to tell him that she loved him; when he pulled away, she was going to tell him not to let go. "Don't," Lily said, when James finally lifted his head.

They were both quiet for a few minutes.

James leaned in to kiss her again, and she dropped her forehead against his lips. They were quiet. And it was cold.

"Happy New Year, Lily."

"Happy New Year, James."