Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise, so don't try and sue me please :P
AN - I was watching an old episode of SVU the other night, and John and Liv were having a 'moment' and the pairing, just for a minute, made perfect sense to me. So I searched it, wondering if such a thing even existed. As soon as I found a oneshot, I knew I wanted to try my hand at it. This is the result. I hope ya'll enjoy it. Reviews are love :D
Her Comfort
She stared out at the silhouettes of the tall buildings, tears falling silently down her face. She'd never felt so lonely in her entire life. He'd left her. Without a text, or a phone call, or even a bloody post it note with a goodbye on it, he'd left her.
She was scared.
She didn't know who she was without him any more. How could she be Benson when she no longer had Stabler? He was her other half. He was her balance. He was her downfall, because she didn't know how to keep putting one foot in front of the other, didn't know how to finish a sentence, didn't know how to keep going without him there to offer her a hand in support, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on.
She was broken.
He'd taken her heart, or her brain with him. Maybe half of each, so she would never again feel whole or complete without him. Her legs trembled beneath her and she sunk down against the wall, no longer able to support her weight. He'd always been the one to lift her when she fell, to help her dust herself off. Who was going to do that now he'd left her?
Olivia didn't know how long she sat on the roof for, crying silently for a man who would never come and help her again. Time stood still even as it passed her by, and as far as she knew, it could have been seconds or minutes, hours or days. Her hands had gone numb in the cold, but the pain in her heart was worse than anything the weather could inflict on her.
An arm around her shoulders was the first indication that she was no longer alone. Under normal circumstances, she'd have pulled away, shouted at whoever it was attempting to offer her comfort to leave her alone. Instead, she sank into the warmth being offered to her. The unique scent told her who was holding her and she buried her face into the wool of his jacket.
He didn't speak, didn't try and make her feel better with meaning platitudes that they both knew she didn't want to hear. He held her close to him, his steady heartbeat giving her the comfort that words could not.
When she got her emotions back under control, she gently pulled back to look at him.
"Thank you," she said, quietly. Her voice was rough, and she didn't quite manage to keep the hitch from her breath, but her words were steady.
The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he looked down at her. "Any time, Liv."
She nodded, and stood, holding out a hand to help her up. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet. Then he shrugged off his coat, wrapping it around her shoulders.
"You'll get cold," she told him, shaking her head.
"You're freezing. You've been up here a while," he replied, his tone not allowing any arguments.
"I have paperwork to finish," she murmured, though she made no move to leave the roof.
"It'll be there when you go back down, and it'll be there in the morning. Don't worry about it," he said, and she could hear slight amusement in his tone. She glanced up at him, and sure enough, his eyes were smiling even if his mouth wasn't.
"Cragen told you?" she asked, and he nodded.
"Are you alright?" he asked, and then pulled a face. "That was a stupid question, wasn't it?"
She chuckled. "I'll be fine. I just… I wasn't expecting it. He's always been there, even when shit got bad."
He nodded. "I know. It'll take some adjusting too, and I won't lie to you, Liv, it'll be hard for a while. You two worked together longer than most partners, and you were closer than most as well. But you can get through it, you know. You're strong, and you're a damn good detective. And you still have us."
A tear dropped to her cheek and she wiped it away irritably.
"I don't know how to do this without him," she admitted softly. "And you have no idea how much that annoys me."
"I know you can do it without him. Hell, you could do it without any of us. You were a good cop before him, and you'll be a good cop for a long time after him. He didn't make you who you are, Olivia."
He squeezed her hand, and she smiled slightly at him. "I think I know that, deep down. I guess I'm… I'm hurt he didn't tell me himself. I haven't heard from him since that day, you know. Would it have killed him to call and tell me, instead of letting me hear it from Don?"
"I can't tell you how Elliot's mind works, Liv. It's not something I understand, nor anything I want to understand any time soon. I can only tell you that I think he's a fool for treating you so badly, and when he finally wises up to that and comes crawling back, I want to be there to see you punch him in the nose."
She laughed at that, and he smiled, a true smile that lit up his face. She pulled her hand from his to wrap it around his waist, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, bending his head slightly to kiss her head.
"You still have me, and Fin, and Don. We'll look after you," John said, and she nodded, taking a deep, calming breath.
"Come on," she muttered, turning towards the door, pulling him with her. "Let's go and drink your bad coffee and finish up the paperwork. I'll buy you dinner after?"
He shook his head. "I'll buy you dinner now, and we'll do the paperwork in the morning."
She laughed again and nodded. "Alright. And John? Really, thank you."
xxxx Six Months Later xxxx
"Olivia, have I told you lately that I love you?" Fin asked as she handed him a coffee.
She swatted at his head. "You only love me when I fetch you coffee because it saves you from being poisoned by his," she pointed at Munch, "tar in a jar."
"You wound me," John cried out, holding a hand to his chest dramatically.
"So you don't want this then?" she asked, holding a coffee out to him.
"Of course I do," he replied, leaning forward in his chair to take it from her hand. She moved it slightly, just out of his reach, a smirk settling on her face.
"Are you going to make me beg?" he asked, lifting his sunglasses to his head and raising an eyebrow.
She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You know, that'd be a sight to behold," she told him, tilting her head to the side. "Maybe you should try it."
"Give me the coffee, woman!" he said, leaning up further to take the coffee from her hand. She released it, laughing when he tickled her with his other hand.
"That's nice," she said, moving out of his reach. "I get love from Fin, and all you give me is abuse!"
"Olivia, you are the light of my life, the most beautiful flower in the florist shop, and I would give you my last rolo. Is that better?"
She nodded. "Much," she said, sitting down on the edge of her desk, taking the lid off her own coffee and inhaling the scent.
"Liv?" Cragen called from his office. "You got a minute?"
She rolled her eyes when Fin and John rose their eyebrows at her, before she stood back up, walking into the office.
"Close the door," Don requested, gesturing to the seat in front of his desk. She sat, her curiosity rising.
"What's up?" she asked after a moment when it didn't seem like he was going to break the silence.
"I'm not sure how to tell you this," he admitted, and she frowned.
"What's going on?" she asked again, sitting forward in her seat.
"Elliot's put a request in to return to the unit."
She slumped back, a wave of relief making its way through her body. "God, Don, I thought you were going to tell me someone died. What does this have to do with me though?"
"I wanted to make sure you were completely okay with it before I granted the request. I don't want to lose you," he told her, his tone softening.
She was touched by the thought and she smiled at him. "I'm going nowhere. This is my home. I appreciate the concern, though."
He nodded. "He gives you any trouble, you come see me, okay?"
"He gives me any trouble, I'll shoot him in the foot," she replied with a chuckle. She stood up, moving to the door. Turning back, she found him watching her with a fond smile on his face. "Partner him with Amaro. It'll give him some insight in what I had to put up with for twelve years."
Cragen laughed. "If I partner him with Amaro, they'll both be on the wrong side of the bars in Rikers before a weeks out."
She smiled. "Thanks for telling me," she said as she opened the door. He nodded and she left the office.
"What's happening?" Fin asked as she sat back on the edge of her desk.
"Elliot's put in a request for return," she told them. They glanced at each other, then back at her, simultaneously raising their eyebrows.
She couldn't stop the amused snort that escaped her.
"You're alright with that?" Fin asked.
"I don't really care either way," she replied, and when she saw his reaction she shook her head. "I know, it surprised me too, believe me. But… Really. I don't have any feelings on the matter."
John smiled at her, nodding his head at her slightly. She returned the smile and dropped into her chair. "I gotta finish my paperwork," she groaned.
"Liv, vic at Mercy," Don said, coming out of his office to give her the information slip.
"Saved by the bell," she said, standing back up and shrugging her coat on. Munch laughed at her as she left, waving a hand at them. He watched her walk down the corridor before turning back to his work, catching Fin watching him with a knowing smile.
"What?" he asked.
"You got it bad, man," Fin said, grinning wolfishly.
Munch groaned, then threw a balled up piece of paper at Fin. "You have no idea."
xxxx
Olivia tossed her pen on top of the file she'd just finished and rubbed her hand over her eyes.
"You should go home," John said, quietly. She spun her chair a little to look at him, and smiled tiredly, nodding her head.
"I should," she agreed, letting her hand fall away. "But it just seems like too much effort at this moment."
"You've been here for close to forty hours, Olivia, you need to sleep," he reprimanded gently.
"But the cribs are a lot closer than my apartment," she replied with a small smile.
He wrinkled his nose. "Come on, I'll take you home," he said, standing up and putting his coat on. She groaned, but followed suit, putting her coat on wearily. He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her from the bullpen.
"You don't have to take me home," she told him quietly. "I'm up now, I can get a cab."
"As soon as I leave, you'll be back in the cribs. I know you, Olivia," he replied with a knowing look.
She sighed, but didn't protest any further, which worried him. It wasn't like her to give in so easily. He led her from the building, the silence comfortable between them, and opened the passenger door of his car. She smiled slightly at the gesture and climbed in.
He closed her door and walked around to get into the drivers side, firing the ignition and leaving the car park. He aimed in the direction of her apartment, and she let her mind wander. When he killed the ignition and placed a gentle hand on her arm, she startled back to reality.
"This isn't my apartment," she said, looking at the diner he'd parked up outside of.
"Good detective work," he teased. "I'm hungry, and I'm fairly sure you've not eaten anything that hasn't come from a vending machine since we caught the last case."
She rolled her eyes at him, but took her seat belt off to show willing. He grinned at her, and she got out of the car, waiting for him to join her before they entered the diner together. He ordered them both coffee and they sat down in a corner booth out of the way of the other diners.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to tickle it out of you?" he asked when the waitress left with their orders.
"I'm fine," she said, but he shook his head.
"That won't fly with me, Olivia."
"What do you want me to say, John?" she asked tiredly.
"I want you to tell me what's wrong so I can help you," he replied gently, taking her hand in his. "Let me help. Why didn't you want to go home?"
"I've been having… nightmares. Bad nightmares," she admitted quietly after a minute. "But they don't seem to happen when I sleep in the cribs. Only when I'm at home."
"Okay," he said. "What are the nightmares about?"
She shrugged. "I don't remember when I wake up. I just know that whatever is in them leaves me terrified. I wake up shaking, crying, screaming. I don't know why."
"Everyone has nightmares. When you sleep in the cribs, you know you're not alone. There are always people in the building, so it keeps the nightmares away."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"So, we'll eat. Then we'll go to your apartment, and you can get whatever you need, and then you'll come and stay with me."
"I can't -" she refused, but he cut her off.
"You can, and you will. Olivia, you're dead on your feet and you need to rest. I have a spare room, you can have it as long as you want or need it. Besides, it'll be nice to have some company," he replied.
"John," she started, and he could see she was trying to choose the right words. Then she sighed and looked at him. "Why are you so good to me?"
"Because I care," he answered, simply and truthfully.
She smiled, a true smile that he hadn't seen in days. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'd manage," he told her with a small smile. "I think we've already established that Benson is the star of the show and we're just your backing crew."
"Not quite," she disagreed. "But for what it's worth, I stand by what I said. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Then let's not find out, huh?" he replied, letting go of her hand and leaning back as the waitress returned with their food.
xxxx
John lay in bed, unable to sleep. Olivia was in the spare room just down the hall from his room, and having her so close was undeniably tempting. When they'd arrived at his house, she'd thanked him again for hosting her, to which he'd told her any thanks was unnecessary, and they'd watched TV for a little while until he'd noticed her eyelids drooping.
She'd kissed him gently on the cheek when he'd walked her to her room, and he could still feel the imprint of her lips, as though she'd burnt him.
He'd wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and never let go. To hold her through the night, to keep the bad dreams away for her. To give her a full nights rest. To see her lay in his embrace, to see her feel perfectly calm, relaxed.
He was brought out of his musings when she whimpered. He'd left both doors open, just in case. He sat up, listening closely for any other noise, and when she screamed, he climbed quickly out of bed, glad he had decided to wear pyjamas, and padded down the hallway. He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her toss and turn in the bed, tears leaking from her still closed eyes.
He approached the bed cautiously, and called her name. The third time he said it, she shot up in bed, her eyes wild as she looked around the room. When she saw him, he saw her tense in panic for a split second, before she relaxed and fell back against the pillows.
"Sorry I woke you," she whispered after a minute, as he sat on the side of her bed.
"Don't worry about it," he murmured. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head. "I… No. I still don't really remember it. Just a lot of shapes and noises that I don't recognise. And blood. Lots of blood."
He shifted on the bed so he was closer to the head, and leant up to stroke her hair from her face. She tensed again before she relaxed into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed.
"Go back to bed, John," she mumbled after a minute.
"I'm good where I am," he replied softly, and she opened her eyes to look at him. He let her eyes search his own, knowing that she was looking for anything that would tell her he was going to hurt her with this in some way, somewhere down the line.
It was what she expected, after all. It was what she was used to.
She sat up, her face inches away from his, and after only a second of hesitation, she brushed her lips over his, then pulled back to see his reaction.
He smiled at her, stroking her cheek gently, before he cupped her face to bring it back to his, initiating the second kiss himself.
She sighed happily into it, resting a hand on his neck as he used his other arm to wrap around her back, stroking soft circles through the tank top she'd wore to bed.
When she pulled back this time, she rested her head against his shoulder. He dropped a kiss to her head, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer.
"Stay?" she asked quietly. "Not to… Just to sleep. Not that I'm against the other, but.."
"Liv," he said as she trailed off, nudging her so she'd look at him. "We can take this as slow or fast as you need. There's no pressure. Come on, my bed is bigger and comfier."
She laughed against him as he pulled her from the bed, leading her to his bedroom. She waited while he pulled the covers back, and climbed in, waiting for him. When he climbed in beside her, pulling the covers over them both as he did, he offered his arm to her.
She shuffled over, resting her head against his shoulder, and her hand on his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her, holding her close to him.
"Good night, John," she murmured, even as he felt her head get heavier as she drifted off. He smiled to himself.
"Night, Liv," he replied, letting sleep claim him, feeling truly content for the first time in who knows how long.
xxxx
"We come baring coffee and sustenance," John called as he and Olivia walked into the bullpen the following morning. On the way to work, they'd called at Olivia's favourite bakery.
He felt her pause at the entryway and glanced around to see what was wrong. By the time his eyes fell on what had caused her to pause, she was already bouncing back, smiling at him.
"Didn't know you were already here, Stabler, or we'd have fetched you your regular," she said lightly, letting her eyes rest on Elliot for a few seconds before she turned to Fin, holding out his coffee.
"Cheers, baby girl," he said, taking the offered coffee as John put the box of pastries down on his desk.
"Touch my pain au chocolate and die," Olivia warned, as she took her coat off, tucking it onto the back of her chair.
"Liv," Elliot said quietly, looking at her. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you too," she replied, offering him an easy smile. She shifted some files off the end of Johns desk and sat down.
"Your desk is a mess," she told him, glancing over it.
"It's organised chaos," he informed her. "And you just disorganised it. Can't you sit on your own desk since you seem to keep forgetting what chairs are for?"
"Nah, yours is comfier," she replied with a grin. "If you did your paperwork, I wouldn't have to mess it up, would I?"
"If you sat on your own desk, you wouldn't care that I haven't done my paperwork," he returned and she laughed.
"I would care though, because when you don't do your paperwork, you always talk me into doing it for you."
"When was the last time you did my paperwork?" he demanded, lifting his glasses up to glare playfully at her.
"Last week," she replied flatly, the twinkle in her eye making his heart do a happy dance in his chest. After the previous night, he was so glad to see her feeling better.
"Alright, you got me," he replied, looking downcast. "You have me at your mercy, Miss Benson, what do you require in servitude to repay such a generous act?"
"Eh, I'll think of something," she told him, grinning. Then she looked around. "Where's Amaro and Rollins? Their coffee is getting cold."
"Someone mention coffee?" Nick said, as he walked into the squad room. When she gestured to the cups she'd left on her desk, he picked one up. "You're a love," he told her.
She nodded. "I know. Where's Amanda?"
"Not here yet. She called a bit ago, said she's stuck in traffic."
"Sucks to be her," John said, as he pulled some of Olivia's pain au chocolate off and popped it in his mouth. "That's really good," he told her when he'd finished.
"You're a thief, John Munch," she growled, picking up what was left and moving it out of his reach.
"I'll buy you another one later," he promised and she grinned.
"How's tricks?" she asked, turning back to Elliot. "How are Kathy and the kids?"
Elliot smiled. "They're good, thanks."
"Kathy alright with you coming back here?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. They all knew that she'd had issues with the hours he worked before he left.
"She realised when I was home all the time that she preferred me at work," Elliot joked, and Olivia and Fin both laughed.
"Understandable," they said together, making the others laugh.
"Oh, that's nice," Elliot muttered, though the grin belied the glare he gave them. "Tell me what you really think why don't you?"
"Hey guys," Amanda said, walking into the squad room.
"Hey Amanda," Fin said, gesturing to the coffee. "Liv and Munch fetched coffee, you look like you need it."
"You have no idea," she mumbled, picking the cup up with a nod of thanks. Then she looked at Elliot. "You must be Elliot Stabler? I'm Amanda Rollins."
She offered him her hand and he shook it briefly. "Nice to meet you," he replied with a nod.
Olivia got up from Munch's desk and dropped into her chair. She leant down to grab a file from the desk drawer, but was interrupted by her phone ringing.
"Benson," she answered, listening to the call. She grabbed a notepad and wrote down a few details, before she put the phone down.
"Fin? Crime scene?" she asked, and he nodded.
"Why not, it gets me out of doing paperwork."
"That's what I thought," she said. Looking at John, she smirked. "Do your paperwork and I'll fetch you something nice from Starbucks."
"Promises, promises," he muttered, but pulled a file towards himself half-heartedly.
"You're Fin's partner now?" Elliot asked, and she glanced at him.
"Not really. Before you came back, there was five of us, so we just… shared. Don't really do the partner thing anymore."
He nodded in understanding and she left with Fin.
When they got into the car, Fin looked at her. "You alright?"
She frowned. "Yeah, why?"
"You seem happier today is all," he replied, putting his seatbelt on as she did the same. "It's a good look on you."
She grinned. "Thanks."
"Things are going to change now that Stabler is back," he said quietly as he pulled out of the car park.
"How'd you mean?" she asked.
"Well, there's six of us, for a start. Regular partners and all."
"I don't see why. It's worked for us these last months, and it's nice working as a team instead of just two people," she replied, and he nodded.
"I guess I just… I don't want him to hurt you again," he admitted and she smiled.
"He won't," she replied, surely.
"How can you know he won't pull the same stunt again, a year down the line or whatever?"
"I don't. If he does, it won't be the same as it was before. He was… We were partners for twelve years, and in that time, apart from a few months, I spent every single day with him. Of course it was going to hurt me when he left. This time… I don't need him like I thought I did."
He grinned at her. "I'm glad you're happy, baby girl. How much of that has to do with the Munch-Man?"
She smiled. "You keep that to yourself, you hear me?"
"I hear ya. I'm glad though, you both deserve some happiness."
"Thanks, Fin," she said, as she slipped the seatbelt off. He parked up and they left the car, both shifting seamlessly into work mode as they greeted Melinda with grim smiles.
xxxx
"You wanna grab something to eat?" John asked as she put her coat on.
"Takeaway and a movie?" she countered, and he nodded.
"Sounds good to me," he replied, watching as she straightened her desk. They'd been at the office for over thirty hours again, and both were overtired.
As they were about to leave, Elliot walked up the corridor to meet them.
"You wanna get something to eat before you go home, Liv?" he asked, smiling at her.
John felt like his heart was being constricted in his chest, as he waited for Liv to say yes to him. In all the years they'd worked together, he'd never once heard her decline Elliot, for anything, and even though he knew he and Liv had… something between them, he still feared rejection from her where Elliot was concerned.
"No thank, El, I got plans. See you in the morning," she replied, patting his arm as she walked passed him.
John followed her, a small smile on his face. He turned back as they reached the end of the corridor, seeing Elliot watching them leave with a confused look on his face.
Denying the urge to smirk, Munch turned away and got into the waiting elevator. As the doors slid shut, Olivia looked at him.
"You thought I was going to ditch you for him," she said, and he knew it wasn't a question. He took her hand in his and squeezed.
"I'm glad you didn't," he replied quietly.
"It's not something you have to worry about," she said, returning the squeeze to his hand before she dropped it in time for the elevator to open.
xxxx
Olivia was lay against his shoulder as the end credits rolled. She sat up, and he instantly missed the warmth of her against his side. He watched as she stretched out, enjoying the view immensely.
"Perv," she said, poking him in the side when she noticed his eyes on her.
"Show me a man who could resist you and I'll call you a liar," he told her, leaning forward to peck her lips with his own.
"Flatterer," she muttered, a light blush staining her cheeks.
"You ready for bed?" he asked as he stood up, shifting the take away boxes from the table to the kitchen. She followed him in carrying their glasses.
She leant against the counter, and he turned to her when she didn't answer. He frowned when he saw how awkward she looked.
"Liv?"
"I don't want to mess this," she gestured between them, "up. I'm… not good at relationships, John."
"Hey, where's this coming from?" he asked, moving to stand in front of her, resting his arms on the counter on either side of her.
She shook her head.
"I told you, Liv. No pressure. We can figure this out one step at a time. There's no rush."
"It's not that," she insisted, and he frowned.
"Is it me?" he asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.
She shook her head again. "No, it's not you," she rushed to assure him. "I love you I just -" she broke off when she realised what she'd said. "It's that."
"You're worried because you love me?"
When she nodded, he smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you," he told her. "We can work the rest out as we go, alright?"
"You, I mean…"
"I love you, yes. And you love me. See, we've got the most important part, the rest is… not as important. We talk, we know each other, we click. We got what we need, right here, Liv."
She smiled, and he was happy to see the worry fade from her eyes. She leant up to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He moved closer still, so he was all but pressing her against the counter.
"Are you ready for bed?" he asked again when they broke apart.
She nodded and he smiled.
"Let's leave the pajamas off, tonight," she murmured against his ear. "I don't think either of us needs to worry about getting cold."
He grinned into her hair for a moment before he took her hand in his, leading her up the stairs to his, no, their bedroom.