Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the boys, that's all Kripke there folks.
A/N: I know, I know, I so should be writing the next chapter in Reminesce, but it's just too depressing to deal with right now. And in last week's episode, I couldn't help but see Sam in Cas from time to time. And thus, this little one-shot tag was born for episode 5.6. So spoilers abound!
What are friends for?
Shredding the blood red leaf between his fingers, Dean waits quietly in the damp night air. A storm had blown through the small Kansas town leaving behind a trail of soaking wet fall leaves, caked mud roads and a pleasant clean smell in the air. Leaning forward, he drapes his forearms across his legs, green eyes falling to his fingers as they twirl around the thin brown stem.
The whole incident with the Anti-Christ was laid to rest in his mind, but there is something else that haunts him, pushing him to make late night meeting. He can feel the thick tension surrounding him as he recalls Sam and Castiel's intense stare down. Heated words he expected from Sam yet the harshness from Cas was like ripping off a scab shocking him the most. For Dean remembers those times when Cas and him would hang out or call about some leads during the whole brother separation ordeal. He remembers how Cas became more open around him, allowing Dean to relax and crack jokes at his expense. The Cas who wondered about Sam and despite having his own crazy mission while dodging angels still found the time to ask Dean if he was doing alright. That Cas was there, hiding in the background as the Soldier of the Lord Castiel lashed out against Sam commanding the boys to kill a mere child, despite the fact that the child was the Anti-Christ.
"You didn't," echoes loudly in Dean's head, covered in accusation and rage towards Sam. Yet, Dean knows the angel better than anyone and he senses there is something hidden so deep...
"You called?"
Titling his head slightly, Dean watches as Castiel walks towards the small bench he's camped on without a single leaf or grass making a sound. Pushing backwards, the hunter leans back against the slightly slimy wooden back. "Wanted to see if you're ok."
In his mind though, Dean's mind chuckles at the memory of picking up the action figure of a mighty angel. The tension between his brother and the angel shifts his mind back into focus. The hard clang of a plastic stand slamming none too gently against a fireplace mantel rings in his ears, a stark contrast to his gentle placing.
Lips forming a tight frown, Castiel tugs his coat close to him as he settles next to Dean. Blue eyes immediately lock themselves on their favorite spot, straight into a green sea. "I am fine."
"Good, cause it ain't everyday you're turned into a GI Joe wannabe," jokes Dean, his face brightening up, a smile tugging at his lips. Yet when that sober face darkens ever slightly, the mood disappears into the breeze. Sighing, his shoulders sag as another attempt to make the angel smile explodes in front of his face. Really, it seemed the only times that Cas even dared a smirk was when he wasn't even trying.
To Dean's surprise, Cas breaks the gaze staring out into the small wooded park. A lush dark brown trail twists andturns into the dense woods where in the far distance a faint shimmer of a pond catches a glitter of moonlight. "Why did you call? I am busy."
"Right, with finding God," adds Dean fighting back the grimace as Cas shots him a dark warning look. Mocking God is still a big No No on the angel's list. And really, when the hunter thinks about it, it isn't that surprising. How many times did he get defensive when someone talked smack about John Winchester? "Look, something's up."
The small tilt of Castiel's head is the only indication Dean receives that he has the angel's attention. To a normal person, it might seem the angel appeared bored but Dean could see past it. Read him. Tucking his feet underneath the bench, Dean stares hard at the hunched form of a person--no longer does he view him as anything else--he dares call friend. He hears Jesse's voice woven with predatory caution when asked about his relation to Cas. A part of Dean wanted to yell at the kid to turn the angel back but another whispered to tread carefully or he might end up in a worse position. And it stung him, the sharp rebuttal of 'No' twisting his guts inside.
"Dean."
Cas's soft yet stern tone sways him gently back to reality. The angel, the most wanted and probably second on their list underneath him, stares into him over a tan shoulder. Those eyes shine a powerful sea blue in the dim light reflecting concern at his charge...the only person he counts on. The weeks' old admission forces Dean to sit up straight, the knowledge that someone needed a worthless broken man a bit daunting. Licking his lips, he leans forward, matching Cas's posture identically even with the folding of his hands. "What's wrong?"
Confusion tugs at the pale face. "I told you, nothing."
"That's not what I mean," rolling his eyes, Dean leans slightly to the right, pressing into Castiel's personal space. He can't help but notice how he seemed to warn Casnot not to invade his, but since the whole Ralphael incident he's the one doing the invading. "I understand you were a bit trigger happy and concerned with the Anti-Christ. I get it. You stated some good points and protecting your family, even if they don't want it. I know what that's like." And boy does he know. All the times, he did something beyond the call of duty to protect Sam and his father even when it was against their wishes.
Sam's aggravated face and accusing glare after Castiel left their motel flashes in his mind. Sam was expecting his older brother to stand up and take his side. But instead, the older Winchester stood silently off the side only interrupting when things became too intense. Taking no one's side, he tried to seek out a middle ground. Dean didn't want to ruin in his slowly rebuilding relationship with Sam but at the same time he didn't want to loose his friendship with Cas. And this whole tension between his brother and the angel was making things more complicated. He needed both of them by his side if they were going to truly win this war. Nightmares of his future self still plagued his mind fueling him into this small project of mending fences.
The talk with Sam after they left Nebraska was quick. Sam grateful that Dean decided not to kill the child but his anger at Castiel tainted the air. The anguish oozing off of the new wound, the youngest Winchester muttered a small good-night before flying into the sanctuary of sleep. Now sitting here an hour later, Dean finds himself wondering why he's doing this. He's not good at small talk or speaking out about emotions. But he has to do this. He just has to.
"What you said to Sam-"
Cas's eyes dart to some corner off the woods, his shoulders tensing up. A guarded look falls over his face. A look Dean knows too well from staring into the mirror. Cas is hiding something. His guilt about something, probably concerning Sam, oozes out of him like molasses. For once, Dean's grateful the angel has not mastered the art of hiding emotions. "Sam knows what he did was wrong. No news flash there, it's pretty much beating a dead horse by now. But he's trying, Cas. He really is. Sam's..." Pursing his lips, Dean finds himself looking into the dark woods himself feeling the heavy weight of what was to come settle on his shoulders. "seeking redemption."
"Aren't we all," whispers a broken voice that can barely be heard over the stillness. Yet, Dean hears it and it freezes his heart. A ghost of an empty smile, of a void laughter blasting the graveyard air, of clear glass eyes cracking every time the sun dared to shine on them fuels a protective fire in him that Dean did not know existed.
Jerking his head, he leans in till his face to face with Cas forcing the angel to look at him. The slight widening of eyes betrays the angel's surprise. Dean knows this should be uncomfortable, but in true Winchester fashion he snarls 'Screw it'. So what if he could feel the angel's heat soaking into him, or the warm breath caressing over his cheek. This is his buddy...his friend and like hell would he let him slip into a life of decadence. "Don't you dare sound like that again," hisses a dark anger.
Eyes crunching, Cas meets Dean's heated glare with wariness. This smoldering look is new on his charge's face and it scares him. "Sound like what?"
"Broken," snaps Dean. "Look, you can be all angry and yelling at the skies, stuttering or all ice-cold like before, but don't you dare lose hope. You hear me."
A curt nod is given without even thinking it. Hesitant, Dean hovers there before pulling back slowly his green eyes blazing with warning. "Now tell me what the hell you meant by 'aren't we all?'"
"Dean," a pause suffocates the angel's lungs, before forcing out "I can't."
"Why the hell not?" That anger is back in full force.
Prepared, Cas meets Dean's thundering face with one of calm seas. The two are opposites but at the same alike in so many ways it is a bit frightening. Huffing away his boiling anger, Dean shifts his body against the rough grain of the bench. If there was one thing he learned from his dealings with John and Sam, it was that sometimes getting angry and hot headed wasn't the best the way to solve a problem.
Both are new to this relationship thing that is going on between them. Dean never truly having a friend, other hunters mere acquaintances. Even Jo, he views more as a sister and Ellen as a sorta of long-distant aunt. And Bobby, he's a father. But none were a friend, not in the true utter sense of the word. Going on thirty and he finally feels it justified to call someone a friend, hell best friend in the way things are heading. He can only imagine what Cas feels like; going over two thousand years old and now he finally branches out. Well, there was nothing like living in the present, especially with the Apocalypse here.
Rolling his shoulders, Dean speaks in a more calm voice,"We're friends…right?" And man did it still feel weird saying that out loud, but it felt right nonetheless.
Cas's brow furrow in that look hinting that he's thinking on the meaning. That was Cas, always thinking before speaking, making his words all that important to Dean, making him trust him even more. Not to mention, he finds it amusing how Cas can't understand the concept of lying.
"Yes."
And that was that, no longer would it be some big elephant in the room. No longer would it be some silent confirmation passed between glances but now a physical verbal entity.
"Then talk to me," presses Dean gently.
Blue eyes darken, the tone remaining flat but Dean recognizes a dodge when he sees one. "Why?"
"Because that's what friends do."
"It's a bit hypocritical, isn't it?" Dean's mouth drops open at the jab but a tiny glint in Cas's eyes means no harm was meant.
Letting out a weak laugh, Dean scratches at his head absently. "Got me there, Cas, but fine you don't want to talk…" Slumping against the bench, he reaches idly to the side where a six-pack beckons. Pulling two bottles, he hands one automatically to the angel. If anything was a success at the red house, it was Cas being more open to drinking. As fingers brush, images of a Castiel propping his feet on the table, knocking back a glass of hard liquor squeezes his lungs. Popping off the cap, Dean takes a long drink washing away the memories as Cas mirrors him with a tiny sip.
Cradling the beer in one hand, the other tugging at the dangling sash, the angel licks his lips. "Dean…"
"No, it's fine, really. You don't want to talk; I get it…just-"
"Dean." The tiny plea encompassed in the whisper of his name is becoming harder and harder to resist. It's like Sam's massive puppy-dog face only Cas has to merely say his name without any eye contact and he crumbles. Drawing his eyes back to their target, Dean stares back at the angel's stricken face, no longer bothered by these long-drawn gazes.
Anguish trembles open pale lips as his head bows in guilt. Reaching out, Dean places a comforting hand on the other man's shoulder, his own breath hitching at the tense flesh underneath.
"Cas…"
The angel darts his eyes lower to the ground. The gentle tone full of trust and concern that Cas knows is not given freely. Words swell in his throat inching their way onto his tongue. Words ready to spell out how he wants to tell Dean everything right now.
How every time he looks at Sam, he is reminded of his orders regarding the panic room. Of how, he let Sam out. How those single actions led to a heart shattering brotherly feud, Anna's death and eventually Lucifer's rise. That when he stares at Sam, he doesn't see Dean's brother but himself. And in those seconds all his guilt morphs into a cold fury he has no experience in handling and can't contain. How, he is on the verge of an obsession that will likely end in his death or fall. That he wants to repent to a missing father. That this mission of redemption is wearing him thin till he knows one day he will snap and destroy the one thing he cherishes.
How all of this scares him.
In the silent fall night, Cas wants to tell Dean that he alone is probably more responsible than the brothers combined in starting the Apocalypse. Then he hears the hunter, his only true friend in this exile, shuffle closer, his strong body anchoring him amid the storm of foreign emotions running rampant. Closing his eyes, Cas relishes in the feeling, a decision damming up his confession. He's selfish for the first time ever. More than ever, Cas realizes he needs Dean and if he lost him...this friendship…Cas doesn't know what he would with himself.
Swallowing, the angel forces his gaze up into worried eyes. "I can't, Dean…not yet." He already can see the argument forming, quickly cutting off the hunter. "But I will try to be nicer to Sam."
Relief clashes with disappointment. Leaning back, Dean smiles sadly patting his back with understanding radiating back. "Thanks, Cas."
Nodding the angel reluctantly places more distance, but just enough to take a long drink Dean following his move. The two sit in comfortable silence, finishing their beers. Minutes trickle into another hour, the night air beginning to chill. Not a word is said as the two pushes themselves off the bench. Dropping his bottle into the trashcan, Cas walks by Dean's side back to the Impala. "Dean."
The hunter halts by the driver's door, the remaining six-pack dangling in his hand. "Yeah?"
"I didn't want to kill the child, but I had to. And if I ever meet Jesse again or any other creature that posses a threat to the Host, I will do what I must."
Dean's lips thin, "He's just a child, Cas."
"I know, but it's war Dean." The soldier in the angel emerges, eyes hardening. "More than that, it's the Apocalypse. There is no time for pranks or laughs anymore. We can't afford to…screw up…like before with the Seals."
Taking in a deep breath, Dean nods. "Right." He can't help but jump when a hand lands on his shoulder, right above his scar. The burn is no longer bright red , yet it seems to warm ever so softly.
"I am sorry, but it is the truth."
"Yeah, yeah." And it scares Dean because he knows Cas is right. Knows that when the angel suggested it, for a moment he agreed in killing a child. He's a soldier too and he knows what he is capable of, the memory of his future self sending his colleagues and Cas to their deaths sends shivers down his spine. But then Sam reminded him that despite it being war, they were the good guys here and no matter what they were John Winchester's boys fighting to save people.
"Thank you Dean...for this."
Surprise lights the hunter's face as his green eyes dash upwards to meet an actual small smile on Cas's face. And he can't help but reflect it back. "Be careful out there."
"You too." Both knowing exactly how suicidal the other could be makes the statement almost pointless, but it was soothing. Then in a flutter, the angel is gone leaving Dean alone but with a comfort that in truth he wasn't.
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A/N: I am so waiting for this whole thing to come out in the open and hopefully it will. Otherwise, off to try and write another chapter. Thanks for reading! Oh!!!! AND I finally got a Livejournal account. Still getting a handle of it but you're more than welcome to visit me over there. The link is on my profile page.