Welcome. Won't you stay a while?
Interrogation #627
Oh no, sweetheart. Monsters don't live under the bed anymore. We sleep right next to you.
...
Analyst 1 - Let the records reflect that we are in Room 13 of the Percott Institute for the Criminally Insane. The date is September 21st, 2025. The time is 10.46 a.m. Present are Professor Alfred Wellington myself, Professor Van Greenley, and the patient, Miss Bubbles Utonium. We shall now commence the interview. Miss Utonium, please take a seat.
Analyst 2 - Now, you see this device here? It's called the Surveillant 12X and it will record everything you say for future reference. I want you to speak slowly and enunciate every word properly. Do you understand?
Patient - ...Yes. Just because I'm in the nuthouse doesn't mean I'm thick.
Analyst 2 - Right. Um. Okay. Please state your full name for the record.
Patient - For what future reference?
Analyst 2 - I beg your pardon?
Patient - You said everything I say will be recorded for future reference. What kind of future reference?
Analyst 2 - Well, I uh... I... Um... I suppose that considering your circumstances, it's conceivable that-
Analyst 1 - Enough. Please state your name for the record.
Patient - Bubbles Miriam Utonium.
Analyst 1 - Very well. And your age?
Patient - Twenty-two.
Analyst 1 - Your precise age, Miss Utonium. As stated on your wristband.
Patient - (sighs) Twenty-two years, four months, three days, eight hours, twenty-three minutes. You want the seconds too?
Analyst 2 - Er, no, that won't be necessary. Now, uh, I want you to answer some easy questions. If at any point during the process-
Analyst 1 - I prefer to call it an interview, Greenley.
Patient - Don't you mean Inquisition? Interrogation?
Analyst 1 - Please refrain from making superfluous comments, Miss Utonium. You may speak only when you're addressed. Remember your situation. You are not aiding your cause.
Analyst 2 - Er. Well yes. As I was saying. If at any point during the ah, interview, you are unable to answer a question, or-
Analyst 1 - Get to the point, Greenley.
Analyst 2 - Yes, yes, of course. We'll, uh, start with some easy questions. Uh. What is your favourite colour, Miss Utonium?
Patient - (laughs)
Analyst 1 - I think we can leave aside that nonsense for now, Greenley.
Analyst 2 - But the Mayor says-
Analyst 1 - The Mayor can say all she wants. She doesn't have to deal with numerous patients day in and day out. We will skip those questions. Go straight to Section Two.
Analyst 2 - Very well. Miss Utonium, what is your earliest memory?
Patient - Of what? This morning? Or my teen years, perhaps. Maybe you'd like to hear about my first date, hm?
Analyst 2 - Er. Um. No, that won't be-
Analyst 1 - She's playing with you, Greenley. I think I ought to conduct this interview.
Analyst 2 - Yes but the Mayor gave me permission to-
Analyst 1 - Quite frankly, Greenley, I don't think you have any idea who we are dealing with here.
Analyst 2 - Yes, I do, it's Bubbles Utonium, the girl who-
Analyst 1 - Please don't interrupt me. As I was saying, quite frankly I couldn't care less whether the Queen of England herself gave you permission; I believe it to be in our best interests, and in those of the patient, if I continue the interrogation. Do I make myself clear?
Analyst 2 - ...
Analyst 1 - Good. Miss Utonium, I wish you to cast your mind back to the day you first awoke in the Percott Institute, and perhaps you could state the reasons why you're here in the first place.
Patient - ...No.
Analyst 1 - (sighs) Perhaps we should go about this differently. Your teacher, Miss Keane, seemed to think you have a way with words. Perhaps you could show us proof of this? Tell us your story in your own words.
Patient - (laughs) How long have you got?
Analyst 1 - (chuckles) As long as it takes, Miss Utonium. After all, you're here for life.
-End of Chapter-
How was that for a prologue?
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-Black Agnes