A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU GUYS! I hope your 2018 is filled with love and happiness and a lot of Jeller moments, that is, if we ever survive Jan 12. The pain that is coming... This is based on speculations for next episode (and an interview with Sully and Jaimie where they talk about him jumping out of a plane). I'm sure it won't play like this but that's why fanfics exist, right?

A big thank you to my beta readers Thaís Christ and tigers-echo-wild (tumblr). You girls are amazing!

When you are gone, all it does is rain

Kurt was pretty sure he would regret all this drinking tomorrow morning, but couldn't make himself care. His day had been horrible. His life was horrible.

His wife had left him. The guilt for what went down in Berlin was weighing even more heavily on his shoulders after their talk and the devastation he witnessed in her eyes. There were moments he felt as if he couldn't breathe.

Had he lost her forever?

As Jane avoided him throughout the day – she had even asked Reade to stay at the NYO today, not participating in the mission with them - things only got worse. The icing in the cake was when he ended up jumping out of a freaking plane to save the day and almost losing his life in the process.

It had been a close call. A very close call.

He was about to pour himself another dose of bourbon when the front door opened abruptly, bouncing off the wall and closing loudly behind her.

Jane.

To say she was mad was an understatement. Kurt braced himself for another fight, ready to take the blame he knew belonged to him alone.

She took five long, angry strides and stopped near him, way closer than he thought she'd ever come again.

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" – She yelled. He could see her hands into tight, white fists, could see her body trembling with her barely controlled anger.

"Jane," – His intuition told him this was not about Avery at all.

"How could you jump out of that plane without caring about your own life?" – She lifted an accusing, shaking finger. – "One second, Kurt, one damn second and everything could have gone wrong. One second and I," – Her voice broke and he watched helpless as her eyes filled with tears. – "One second and you'd be gone forever."

His face softened and he could feel his heart bursting with relief. So she had heard about what had happened on the mission and even after everything he did to her and her daughter, there she was, her eyes – and her words - showing him how much she still loved him.

"Jane," – He tried again, taking a step forward to touch her. She took one back, lifting her hand to stop him. She blinked and a few tears fell.

"No! I don't want to hear your perfectly reasonable arguments for doing what you did." – She took a deep breath, trying her best not to break. As if his last night's revelation wasn't enough, she had almost lost her husband in the very next day.

She was at Patterson's lab when it all happened. She wasn't even paying attention to what was going on around her, her mind so very far away from there, but Patterson's urgent tone pulled her out of her thoughts. She caught the last words that her friend spoke to their team.

"Weller, if you do this, you'll die."

Jane had scrambled from her place, grabbing the nearest comm but before she could put it on, Patterson was repeating only one word again and again.

"No. No. No. No."

The lab went dead silent for minutes that Jane was certain lasted a lifetime. With wide eyes, she finally put the comm on, listening silently as Reade and Zapata demanded that Weller answered them. He only did reply when they were all without any hope left. Patterson was even already with her hand on Jane's arm, a mournful look in her eyes and comforting words coming out of her mouth. She would never forget the absolute relief that swept over her entire body at the sound of his deep voice.

"I'm okay, guys."

Looking at him now, breathing and alive and with those blue eyes radiating all the love he felt for her, Jane knew she was a complete fool to believe she could live without him.

"Don't you ever, ever pull something like that again. Do you hear me?" – She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pulling him to her. His surprised look at her touch should make her feel sad for what it said about the state of their relationship, but the only things her mind could register were his smell and the warmth emanating from him.

He placed his hands on her waist and she let out a breath she was sure she was holding since the beginning of this nightmare.

"I'm sorry I scared you." – He said softly, staring into her eyes. – "I promise you I wasn't trying to play the hero or to die." – There was a tiny smile on his lips that died when she remained serious.

"You better! Because," – She sighed, her hands tightening on him. They were far from okay and they had a lot to figure out, but she knew her next words were one of the truest things she'd ever say to him. – "I can't do this without you, Kurt."

"Good." – He hugged her, desperately needing to feel all of her against him. Her words sounded almost as forgiveness and he felt his eyes welling up with tears. He hadn't lost her forever. – "Because I have no idea how to do this without you too, Jane."

She nodded against his head. She knew how much he meant that; after all, he had spent eighteen months searching her nonstop.

"I have no idea how we go forward from here," – She said after a few seconds, leaning away so she could look at him. – "But I do want to figure it out." – He smiled, his tears streaming down his cheeks as she echoed his words back at him. This time, she had a small smile on her lips, too. – "Together."

"Together."

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