Author's Note: This story is based on the television series Star Trek: Voyager, which as far as I know, is the property of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended. This is my first Star Trek story ever, so if anybody decides to review, please be kind. :) I hope you all enjoy it, and thanks for stopping by.
Two weeks ago, Captain Kathryn Janeway made the difficult and morally questionable decision to order Voyager's Emergency Medical Hologram to perform a medical procedure on her chief engineer, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, against her wishes. An unknown alien lifeform had attached itself to B'Elanna and had begun draining the life from her, quite literally. B'Elanna had been dying, and the only way the Doctor could save her life was to work with a holographic consultant to devise a treatment for her, which had been created from a database of Dr. Crell Moset's research on exobiology. When it was later discovered that the real Dr. Crell Moset the holographic consultant was based on had gained his medical knowledge by conducting torturous experiments on Bajoran victims, B'Elanna made it painfully clear to her boyfriend, helmsman Lieutenant Tom Paris, and to the Doctor, that she would literally prefer to die rather than have her life saved through the use of Moset's research. B'Elanna clearly felt that allowing the Doctor to use Moset's research to save her life would only be validating Moset's cruelty, even approving of it. A number of crew-members felt the same way, including the Bajoran Ensign Tabor, the Chief of Security, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, and the First Officer, Commander Chakotay. However, after Tom made his case and even shouted quite a bit in a meeting with the senior staff, Captain Janeway made the final decision to save her crewman's life and to, in her own words, wrestle with the morality later.
And as would be expected, the Captain's decision did indeed have consequences. It was no secret on the ship that the half-Klingon had a full Klingon temper, and when Captain Janeway came around to check on B'Elanna after the procedure, B'Elanna made it clear that she was infuriated by her decision. The Captain had hoped that B'Elanna would calm down and put it behind her as time passed, but so far, B'Elanna's anger had definitely not subsided. If anything, it seemed only to be growing worse by the day. The Captain had told everyone during the meeting of the senior staff that any consequences of her decision would be her responsibility, and the consequences to both her personal friendship and her professional relationship with B'Elanna were obvious. People were seriously beginning to wonder if B'Elanna was ever going to speak a civil word to the Captain again in her lifetime. After she'd tried to speak with B'Elanna about it in her quarters that day, she'd been unsuccessful in convincing her to put it all behind her, and a rift had formed between the two. Even though Captain Janeway knew that it was her responsibility to deal with this, she was truly at a loss as to how. B'Elanna's Klingon temper was hardly an easy thing for the Captain or for anybody to deal with.
That evening after her shift was over, the Captain went to the holodeck and found that someone was running the Chez Sandrine simulation, which was a holographic recreation of a French bistro where Tom Paris had spent most of his academy years. After buzzing, she heard Tom Paris's voice call, "Come in."
When Captain Janeway entered, Tom immediately rose from his seat at the bar and stood at attention. The Captain held up her hands and gently told him, "At ease, Mr. Paris."
"So, Captain, what can I do for you?" Tom asked as he sat back down on the bar stool. The Captain then walked up to him and sat down beside him at the bar.
"How about a little friendly advice?" she asked with a sigh.
"Certainly."
"What do I do about B'Elanna?"
Tom also sighed then, and he shook his head and responded, "I wish I knew. She's barely speaking to me."
"Don't tell me she put you in the deep freeze, too," Captain Janeway said with surprise.
"Oh yeah," Tom confirmed. "She knows all about how I pushed for you to go against her wishes and authorize the Doctor to treat her. To say the least, she is not happy with me right now, and I think the Doctor's in the same boat."
The Captain sighed once again and said, "Join the club. If it's any consolation, I think she's even angrier at me than she is at you and the Doctor. You said she was barely speaking to you, but at least she is speaking to you. She's not speaking to me at all."
"Yeah, if yelling Klingon curses at me counts as 'speaking to me,'" Tom said with a sarcastic chuckle. "You've got the better end of the deal right now, Captain. Believe me."
Captain Janeway then let out a bit of a groan and closed her eyes, holding her thumb and index finger over each eyelid. A couple of moments later, she said, "There must be some way we can get through to her."
"If there is, I certainly haven't found it yet," Tom complained, and then he and the Captain simply sat together in silence for about the next minute or so. Finally, he asked in frustration, "Are we really such terrible people, just because we love B'Elanna and wanted to keep her alive?"
Captain Janeway gave Tom a friendly pat on the back and assured him, "You're not a terrible person at all, Tom. I completely understood you fighting to keep B'Elanna alive, and you were right. However, I also understood – and still understand – B'Elanna's moral and ethical objections to the procedure. I didn't enjoy being the bad guy. I didn't like having to basically shove this treatment down B'Elanna's throat, but for both personal and professional reasons, I couldn't allow her to die."
"Of course you couldn't," Tom agreed. "When we fought about this last night, she yelled about how I didn't understand how she felt and how you and the Doctor and I didn't take her feelings into consideration. But what about our feelings? I don't think that we're 'the bad guy' simply for wanting to keep B'Elanna alive."
"I don't know. Perhaps all of this anger B'Elanna has towards us is my fault, and not just because of my decision to authorize the Doctor to use Moset's research to treat her. When I went to see her after the Doctor released her to her quarters, she was so angry, and I really didn't know how to respond to that, so I resorted to the Authoritative Captain Approach. I told her that we had to put this behind us, and she asked me if that was an order. I made the mistake of telling her that it was. I guess I thought that if I 'ordered' her to put it behind her and move on, it would help her to do so. Now, it looks like I only made things worse."
"Don't feel too badly, Captain. I assure you, you are not alone. I'm closer to B'Elanna than anybody else on this ship, and I have yet to figure out how to respond to her anger."
"If I thought it would do any good, I'd try to have another talk with her, but that anger of hers is like a wall of steel. I just don't know how to break through it."
"Maybe you and I haven't broken through it because we've been trying to do it individually. Maybe we need reinforcements. Perhaps if you and I tried to break through that steel wall together, Captain, our combined strength just might be enough to breach it," Tom suggested.
A light came to Captain Janeway's face in that moment, and she smiled. "I think that's an excellent idea, Tom," she told him. "Come on. We'll find B'Elanna and talk to her together."
Tom gave a nod and said, "Yes, ma'am."
As he and the Captain started walking out of the holodeck, the Captain said, "Computer, end program." And with that, Sandrine's disappeared, and the captain and the pilot exited the holodeck.
A few minutes later, Captain Janeway buzzed B'Elanna's door. When B'Elanna heard it, she called, "Come in."
Tom and the Captain walked inside then, and when B'Elanna saw the Captain and her boyfriend, she stood.
"At ease, B'Elanna," Captain Janeway said softly, and then B'Elanna sat back down on her couch. Tom and the Captain joined her.
"What's this all about?" B'Elanna angrily spat out at them.
"B'Elanna, this attitude of yours has gone on long enough," Captain Janeway told her.
"With all due respect, Captain, who are you to dictate what my attitude should be?!" she yelled. "You may be the captain of this ship, but you do not have the right to try to control other people's feelings!"
"And you don't have the right to punish people for loving you," Captain Janeway responded, not backing down an inch from the half-Klingon's temper.
"The Captain's absolutely right, B'Elanna," Tom chimed in.
"You call forcing Moset's treatment on me love?!" she cried out. "How dare the two of you say something like that?! How can you not understand what a violation it was?!"
"Everything's always about you, isn't it, B'Elanna?!" Tom shot back with some surprising anger of his own. "Why don't you try thinking about how other people feel for a change?! Yes, the Captain made the decision for you to be treated with the help of Crell Moset, and I understand that that made you feel hurt and angry, but everything isn't always just about you. We both understand the moral objections you had to the procedure, but you need to understand what it did to both of us seeing you dying on that biobed in Sick Bay."
"By forcing that evil man's treatment on me, you were approving of Moset's cruelty and torture of others, and you were making me a part of that! You can call it love as much as you want, but what the two of you did to me has nothing to do with love! I would have been better off dying than accepting his treatment!" B'Elanna stubbornly shouted.
"I know you feel that you would have been better off dying than accepting his treatment, but would Tom be better off without you?" asked the Captain. "Would this crew, stranded in the Delta Quadrant, be better off without their chief engineer? Would we all be better off without our friend? I think deep down, you know the answers to those questions, B'Elanna. I don't blame you for being upset about this, but Tom's right. You need to stop thinking only about how you feel. You need to start considering the feelings of the people around you as well. We love you and we need you, and we will not apologize for wanting to keep you alive."
"B'Elanna, you receiving medical treatment based on Crell Moset's research does not mean that you approve of his cruelty," Tom assured her. "It means one thing and one thing only: that you are surrounded by people who love you; who couldn't bear the thought of you dying."
"That's right," Captain Janeway agreed.
"Oh, I see," B'Elanna said with a sarcastic laugh. "You two have joined forces. What? Am I supposed to just forget about everything that happened two weeks ago? Just sweep it all under the rug because the two of you have decided to come in here and lecture me together?"
Tom angrily rose to his feet in that moment and cried out, "Oh, that's it! I've had it!" And after fighting with her about this for two weeks straight, he really had had it. Tom was usually very patient with his girlfriend's anger management issues, but after doing so much fighting with her recently, his patience had officially run out. "You've just got to be the angry one all the time, don't you, B'Elanna?!" he yelled. "You are constantly angry at everything and everybody you ever see! It's almost as if you enjoy being angry twenty-four-seven! It's almost as if you get some kind of weird kick out of alienating all the people around you! Well you know what? Now it's my turn! Now I'm going to be the angry one in this relationship for a change! Yeah, B'Elanna, I shouted and yelled and pleaded for Captain Janeway to go against your wishes and save your life. And yeah, Captain Janeway went along with my wishes instead of yours, and she told the Doctor to save you. When it comes to loving you and not wanting to lose you, the Captain and I are officially guilty as charged. How terrible of us to not want you to die! Just take us out back and shoot us with a phaser, B'Elanna!"
A moment later, Tom stormed out of B'Elanna's quarters without giving her the chance to come up with some kind of angry, sarcastic comeback.
After Tom was gone, Captain Janeway let out a long sigh, and then she said, "It wasn't an easy choice for me to make, B'Elanna. This was not a decision that I made lightly. I understood how you felt, and the last thing I wanted was to make you feel violated. I simply wanted to save your life."
"Why? So you wouldn't lose your chief engineer?" she childishly responded.
Captain Janeway then put her hand on top of B'Elanna's, looked into her eyes, and told her, "Because I didn't want to lose my friend. Because I didn't want to lose someone who's become like a daughter to me these past four years. You were right two weeks ago when you said I couldn't order someone to stop feeling an emotion. I can't. I really do understand why you didn't want the Doctor to treat you. And yes, it is true that as the captain, I had a responsibility to keep you alive for the crew's sake. But I didn't authorize the Doctor to treat you simply because I needed a chief engineer. I did it because losing you would have broken a lot of hearts around here, including both Tom's and mine."
In that moment, the Captain removed her hand from B'Elanna's, and she stood. "So yes," she continued, "I am guilty of going against your wishes…but that's only because both Tom and I are guilty of loving you, and of not wanting to lose you. When it comes to that, like Tom said, we are guilty as charged, and we always will be. Now the way I see it, from here on out, you have two choices. You can choose to punish us for wanting to keep you in our lives by continuing to push us away, or you can choose to let your friends love you. It's up to you."
The Captain then decided to leave B'Elanna alone with her thoughts, and she walked out the door.
The following evening, B'Elanna had decided to go to see her friend, Ensign Harry Kim, and pour her heart out to him. She'd been hoping he would back her up; that he would agree with her that Tom and the Captain were wrong and that she had every right to still be angry at them. She was unpleasantly surprised by his reaction.
"Can I be painfully, brutally honest with you, Maquis?" he asked her.
"Of course you can, Starfleet. You know that," B'Elanna said gently. Despite her tough Klingon exterior, she always had a soft place in her heart for her friend.
"You won't like it, but here goes," he warned. "While I do understand why you didn't want the Doctor's treatment, I think Tom and the Captain are right. I know that you've been through a lot the past two weeks, but you need to realize that it didn't just affect you. Seeing you so close to death affected everybody who loves you, and that includes Tom and Captain Janeway, as well as Yours Truly."
"But what about all those innocent people Crell Moset tortured?!"
"B'Elanna, nobody on this ship approves of what he did. The man was sickening. We all know that."
"Making me receive medical treatment based on his research is approving of what he did!"
"No it's not. Just because Captain Janeway authorized the Doctor to treat you with a medical procedure based on his research does not mean that she approves of his cruelty. And just because you received medical treatment that kept you alive – even medical treatment based on Moset's research – does not mean that you approve of his cruelty, either. It simply means that the people who love you didn't want you to die."
B'Elanna let out a frustrated sigh, and then she sat down on Harry's couch. Harry then sat down next to her and said, "B'Elanna, I agree with you wholeheartedly that Crell Moset is a pig. He's worse than a pig. He's a cold-blooded snake."
"You can say that again," she said with a sarcastic chuckle.
"And I can assure you that nobody on this ship approves of how Crell Moset tortured his victims. I know that what he put all those people through was…beyond appalling. And I know that the thought of you benefiting from his research turns your stomach."
"I have a redundant stomach," she jokingly reminded Harry, and he smiled.
"Correction: the thought of you benefiting from his research turns both of your stomachs," Harry kidded, which gave B'Elanna a bit of a laugh. "But you dying wouldn't have undone what Moset did to all those people. Your death wouldn't have changed the past. Your death wouldn't have brought all of his victims back to life."
"Maybe not, but at least it would have honored their suffering."
Harry shook his head and told her, "I don't think so. I know that you believe that having your life saved through his research disrespected his victims, but I actually think it honored their memory."
"Honored their memory?! Are you crazy, Starfleet?! What it did was validate their suffering!"
"But just imagine for a moment, hypothetically, that those people could be here on Voyager right now. Imagine if they could have the chance to know you personally. Imagine if they could see for themselves the kind of person you really are. Personally, I think it would give them peace to know that at the very least, their suffering was able to help save the life of a strong-willed, kindhearted, gifted, brilliant young woman. I think it would be pretty painful for them if they were to find out that absolutely nothing good came out of what they went through. I think that if those people could be here right now, it would give them peace to know that their pain helped save the life of someone who respects the hell they endured. Don't let what Crell Moset did eat you up inside, B'Elanna. Don't let it push away the people who love you the most. If you do that, Crell Moset will only cause more suffering, and I promise you, that will be the most disrespectful thing you could possibly do to the memory of those he killed."
After a long, silent moment passed, B'Elanna reluctantly admitted, "You're right, Starfleet."
"I'm always right," Harry teased with a smug grin, and B'Elanna jokingly punched him in the arm while he laughed.
"The Captain said I was punishing her and Tom for loving me. And Tom said I got some kind of weird enjoyment out of being angry all the time. I still can't believe they said those things," B'Elanna complained a moment later.
"You won't like this, Maquis, but to a certain extent…I actually think they're right. Captain Janeway has always been like a mother to you and me and Tom and Seven. And you know perfectly well that Captain Janeway has given you far more love and acceptance through the years than either one of your parents ever have. Your mother always gave you grief because you weren't Klingon enough, and it's no secret what a worthless, selfish coward your father was for abandoning you. Unlike either one of them, Captain Janeway has always loved both your human side and your Klingon side, and she has never abandoned you. She's always believed in you. And it's her love for you and her faith in you that helped you start believing in yourself. You've personally told me that more than once. Your anger about the Captain's decision is understandable, but try to think about it from her point of view for a second. You know she's the mother you never had, at least in a manner of speaking. What mother could possibly decide to allow her child to die? If you had a child of your own and she was getting the life sucked out of her by some alien creature, I think you know it deep down that you would never be able to just sit back and watch her die, regardless of what her wishes were. That's a decision no real mother could ever make. It's pretty unfair for you to expect that of Captain Janeway.
"And as for what Tom said, I'm sure he was just angry at the time and he was talking in the heat of the moment, but even so, he does kind of have a point. I mean, I don't think you enjoy being angry so much of the time, but I think there is something that you do get out of it emotionally. I think it's a defense mechanism. I think you use your Klingon anger and your Klingon temper as a means of keeping everybody at arm's length. By keeping people away, you protect yourself from ever getting hurt. But Tom, the Captain, and I aren't going to be driven away that easily, and neither is the rest of the crew. You ought to know that by now," he gently teased her, and she responded with a small smile. "But you need to understand our side, too," Harry continued. "Please don't get hurt or angry by what I'm about to say, but you need to hear the truth."
"I'm listening, Starfleet," B'Elanna said quietly.
"We all love you very much, but sometimes, you don't make that so easy. It's a little intimidating dealing with somebody who is literally angry all the time. You're a terrific person, B'Elanna, and you know we all love you, but sometimes, it gets pretty tiring dealing with all your anger. I think it's about time that you realized that you mean a lot to us and that we do not want to hurt you. Ever. So you can turn off the defense mechanism. You can turn off the anger. You don't need it to protect you anymore. It's time you started seeing that."
B'Elanna sighed, and when she turned her head and looked at Harry again, he was surprised to see that there were actually tears streaming down her cheeks. A few moments later, she joked, "You make a very annoying shrink."
She then quickly wiped her eyes, got up, and left.
One morning a few days later, B'Elanna asked around and discovered that Tom and Captain Janeway were in her ready room discussing an away mission they would be going on soon. Since they were together, B'Elanna knew it was the perfect opportunity to talk to both of them at the same time. Ever since her heart-to-heart with Harry the other day, she'd realized that he was right, and she knew it was time she put things right with Tom and the Captain.
After B'Elanna buzzed her ready room, Captain Janeway said, "Come in."
In that moment, B'Elanna walked inside, and it didn't go unnoticed by her that each of them stiffened up a little bit the instant they saw her. It only drove home the point Harry had made that her consistently angry personality was both intimidating and tiring for the people she was closest to.
"Captain…Tom…there's something I need to say to both of you," B'Elanna told them in a low, quiet tone of voice.
"What is it, B'Elanna?" Captain Janeway asked gently.
She then took in a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and answered, "When you two told me a few days ago that I was only thinking about my feelings and not yours, you were right. I'm still angry that I was treated with a medical procedure that was based on Crell Moset's research. I still feel that that decision forced me to be a part of what he did to those poor people. I guess a part of me will always feel that way. But both of you were right. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings that I didn't even try to see things from your point of view. I know, Tom, that you only pleaded with the Captain to allow the Doctor to proceed because you didn't want to lose me. And Captain, I know that you made the decision you made because you cared about me and wanted to do what was best for me. You two were also right that I've been punishing you because of this. That wasn't fair to either of you. And yes, Tom, I know that my anger management problems can be a real pain in the backside for you at times. I know I have to work on that. Anyway, I just want you both to know that…I'm sorry. And I also want you to know that…I'm grateful to have people in my life…who care about me as much as you guys do."
B'Elanna was filled with relief in that moment when she saw Tom and the Captain smile. Tom didn't hesitate to put his arms around B'Elanna and give her a big kiss as Captain Janeway continued smiling at them from behind her desk. When Tom was finally done kissing her, Captain Janeway came around from her desk, approached B'Elanna, and gave her a warm hug.
Once the embrace ended, the Captain said, "I never wanted to hurt you, B'Elanna. Nobody did."
"I know," B'Elanna said softly. "And I know that mothers always have to make decisions that are in their children's best interests, even if their children don't like or agree with those decisions. I guess that captains and mothers have a lot in common."
Captain Janeway nodded and smiled again, and she told B'Elanna, "You're right. We do."
"Well anyway, I'm just glad you're not mad at us anymore," said Tom.
B'Elanna shook her head and said, "I'm not mad."
The Captain then put one hand on B'Elanna's shoulder and the other hand on Tom's, and she said, "I'm so glad we finally got all this worked out."
"Hear, hear," Tom agreed.
The threesome smiled at each other for a couple of moments, and then after exchanging a few pleasantries, they all got back to their everyday duties. It didn't take long for word to spread throughout the ship that B'Elanna was no longer angry at the Captain, Tom, and the Doctor, and nearly everybody let out a sigh of relief when they heard the news. Thankfully, after B'Elanna's discussion with Tom and the Captain in her ready room, life aboard Voyager quickly returned to normal.