It was late before Chloe had finally crawled into bed that night, worn out and exhausted after a long night of arguing with her husband. The day had started out so beautiful, outings with the children, seeing family for the holiday, but she couldn't deny that what made it that much more special was the time she'd spent talking to Beca. She loved her husband, she did, and she adored her children. Loved them with every fiber of her being. They were her everything. But there was also Beca.
A girl who had somehow snuck in to her heart and filled the empty places she didn't even know existed. It had been years since she had looked forward to waking up in the morning just so that she could feel connected to another person. Too long since she had found herself smiling for no apparent reason. And it was maybe the first time that someone had made her feel whole. Complete. Beca had awakened something inside of her; desire. Desire like she had never known before and honestly, didn't even known existed.
She lay there staring at the cold back of her husband, reaching out a hand to offer comfort, apology, reassurance? She wasn't sure what she wanted to say, or even what she was feeling, so instead she let her hand fall in the space between them. Rolling over onto her back, she rested her hands over her eyes, closing them to think back on that evening's events. A long sigh escaped her and she had to fight back the tears.
Tom had noticed the change in Chloe over the last month, though not sure what to attribute it to. It was only after a day of watching her look at her phone and smile in a way he hadn't seen in many years, maybe ever, that it all seemed to click in his mind. He had confronted her about it late that evening, after the kids had gone to bed, and Chloe couldn't bring herself to lie to him about what was going on.
Chloe told him the truth, she hand't meant for this to happen. For anything to happen, really. But it had. It had come so softly and silently at first, and before she knew it she was falling head over heels for someone else. Well, not just someone, Beca. The somewhat shy and extremely awkward ball of sarcasm had somehow, within the space of a few weeks, swept in like a gentle storm. Beca, in her calm and steady manner, had very easily washed away her facade of happiness, revealing the empty places she had so desperately tried to hide even from herself.
She knew Beca hadn't intended for this to happen either. Who knew that hearing Beca singing one night would have compelled her to step out of her own comfort zone to offer encouragement and reassurance to the girl who had so little faith in her own talent? Chloe wasn't sure what made her do it, other than the need to hear that voice again. She couldn't bear the thought that this girl thought her voice was anything but soothing and magical. So she had reached out one night to just encourage and leave, but she found she couldn't leave. There was something intangible that kept her coming back.
It was just nice to have a friend, she told herself. Someone she could talk to with the same interests, same love of music. But there was something else. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on, that had her reaching for the phone time and again. To share a laugh, a thought, a memory, a fear, a secret, a desire. Soon she was reaching for her phone for everything. Because that's what Beca had become; her everything.
Never before had she felt so loved. So understood. So seen. It was nothing short of magical the way they had connected so quickly and effortlessly on so many levels. Levels she didn't even know she had. In ways she didn't think were possible. There was something in the way that Beca loved her that made her feel strong and beautiful. Capable. Better. She was becoming something better, someone better. Someone she wanted to be and someone she needed to be.
Rolling over onto her side, she felt a lone tear slide down her cheek. She hadn't even realized she had been crying. Chloe lay there and just looked at her phone on the nightstand. Not a few hours ago she would have looked at that phone and smiled. Felt her whole body relax as though it were being embraced. Now she looks at it and pain shoots through her chest.
She wants nothing more than to reach out her hand, take the phone, and type out a quick message to the woman she knows is waiting on the other end. But what does that mean? What does that mean for her and Tom? For the children? So she doesn't reach out this time, but instead lays there and lets the tears fall freely.
Why can't she have both? Why can't she just look into the crystal ball and find all her answers? Why can't she just skip to the end of the book and read the last page?