Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story.
I love Sophitia.
Knocking at the Door or The First Thing
Raphael Sorel took a deep breath and knocked. He assumed a pose where his fists were placed on his hips and stuck out his chest. The door opened and Raphael said the first thing that popped into his mind. "Make love to me!"
Sophitia Alexandra had a bemused look on her face at first and then shrugged. "Okay." She turned and motioned him into the house. And what followed was forever engraved in Raphael's memory as the happiest moment of his life.
Siegfried took a deep breath and knocked. He had sensed a piece of Soul Edge inside this house. It was his duty to reclaim the sword. The door opened and Siegfried said the first thing that popped into his mind. "Give me the piece!"
Sophitia Alexandra raised her eyebrows in surprise. She shrugged. "Okay." She turned and motioned him back into the house. And what followed was forever engraved in Siegfired's memory as the happiest moment of his life. Soul Edge be damned.
Taki took a deep breath and kicked down the door. She had just defeated the evil pirate, Cervantes de Leon in a fierce battle and was carrying an injured woman back to her house. The door opened…or would have if it was still there and someone came to the empty space where the door used to be and Taki said the first thing that popped into her mind. "She's injured!"
Cassandra Alexandra absorbed the sight in front of her. Her sister was obviously hurt…and half naked for whatever reason. She screamed, turned and motioned Taki into the house as she ran around for things that would help Sophitia. Taki noticed the evil sword's presence in Sophitia's body and began the cleansing ritual she had learned.
Sophitia awoke to a woman and instantly noticed her breasts. They were bigger than hers? Couldn't be. She reached out to touch them and squeezed. Taki turned red. And what followed was forever engraved in Taki's memory as the happiest moment of her life. Who knew women could be so fun?
Cervantes de Leon took a deep breath and burned down the door. A familiar cry was calling to him. Inside this house. Somebody came out to greet him and Cervantes said the first thing that popped into his mind. "Show me your soul!"
Sophitia Alexandra sighed. "Okay," she said. Then she took off her dress, and held her breasts delicately, allowing Cervantes to stare at them in silence. She then turned and motioned him back into her house. And what followed was forever engraved in Cervantes's mind as the happiest moment of his life…except that he was dead. Fuck technicalities.
Kilik and Xianghua grasped each other's hands, took deep breaths and knocked. They were lost, tired, and hungry and came to this house in search for help. The door opened and they said the first thing that popped into their minds. "Help us please!"
Sophitia Alexandra nodded solemnly. "Okay." She turned and motioned them back into her house. The couple sighed in relief and stepped in. They noticed that Sophitia had disrobed. They had puzzled looks on their faces. And what followed was forever engraved in Xianghua's mind as the happiest moment of her life. Not Kilik though. His happiest moment came two years later when he mastered a new meditation technique.
Yunsung took a deep breath and knocked. He had no idea what he was doing. He had just somehow ended up at this house. The door opened and he said the first thing that popped into his mind. "I-"
He didn't get any further as Sophitia grabbed him by his arm and dragged him into her house. No more words were exchanged. And what followed was forever engraved in Yunsung's mind as the happiest moment of his life.
Lizardman took a deep breath and knocked. The gods had led him to this door. Something was going to happen. The door opened and he growled the first thing that popped into his mind. "Rarehgwegagghewhiooll!"
Sophitia did not understand a word. She instead put a finger to her lips and whispered. "Not now. My husband is home."
Lizardman stared at her. He had no idea who this woman was or what she was talking about.
Sophitia looked at his face and sighed. "All right." She motioned him into her house. "But I think he'll want to join in," she said. And what followed was forever engraved in Lizardman's mind as the happiest moment of his inhuman life.
A few months passed and through a series of unexplainable and fortunate events, the search for Soul Edge was disbanded and twenty-five people found themselves sitting around a table with a shitload of drinks. They were playing a drinking game which Maxi had invented called, "I Never."
The point of the game was to have each person around the table say something which they have never done. At which point the people around the table who had done it would take a drink.
At the moment, it was Amy's turn. She thought for a moment and said "I never sexually molested a servant."
Raphael, Sophitia, Tira, and Ivy took a drink.
"What about crewmates? Do they count?" asked Cervantes.
Amy shrugged. "Sure."
Cervantes took a drink. Ivy had a look of disgust on her face. "Father, how could you?"
"Shut up!" he roared.
"Hey!" Maxi yelled. "No fighting. Let's get back to this game. It's my turn now."
He had a thoughtful look on his face for a moment and suddenly, Maxi grinned as if he thought of something brilliant. "I have thought of something fucking brilliant," he announced.
"I have never played with Sophitia's lovely breasts…"
Ten people brought their glasses to their lips.
"Wait!" Maxi called out. "I didn't finish." The ten people stopped their motions. "I have never played with Sophitia's lovely breasts…in front of her kids."
Seven people put their glasses down. Mitsurugi, Talim, and Sophitia still drank. Maxi had a look of disgust on his face. "How could you?" he spat. "That's disgusting, not to mention extremely immoral!"
"The kids liked it!" Mitsurugi defended himself.
"It was the wind!" Talim claimed.
"You people…" Maxi began. He couldn't finish. And the game continued.
It was Maxi's turn again. A fair amount of people were moderately drunk at this time. Maxi started thinking again. He grinned as if he had thought of something brilliant…again. "I have thought of something fucking brilliant…again," he announced.
"I have never slept with Sophitia," he said.
Twenty-four people stared at him with unblinking eyes, waiting for him to finish. Ten seconds later, Seung Mina asked, "That's it?"
Maxi blinked in surprise. "Yeah."
Everyone except Maxi and Sophitia took a drink.
Maxi's eyes bulged. "WHAT?" He shot a look at Sophitia. "Really?" he asked.
Sophitia shrugged. "Yeah. So what?"
"So what?" Maxi screamed. "How come you've never done it with me?" He looked around the table. "This is getting sick. Look at all the people that you've done it with and not me!" He began to call out a few names. "Yoshimitsu, Voldo, Lizardman, even Rock for crying out loud. And Amy? What the fuck? You've done it with a twelve year old girl but not me?"
Amy interrupted. "Actually, according to official records, I'm eighteen."
Everyone became quiet and silence filled the room for a second. Then everyone roared in laughter at her excellent joke.
Maxi resumed his tirade against Sophitia. "Your sister? Really? How sick are you?"
Sophitia shrugged. "It was a bonding experience."
"Bonding experience, my ass!" Maxi yelled.
"Hey, Maxi. Calm down," Kilik said.
"Please Maxi," Xianghua added. "You're ruining the game."
"Fuck the game!" Maxi yelled at his two best friends. "When did you two do it? How come I wasn't invited?"
"You were at another bar trying to pick up another girl," Kilik said calmly. "You ignored us when we came to you for help."
"And we did her together," Xianghua said dreamily. "And that moment has been forever engraved in my mind as the happiest moment of my life."
Maxi climbed on the table and walked to Sophitia. He walked to her and got on his knees. "Please Sophitia. You have to do it with me too. It's only fair after you've done all of them," he begged.
Sophitia shook her head. "Sorry Maxi, but an hour earlier I took a vow to from then on be a good role model for my children and stop sleeping around forever."
Maxi roared, took out his nunchaku and began smashing the table. "You're kidding me!" he said with each strike.
Sophitia shrugged. "I wish I were. But I'm serious."
"You couldn't wait another hour to be a good mother?" Maxi asked in disbelief.
"There is no way you would last an hour," Astaroth boomed. Everyone else laughed.
"Shut up!" Maxi snarled.
"Enough!" Zasalamel said, standing up. "Maxi, I think it's time for you to go."
"NEVER!" Maxi yelled back and ran towards Zasalamel with intent to kill. Setsuka and Hilde stopped his rampage and kicked him out the door…literally.
Maxi dusted himself off, took a deep breath and knocked at the door. But the door did not open. And nobody came. He cried bitterly.
Sophitia stood up suddenly. "Maxi was right!" she announced. "I can't be a good mother. It's impossible! So here's what I'm going to do. I want everyone to line up. I'm going to lie down on this table and I want everyone to have a turn at me. It will be the greatest orgy in the history of orgies!"
Everyone cheered. Back outside, Maxi heard this announcement and screamed in anguish. He banged on the door but nobody could hear him through the moans of pleasure.
"I know how you feel man," a voice told Maxi. He stopped banging on the door and looked for the source of the voice. He recognized the man. It was Rothion, Sophitia's husband.
"I haven't been with her since we conceived our second child," Rothion cried. "Meanwhile, I've had to listen to her make love to every man, woman, child, lizard, dead pirate, and mummy in town. It kills me."
"What are you doing out here?" Maxi asked, forgetting his own grief for a moment.
"She kicked me out of the house a couple days ago," Rothion replied. "She had that lizard guy move in with her. I knew I shouldn't have let that bastard stay in my house. She brought him over and convinced me to let her have sex with him. She said I could join but as time went on, I realized I was actually fucking the lizard for twenty minutes and hadn't even touched my wife once. Times are hard man."
"You can say that again," Maxi agreed.
"Times are hard man," Rothion said again. Maxi stared at him like he was an idiot.
The two men continued to stay just outside the building, torturing themselves by listening to the screams and moans of pleasure of the twenty-four people inside in. Their experience came to be known as a popular folktale among children titled "The Greatest Orgy Ever and the Two Guys Who Missed Out On It, One of Them Being Her Husband."