Salutations! Phantom here, presenting my new fan fic: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's: REDUX! Which, in case you hadn't already noticed, is a parody fan fic about Yusei's and his friend's adventures throughout the story that is Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's. So grab your cards and prepare for one awesome ride!... Usually some other anime character would also be commenting here-
Applejack: Hi y'all! This here's a funny story about a guy who has the worst friends! I mean, stealing his prized possesions? Being turned into his worst enemies? And basically trying to kill him too? This guy SUCKS at choosing friends!
What the hay are YOU doing here Applejack? Besides, Yusei's friend choosing skills are not the main focus of this fic...
Applejack: Just shut up and read the story partner!
*Sniffle*
I own this fan fic. I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's", "Yu-Gi-Oh!", "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX", and/or "Yu-Gi-Oh! ZeXal". But I sure wish I did. 'KAYTHANXS.
Meanwhile, in New Domino City that's in... Japan.
Ha! You thought I was gonna pull a 'Japanese-America' joke there, huh? No, me either.
In the large duel stadium near the heart of the city where everyone is absolutely crazy about card games, the crowd was in an uproar for the extremely popular dueling sensation that was about to commence. Useless banter and some random fireworks exploded in the sky, which incinerated a flock of unlucky birds, followed by those four jets that nobody knows where they come from or why they always appear at major sporting events. And yes, in the future, card games are considered a major sport, like mathletes.
'Heh heh heh... Enjoy it while you can, stupid people of New Domino City!' one of the pilots snickered to himself.
Inside the massive stadium the most famous duel commentator in all of Japan, MC DJ, was rearin' up and ready to start the dueling sensation that would last several hours! If they were lucky...
"Yo, yo, yo! It's yo' favorite gangsta style MC! How about we start this flippin' card game, a'ight? Let's go straight to the match you nerds have been wasting half yo' non-important lives for!" MC DJ announced through a ball-like TV screen in the middle of the stadium that showed his face, swishing his giant pompadour with excitement.
Around one of the track entrances, smoke, explosions, and a bunch of other overly dramatic effects were used to reveal a spiky blonde-haired man clad in white riding a single-wheel motorbike that resembled a giant donut. A giant, white, donut.
"Ish DA KING! Pay yo' respects to the BROtha!" MC then broke into some weird hand gestures, swishing his large pompadour furiously.
Spotlights bathed the sparkingly white driver in bright lights, followed by the screams of adoring fans as he rode out into the open track and ran over a couple of cones. Plus a few maintenance people.
"I AM... DA KING!" DA KING said punching a pesky fly that was annoying him in a cool-like manner, which actually looked like he was pumping his fist in the air. 'Take that you blasted fly. Only DA KING could kill a fly while riding a giant donut...'
The crowd cheered wildly for the Duel King of Ja...pan. Heh, did it again. Still not funny I know... Dozens of fan girls were screaming, and maybe even you, Atlas-freaks out there who take their weird obsession with an anime character a bit too far by writing yaoi-crossover fics with Brock from Pokemon... Suddenly one of you yaoi-crossover fic writers walk up and punch me... WHAT THE HECK YOU DARN N00BIES?
"DA KING, Jack Atlas, is trying to keep his one day undefeated streak against the bonafide country man with a country plan; Huntin' Hills (endorsed by Weather Report-Stand)! Does Hills have a chance to defeat the undefeated DA KING of Card Games? Like me and everybody else here, we say no. But lets watch DA KING completely destroy the foo' anyway!"
"How about we kick things into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE? I AM DA KING!" Jack clenched his fist with a smirk.
"Uh, well we can't really start yet yo... Huntin' Hills is currently flying in from Duel Ac-."
"... THEN WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE ME RIDE MY DONUT POINTLESSLY AROUND THE TRACK? I AM... DA KING!" Jack asked the giant crowd, and they respond in cheers and 'yay's. "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!"
And so, he rode the donut around the track for no reason, much to the delight of the fans.
Meanwhile, two point five to two minutes later at New Domino City's super-duper stadium...
"It looks like Huntin' Hills has conveniently showed up with no special effect announcin' his arrival! So, um, duel yo?"
"Jack!" Huntin' jabbed a finger at him. "I've got a bone ta pick-"
"Yo Hills, I'm happy for ya, and I'mma let you finish, but DA KING is the best duelist EVAH!" MC DJ interrupted Hills.
Huntin' looked at MC DJ's projection morbidly. Then both Jack and Hills then stopped at the starting line so they can start their ridiculously overcomplicated TURBO DUEL. Jack inserted a coin into his Duel Runner then pushed a button that had a smiley face on it, making an awesome song start to play, followed by a juice box of 'Yugi-Flavored Super Special Awesome Juice with no real fruits, so don't ask what we used for flavor' popping out the side of his D(onut)-Wheel.
"I love this song." Jack smiled proudly.
He drank the juice box then attempted to throw it at a conveniently placed recycling bin, but missed it by miles. Jack then inserted another coin and pushed a different button which made a card showed up on his giant donut wheel's video screen in front of him.
"Remember kiddies: ~If you want to be a DA KING one day, recycle, just like Jack Atlas and you'll have plenty'o card games... to play~!" a stupid ad blared over the intercom.
"Hilly-Billy Guy prepare to go down! You'll never be DA KING because I am he, so you'll never beat me. 'Cause I am the one... the only... DA KING!" Jack roared like some TV wrestler.
"Uh. Wut?" Hills asked.
Huntin' then proceeded to enter a coin into his horse-shaped D-Wheel and pushed the button that said 'TERBOO DU3L'. Mr. Slick Himan, a well dressed man in a bright green suit with dark swoopy black hair, small glasses, and a ridiculously long mustache that looked like three black noodles were slapped under his nose and chin, snickered in the audience. HefaintlyresembledMCDJ...
"Oh ho ho ho!" Mr. Slick laughed in his pompous voice. "I bet he can not beat a level two duel puzzle on my exam for ten year old students that do not go to REAL school but instead attend Duel Academia, a school for card games!"
"Shut up! Your demeanor offensive to teacher-folk everywhere!" a random person plagiarized.
"Consarn it! Why won't mah duel horse EVAH work right?" Huntin' Hills yelled as his motorcycle sputtered and blew smoke then finally started. 'I'll git yew later teacher-man...'
Huntin' Hills turned his attention back to Jack, and fixed his black-as-night sun glasses.
"Anyway... ahem... Haw haw haw! Try to act all cool if ya want 'Mr. Da King', it won't help yew..." the screen zoomed in on Huntin' Hills' face as he sneared. "I reckon'."
Jack glared back at Huntin' with the same intensity...
"Orly?" he asked with a stupid grin.
"Turbo Duel engage, switching to auto pilot." both Donut and Horse Runners spoke in their inappropriately hi-pitched voiced electronic tone.
"STOP TURBO DUELING NOW! YOU GUYS ARE SCREWIN' UP THE EARTH!" some random group of environmentalist yelled out from the stands.
"WELL SCREW THE EARTH, WUT HAS IT DON' FOR ME?" Huntin' Hills accused them.
"Uh... Polar Bears are dying off?"
"Well I ain't seen no dinosaurs, ya don't see me complaining!"
The area around the two racers turned a light purple including most of the stadium. MC DJ went to explain what was happening to the audience even though most of all of them have seen Turbo Duels before, so it was pretty pointless to explain, but nevertheless...
"For you n00bZ who don' know what's going on, please do not panic, you are not on drugs, I hope."
"I'm NOT?" a guy gasped.
"This is what happens when the duelist activate Speed World! The only spell cards the duelist can use are Speed Spell cards, and if they use normal spell cards that don't say 'Speed' while Speed World is activated, their Duel Runnah will explode! Did I mention Speed Spells?"
"My word! What a FACETIOUS rule!" Dexter, a smart school kid with the cliche smart school kid look, yelled.
He was soon attacked by the fans. Afterwards the crowd looked at their handy-dandy data pads which EVERYONE conveniently had with them, the pad showed the two different cards.
"Uhuh huh huh. Purtty colors. Uhuh huh huh." one of the spectators said poking the pad in a stupid manner.
The pad in turn poked him back with a robotic arm, making him feel sorry... and scared.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaalrighty then! Time to start this shindig Master D-Dawg! Ready?" MC DJ jumped onto his desk with another gangster pose.
A holographic stoplight with seven different lights appeared in front of the two racers in an overly dramatic and complicated way.
"Three... ...twooneGO!"
[Jack 'DA KING' Atlas Life Points: 4000]
[Huntin' Hills Life Points: 4000]
Jack shot off quickly as the hologram disappeared, leaving Huntin' Hills in a dust of failure, his D-Horse eventually began to sputter along. Thousands of cheerleaders in blue bikinis were dancing on one side of the track chanting Jack Atlas's name.
"YAAAAAAAAAY! GO JACKY-SAMA!" they cheered, although a VERY deep voice could be heard in their mist.
"I reckon' yew aren't playin' fair!" Huntin' yelled as he began to catch up to Jack Atlas.
"Why is that?" Jack asked.
"Because I reckon I don't gots any o' dem cheerleaders in inappropriate clothin'! That JUST ain't fair, I reckon!"
"You have to be awesome to beat me Mr. Hilly-Billy Guy. And as far as anyone is concerned, only I am awesome, so only I can defeat me!" Jack said flying down the track, totally ignoring what Huntin' said.
"Uh... well... what... eh, I'm gonna whup you anyways... I reckon?"
The crowd fell silent and a distant "... you suck..." cried out. Huntin' Hills started his turn and drew his card from his D-Horse's mane.
"I summon-"
"Go Red Dragon Archie [ATK: 3000]!" Jack cut him off, slapping his most powerful card onto his donut wheel's duel disk.
His signature giant, devilish, red and black dragon with horns roared fiercely as it appeared next to DA KING's donut, and Jack spun his giant donut wheel around to face Huntin''s. Because he could do that.
"Yew can't do that! That there's against the rules! And how tha HECK're you ridin' that thing backwards, I reckon?"
"Because I watch Speed Racer! Now, Archie! Destroy him in one attack even-though-your-attack-power-isn't-enough-to-take-out-all-his-life-points... but do it anyway!"
"I reckon' Speed Racer nevah did turn his automobile around like that-"
The menacing black and red dragon flew in front of Huntin''s D-Horse with a low yet chilling growl.
"Ma name's nawt ARCHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Archie roared as he shot a huge fireball from his mouth.
"Aw shewt." Huntin' Hills muttered as the huge holographic fireball engulfed the D-Horse instantly.
When the smoke cleared a charred and blackened Hills coughed, and he was covered in injuries and 3rd degree burns. Because holograms are just THAT advanced in the somewhat distant future! Just wait until the future's future in ZeXal! But that's another story...
[Jack LP: 4000]
[Huntin' LP: 0]
Jack pointed towards the sky in triumph, followed by his usual fanfare.
"Who rules the duels? Who is the master of faster? Who is beast at riding a giant donut and playing a card game on it? Who can do turn his Donut Wheel around... and, uh... blast, nothing rhymes with 'on it'!"
" ... consarn it..." Huntin' wheezed out as he was put on a stretcher and dragged away by a huge female nurse with a disturbing amount of facial hair.
"Ah, thanks."
"Oh, so THAT'S Jack Atlas," a mysterious man inquired, "the guy who I'm supposed to catch for our secretly evil plan! How silly of me not to..."
But Jack was standing right next to the mysterious man.
"Oh. Eh... erm... I was talking about... a thing. You can go now."
"Okay." Jack leaped back onto his donut and rode away.
"What a motorcycle moron."
The crowd cheered Jack as he keep racing around the track yelling about his royal dueling bloodline. Rowdy Sector Security officers fired off rounds into the air irresponsible like, and a few hit the pilot's jet from earlier causing it to crash into the ocean next to the stadium.
"OH NO! MY PLANS ARE RUINED!" the pilot said before sinking into the ocean's depths. "I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN... ATLANTIS!"
"DANG you city folk an' yer' FLYIN' DONUTS!" Huntin' cursed with all his strength and then fell back onto the stretcher.
Enter DA REDUX - END
I know this was short, but the rest of the chapters will be longer. I plan on posting new chapters every month or maybe twice a month. I-
Applejack: We hope you enjoyed this episode!
That's my line. Also, you are not going to stick around the whole series are you?
Applejack: Maybe. Besides, I'll be the fun one who draws people to read this fic.
What's that supposed to mean?
Applejack: It means that you're sort of'a stick in the mud. You talk funny and kinda serrious for a comedy writer. Y'need a hard-workin', fun-lovin' pony to reel in readers!
*Sniffle*