A/N: It feels AMAZING to write again! Can't promise anything right now, life is a beast. I'll take what I can get.
Oliver was tired.
Exhaustion settled into his bones, weighing down his limbs as he dragged his feet toward Felicity's chair, dropping into it with a groan. It's Curtis' chair now, a tiny voice insisted, a thought he squashed with a vehement shake of his head. No matter how much time passed, this chair, these computers, would always remind him of her. He'd always remember her perky ponytail, twitching as her attention bounced from one monitor to another; the click-click-click of her fingers as they flew across the keyboard; the fruity-floral scent that still lingered in this space, even if only in his mind. The ever present ache in the middle of his chest burned bright and hot, robbing his breath and tightening his throat.
He missed her. God, did he miss her.
He missed their casual affection, the tiny little moments that passed between them as they reached out for each other. A hand on a shoulder, a kiss on the head, fingers entwining for brief moments at a time. He missed her smile, the carefree and joyful one that brightened his whole universe. But most of all, he missed talking to her.
His favorite times to talk were in bed, at night and in the morning, usually after making love. After connecting with her body, he always connected with her heart, her soul, whatever it was that made her…Felicity. They had shared so much of themselves over the summer, getting to know almost everything about each other.
Almost isn't enough, the critic in his mind chastised. That's the problem.
Oliver dropped his head into his hands and sighed. He didn't know how to fix this. Felicity had said there was no fixing this, but Oliver was a stubborn man, and he refused to let go. She was the best thing that ever happened to him in his long, miserable life, and he couldn't let her be the one that got away.
The mechanical sound of the elevator pulled him out of his head, and he sat up with a start. His heart started pounding as both hope and trepidation filled his chest. He didn't move, didn't breathe, until the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open.
It was Diggle.
Oliver slumped back with a sigh, unable to hide his disappointment.
"Thanks," Diggle said with a wry grin. "Happy to see you, too."
"Sorry," he mumbled, not feeling sorry at all.
Diggle produced two tumblers and a bottle of Tennessee whiskey. "To celebrate," he said, pouring two fingers of the amber liquor before handing one to Oliver.
Oliver shoved down his melancholy and put on a brave face for his friend. "Yes," he agreed. "It's finally over."
"We can all take a vacation day," Diggle replied, clinking Oliver's glass before taking a sip.
Oliver smiled, though his heart wasn't in it. "How about a vacation week?"
Diggle settled into the other chair with a grunt, rocking back as he took another sip. "I'll take that." He turned a shrewd eye on Oliver, but said nothing.
Oliver huffed and shook his head. "Go ahead. Say it."
Diggle smiled. "I think you already know what I'm going to say."
Oliver gave his friend a considering look, and then took a deep breath. No more lies. "I'm not doing so well."
Diggle's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That's different. I didn't have to wrestle that out of you."
"I'm trying something new," Oliver replied with a pained smile.
Diggle nodded in understanding. He placed his drink on the desk and leaned forward, folding his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. "I'm here if you want to talk," he said, his tone gentle.
Oliver swallowed a lump that formed in his throat, and shut his eyes to hide his tears. "I miss her," he rasped.
"Yeah," Diggle nodded. "I get that. So what are you gonna do about it?"
Oliver shook his head. "I don't know how to fix it, John. She said this was unfixable, that we have to let each other go, but…" Oliver sighed, turning a beseeching look on his friend. "I can't do that."
Diggle smiled. "Of course not. You're the most stubborn man I have ever met. Once you set your sights on something, you don't give up. It's your best and most frustrating quality."
That drew a smile. "Thanks, Dig."
Diggle sat back in his chair. "I'm serious. You didn't give up on our friendship, even though I wanted to shut you out. You persisted. And I'm glad you did."
Something like hope flickered in Oliver's heart at Diggle's words, hope that maybe he could fix things with Felicity. "What was the turning point?" he asked, suddenly desperate to know.
Diggle's eyes grew unfocused as he flipped through his memories, and Oliver waited on pins and needles for his answer. After an interminable minute, Diggle looked up at him, sincerity filling his expression. "You said I wasn't giving you a chance to earn back my trust." His eyes flicked down as he recalled that night. "You were right."
The weight in Oliver's chest lifted as the flicker of hope grew, and he felt like he could finally breathe. That's what he had to do. He had to earn back Felicity's trust. He just needed an opportunity to prove to her, and to himself, that he could be the partner she deserved. And that couldn't happen if they never saw each other.
"You're smiling," Diggle remarked, interrupting his thoughts.
Oliver's smile widened. "I know what to do, now."
The steady buzz of activity in the Palmer Tech lobby matched Oliver's state of mind. Nerves fired off in every direction under his skin and in his gut. His feet tapped out a rhythm against the floor in time to the beat of his fingers on the coffee cups, all while he waited for the elevator to open. Various employees of the building passed him with nods and quiet murmurs of "Mr. Queen," and he nodded back at them with a smile.
The elevator finally arrived, and Oliver, with about a dozen others, filed in. He tried to contain his fidgeting as they traveled up, stopping at various floors to let people out. When he was the last one left, his fidgeting resumed. Whether it was from anticipation or anxiety, he couldn't tell.
The doors opened, and he stopped to take a deep breath before stepping out. He sought Felicity like a beacon in the dark, turning his head toward her office. A small smile formed as he watched her, leaning back in her chair with her legs up on her desk, chatting with someone on the phone. The musical sound of her laughter floated through the hall, and for a second, Oliver's heart clenched in pain. He'd missed her laugh.
"Mr. Queen," Gerry whispered when he noticed Oliver. "It's been a long time."
"Hi, Gerry," he greeted. "Please, we talked about this."
Gerry's eyes widened. "Right. Oliver. Sorry."
"It's okay," he said, shaking his head in amusement. "Is she free?"
Gerry checked the computer, and then nodded. "She has a meeting in half an hour, and she's on the phone with an investor right now, but you should have a little window in between."
"Thanks, Gerry. I'll just let myself in."
Gerry waved him toward the door.
With a deep breath, Oliver walked through the open door, and pulled it shut behind him. Felicity turned mid-sentence to look at him, and whatever she was going to say died in her mouth as she gasped. Her eyes widened in surprise, and a smile flirted with the corners of her mouth. Oliver felt something in his chest loosen at that.
She raised a finger at him, asking him to wait, and Oliver nodded, taking a seat in front of her desk. He only had a second to admire her legs before she placed her feet back on the ground. Oliver tried to contain his disappointment.
The call finally ended, and Felicity greeted him with a soft, "Hey."
Oliver smiled. "Hey." He extended one of the coffee cups toward her. "Vanilla latte with extra sugar."
"Ooh," she crooned, staring lustfully at the cup. "Thank you."
He watched, transfixed, as she took a sip and moaned. Her eyes fluttered shut in ecstasy. Oliver shifted in his chair and lowered his eyes, not wanting her to catch him staring.
"So, what's up?" she asked, putting her cup down.
He decided to go with the truth, but kept his tone light. "I missed you," he said with a shrug.
She smiled. "I missed you, too," she replied, matching his light tone. "It's good to see you." She pointed at the coffees. "What's the occasion?"
His fingers drummed against his cup as he thought about what to say. "Well," he began, "I guess there's two reasons I'm here. One, this is a celebration coffee."
She tilted her head in confusion, waiting for an explanation.
"Darhk is dead, Malcolm is dead, HIVE is scattered to the five winds—"
"Four," she corrected him with a gentle smile.
Oliver nodded. "Four, thank you. Star City is safe again." Off her smirk, he amended, "For now, anyway. And," he shrugged, "I wanted to share a cup of coffee with my friend."
Her smile fell a bit, her eyes darting down to her hands.
Oliver swallowed his anxiety, and pressed on. "The second is to ask you…" He took a deep breath. "Are we still friends?"
Felicity tugged at her fingers and took a shaky breath. "Oliver—"
"I'm not asking for anything more," he interrupted before she could shut him down. For now, he promised himself. "I just…" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. She deserved full disclosure. It was, after all, the reason she broke up with him.
"All right," he confessed, leaning forward in his chair. "Yes, there's a part of me that wants more, of course there is. My feelings haven't changed."
Felicity leaned back and crossed her arms, still avoiding his gaze.
"But," he continued, "I know you're not there yet. You may never get there, and…" His throat tightened. "I'll have to live with that. But I still want you in my life, Felicity. Whatever you're willing to give me."
Felicity remained silent.
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said," he continued, "and, you're right. My default is to go back to that guy who had to survive, alone. To keep secrets in order to protect the people I love. But I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to grow. And…" He took another deep breath. "I want you to give me a chance to earn back your trust, to prove to you that I can be the partner you deserve."
"It's not just that," she whispered, her voice quavering with unshed tears.
Oliver stilled. "What is it?"
She finally raised her head to look at him, and Oliver's heart broke at her expression. Pain and disappointment lingered in her eyes as a frown marred her lips. "I thought you were different from everybody else. From Cooper. My father."
Oliver's heart fell.
"You didn't just break my trust, Oliver, you shattered it. I don't know how to move on from this. I don't know if I want to try. Every other man in my life has let me down, and I don't think I can take it again. Especially from you."
Oliver pressed his fingers to his forehead as the familiar feeling of resignation started to take over his heart. But something deep inside him stubbornly clung to hope, refusing to go out in a whimper. He raised his head and changed tactics. "Okay," he conceded, raising his hands. "Okay. No more big speeches, no more promises. How about just friendship? Nothing heavy, or intense. Just, maybe, you know. Coffee, and the occasional lunch, to catch up, stay in touch. I just…" He shook his head and leaned back in his chair, attempting to find that light headspace again. "I miss you, Felicity," he said with a smile. "I've known you for four years, and I don't want you disappearing from my life forever. I've lost enough friends, and I still want you around. In some capacity."
Something in her expression seemed to relent, and Oliver's heart rejoiced.
"You, me, and Dig," he offered, "Lunch at Big Belly, like old times. What do you say?"
After a beat, she finally smiled. "Okay. But I can't today, I have a meeting."
"Tomorrow, then?"
She glanced at her computer, and then turned back to him. "Yeah. Tomorrow's perfect. Meet you there around 1?"
"Perfect," he nodded, and sprung up from his seat. "See you tomorrow," he said with a wink, and then walked out of her office.
Oliver kept his eyes fixed on the ground as he called up the elevator, keenly aware of Felicity's eyes on him. When the elevator chimed and the doors opened, he finally looked her way, meeting her gaze. She smiled, and gave him a little wave. He waved back, and then stepped into the elevator with a grin.
Everything was going to be okay.