She looked at the body lying on the coach, shuck her head at the girl being in such a state again, she saw the bottles strewn around, varying bottles of liquor, from vodka to whiskey, she shivered at the thought. She saw the girl shiver, and moved to close the window that she had left open in her inebriated state, it was reflex more than anything, her hand as usual passed through it. "Damn" she tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, even in death it still managed to get in her eyes, the only time she could seem to touch anything in this world was in the hour of dawn, she sat on the chair opposite her lover, she looked over her every night now, she tucked her knees under her chin and waited for dawn to begin.

Morning arrived finding Ashley Davies lying on a sofa covered in a blanket, her hand grasped desperately on the table, trying to find a glass of water, she found it exactly where it always was the night after a drinking session "Thanks" she whispered to no one, the realisation caused her to open her eyes. She stared blankly at the studio apartment, unable to bring herself to feel much emotion at the emptiness of her home.

She had, had the dream again, she pulled the blanket away from herself and made her way to the kitchen, the dream was of someone cleaning up the house as she slept, making sure that it was tidy for when she woke up, she never knew who it was until she felt a kiss against her forehead and a whispered 'love you' in her ear, it was her soul mate.

She knew it was her mind playing tricks on her, in all reality, she was the one who cleaned up, who got very drunk, destroyed her house then tidied it up. She angrily took a bowl and filled it with cereal, noting that again her fridge had been filled with food, when she thought it was empty only yesterday. "Stop it!" she shouted at herself, chewing on the cereal with momentary satisfaction.

She saw her answer phone flashing and pressed the button as she sat on her kitchen stool finishing off her breakfast "Now I hate to nag Ashley" she rolled her eyes at Paula's usual starting phrase, apparently hating something with Paula did not mean necessarily that she didn't do it "But you have not been to see us in a month" there was a pause on the line "I know this time of the year is hard, it is for all of us…we miss her, we loved her" she caught the crack in Mama Carlin's voice at the recollection of the loss of her only daughter "Sorry…I promised myself I wouldn't cry…it's a good job you have the longest answer phone messaging machine in the worldBEEP" she smiled at that, Paula did seem to go on these days, the answer machine informed her the second message was about to be read she smiled knowing who this would be "Apparently it is not as long as it needs to be. Right Ashley, call the house, you know the number and come over and see us sometime"

She erased both messages then put her bowl in the sink. She wandered over to her computer switching it on to see what songs she still needed to complete for deadline, there was only two which still were unfinished, she pressed play trying to figer away of improving them, there was something wrong with the first song, something she could not figure out.

She listened to it again and again getting slowly more and more agitated when her phone went off in her pocket she slid it open "What?"

"Is that anyway to speak to your only sister" Ashley rolled her eyes, at Kyla's sing song voice came from the phone "Sorry, I am stuck on a song"

"Musical block, all the great ones suffer from it" she smiled sensing that Ashley was already coming back at her with a deadpan answer "Anyway, before you get back to it, Paula rang me asking if you were ok?" her forehead knotted together in the worry for her sister "Kyla I will ring Paula, but I'm fine"

"No you're not" she heard Ashley sigh and knew she hated the fuss from herself and Paula "Ok I'm not, but I will be" Kyla never knew what to say at this stage "Well Paula said she is free today, why don't you leave the music and we can go see Spencer" the silence on the other end of the phone was indicative of Ashley considering the request she sighed again an admittance of defeat "great, I will pick you up in an hour go get yourself sorted"

She put the phone down on her sister then walked to where Aiden sat on the coach with his four-year-old mongrel Archie, she sat next to the large animal and scratched his ear, which caused him to wag his tail "How did she sound?" Kyla took comfort in the dog willing the tears not to fall from her eyes "Better than she did last year" he nodded looking at the television blankly.

"I should ring Paula let her know we are coming" Aiden smiled at her holding her hand, stroking it gently "Yeah, though she will probably know you are, you are very persuasive" a small smile graced her lips though it was hard to muster too much of a grin this time of year "you're probably right, but I should anyway. Sometimes no one is persuasive enough" this time the tears flowed freely and Archie was unceremoniously thrown on the floor by Aiden as he hugged the dark haired girl

"I just thought it would be easier for her by now" Aiden nodded

"It is Kyla, she seems to be living a little easier, I mean she doesn't seem to be drinking as much, you said yourself the flat is much cleaner" she pulled away from his arms and wiped her tears "Yeah, you're right, of course you are. Just sometimes, her voice it's so empty, so lifeless it's like a part of her is dead" he leant forward and kissed her on the head, no more words were necessary, she stood up and moved to the phone.

The wind whipped lightly against their faces as all three of them looked at the stone tablet before them, a inconsequential grave to most, but to two of these women their hearts were captured by it:

Spencer Carlin

Loving Daughter

Beautiful wife

Ashley didn't care much for this monument to her lovers passing, she had never been religious, but in all the grief of that time, she gave this as a gift to Paula, to allow her daughter to be put at rest here, not to argue against it, they all had lost so much. Paula kneeled next to the grave, putting flowers neatly in place, she did it every week but this day was special.

"Hey, its just Ashley, me and Kyla at the moment. Dad and Glen are coming on their own later" her voice caught and Ashley started to feel the bile rise against the back of her throat at the emotion of this situation, she never should of listened to Kyla, why had she come here she could of grieved at home, she shouldn't blame Kyla though, it may have seemed like it was her she was listening too, it wasn't, she was keeping a promise she had made to Spencer, one she couldn't break;

The television was blaring, screams coming from it continuously, as the film they had been watching had ended in a bloody demise, not you usual anniversary movie, she opened her eyes seeing blonde hair resting on her chest, she smiled looking down at the creature, she felt the body move and blue eyes met her own "Hey sleepy head" Spencer smacked her gently on the arms and turned over kissing her where her head had just laid "Shut up, you were the one snoring missy" the look on Ashley's face was a picture of pure shock "I do not snore!" though she could not keep up the outrage for long as Spencer laughed, her eyes glinting and Ashley was once again enraptured by her wife. "Did you enjoy our anniversary" Spencer nodded and lent up kissing Ashley on the lips "It was perfect, just like you" they both grinned now and laughed lightly, Spencer's attention was caught by the television, as the news had started. Ashley could see the distraction escalating to ruining their alone time so turned it off. Spencer eyes met her own again a thoughtful expression on her face "What's up Spence" she could not help the smile that graced her features at the shortening of her name, "It just seems so sad" the brunette knew immediately the news story had effected her sensitive girlfriend, "When people die there is a lot of anger, love, people fall out" she was referring to the arguments that had torn a fairly well known celebrity family apart after the death of their actor father. Spencer brow crinkled again "I know, but I just would never want that to happen to my family" Ashley smiled kissing the girl lovingly on the lips "It wouldn't, you and Glen get on great now" she nodded "Will you promise me something?" Ashley rolled her eyes and then had the good grace to look thoroughly chastised when Spencer hit her "Yes I promise I will make you and Glen talk if you fall out over your parents death"

"No I don't mean that" it was Ashley's turn to look perplexed by the situation and indicated for Spencer to continue "If something happens to me, will you promise to try and not fall out with my family" Spencer could see that Ashley had been taken aback by the request and was unhappy with it "Nothing ever will Spencer, so I don't need to promise" Spencer leaned up and kissed her lover, and best friend on the mouth "I know, but please?" Ashley rolled her eyes wondering why she gave into this girl so easily, looking into the deep blue eyes, her heart filled with love and she knew why "I promise" she was kissed thoroughly for it.

She looked at Paula who knelt there tidying around the grave, which did not require it, and a tear slipped from her eyes see where my promises got me she smiled knowing Spencer would be rolling her eyes at her, telling her that 'she promised, and good wives never break them' she always was an old romantic that way, such an idealist.

Paula stood up and linked arms with Kyla "we will leave you to it" Ashley nodded not knowing what to do in this place on her own, she only been here twice before and one of them was when they buried her, and then just after the first anniversary. It wasn't as if was too emotive for her, though that wasn't entirely true, it was more that this was not her wife, this was where her shell was buried her wife was at the home they had shared, in the memories of the place, that was where she remembered her.

She looked back and saw Paula and Kyla looking expectantly from the car 300 yards away and turned back looking at the simple grave. "I know I don't usually do this, but well your mum has been more needy recently, and I think this will make her happy" she laughed trying to stop the tears from coming "I know, I know, if you had asked me eight years ago if I would be trying to cheer up Paula Carlin, I would of told you, you were mad. I mean remember when she dragged me out of the house, so you can see my point, then I had to break you out!" she paused the sadness overwhelming her, "I sometimes wonder if I would of fought so hard, if I had known that it would eventually hurt so much"

The tears fell freely, she thought of Spencer when they had first made love, when she had forgiven her after prom, and she knew she would be powerless to stop it. She gasped at the pain of the memories the overwhelming sense of abandonment, the anger, she knelt down looking at the flowers Paula had laid out she saw something smooth and dark hidden behind it, it was a stone, two, one for each anniversary of her wives death, she picked it up feeling it in her hands, there was only one person who left these;

"Do you want me to stay or just drop you off?" Spencer fidgeted in her seat looking out of the window, Ashley carefully placed her hand over that of her girlfriends "It's okay if you want it to be just you and your family, I get it" Spencer shyly smiled at her, leaning over and kissing her chin "I know, thanks I think mum wants it to be just family, I know she is okay with us now but…STOP!" Ashley slammed on the breaks and closed her eyes, as her heart beat rapidly in her chest, she looked next to her, the passenger seat was suddenly vacant, she looked through the window screen and saw Spencer picking something up from the side of the road. Ashley got out worried at what just happened "Spencer?" she asked in an exasperated voice, the blond turned round and smiled holding something in her hand "Sorry, I just remembered I needed to get this" Ashley saw a small stone in her girlfriends hands "A rock, you almost gave me a heart attack to stop and pick a rock" her voice was so incredulous even Spencer couldn't help but grin even with today, being what it was "Clay never liked flowers, he said he never understood why girls insisted on receiving them when they just died" her face fell a little as she said this last part but the remembering of her brother kept her from crying "He said rocks were much better, I laughed at him, we were only young, but he didn't care, he said along as they were pretty it was the same thing" Ashley couldn't help but smile lovingly at this girl, even after the shock of having to suddenly break she put her arms round Spencer and placed a comforting kiss on her lips.

She tried to think of anyone else that would put it there, as far as she knew Spencer never did tell anyone why she brought stones instead of flowers, so they wouldn't know the significance. Then again Glen had made fun of her for it, when she had put it on the grave, in his usual big brother way, perhaps it was his way of remembering her.

She shuck her head trying to get rid of this hope that kept being perpetually brought up, it was making it harder for her to move on "I love you" she whispered placing the stone back. She stood up wiping her eyes and made her way back to there other two, who were now sitting in the car "so where would you like to go for lunch then girls, we could go out, or Arthur could make sandwiches" Ashley hadn't seen Arthur or Glen for a long time, and thought she should make an effort, especially on the day they were all grieving "Sandwiches sound good"