Community: Wooden Stakes and Mistletoe
It's true, Britta Perry thought begrudgingly. Greendale really is at the gaping mouth of hell.
It's past 11 o' clock and the Spanish turned Anthropology study group typically leaves Study Room F at 9 o'clock on the dot Mondays through Thursdays. Well, for Shirley it was 8 o'clock because she had to relieve the babysitter of looking after her kids.
Britta the Vampire Slayer is out on patrol in the Greendale Cemetery. (Yes, Greendale does have a cemetery. It's just that not everyone knows of its existence). It's a few days before Christmas. Still, the approaching holiday doesn't mean she can take the time off. She has work to do.
She checks her watch. 11:07 PM.
Suddenly, she feels a hand reach in the back pocket of her jeans in one quick movement.
"What the-…?" she spins around, crashing into a very sturdy chest.
Jeff Winger holds a wooden stake high above her head, dangling it playfully. "Looking for this, Perry?"
"So what if I am?" she snarls, not realizing exactly how close the two of them are. Because she's practically against his chest whilst now trying to extract a wooden stake from his grasp. Despite being a Slayer, this was no easy feat.
"Pretty girls should learn to play nice with things they intend to kill or was that something they conveniently left out of Slayer Night School?"
"I wouldn't know," Britta retorts. "Pierce is much too incompetent to teach me anything let alone run a night school class!"
"Pity."
He lowers his arm and Britta snatches the stake from him. She's about to turn and walk away when…
"So that's it, Sweet Cheeks?" he asks. "No more rough and tumble?"
"Why do you suddenly have a British accent?"
"Oh, I…" He drops the accent. "So that's-…"
"Don't. Don't even start in with me tonight."
"Don't start in with you? But I thought I was extra charming as a vampire. Besides, shouldn't you be out decking the halls and singing fa-la-la-la-la?" Jeff shoots Britta an award-winning smile. His teeth look like fangs. Lovely.
"Screw you."
He growls. "I'd be careful what you say, Slayer."
Just as he tries to make a run at her, Britta meets him full-force, tackling him to the ground.
"Oh, yeah?" she challenges, now pressing her full weight on top of him.
"Yeah," he says as his hand reaches up and becomes tangled in her blonde curls. "Because you smell extra incredible tonight."
She presses the wooden stake against his chest. "Funny. I didn't know vampires were also perverts. I just always assumed they were of the average blood-sucking variety."
"Shut up."
And suddenly, she lets go of the stake as his mouth meets hers. There is a dangerous passion in this game they play. The one hand that's already tangled in her hair tugs at her curls as his other hand tries to pull off her leather jacket. Her hands are in his hair as well and soon they move down to his face and neck. She tries not to think about what they're doing. She tries to think about other things.
Crap. Do we have a Spellology quiz in Spellology 101? Stupid alternative night class. I wonder if I can borrow Annie's notes. She's better at this spell stuff-…
Jeff emits another low growl from his throat as Britta pulls away breathlessly.
"What are we doing?" she asks.
He grins at her wickedly as she stands up, straightening out her leather jacket and grabs her wooden stake off the ground.
Jeff is beside her before she has a chance to catch her breath.
"Britta," he breathes seductively into her ear. "Come on."
She reluctantly takes his hand as he leads her to a very secluded area of the cemetery. There's a short path behind the cemetery and a wooden door hidden by shrubbery. It's difficult to find, situated behind tangled brush and caked with dirt. Jeff opens the creaky wooden door with ease.
"Ladies first."
Britta steps inside.
"This is my crypt," Jeff explains. "Makes for a good hideout. It's rain resistant and did I mention I get cable?"
"A crypt?" Britta scoffs in disbelief. "More like a bachelor pad!"
Jeff deflates. "Or that."
Britta looks around before finding a sloppily made bed in the corner. She goes over and sits down on the edge. Unhesitant, Jeff joins her.
"So why did you bring me here?"
Jeff smiles, though all Britta sees in that moment is his receding hairline. Yup. Definitely too much hair product. Don't vampires have any kind of common fashion sense?
"I thought that much was obvious," he replies, capturing her lips in his once more. He then pulls away, holding up a tiny sprig of mistletoe.
"Oh, hell-…"
"Yes," Jeff finishes for her, kissing her again. Britta finds the sprig of mistletoe in Jeff's hand and tosses it aside. He responds by deepening their kiss.
Hours later, they are underneath the thin sheets on his bed. Their clothes are strewn across the floor in various piles and messy heaps. Her back is facing him and her blonde hair falls across her face. Gently, he pulls some of her hair back and places a soft kiss against her bare shoulder. She's fast asleep and doesn't move.
For now, he is content with this.
"Merry Christmas, Britta."
Fin.
Author's Note: This was written as a Christmas present for my friend Amber (amtrak12). Merry Christmas, Amber! I wanted to make it Buffy-esque since Amber and I have talked a lot about the idea of Britta the Vampire Slayer. I do hope it reads OK, though, cuz I haven't watched Buffy in ages!