The last of KajaKataMaran's wonderful requests. I can't really say where all of this came from, but I can tell you that the clothes he wears on Friday and Saturday are mostly real (the dress is based on instead of being an exact replica). I had great fun with this, and it'sall the more evidence supporting my demands for requests. I can do things like this with them, dears, and don't forget it!
1:43pm, Monday
ShinRa Building, Basement Level 3
"You can't hide down here forever, Reno."
High up on a stack of crates, Reno said nothing. He didn't dare move.
Below him, on the basement floor, Tseng prowled between rows of boxes, pallets, and crates.
"It's just a job," he sighed.
Is not.
"Do you honestly believe I am happy with this?"
Why wouldn't you be? It's not like you're going to be utterly humiliated in public.
Reno's left foot was falling asleep. He swore silently and shifted to get his weight off it. The rather unstable crate he was crouched on gave a protesting creak, then broke. Reno had time for a single startled yelp before he tumbled to the floor.
Tseng was near enough to get to the wreckage before Reno had a chance to get up and run. He marched into the mess of file-folders and wood scraps that was all that remained of the crate and grabbed Reno by the collar. The redhead struggled and cursed but ultimately failed to get loose.
"This foolishness ends now," Tseng said firmly, dragging Reno towards the door. "You will participate in this assignment and you will do so in a professional manner."
"But-"
"No." Tseng gave Reno a shake. "No buts. As soon as we leave, you will cease complaining."
"Can I complain until then?"
"I don't care. Furthermore, I expect you to be serious about the prep this assignment requires. You'll need the practice."
Reno groaned but did not protest.
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10:01am, Tuesday
ShinRa Building, Turk's Offices
"Someone remind me why you are laughing at me while I suffer when you could and probably should be taking my place," Reno groused. Elena giggled.
"Because I've got another assignment on the same day, and I don't spend as much time with Tseng as you do."
"So?" Reno muttered, untying his shoes and shooting a distasteful look at the shoebox sitting on the desk beside him.
"I also went to school with three members of the board. And I look terrible in skirts."
"And I won't?"
"Just put the shoes on."
Reno glared at Elena, then opened the box. A pair of modest, two-inch high heels waited for him
"Do I have to?"
"Yes."
Tseng walked in ten minutes later, just in time to see Reno fall flat on his back.
"How is it going?"
"This is cruel and unusual," Reno announced, staggering to his feet and wobbling over to the wall. Even standing still, his ankles shook with the effort of maintaining balance in the shoes. "And it won't surprise me if I sprain something before we go."
"You never sprain anything," Elena snorted. "You take physical punishment the same way some people take sleep aids: in large, regular doses with little to no effect."
"You'll be fine," Tseng promised. "Let me see you walk. From where you are to the desk, please."
"Aww, c'mon! My feet are killing me!"
"Walk. Now."
Muttering, Reno straightened from his half-crouch and made his way to the desk, arms out for balance, tottering slowly to his goal. When he reached it, he dropped onto the desktop with a moan.
"This is not gonna work, yo."
"It will, as soon as you learn how to do that properly."
"What do you mean, properly? I know how to walk! I've been doing it for years! That's proper as hell!"
"But not this way. Elena, walk from Reno to the wall. Slowly. Reno, watch her hips."
"Yes, sir." Elena stepped out from behind the desk and strolled easily over to the wall.
"Thank you. Did you see that, Reno?"
"See what?"
Tseng sighed.
"Her hips, Reno, her hips. Were you watching them?"
"Yeah."
"Did you see the way her hips move when she walks? The swinging motion?"
"Hardly," Reno snapped."I've seen men with more wiggle in their walk than Laney."
Elena picked up one of Reno's shoes and threw it. Reno scooted to the side to avoid it, right off the edge of the desk. He hit the floor with a thump and a stream of frustrated curses.
"We'll have to do something about that language," Tseng murmured. "The point is that you're still trying to walk like a man. If you walk that way in heels, you become an accident waiting to happen. Move. Your. Hips."
"How?" Reno hissed, using the corner of the desk to pull himself back onto his feet.
"Let the shoes take care of it. Your problem lies in the way you fight them."
"They're just shoes!"
"But they are designed to amplify the natural swing of a woman's hips. You are fighting the design, which is why you can't walk across this office without falling and why your legs hurt the way they do. Stop fighting."
"But-"
"That was not a suggestion."
"How do I stop fighting it, then?"
"Try relaxing," Elena suggested. "Come to me."
Reno managed three steps that were almost graceful before he lapsed back into his usual unsteady tottering.
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11:56am, Wednesday
ShinRa Building, Men's Locker Room, Fifth Floor
"You have got to be kidding!" Reno wailed.
"And you should know that I never kid where an assignment is concerned. Put those on."
"They're not going to fit!"
"Why do you worry?"Elena teased."You're so skinny that there should be no problem."
"No problem? I'll tell you what the problem is! The problem is you expecting me to crush my- ow! Tseng!"
"We agreed that you would tone down your language, Reno," Tseng reminded him, spinning the yardstick in his hands. "That includes vulgar terms you use to refer to certain parts of your anatomy."
"You've got-"
"There is a woman present. Be quiet and get those pants on. Now."
Sulking, Reno retreated into the showers with the jeans Elena had brought for him. When he returned, he was wearing them and pouting.
"This sucks," he complained, sitting gingerly on the bench beside Elena. "Hey!"
Elena pushed him off.
"Stand up and turn around. Let's see how they fit."
Reno obeyed, turning slowly.
"This is stupid," he muttered. "I'm not even going to be wearing pants for this, so why do I have to try them on?"
"We have a test run on Friday," Tseng said. "Turn again."
"Suuuuuure. Roll over, Reno. Sit, Reno. Good b- hey! Elena!"
"You fill those out so nicely, Reno. It's not fair."
"That's no excuse to slap my ass! Ow!"
"Language."
"Whaddaya mean, language? I'm standing here in girl's pants, being felt up by the rookie! I should be allowed to cuss!"
"I don't see why you're so upset," Elena said, grinning wickedly. "There are women who'd kill for hips and an ass like yours."
"I'm not a woman!"
"But you'll be posing as one. Elena, they fit well but I don't think jeans will work. Slacks, perhaps?"
Elena eyed Reno and nodded.
"Yeah, I think you're right. What about the….um….endowments he's lacking?"
"I'll leave that up to you. Be sensible about it, please, I don't want him looking like an over-enhanced trophy wife."
"B, then?"
"That will be fine."
"B?" Reno repeated. "If I'm gonna be a chick, I wanna be a hot chick! What happened to a handful? Tseng's got big hands, so I should have big- Yo! Watch where you're swinging that!"
Tseng drew the yardstick back, preparing for another shot.
"You don't have the frame to carry large breasts, Reno, and I don't like them anyway. Quit complaining and get those jeans off."
Reno muttered something he shouldn't have and Tseng smacked him across the backs of his knees. Reno yelped and went to change.
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4:00pm, Thursday
ShinRa Building, Turk's Office
"No skirts!"
"Reno, I can't take my wife to a formal gathering in pants."
"Can too!"
"Reno, Tseng is right. Just try it on. You'll need to learn to walk in a skirt anyway," Rufus murmured. He was perched on a desk, enjoying the spectacle.
Reno held the denim skirt out at arm's length.
"But…but…look at it!"
"It's tasteful," Tseng said firmly.
"Look, Tseng, lemme make a deal with you. I'll wear a goddamn dress to the stupid 'formal gathering'. I'll wear pretty clothes and fake tits to the damn practice session tomorrow. But I will not wear this thing anywhere. I will pick my clothes, and I swear to whatever god you want that they'll be appropriate, okay?"
Tseng considered the offer while Reno wadded the skirt up and shoved it back in the bag it had come in.
"Very well. But, if whatever you choose doesn't pass inspection, you will regret it."
"Thank you! I love you! And I'm leaving!"
"Where are you g-umph!"
Reno tossed the bag into Tseng's arms, leaned around him to steal his wallet, and removed the company credit card. Grinning, he tucked the wallet into the skirt bag, put the card in his pocket, and scampered to the door before Tseng could grab him or go for the yardstick again.
"I'm going shopping. Won't be back for the rest of the day. Later!"
And just like that, he was gone.
"I think," Tseng said slowly, putting his wallet back in his pocket and setting the bag on the desk, "that I have created a monster."
"At least he'll have something to turn to if he ever leaves the Turks," Rufus chuckled.
"Hmmm?"
"He has the attitude for a drag queen, don't you think?"
Tseng groaned.
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5:39pm, Friday
ShinRa Building, ground lobby
"He's late," Tseng muttered, checking his watch. "I told him to be here at five thirty, not quarter 'til."
"A lady is never late," Rufus reminded him, just barely managing to keep the laughter from his voice. "Everyone else is early. And I'm sure he's having a bit of trouble getting into whatever it is he's chosen. Reno likes tight clothes on his women, remember?"
"They had better not be too tight."
Rufus' cell phone buzzed. He answered, read the message, and smiled.
"Elena says her masterpiece is on his way now. Apparently he decided to enlist her help with his primping."
Tseng relaxed a little. Knowing that Elena was helping made him feel better about the whole business.
Several minutes later, the sound of heels clicking on the marble tiles alerted Tseng and Rufus to the eminent arrival. Girlish giggling floated around the corner. There were too many voices for just Reno and Elena. Rufus shot a questioning look at Tseng, who shrugged.
Reno rounded the corner with a girl on each arm. Elena was on his left, looking terribly pleased with herself. The girl on the right was a small, curvaceous brunette neither Rufus nor Tseng recognized.
Rufus gaped. Tseng kept a straight face, but only just.
"Reno," Rufus sputtered.
The redheaded vision between Elena and the brunette grinned lazily.
"Who else, yo?" His usual drawling tone had been smoothed out into a throaty female voice, one that belonged in a cabaret singer, or a practiced seductress.
"What did you do?"
"It's called retail therapy. And a good makeup artist."
Reno stood six feet, two and a half inches tall in strappy black patent leather sandals. The hem of his wide-leg black sateen pants let just enough of them show to remind admirers that he wasn't as tall as he looked. The pants fit snugly at his hips and waist, draping elegantly from there to give a feminine silhouette. Above that, he wore a sleeveless turquoise top that wrapped across itself, the collar falling into a neckline deep enough to satisfy Reno's tastes and modest enough to keep Tseng from hitting him. It offered just a hint of a look at the full but appropriately sized bust underneath.
"And a few extensions," Elena added, nodding up and making both men look to see the rest of the ensemble.
Someone had swept Reno's fluffy spikes back, meeting up smoothly with his ponytail, which had been moved up just a touch and curled so it fell in a cascade of curls down over his shoulders. A twist of hair hid whatever tie was keeping it all up. Reno fluttered his eyelashes and smiled sweetly at Tseng.
"Told you I'd do it, didn't I, yo?"
"Yes, but-" Tseng swallowed and tried again. "It will do."
That is Reno, my rough-and-tumble, skirt-chasing, drinking, smoking, swearing, rude, crude, very male coworker.
"What's my name, again?"
"Rhonda," Rufus answered.
"I can do that. Aren't we supposed to be leaving, hubby?"
Dinner was a success. Tseng received far more appreciative looks from other married men and covetous glances from women than he was comfortable with.
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7:12pm, Saturday
Midgar, Central Plaza Hotel
The valet took the keys from Tseng, then promptly dropped them when Reno- Rhonda- got out of the passenger side.
For the evening, Reno had picked a sleeveless dress in deep purple velour. It hugged his waist and fell just short of the floor, brushing black peep-toe sandals with a two inch stiletto heel he wasn't even wobbling in. The neckline plunged in a similar fashion to the top from the night before, only deeper. A thin gold belt was fastened loosely over his hips. He was wearing the same basic hairstyle, but instead of letting his hair hang down over his shoulders, it was pulled up high. Rather than smooth his spikes out this time, they were extended a bit and curled as well. Little falls of gold stars glittered in his ears.
No one but Tseng knew about the knives in the ankle sheaths, the gun in the thigh holster, or the miniature flash-bang grenade down the fake cleavage.
Reno floated into the ballroom on Tseng's arm, as graceful and confident as if he'd been wearing women's clothing for years. He smiled graciously at compliments, avoided small talk with other 'married' women, and stuck to Tseng like a slender, redheaded limpet.
Tseng put up with more admiring comments than he ever wanted to hear about Reno ever again.
After dinner, the dancing and chattering began, and a select number of men and women excused themselves to a private conference room.
Reno swayed and grabbed Tseng's arm for support. Tseng put an arm around him, holding Reno up while he fanned himself with his hand.
"Is she alright?" someone asked.
"Fine, fine, she just needs a little air," Tseng assured her. He led Reno out to the balcony. As soon as they were out of sight, Reno pulled away. Together, they hurried to the edge of the balcony. Reno hiked the hem of his skirt up and yanked on it. Seams split up the side to his hip. He repeated the action on the other side.
"Laney put in some really weak stitches," he explained, kicking his shoes off. "Hand me my bag?"
Tseng handed over the small purse. Reno took out a pair of worn leather gloves and a little black toolkit. He put the gloves on and shoved the kit down the front of his dress.
"Okay. Let's get this show on the road."
Tseng stood by and watched while Reno climbed over the balcony railing and swung into an open window directly below. As soon as he was sure Reno was in, Tseng slipped away, leaving the ballroom and retreating to a room reserved several days ago and already supplied with a computer and equipment.
"Can ya hear me, yo?"
"Loud and clear, Reno. Where are you?"
"Four rooms and a hallway over from the meeting. Do you know how hard it is to crawl in a dress slit up to your hips?"
"I've never tried it."
"It's damn hard."
It was quiet for a few minutes, the only sound over the radio being the soft shuffling of Reno crawling through the vents. Then there was a pause, and quiet metallic scraping.
"First one's in. Check it."
Tseng keyed a series of commands into the computer and watched as a window opened, showing the view through a vent grill. More windows opened as Reno installed another seven bugs, four to each of the two vents servicing the room. Another bug each relayed the conversation to Tseng, who muted the sound and set everything to record.
"All set, Reno, we're done. Meet me here."
Several minutes later the vent cover popped off and Reno squirmed out. He landed neatly, lost his balance, and sat down hard on the floor.
"Can we leave now?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes, we can. Put your shoes back on."
Halfway down the hall one of the meeting's participants came towards them. Tseng saw him first and did the first thing that came to mind: he grabbed Reno, backed him into a wall, and kissed him, taking care to use angle and long hair to conceal their faces. He felt Reno tense, about to punch him where it would hurt, then realize what was going on and start to play along.
As soon as the man was gone, they broke apart. Reno gagged theatrically.
"Don't ever do that again," he complained, dropping his fake voice for the first time that evening. "Gawd, I can't believe I just had to kiss my boss. Nasty, yo."
"It was kiss you or get my hands into your dress. Which would you have preferred?"
Reno balked.
"The kissing."
"I thought so."
They made it out to the parking lot with no trouble, collected the car, and left. Reno started to strip as soon as they were out of sight of the hotel, wriggling out of the dress and bra and tossing them into back. He kicked his shoes off, then crawled into the back seat with the dress to put on the clothes stashed under the seat.
"That was…different," he commented, tossing something distastefully at the windshield. "I've done disguises before, but I've never had to get a make-up artist for it."
"Is that who that brunette was?" Tseng asked, picking the garment off the dashboard.
"Yep. Name's Candy, she works for a local film studio."
"Reno, were you wearing this?"
Reno poked his head between the seats to see what 'this' was. Tseng was holding a pair of black satin panties between his thumb and forefinger. Reno grinned.
"Gotta dress the part, bossman."
Tseng shuddered and threw the panties back at Reno. Reno ducked them, finished dressing, and climbed back into his seat. After straightening his hair, he cleared his throat.
"Let's never talk about this, okay?"
"Agreed."